your diary

April 4, year y.

I said that I didn't want to commit suicide. I don't know if they believed it or not, but they didn't let me out anyway.

Chen pulled my hair and said, you caused me to lose a boyfriend, so just pay me another one, and you will pay.

I said I can't, I'm too vicious, wronged you, framed you, poisoned you, and was your brother's lover, according to morals, I'm not a good match for you.It's good that you didn't send me to prison.

Maybe these words evoke the tragic memory of his being harmed by me,

He poured salt water on my wound, which is called disinfection and sterilization, but it hurt me to death, and I found out that he was much more vicious than me.

At night he asked me if I wanted to use a soldering iron or cigarette butts on my back, and I said can I refuse them all?The result of rejecting all is to come all over again.

Chen exhaled a puff of smoke ring and asked me: Can you still not forget him in such pain?Life is worse than death, do you still miss him?

Why don't you miss it? If I don't miss it, I can live happily.

The more it hurts, the more I miss him. I think less when it hurts, and think more after it hurts.

Seeing that I was silent, he turned on his phone and called up the photo of Huo Buqu. In the photo, Huo Buqu was having dinner with a woman, and he flipped through another photo. It was two closed palms of different sizes, with a shiny ring on his ring finger. Shiny diamond ring.

With pity in his eyes, he asked me: How far can you give up?

I always thought my heart was dead long before I wanted to die and tried to kill myself, but now my heart is throbbing again, it hurts more, it's half dead.

This is probably the punishment that fate gave me to live.

I said give me a few more whips, or I will go crazy with those two pictures in my mind, it’s better to hurt a little, it’s better than the pain of the heart.

Chen declined.

April 4, year y.

The bastard is getting more and more unruly.

LZ really has no intention of talking about a new boyfriend!Did you hear me clearly?We are all gay, it is very impolite of you to do this!

A friend's wife can't be bullied!A friend's ex-wife can't be bullied!

The bastard actually said: I only heard that my friend's wife was rude.

You can go, you, dad, dad, let's go!

……

This guy doesn't look like a joke. Does his purpose in life be to abuse you if he likes it?More perverted than me.

April 4, year y.

I asked him, if he can't die, can he let me go out and see the scenery outside?The light here is really too dark, and I will be nearsighted to write a diary here for so long.

He said yes.

It took me a long time to adapt to the light and scenery outside. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and tears fell.

The leaves are green, the flower buds are in bud, and the streets are bustling with pedestrians and traffic.I didn't expect that I was so yearning for sunshine and beauty in my heart. I finally looked at this question directly again-I used to have so many beautiful things, and now I have so many, why would I want to die?

I am worried that my obsession is too deep and out of control, which will hurt Huo Buqu; I am too painful to bear that Huo Buqu belongs to others.

As a person, I really don’t suffer a little bit, but I just don’t know the heights of the sky and the earth, and I can’t recognize the reality clearly.

I tried to escape, and in a coffee shop that Chen invited me to drink, I sneaked away under the pretext of going to the bathroom.

I always thought he was unprepared for me, after all, he didn't take away my mobile phone that still had a signal, but... tonight I still wrote a diary in this dim basement with the lamp on.

Surprisingly, he didn't seem to be angry about this, but a little happy.He said: Lu, you finally have the idea of ​​living, so it will be interesting.

Is it fun to torture?If his purpose is to dispel my desire to die, then he has already done it; if he wants to be my next boyfriend, he should know that it will never be possible, because there are new and old hatreds between us and accumulated resentments; so, as expected , he just simply hates me. I think it's not fun to practice with someone who is ashamed and won't resist, but it's more interesting to resist?

April 4, year y.

For a man, his own chastity does not seem to be important, nor is the chastity of his partner now, but the chastity of his future "wife" is important.

I don't care about this kind of thing, the problem is that I hate him, which is a bit disgusting, and it wouldn't be so if he was a stranger, handsome is still an advantage.

He said: You hated me at the beginning because you saw a similar scene to now, the difference is only one is true and the other is false.Nothing actually happened between me and him, like afterwards because my boyfriend and I did it that morning, if we could get together, what was his ex-girlfriend and you back then?I did it on purpose for you to see.

I know this, Huo Buqu explained it to me, but now I have broken up with Huo Buqu. It is also true that he allowed you to pretend to deceive me. It doesn’t matter whether you did it or not. Anyway, in his heart, your status He is much higher than me. If we fall into the river together and he can only save one, he will definitely choose you.

I smiled and said: You are acting so unreasonably, like a vicious mistress.

Chen said that you did not wrongly plant and poison too much.

There's no way, it's just jealousy if you get on top.Passionate crime.

Chen said that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, Lulu, I blame you.You told him that I had an affair with Lao Huo, and he believed it. No matter how I explained it, it was useless, and he broke up with me.

Ah, it's shameless to say that you didn't contribute to the breakup between me and Huo Buqun.

He: I hated you very much before, and vowed to take revenge on you, for poisoning me and causing me to break up, but it would be meaningless for you to die like this.I think it's not bad now, I don't hate you so much, you look so good when you are tortured.Lulu, can you stay by my side?

I'm crazy to stay by his side. Even if I don't want to die, I only like Huo Buqu. Maybe I will like someone else in the future, but this person will definitely not be him.

April 4, year y.

I just realized today that I thought too much yesterday. How can I have any future?

When you want to die, you find that there are no comfortable conditions, and when you want to live, you find that you can’t live. This feeling is simply terrible. Is this a bad joke of fate?The beauty I never cherished, the future I had imagined... collapsed in an instant.

It may be that I have thought about death, I am not afraid of it, I quickly accept the reality.

Chen's expression was a bit regretful, but he was not sad. Instead, he adhered to the idea of ​​limited time, completely ignoring my idea of ​​leaving quietly.

I told him that those "false certificates" were left to him, and that they had to be repaired if they were "broken", but I needed to exchange his promise with something else.

I want to die comfortably, before the serious symptoms come, before I become hideous...

I told Chen the way I wanted to die. I stabbed at the heart, aimed at it, and pulled it out quickly, cleanly.

I would like to ask him to do it. I may be soft-handed, inaccurate, and procrastinate for a few hours before dying. That is not uncomfortable enough.

He agreed.

It may be out of revenge. He hoped that before I died, I could cooperate with some interesting games of his, which would damage my health, but I haven’t been there for a few days. It doesn't matter if it hurts or not.

He found a lot of Huo Buqu's current photos to show me, and even called Huo Buqu so that I could hear his voice.He asked me if I wanted to call Huo Buqu before I died, and I said no, so he started to play with the props he got from nowhere.It's okay, it's not about removing arms and legs, or seeing blood.

The psychiatrist objected to his approach. After all, he was a doctor. They said that out of humanitarianism, end-of-life care should be done well. Those like Chen who try to play tricks before death will definitely go to hell in the future.Of course, objections are useless. People like Chen, who don’t believe in God or Buddhism, have no scruples in doing things, and they are not afraid of going to hell.

Thinking that I will never see Huo Buqu again in the future, I am very sad, but more of a relief.

I have left behind some meager property, and my parents may no longer be able to be filial, so I can only ask my brothers and sisters to do it for me.