your diary

——

[The following is the content of the diary, abbreviated]

April 3, year y.

It's so dark in here.

Reality tells me that things are only worse than the worst. I didn’t expect that I’ve been a “stalker” for so long, and there will be a day when I will be followed.Is he going to kidnap me?But he didn't confiscate my mobile phone and diary, and he didn't tie me up. I was locked in the basement.

Does he want money, or his life?

Why don't you ask him to return the knife to me, and I will tell him a good place to hide the corpse, so that it will not be discovered for decades.I can give him the money, but I have to ask him to dispose of the corpse. Isn't this the best of both worlds?

Is this guy wearing a mask all the time?I'm going to die, and I won't expose his sinful face.Of course, I have no objection to the food being properly prepared. The decapitated rice should be prepared with delicious food, right?I don't have any strength left.

April 3, year y.

I heard his voice, which was inorganic and cold, probably with a voice changer.

Since he doesn't plan to exchange me for money or confiscate my contact tools, he should know a thing or two about my current plans.I can't understand how he is so "guarded" against a dying person.

I guess he is either an acquaintance of mine or an acquaintance of Huo Buqu.

I might have delved into this before, but now I don't want to know who he is at all, and I'm not interested.

I want to die, just want to die.

April 3, year y.

It's too dark, and the mood is even worse.

Don't look at me wanting to die, I still want to die comfortably, I don't want to be so careless, hitting the wall with my head, biting the artery in my wrist with my teeth, it hurts when I hear it, the death is very slow, and it is not decent at all.

Give me back the knife, or I'll call the police!It's useless to threaten him like this. He seems to know that I won't call the police.I have completed all the proofs. After two months, when they noticed that I was missing, someone would tell them that I went abroad to study secretly for ten years and could not contact them.

...Tsk, the mobile phone ran out of minesweeper, and there is no charger here.

April 3, year y.

What the hell is this guy trying to do?Is upholstering the entire basement like stopping me from committing suicide?It's ridiculous.

If he doesn't intend to kill me and grant my wish, then I don't need to stay in this place.He also invited a psychiatrist to talk to me through the air, trying to get me to give up my desire to die. I'm not a depression patient. Is this helpful?Ha ha ha ha! ! !

The psychiatrist said that my love for my ex-boyfriend was too morbid because I placed my fantasy expectations on an ordinary person, and as long as I recognized the reality, I could let go of the past.Nonsense, I know he is an ordinary person, but don't you know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?In my heart, every strand of his hair is a hundred times prettier than you -- although I have never seen your faces.

The psychiatrist said: Why did you keep arguing when you were in love?This shows that you are not suitable, just choose another suitable one.

But in my heart he is perfect.

Huo does not go to this person,

It's all good, but it's a bit of a flower, and it shouldn't be considered a shortcoming for a man.He said that he was acting on the occasion when he was outside, but in fact it should be true when he thinks about it carefully. He doesn't bother to lie, but I still feel uncomfortable in my heart.After all, he still likes to flirt.

Why can't I be jealous when I have the right to be jealous?But in the end, it was ridiculous to break up because of this kind of thing. At that time, I realized that I couldn't restrain his unrestrained heart. Just like his ex-girlfriend, there was nothing I could do about it, so I had to let him go free.

I know we're not right, that's why it hurts.How can I find a more suitable one?More handsome than him, more gentle than him, and richer than him?If this is the condition, what kind of relationship is there, everyone will be matched according to the conditions they want, which is ridiculous.

Feelings are never controlled by those conditions, and I can't let him go.

Doctor, I am no longer a hot-blooded young man. It is not that the time you said can dilute everything, it will only get deeper and deeper.

April 3, year y.

Don't persuade me any more.

Do you really not know what a pervert is?I'll disturb him if I'm alive, just like I've been following him secretly for more than ten years, and finally couldn't bear to destroy his relationship with her ex-girlfriend, and gave her the fake news that he was going to go bankrupt.After that, I couldn't bear it anymore, and I couldn't help but destroy his life. I didn't want myself to become a psychopath in his heart from the person I once dated with!

I'm so bad, I'm not worth saving at all.After the breakup, I also considered secretly getting rid of his ex-girlfriend's fetus for fear that they would get back together, and even get married with a son.If it weren't for the fact that they didn't have any contact, Huo Buqu had another girlfriend, and I really did.

But knowing that he talked about another one is also very painful for me. Thinking that he will treat others gently, just like he once treated me, I can't suppress my heart palpitations.I know I shouldn't disturb his search for happiness, what can I do?How can I stop myself from sabotaging his relationship and making my heart ache?Only when my heart stops can I do it.

dong dong dong.

April 3, year y.

The masked man didn't show up, and neither did the psychiatrist, but I was going crazy.

It's so dark here, can't the delay be delayed if the table lamp can only be turned on for one hour a day?why no one speaks...

Ahhh!I'm going crazy! ! !

April 3, year y.

no one……

April 3, year y.

still nobody...

April 3, year y.

He came back, took off his mask, and removed his voice changer.

Why, it will be you...

Are you trying to torture me?It's better for you that I'm better off dead than dead, isn't it?

List.

April 3, year y.

I think about it, I'm sorry for you.

You don't want me to die, so you can just keep torturing me slowly.

I shouldn't have poisoned you, let your boyfriend see that photo, and caused you to break up.I'm jealous of your position in the heart, the fact that you have done this is disgusting.

Thank you for not telling me the truth, for not revealing my true colors in front of him.

April 3, year y.

do you like this

I don't like it very much, you like what I don't like, like you want me to live.You want me to accept everything now.

I'm so vicious, you should be like this, don't have any guilt, just be happy.

I don't know why, but I don't want to die very much. Although the pain is spreading all over my body now, I feel a little better in my heart. The atonement is not counted. After all, what you gave me is enough for me to poison you ten times.

Focusing on the pain allows me to think a little less about him.

Drink dove to quench thirst.

April 4, year y.

Hey, hey, you're not here to be funny, are you? Let the psychiatrist come over again.

The psychiatrist said to me: You have experienced so much, as a man, are you still so unable to take it and let it go?

I really can't let go, I'm worthless.

I know that death is always easy, but the hard thing is to live well, it is more difficult to let go than to pick up.

If I want to, I can find a lot of chicken soup for the soul on the Internet, but those empty words can neither put yourself in the shoes of each spectator and consider the feelings of each spectator, and they have no practical use, except for cheating or those who just came out of society and don’t know the dangers. Let them know that there is truth, goodness and beauty in this world so that they will not be too desperate, but when they enter the society, they will understand that the chicken soup they have seen before is all white water.

There are also people who are extreme, and after reading it, they think, everyone else has someone to save them, so why doesn't that kind of good thing happen to me?I'm so unlucky, I'll just die.It can be seen that no amount of chicken soup can stop a person who wants to die, and the beauty of the world will intensify his desire to commit suicide.

I'm not so extreme. No matter from the objective or subjective point of view, fate treats me much better than ordinary people, except that the relationship is not going well.The smooth sailing of my life before made me hypocritical. If I fail to fall in love, I will die or live, which is even more exaggerated than those young boys with hot blood in adolescence.

If I were a bystander and I saw someone as unbelievable as me, I would definitely go up and slap me twice, and I would go up and ask: Your parents raised you up so much that you committed suicide for a man who does not belong to you ?Have you considered how your parents felt?Have you considered your friend's mood?Are you worthy of yourself?

But I am me, pain is just pain, and the idea of ​​suicide will not be relieved by half because of theoretical wrongdoing.

The psychiatrist also said: You have invested too much emotion in him, and it is understandable that you can't get it back for a while. There is a term in Chinese called "timely stop loss". As long as you reduce your emotional investment in him, think more about him. However, there is still a chance to save yourself.Think about your family and friends, how sad they will be when you die.

I said I made false testimonials and they wouldn't know the truth.

As a result, Chen told me that he had "destroyed" the "false certificate". I read.

It's really yours, Chen.

Successfully aroused my desire to survive.