What bad thoughts does the little milk dog have?

"Students dismiss get out of class." Su Lixu said get out of class dismissed, picked up his textbooks and was about to leave the classroom, then looked around the classroom as if remembering something: "The monitor came to the office with me."

After being named, Zhao Xunyi was thinking of going forward, but a hand pressed his shoulder hard. Zhao Xunyi raised his head in doubt, and found that it was Fu Xingran.

"I'll go for you." Fu Xingran dropped such a sentence to Zhao Xunran, and followed quickly.

Squad leader Zhao Xunwan looked puzzled: "?"

What is this guy doing again?

"Old Zhao, do you remember the last time we accidentally saw the man on Fu Xingran's phone wallpaper in the dormitory? He said it was his boyfriend."

Zhao Xunran turned his head to look at his roommate Zhuo Yi: "I vaguely remember that he is a very good-looking man, but I forgot his specific appearance, what's wrong?"

Zhuo Yi said in a low voice, "It seems to be Teacher Su."

Mo Zhe on the side suddenly widened his eyes, as if he knew something important: "No way, how is it possible? Teacher Su?! Can someone like Fu Xingran's personality?"

"Who knows."

on the corridor.

"Mr. Su!"

When Su Lixu heard the call from behind, he stopped and turned around.

The boy who appeared in front of him all day was wearing a pure white sweater today, the sunlight outside the corridor fell on him, the sunlight was warm and dazzling, just like the smile on his face, brilliant and dazzling.

There was another moment of stunned, the boy's face overlapped vaguely with the one in his memory, but he really didn't look like him, at least he didn't have a smile.

He tried to shake off the doubts in his heart, and asked with a smile on the boy's face, "Your class monitor?"

"My name is Fu Xingran."

Su Lixu was stunned.

There are a lot of students walking around in the corridor, it is actually very abrupt to stop in the middle, and there are also many people who cast strange eyes on them, but he suddenly has no time to take care of so many, because when he heard this name, his head was so tense. A momentary blankness.

"Doctor Su, do you remember me?"

He never thought that the boy who appeared in front of him all day long was Fu Xingran. He thought it was just that the boy was too enthusiastic, but he didn't expect that it was to attract his attention. Now it seems that there is a sense of grievance in it.

Because he didn't recognize it.

It's not that he forgot, but that Fu Xingran has changed too much.

Fu Xingran was the first teenage mental illness patient received by the psychiatric hospital just after he graduated. When he took over, he had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in his medical records and needed hospitalization.

After the child was hospitalized, his temper was very unstable and irritable, and any small matter could irritate him.Sometimes it was very quiet, and he could devote himself to painting. He remembered that the child painted very well.

It's just that my inner emotions are very unstable. As long as I am unhappy, the whole world wants to be destroyed, and as long as I am happy, the whole world is beautiful.

At first, he was only in the general ward, but later he was transferred to the intensive ward because he always hid things and wanted to commit suicide.

After more than a year of interventional treatment, the effect of psychological counseling and drug treatment was still there. Before he left, the child had improved a lot, the tendency of self-abuse was significantly reduced, and the situation of losing his temper and not eating was also reduced. Willing to seek help when encountering problems.

It's just that he was surprised, he hadn't seen him for so many years, and now he met in such a way, the child who was always thin back then turned out to be so tall in the blink of an eye, and changed a lot.I can't find the look in the eyes full of disgust and fear of the world back then. Looking at him and calling him now, the smile is full of sunshine and warmth, and the eyes are bright and beautiful.

It seems that I met a better teacher abroad to help this child.

He smiled softly: "Xing Ran, long time no see, you have changed so much that I didn't even recognize you."

Fu Xingran felt the heart in his chest that seemed to have been silent for four years, and it came back to life when he heard Su Lixu calling his name. How he came here these years was relying on Su Lixu in his mind He survived while calling his name with a gentle smile.

He hated Su Lixu's sudden departure, but he couldn't bear to hate him too much.

He could only scream in his mind one after another. He knew it was a fantasy, but he couldn't control it.

Otherwise, how could he have survived till now?

He might die the day he can't find Su Lixu.

His palms were wet, his heart was sore, he stared at Su Lixu: "I should call you teacher now." He raised his foot and approached Su Lixu: "I can finally see you every day, Doctor Su."

I miss you too.

The call of the last three words was so soft that it was almost a whisper, but it was full of grievance and sadness.

Su Lixu looked at Fu Xingran's eyes, there was an undisguised sense of grievance in the bottom of his eyes, the moment his brows drooped, and with this whispered call, he seemed to see the younger brother who would never come back, subconsciously look away.

He didn't have any problem with being able to meet every day, after all, it was normal to meet in the same school.

"Mr. Su, we haven't seen each other for so long, can I have a chat with you?"

"it is good."

Near noon, Su Lixu drove Fu Xingran to a nearby restaurant. Although he personally didn't like eating out very much, he had no class in the afternoon and planned to go back and cook by himself.But thinking of how Fu Xingran dangled in front of him these few days and reminded himself, but he didn't recognize him, I feel a little bit sorry, I'd better treat the children to something good.

"What to eat?"

Fu Xingran, who was sitting in the co-pilot, stared closely at Su Lixu's hand holding the steering wheel, because it was so beautiful, he couldn't bear to look away.

This hand once fed him medicine, even hugged him when he committed suicide out of control, and bandaged his wound. The temperature seemed to remain on his body, slightly cool, like white jade, making people want to do more with this hand things.

Su Lixu didn't hear the answer, he glanced at Fu Xingran beside him out of the corner of his eye, and found that this guy was staring blankly at the direction he was holding the steering wheel: "What's the matter? Don't you want to eat?"

Only then did Fu Xingran escape from his fantasy: "What?"

"I remember you like to eat sweets very much. At that time, I told you to eat less sugar and even got angry at me, and cried if you couldn't eat it." Su Lixu recalled what happened in the ward before, he said with a smile: "In the blink of an eye, you grow so tall, as if you are taller than me."

As he spoke, he freed his hand to open the box beside him, and took out a stick of fudge.

Fu Xingran was thinking about how this man could suddenly disappear and still tell him about the past with a smile, when he was a little angry, he suddenly saw the candy handed to him.

It was as if the deepest part of my heart had been stabbed and then gently touched.

He has been restricted from eating sweets for a long time, especially eating fudge. Fudge can be said to be an addiction to him, because he was unable to eat it and made him crave it very much.

When he can eat freely, he can no longer control his crazy desire to eat. Even if he eats it, he will feel nauseated, vomit, or even have a stomach ulcer. He can't stop the sweet taste of candy.Later, his father refused to let him eat it because he was sick, so he lost his temper, threw things, and used everything just to eat candy.

Now he still can't quit sugar, but not as addicted as before.

Because his current addiction has something else, replacing the temptation of candy, giving him another fatal spiritual temptation.

"Mr. Su, why do you know how to prepare candy here? Do you remember that I like candy?"

Su Lixu looked at the road ahead, and when he heard Fu Xingran's question next to his ear, he tightened his hand holding the steering wheel slightly, hiding the strangeness in his eyes, and laughed out loud: "Can I forget, the one who cried so much The guy who snot and tears just to lick a candy."

Maybe it was because the man's voice was too gentle, Fu Xingran felt his hands trembling and his heart trembling.

is excited.

"Then can I still eat the donuts you made, Teacher Su?"

There was a red light ahead, Su Lixu stopped the car slowly, and then felt a hand on his thigh, shaking gently, with a bit of coquettishness, he looked sideways at Fu Xingran .

With pleading eyes in Fu Xingran's eyes, he put his hands on Su Lixu's legs: "I really want to eat, can I do it, Teacher Su?"

Although the child in front of him has grown up and grown up, Su Lixu always feels that Fu Xingran is still the same Fu Xingran back then, and has not changed.

Still the same little cleverness who can do anything for what he wants.

Can bend and stretch, know that some people are soft but not hard, and some people are hard but not soft.

Seeing that Su Lixu didn't answer, Fu Xingran felt a little anxious. He wanted it too much, but he still kept a smile on his face: "It's still a bit inconvenient for Teacher Su, so just buy one outside, I don't mind."

"I just bought bread flour yesterday." Su Lixu smiled and said, "I also thank you for helping me move things yesterday, so let me make you donuts as a thank you."

Fu Xingran burst into a smile in an instant, his eyes were radiant: "Really, so can I go to your house!"

"Well, go to my house."

Fu Xingran withdrew his hand, and he held the hand that had touched Su Lixu into the palm of the other hand. Even with the fudge in his hand, it seemed that he had hidden the temperature of the touch and the sweetness of the fudge, just like he put Su Lixu hid it as if.

At the same time, the good news filled his body completely with excitement.

His teacher Su invited him to his home.

What will Mr. Su's home be like?

Could it be full of the scent of cinnamon on August night, just like the feeling of being hugged by Teacher Su?

What will Teacher Su's room look like?

Will the quilt be dark or light-colored, and the bed quilt will definitely smell like Teacher Su. If you lie on it, it must be like being hugged by Teacher Su.

Mr. Su is going to make donuts for him, do you want to wear an apron in the kitchen?

Whether the apron is dark or light, with patterns or without patterns, Teacher Su must be very gentle after wearing it, just like a woman who cooks meals for her husband, if she hugs Teacher Su from behind, the picture is Not very gentle.

If something happens in the kitchen wearing an apron, is it just an accident?

Just like back then.

With shortness of breath and an extraordinarily excited state, Fu Xingran was completely immersed in his own fantasy, completely oblivious to Su Lixu's gaze.

Su Lixu faintly retracted his gaze from the corner of his eye.

Back then, Fu Xingran had received dialectical behavior therapy. The purpose of this therapy was to recognize himself, accept himself, and change himself at the same time.During the treatment process, Fu Xingran showed that he fully accepted himself and knew what he was doing, but he enjoyed it and was unwilling to change himself.

Therefore, Fu Xingran's borderline personality disorder is different from bipolar disorder, the duration is different, and the characteristics of depression are not obvious.

But precisely because of this, during the one-and-a-half year hospitalization, it was obvious that the effect was about to achieve the desired effect, and Fu Xingran's performance at a certain moment would instantly overturn the good performance during this period, causing the treatment effect to be interrupted.Because Fu Xingran is fully aware of the extent to which he has reached, he can control it if he wants to, lose control if he wants to lose control, and can make the treatment effective or ineffective.

Mental illness is complex, and personality disorders are even more complex.

There are a thousand manifestations in a thousand mental illness patients with borderline personality disorder.

And Fu Xingran's emotional disorder is serious, but because he is too smart, his cognition is clear, he even has symptoms of obsession, obsessed with such selfless madness, when he doesn't get it, he will lose his temper and self-mutilate or even want to destroy the world , after getting it, it seems that the whole world is bright and beautiful.

Now Fu Xingran seems to be no different from ordinary people, but when he takes a closer look, he is still different.

Breathing, excitement, as if full of anticipation for something made the sunshine in front of him show the clues.In the past, it was because I was obsessed with Rf and liked to suck. After I got it, it would be like this, short of breath and extremely excited.

So what is Fu Xingran excited about now?