bad derailment

I have never had such a moment to rely on Gu Mingsheng's breath.His shoulders, body, and the warm palms that wiped away the ends of my eyes, said 'I am' over and over in my ears.

Like every time in the past, no matter what bad things happen, Gu Mingsheng will be by his side like this, listening to me pour out all the bitterness, and never showing any impatience.

He would touch my hair, calm my anxiety, keep those negative emotions to himself, and always give me the best tenderness.

With just a look, a word, and a hug, he read all my fragility.

I don't remember how long I cried, but at the end I couldn't keep my eyes open.Gu Mingsheng washed my face for me, applied anti-inflammatory medicine, my complexion was so dark that I was dripping ink, I put the pressure on my hand very lightly, and after applying the ointment, I asked in a low voice, "Does it hurt?"

I barely regained my thinking, shook my head, "It doesn't hurt."

His voice was slightly cold: "Who called?"

After a few seconds of silence, I didn't answer the previous question, and said in a hoarse voice, "I... went to the hospital today."

I thought it was hard to say it, and words would turn into sharp knives and stab the painful heart again.But under Gu Mingsheng's soothing eyes, every word came out of his throat unconsciously, stemming from a certain instinct of dependence, without any hindrance.

I'm used to this kind of Gu Mingsheng, such a familiar aura.Even if he spoke intermittently and spoke intermittently, the softness in his eyes didn't falter a bit.

After listening to everything, Gu Mingsheng looked at me deeply, whispered a word between his lips and teeth: "Xiao Yao, this is not your fault."

I wanted to shake my head, but I was extremely weak even to do this kind of movement, every breath brought pain in my chest, "It's my fault, if I hadn't been obsessed with ghosts at the beginning, hadn't hurt Chen Feng, and betrayed him , not being with Jiang Qiushi, and choosing to believe after discovering his unusualness, everything would not have happened. This is all my own fault."

Gu Mingsheng pressed the back of my head and forced me to meet his eyes in a panic. His deep voice seemed to come from a far away place, "Xiao Yao, without you, Jiang Qiushi and his marriage would not last long, and his illness would not He will recover from this. This is an uncontrollable factor from the outside world. His approach to you is all based on these factors. In contrast, he is the one with evil intentions and impure purposes. He is the one who did the wrong thing. He is the one who bears the consequences, and you don't need to blame yourself for that."

His voice fell word by word, slow and powerful.I stayed there, moved my lips, lowered my head and covered my eyes with my palms, and after a long time, I trembled and made a little sound.

"But the doctor said he only has about a year left. Should I just watch him go away?"

After a few seconds of silence, I heard Gu Mingsheng's answer: "That's the retribution he deserves."

I feel like this is more like retribution for me.

All the evil I have done have been reflected on the people around me.I tried to suppress the disordered breath and the tears of repeating the same mistakes, "Gu Mingsheng, I can't do it without thinking about it. I hate Jiang Qiu for hiding it from me, and hate that he has a family and promises me so much, but as long as he thinks about him falling I can't hate the scene in front of me."

I hate being so indecisive and unable to make decisions about myself.

The thread of fate intertwined me and them into a knot that cannot be untied. It doesn't mean that you can hate if you hate, or you can leave if you say leave.Every step I take is involuntary, and after the short-term joy, it is replaced by endless costs.

Gu Mingsheng held my hand, and conveyed firmness as silently as words, "Disease cannot offset Jiang Qiushi's fault. He is a patient, but he also deceived you. Xiao Yao, you just suffered too much and cannot accept this fact. Wait Over a period of time, when other things are distracting, everything will pass."

I was like grabbing at the last straw, "Is it really going to pass?"

His eyes were deep, as if pouring into my heart, "Yes."

I no longer need an answer, a result, I just want a peace of mind to get through this night.The words floated into my ears, and then dispersed in pieces. For a moment, the shackles that bound my body lost their weight.

Believe in Gu Mingsheng.There was a voice in my head that said, just trust him and everything will pass.

I don't know when I fell asleep, wrapped in soft bedding, sinking into a dream.

There is no longer an empty picture in front of my eyes, and I can smell a bit of breath, like the salty humidity of the sea, mixed with wind and sinking, slowly slapping the reef, and brushing across the perception unevenly.

With the soul constantly swaying, go to a very high and far place.

Opening the sore eyes, a few strands of light leaked through the cracks in the curtains, falling on the body silently.

I also had a dream the night I watched a movie with Jiang Qiushi.I can't remember the specific content, only the same emptiness and loss after waking up.

Gu Mingsheng didn't leave and stayed with me all night.

I was lying on the bed, Jiang Qiushi, Shaoqin, all kinds of yesterday, my memory was covered with a layer of misty veil, when I looked at the past, it was no longer real, and there was no longer that kind of vivid pain.

The human body has protective mechanisms.

What followed was the impulse of last night and everything that happened after Gu Mingsheng arrived.I could hear a slight sound outside the door, it seemed that he was preparing breakfast.

Gathering up my mood, I looked at my slightly pale face in the mirror, and suddenly I didn't know how to face it. I didn't know what to do to pretend that nothing happened when we reunited after a long absence.

But no matter how he pretended, he couldn't fool Gu Mingsheng.

"Xiao Yao, don't go to work today."

After sitting down, Gu Mingsheng asked me how I slept last night, and after getting a barely bad answer, he said the above sentence slowly.

"Wherever you want to go, I can accompany you," he continued, "My new drama has just wrapped, and my agent gave me a few days off. If you want to stay at home, I will stay with you too. .”

I moved my lips, and the words I wanted to say were all broken at the edge of my mouth.My memory is already poor, and I was even more confused when I woke up in the morning. When I met Gu Mingsheng's eyes, I had already forgotten what I thought of at the beginning.

"...Actually, you don't have to do this, I'm much better now."

As always, I turned my eyes away and said this sentence to Gu Mingsheng.

He should understand that the refusal in the words is sometimes not a refusal.That's just a step, and it can make me feel better when he makes regrets or other decisions.

But this time, Gu Mingsheng didn't pick up the conversation, he looked into my eyes and repeated: "Xiao Yao, I won't leave."

I suddenly didn't understand. I was silent for a few seconds, and then pulled out a not-so-successful smile, "Why is this, shouldn't you be disappointed in me?"

The last time before we parted, I remember his thunderous words, and also his helplessness and silence.

Gu Mingsheng understands all my bad qualities, he can't make compromises, I can't change, even this relationship that is disguised as a 'friend' has long been in jeopardy.

Under my gaze, Gu Mingsheng moved his fingers on the table lightly, revealing a not-so-perfect smile, which seemed to fit the real him better.When I looked up, the amber eyes were full of familiar affection, and there seemed to be something more than before, which I couldn't see through.

"No matter what, you are Lin Yao."

His thin lips parted slightly, and his voice was mellow.

"I was indeed disappointed and regretted it. During the period of separation, I often thought about why things have developed to this point, and what to do is the best choice."

"So do you have an answer?" I asked.

"No," Gu Mingsheng lowered his eyes, and the smile on his mouth gradually climbed into a trace of loneliness, "Maybe there will never be a choice in the world, you have to pay something to get something, Xiaoyao, I'm just gambling result."

"What kind of result?"

Gu Mingsheng stopped talking.

These words are like a drop of ink falling into the water, the turbidity is cleared, and after spreading, ripples are set off, echoing in the ears without lightness or heavyness.

I may understand what he means, not that thoroughly, but enough.After blows again and again, I have long learned not to probe into the meaning hidden in the other person's words. Whether the guessed content is correct or not, can't change the destined ending.

Or maybe I'm just a little tired.

The accumulated work piled up into a pile of mountains. I barely collected my energy and went back to work after two days of rest.

Zhao Quan asked what happened with concern. I found an excuse of being sick, but fortunately I looked like a sick person. He had no doubts at all, and told me to pay attention to my health and go to the hospital for examination on time.

Hearing the last few words, I held up a somewhat forced smile, and responded with a soft 'yes'.

Gu Mingsheng fulfilled his promise and would appear downstairs in the company almost every night to pick me up from get off work.

He didn’t mention anything about Jiang Qiu’s time or past, like going back to before it all started, taking me to the restaurant that I mentioned before but didn’t have time to go, wearing a hat and mask, fully armed, a little funny but still insisting on going out with me.

Didn't pick up any more calls, replied to a text message about work.

I tried to suppress everything about Jiang Qiushi in my mind, not so successfully, but not in vain.This state seems to have fallen into the trough of struggle again, eager to understand his situation, to see him, to know whether the operation will be successful or not... But once thinking of Shao Qin, these floating thoughts will be overwhelmed Doused with cold water.

This ending was too sudden, as if the originally long movie stopped abruptly in one-third of the way, and the emotions invested in it could not be drawn out or forgotten.

The day I received Jiang Qiushi's call was no different from usual.

After I punched my card to leave work and walked out of the company building, Gu Mingsheng suddenly sent a text message saying that I couldn't come over at night because of something.I clicked on the dialog box, and before I could type a line, the screen suddenly went dark, as if I had a premonition, and my heart stopped for a beat.

Jiang Qiushi.

His fingers froze at the top of the screen, and he didn't press connect or reject for a long time.Half a minute later, the phone automatically hung up, and I pursed my lips tightly, unable to tell whether I was glad or disappointed.

And in the next second, a message burst into his eyes.

I stood still and read this short line for a long time.

Jiang Qiushi: Lin Yao, I want to see you.