bad derailment

What can be changed by meeting?

When I couldn't help but want to ask Jiang Qiu like this, I wanted to make a cold face and tell him that it was impossible.Countless thoughts crossed my mind and turned into a difficult answer: Is there something wrong?

Jiang Qiu replied quickly: I want to give you an explanation.

Across the screen, my eyes hurt slightly from the light, and I saw him send the next sentence: Lin Yao, I know you don't want to see me now, if you don't want to come, I will come to you when I am discharged from the hospital.

Discharged from the hospital, with Jiang Qiushi's current physical condition, can he still be discharged from the hospital?

The thread in my heart was pulled tightly, and the strength at both ends was equal. After staying for a long time, my fingers trembled and I typed: Got it, I will go there.

The moment the news was sent out, I was overwhelmed by a surge of struggle and guilt.Not daring to read his reply, he turned off the phone.

Jiang Qiushi has already made an irreparable mistake, and this relationship is nothing but an empty shell.Those two slaps and Shao Qin's words were still ringing in my ears, I knew I should leave, but what I thought would always be contrary to what I did, and I could never restrain my restless heart.

Whether you like it or not.

I still couldn't sit idly by Jiang Qiushi, and there was the last trace of ridiculous luck in my heart.

The direction of the hospital is already familiar. I don't know whether it is funny or sad.I stopped at the door of the ward, took a few deep breaths, pressed down the handle, and my heart also made a dull sound as if the lock was unlocked.

"You came."

Jiang Qiushi was sitting on the hospital bed, wearing a blue and white striped hospital gown.The black hair was a little longer, making the skin on the neck terribly pale.

The wide cuffs exposed a section of the wrist, on which a needle was inserted and connected to an infusion tube. You could see light-colored scars and blue tendons.A face was less cold, adding an indescribable silence. The moment he turned his head to look at me, there was a slight fluctuation.

Like a towering iceberg melting fine snow, it turns into a meandering stream.From sharp and indifferent, it becomes soft and wet that can change into various shapes.

My heart jumped a few more beats uncontrollably, I hurriedly looked away, and didn't approach.Pulled over the chair and sat at the farthest place from him, only to find that such behavior was even more pretentious after doing it.

Jiang Qiushi didn't speak, the room was very quiet for a while, I had countless questions on my lips that I wanted to ask, but the moment I saw him, all of them were blank.

He has a certain ability to restrain me, just sitting there quietly can disturb all my emotions.Even now, when the relationship is broken, it is still the case.

"Have you had dinner yet?"

After a while, Jiang Qiushi broke the freeze, and his tone was a little stronger than the last meeting.I thought the result of the operation should not be bad. When I realized that I was relieved from the bottom of my heart, I couldn't help but thumped and pressed down.

"...No, I just got off work."

I pursed my lower lip, "What about you?"

Jiang Qiushi said: "I ate lotus root starch for dinner. The surgery has just finished, and the doctor said that I can't eat too spicy food."

"Just to your liking," I heard my own voice, paused for two seconds, "Is Shao Qin taking care of you during this time?"

After the words fell, Jiang Qiushi's breathing seemed to stagnate for a short time, and the silent light was covered under the lens.I don't know how I came to say this sentence, without any thought, mixed with sharp thorns that I didn't dare to detect, facing between the two of them.

"I'm already going through divorce proceedings with her," he said softly, looking at me, "Lin Yao, I'll give you an explanation."

"Shouldn't you give her an explanation too?"

My hands and feet were slightly cold, and I couldn't help raising my voice, "Jiang Qiushi, I don't understand what you are thinking, why on earth did you do such a thing?"

Jiang Qiushi pursed his bloodless lips and didn't say a word, but I could see the rope lingering around his body, constantly tightening.Even breathing is slow and heavy.

"Shao Qin and I got married by agreement."

He said.

There was a buzzing in my ears, and I could hear Jiang Qiushi's clear voice, which seemed to come from another country.After a while, a silly question was asked: "What is marriage by agreement?"

Jiang Qiushi fell silent and did not answer the question.He tilted his head and looked out the window. The single ward had a wide view, and the closed windows prevented the cold air from outside.You can see the branches and leaves swaying silently in the wind, and the white curtains hanging quietly on both sides.I remember that it was a locust tree planted at the entrance of the hospital.

"Lin Yao, do you still remember what I told you about my father's serious illness?"

"...remember." I murmured.

Jiang Qiushi drooped his trembling eyelashes, which seemed to be mixed with countless heaviness and chills, "After he fell ill, the first thing he thought of was not active treatment, not passive waiting for death, but calling me to the hospital bed to be with my mother. Persuade me to get married. He said that he must see me get married and have children before he leaves, so that he can die with peace of mind."

"I don't agree. My mother cried and called me a white-eyed wolf in the ward, saying that she hadn't repaid them once in decades. She spent so much money for me to study abroad, but now she didn't even make a small request when she needed me. I said that I am willing to use all my savings for treatment, but they can’t listen to anything. Until now, I can’t understand why my father wants me to get married when my father is sick, as if my marriage can become The antidote to terminal illness."

Jiang Qiushi seemed to see that scene again, and a moment of unconcealable struggle and pain flashed across his eyes.

"Later, they couldn't talk me out, so they changed a new method, using excuses to trick me into going on a blind date, turning the persecution into soft and hard. Lin Yao, I really can't hold on anymore, when I hear other people talking about me all the time 'Your father is already like this, this time I will listen to him once', 'They have raised you for so many years, they just treat it as a parent, so that your father can go away with peace of mind', 'Anyway, they are going to get married anyway, plus your father situation, what’s the difference between getting married sooner and later?’...In the end, I really thought it was all my fault, and I felt ashamed of them if I didn’t get married.”

"So I followed the arrangement and went on blind dates again and again, and then I met Shao Qin. Her situation is different from mine, but the purpose is the same. She needs a suitable marriage partner to deal with her parents. I have known her for two months and went to After receiving the marriage certificate, there was no wedding ceremony, no banquet, and the moment I put the red book in front of my parents, I felt that my mission was finally completed."

Jiang Qiushi's voice fell word by word, like the most obscure language in the world.Sitting there stiffly, I saw him showing a relieved smile, dispelling some of the coldness on his face, removing all the pressure, and opening the paper to reveal the real side of the white page, mixed with countless colors.

Every stroke is helpless, and it is an old thing that he has kept in his heart.

"That was my last compromise. Lin Yao, this is the complete version of this story."

After Jiang Qiushi finished speaking, he fell into a long silence.I was in a mess, and there were countless words stuck in my mouth. Every sentence seemed absurd and powerless when I skipped my mind, and my heart hurt after a while.

I said in a hoarse voice: "You and Shao Qin..."

"I have no relationship with her."

Jiang Qiushi stared at me, and the fluctuations in his eyes revealed that he was not calm at the moment, "Lin Yao, believe it or not, before I got married, I didn't know that I was gay. All along, I only had a vague feeling that But it’s not enough to turn into impulse and desire. After I got married, I thought that feelings can be cultivated, and love can be generated through getting along day after day, but I didn’t realize until later that when it comes, it’s only a short moment.”

I folded my hands together, feeling numb from the cold, "Is this your explanation?"

"Lin Yao," his fingers on the bed sheet twitched, his voice trembling slightly, "I lied a lot, but every word I told you came from the heart. When I got the test results, my The first reaction is to divorce and then go to see you. My father is a failed man, failed husband, until the last moment of his life, he has to rely on the compromise of his children to complete his last wish. I just want to complete my regrets and completely indulge Once, to be myself once."

"With me, is it for indulgence?" I looked at Jiang Qiu, "Is it just for the so-called resistance?"

"Lin Yao, did I tell you that I envy you very much?"

Instead of answering my question, he said this.

This is the third time Jiang Qiushi said this sentence.

"From the first moment I saw you, I knew that we are people from two worlds. You have a complete family, and you can choose your own life. There is no indifference in your eyes, and no burnout for everything. I remember the first When we first met, your eyes followed me, and the reason why you poked it when you came to strike up a conversation, but I didn't expose it."

Jiang Qiushi seemed to pass through the memory and saw that scene again, the expression in his eyes softened for a moment, "This feeling is very strange, I know you have other plans, and I know what you are hiding, but I don't care. Lin Yao, you just now I was wrong, I wanted to be with you not because of indulgence, but because I like you, I chose to indulge."

The heartbeat climbed to the peak with the last words that fell, trembling violently in the ears.I lost consciousness for a short time, only Jiang Qiushi's clear voice sounded every word in my body and hands.

"After I'm discharged from the hospital, I'll go through the divorce procedures," he stared at me with flickering eyes, "I'll take care of everything and go to you again."

I opened my lips and made a broken voice, "How did you get out of the hospital? Your current body..."

Jiang Qiushi seemed to pause for a moment, he lowered his eyes and stopped looking at me, suppressed those fluctuating emotions, and said a word: "I don't intend to treat."

"What did you say?"

The chair slammed into the wall with a bang, and I subconsciously stood up and walked towards the hospital bed, suppressing my trembling voice: "Jiang Qiushi, you can't make fun of your body. Pass......"

"The doctor said that my time is only a year away."

Jiang Qiushi calmly took my words, his calm eyes, calm lips, issued an extremely calm tone.It seemed that what he was talking about was not himself, but another patient who was dying.

He suppressed the lie I originally wanted to tell, and replaced it with a slightly strange and vacuous smile, "Lin Yao, I have already thought clearly, treatment is a year, no treatment is a month, compared to a painful day Year, I just want to spend the last meaningful month with you."