1987, I didn't know I would meet you

Once, I naively thought that the heartbreaking love stories written in the book were all lies.How is it possible, loving someone deeply is like a red-hot iron block firmly engraved in the heart, like a scar that will never be erased.At the beginning, I still laughed and discussed this issue with my old friends, and the answer was very clear, no.

No love can leave such a long mark on people's hearts, at least I don't believe it.The so-called love is just a feeling, a feeling of heartbeat, this feeling can be gradually faded, when the two people are no longer passionate, what is left is only family affection and habits...

I laughed at myself, sniffed, raised my hand and filled the empty glass in front of me again.It has been more than a year since I came to Suzhou, but I still haven't given up looking for Yang Zhenyu's contact information. No matter how I force myself to give up, I still can't convince myself to give up.

On the eve of graduation, I knew that my relationship with him had almost come to an end, so I silently gave up the job I had found in Beijing and bought a train ticket to Suzhou instead.I didn’t know what to think at the time, I just felt that I couldn’t go on like this, the only way to escape, I believe that as long as I leave this place, I can quickly forget him and this ridiculous relationship, I have always been full of confidence in myself .

But... I smiled wryly.The last look before leaving has become an indelible regret in my heart, which I will never forget for a long time.Sometimes I also think about what makes my memory so fresh, and I have been living in the vortex of longing and can't extricate myself.Is it love or obsession?I have no idea.

In the end, it was me who was too naive, thinking that as long as I didn't see him, I wouldn't think about it again, but God knows how I survived that time.

I couldn't help but look up when I was eating, and when I saw that there was no one on the other side, I was taken aback for a moment, and then realized that he was no longer by my side.

Every night when I dreamed back at midnight, I subconsciously wanted to hug the warm body beside me, but I suddenly missed it, and I couldn't sleep all night.

I don’t know when I started to learn to smoke slowly. I smoked every brand, savoring the different flavors carefully. Which one is more like Yang Zhenyu’s taste?I couldn't bear to let go of any familiarity about him.

Finally, my first job was fired by my boss when my smoking intensified.At that time, I seemed to have an addiction, and I could carry two boxes with me every day, regardless of time and place, just like painkillers, the effect was too short, and I could only use the quantity to give myself temporary comfort.

During that time, I can describe it as gloomy. During the days when I was fired, I moved out of the house I rented in the inner city center, and found a bustling street full of lights, where there were many secret and dirty alleys. , There are also many unknown small hotels.

Looking down from the window has become something I enjoy every day, leaning against the window, smoking the cigarette that tastes the most like him, in a cloud of smoke, I vaguely look at every pedestrian on the street and feel like him in a trance.

For a while, my focus was on the drunken man who walked out of the corner bar at around [-]:[-] a.m. at night.It's not how attractive he is, but the first sight.

When I saw him for the first time, I was so startled that my body froze for an instant, and I didn't even know that the cigarette in my hand dropped and burned a hole in my shirt.Staring blankly at that familiar figure, I almost staggered and ran downstairs.I couldn't help but wanted to shout his name, but those three words stuck in my throat, and I couldn't say anything.I grabbed his shoulders with trembling hands, and when I saw him turn around slowly, my heart was about to jump out. I don't think I've ever been more awake than now.

not him.At that moment, I didn't know how to react, and my body seemed to be drained of strength for a moment.But I want to cover my eyes and lie to myself...

"He is Yang Zhenyu! He is Yang Zhenyu!"

My heart was yelling this sentence crazily.You can ignore his appearance, ignore everything, and want to hug this strange man in front of you. Even if he is not, it is still a familiar aura.But in the end I still couldn't do it, I kept my remaining rationality and ran away in a hurry, the man didn't see my face clearly from the beginning to the end.

Since then, I fell in love with hiding in the room and waiting for him to appear at the door of the corner bar every day.Coincidentally, he seems to be very regular, going every Tuesday night, playing until two or three o'clock in the morning before leaving.

After a long time, although I recognized him clearly, I was still greedy for the familiar aura on him.What I can't bear the most is that that night, I still leaned against the window and waited for him to come out.I don't know how many cigarette butts were extinguished before he came out unsteadily, holding a girl with heavy make-up in his arms, talking nonsense drunkenly, then he ignored the side and kissed the girl in the street.

This action seemed to go straight into my heart.Sadness suddenly felt like a flood that burst a bank. This was the moment that made my senses clearest in the past six months. The pain of pinching my fingers into my palm was nothing compared to the sharp reminder from my heart.I smiled, took out the half-burned cigarette in my mouth, threw it on the ground and stomped it out, and slowly closed the window and did not open it again.

Since then, I have known very clearly that everything I pursued to be like him was wrong.Like, but not.In the end, it's just me who can't mind.