Eat little by little

After Lin Xu returned to his hometown, he went back and forth from the town to the countryside. There were so many trivial things, and it seemed that he didn't do anything.Lin Xu's family has a lot of relatives, a typical rural area where all the families are relatives. In Lin Xu's father's generation, many people went out to work, and it was rare to go home for the New Year, and it was even more busy.

In recent years, Lin Xu's father's business has not been doing well, but when he returned to the village, he had to spend some money to save face, and he couldn't be soft on the New Year's money. For every penny of relatives' children, half of the money brought back has gone.Mother complained quite a bit about this, and always told Lin Xu to take Lin Yuan to visit more, so that she could bring back some red envelopes.Lin Xu was not familiar with the children in the village since he was a child, but he got along well with the grandparents and grandparents in every household. He hasn't seen him for several years, and he has forgotten a lot of faces, but the older generation can call him by his name and greet him as "children grow up." "It's so fast" "It's getting more and more handsome"... The older generation's local dialect is very slow, and they speak softly. It is often difficult to hear what they are saying, but in their voices, from their kind words You can feel the warmth conveyed in the eyebrows.

The appearance of the countryside has not changed much, and the people in every household are similar. The familiar nicknames that the old people call have not changed. It seems that time has been preserved here, and it seems that time is the last thing to keep.

The countryside is backward, there are no street lights and no roads, so you have to use a flashlight when you go out at night, but fortunately, no one goes out at night.As soon as night fell, the whole village became dark, with only faint lights coming from the windows of every house.

Lin Xu and his younger brother Lin Yuan love to move a bench to the yard to watch the stars. The sky is full of stars, the Milky Way spreads out for thousands of miles, and the stars cover the entire mountain village. Being in it, it seems to have gone to another world.

The signal in the mountains is poor, but fortunately, I can still make phone calls.Every time in the dead of night, Lin Xu would pick up his mother's phone and steal the short time.

Lin Xu gradually fell in love with the short wait before the call was connected, every second was connected with the sound of heartbeat.The dark night in the countryside is really a complete dark night, and the faint light emitted through the mobile phone is Lin Xu's whole world at this moment.

The call was connected quickly, and it seemed that I had been waiting for a long time, "Xiao Xu."

"Ah."

"It's been a long time today, are you busy today?" Yang Fengrui's voice was very energetic, and just listening to the other party's words, he could imagine the other party looking at him in good spirits, "Today I was pulled out to buy clothes, and I was forced to give I bought a lot of stuff, and I said don't insist on buying it... it's getting annoying."

"It's rare for your mother to come here, so don't be too picky." Compared with Yang Fengrui's vigor like a night owl, Lin Xu is already in a semi-confused state when he is huddled under the quilt. He is busy during the day and following the living habits here, It gets sleepy at night.

Most of the time, it was Yang Fengrui who was talking, talking about trivial things in life, talking about what happened on both sides during the day, and Lin Xu responded.In the quiet night, only the sound of the wind is left, through the phone, it seems that you can feel the heat of the other party, as if you can touch the other party as long as you close your eyes.

After chatting for a while, the voice over there also lowered, and he called out tentatively, "Xiao Xu?"

"Huh?" Lin Xu shrank his shoulders, half-buried his cold face in the quilt, and felt drowsy against the warm source next to his ear.

"You're sleepy." There was a pause, "Xiao Xu, go to bed first."

He seemed to realize something, "No, no rush..." Lin Xu was about to say something, but there was already a slight laugh, "It's okay, Xiao Xu. I won't hang up the phone."

Lin Xu's eyelids could not be opened anymore, he seemed to be reassured in his drowsiness, his brows slowly relaxed, his right cheek was warmed, and he seemed to be unable to hear anything, but somehow... Lin Xu could feel the other person's breathing , separated by far, far away, there was a slight, warm breath gushing around his face.

"Hmm..." Lin Xu frowned while half asleep and half awake, then quickly let go, and fell asleep with a relaxed expression.

After a long time, there was a soft sigh on the other side of the phone: "Go to sleep, good night."

Display talk time: 21 minutes.Yang Fengrui wanted to laugh, and couldn't help but kissed the phone screen, "We only chatted for 5 minutes... so sleepy, go to bed early."

Every time we talked for a short time, the topic seemed dull, and many times it was quiet after a few words, but no one said a sentence like "Forget it and stop calling".

I want to call you very much, but I don't know what to say, but I still want to call you very much.Want to hear your voice, want to feel your breath, even a simple hello is good.

Lin Xu really liked the voice that came from the moment the phone was connected, "Xiao Xu", a simple and familiar tune that belonged to Yang Fengrui, and his floating heart was settled in an instant.I am used to the phone call before going to bed, I am used to falling asleep listening to the other party's voice, I am used to the faint breathing sound in my ear... As usual, when I am held in the arms of the other party, my breath falls on my forehead, and after a little struggle, I will Being hugged harder by the other party.

Sometimes he really thought it was real.

Yang Fengrui occasionally plays petty temper, likes to ask for a kiss before going to bed: "Kiss one, kiss one quickly. If you don't kiss, I won't let you sleep."

Lin Xu was so sleepy that he grabbed his phone and kissed twice, "Okay, I'm going to sleep." When he closed his eyes, he really fell asleep, and there was only the moaning over there, "Hey, hey, Xiaoxu, Xiaoxu ..."

On the second day, Yang Fengrui said righteously: "Xiao Xu, it's wrong for you to do this. Why do you always leave me and fall asleep? We should do something before going to bed."

Lin Xu wondered, "What can you do?"

"Let's play some games."

"..."

"Come on, meow and let the uncle hear."

"I'm going to bed first."

"Come on, come on, meow! I'll tell you how to play later."

"..." Lin Xu hesitated for a while, "Meow? Is that so?"

There was a loud voice, "Wow!"

Even through the mobile phone, Yang Fengrui always has a way to make Lin Xu dumbfounded. Sometimes he is teased so much that he wants to scratch him, but he stops with a smile, and his vision is gradually filled with darkness. By myself, no matter how much I laugh and miss, I can't let go.

Lin Xu would wrap the quilt tighter and tighter, and lied to Yang Fengrui that he was going to sleep, but the other side refused to hang up the phone stubbornly, Lin Xu gradually fell asleep in the dim light of the screen, and said indistinctly Good night and go to sleep.

On the other side, with a weak sigh, Yang Fengrui silently turned off the phone, hugged his quilt tightly, and listened to the intertwined voices of people chatting on the TV in the living room outside the door, as if he was gradually moving away from this world.His fingers tightened unconsciously.It was clearly my bed, an environment I was all too familiar with, but for a moment it felt a little strange, something was missing in my arms, what smell was missing in the air, even a piece of my vision was missing.

"Why the hell is this holiday so long."

Imagining Lin Xu's appearance, most of Lin Xu's hair is still wet before going to bed, even after wiping the ends of his hair, it is still slightly wet, and there will be a lingering wetness on his chin and cheeks, and the hair will be filled with each other. the taste of.

Yang Fengrui stretched out his hand and couldn't help touching it, but only touched the dry sheet, without the touch of the skin, without the eyes of the other party looking at him at night, and without the lips that he could hold with just bowing his head.

Lin Xu's neck at the back of his head is very sensitive, especially when he is passionate. When he was kissed so blindly, he gently caressed his neck with his fingers, and could feel the other party's sudden slight trembling like a kitten. Let out a moan almost like a whimper.As long as you let go of him at this time, he will subconsciously lean over, and at the same time, he will be trembling constantly from the tingling of his neck.From under the skirt of his clothes, he caressed the other's chest, every part was hot, until he touched the bump on the chest, Xiao Xu couldn't help but gritted his teeth and tried to swallow some sounds.

Touching Xiaoxu's body is addictive.I want to unbutton the chest, to bite the skin, I want to go too far, leaving my own marks all the way, sucking, licking and biting, feeling the people under me from patience to slight trembling to the last every bite Trembling and moaning, they were coaxed to open their mouths to kiss, and murmured their own names—this was his Xiao Xu.

"Xiaoxu...Xiaoxu..." When Yang Fengrui came back to his senses, he had already stretched his hands into his crotch and began to move quickly. His scalding hotness reminded him of what he was thinking all the time.

He wants Xiaoxu.

He wants Xiao Xu to be held in his arms at this moment, he wants to hear Xiao Xu blushing because of himself, he wants to hear Xiao Xu's uncontrollable moans...

I want to hug Xiaoxu's naked body, smell the breath around his neck, and bite every exposed place viciously, branding my mark from top to bottom.He had never been so crazy about wanting to do something to Xiao Xu, but at this moment a thought surged in his mind: do whatever he wants, he wants to do whatever he wants to Xiao Xu.

With a low hoarse whisper, his hands were sticky.Yang Fengrui gasped and collapsed on the bed, his eyes open in a daze.

Even Yang Fengrui himself didn't realize how deep his desire for Lin Xu had become.Like a snowball, it gets bigger and bigger, and when it's too late to stop, it's so deep that I unconsciously want to take it as my own, want to lock it by my side, and want to do whatever I want.

Then, New Year's Eve came.

"It's Chinese New Year." Yang Fengrui lay on his back on the sofa, listening to the sound of fireworks exploding in the distance outside the window, slowly climbed from the low altitude to the high altitude, and the gradually rising tone was like a trembling fishing line. The anticipation was pushed up little by little, until the moment the sound stopped abruptly, there was a bang, and the fireworks burst out brilliantly, lighting up the sky for a long time.Even amidst the noise, the occasional laughter from the crowd can be clearly heard.And on the third floor of the building, there were no lights on.In fact, the entire building was almost in darkness.

Just like the mother who had to leave three days ago to go to another home for the New Year, my aunt's family also caught the last train of the Spring Festival travel season and returned to their hometown.And this area is almost all rental buildings. At the end of the year, the buildings are empty, and it can't be more depressed.Sometimes Yang Fengrui goes out to take out the garbage, walks from the third floor to the first floor, crosses the street to the other side, and only occasional pedestrians pass by. He will stop for a long time in front of the garbage can, looking at the garbage he threw here the day before yesterday. stay.

He often felt that such a scene seemed similar.

He hasn't spoken to anyone for a long time, only the short phone calls in the middle of the night let him record the passing of the date, knowing that he still has expectations.

But tonight, on New Year's Eve, there is really no reason to talk.Now Xiaoxu is very busy.

Eating New Year’s Eve dinner, watching the Spring Festival Gala, the elders in the family are drinking and chatting, the old people squint their eyes and laugh aside, the children secretly count the money in the red envelope, and the fireworks outside the window... probably this is the scene.Xiaoxu said the day before yesterday that they still have the habit of watching the old age, and it's a ghost if they stick to it.Mingming falls asleep shortly after every phone call.

Just now, my mother called and told me a lot of things. After the noise came from the phone, she hung up the phone quickly.

The hour hand pointed to nine o'clock, and the minute hand was still turning slowly.

Yang Fengrui felt a little sleepy and hungry, so he got up and went to the kitchen, took out two packs of instant noodles from the cabinet, skillfully tore them open and threw them into a bowl.Every New Year's day is boring and unusual. It seems that everyone has another completely opposite self in their subconscious. Those who love to be lively can sit in silence for a whole day, and those who can't concentrate can suddenly crazily immerse themselves in something Things have gone crazy, and every year at this time, he will meet the most boring and boring self, who doesn't even bother to show an expression or say a word.

When hot water was poured on the noodles, the sauce melted and gave off a pungent aroma. The repeated almost numb smell made Yang Fengrui suddenly irritated and felt a little uncomfortable in his stomach.

"It's almost ten o'clock... No matter how long you eat, you'll finish it." Yang Fengrui murmured as he looked at the quilt stuffed under the lid.

Missing people will be poisoned, the abominable thing is that this is like going crazy in practice, the more you miss, the more likely you will be poisoned and die.

This night, like a carnival, ended a year like this.

Gradually approaching zero, the firecrackers in the countryside blared jubilantly, as if the deaf would be willing to be blown up, and there were bursts of noise one after another.

Lin Xu opened his eyes wide and saw everyone's huge smiles and mouths opening and closing, but everyone's voices disappeared, only the sound of firecrackers filled his mind.

Since a long time ago, Lin Xu has been used to wandering outside this kind of excitement, not talking, just sitting silently, listening to the waves of laughter passing by, changing topics one after another, even if he occasionally gets involved I lost myself, and was quickly taken over by the next topic.He was still praised for his cuteness, unlike those monkey children who couldn't even find him.

Only this year, he was fidgeting, he couldn't wait for the time to pass like this, there was a small voice ringing in his chest, urgently urging him to do something.

The sound of firecrackers became louder and louder, like gunpowder being detonated. In the chaos, when Lin Xu came back to his senses, he had already run outside the yard, and the sound of his heartbeat became very fast, just like the firecrackers exploded in his heart. Taking a deep breath, he lowered his head to look at the cell phone tightly held in his hand, and couldn't help grinning.

I said a few days ago that I would not be able to contact you tonight, and since dawn I have always understood that I will not be able to hear that voice today.

Lin Xu looked up at the sky, it was still bright and vast, it would be great if there was another person who could see it too.

No matter what, on the day of New Year's Eve, I also want to hear the other party's voice.

Lin Xu leaned against the wall outside the yard, curled up slowly with the heat, leaned against the phone and looked at the starry sky, and the familiar sound of music being connected sounded in the phone.He hummed a distorted tune, thinking of the sighs of the elders at the dinner table before, nothing more than "another year has passed" and "time is so fast", he was a little lost.

The sound of firecrackers gradually became quieter, while the voices of the elders in the house became clearer.The whole village is immersed in the joy of the New Year, as if it is tireless, and the noise is as endless as the tide.The mountains in the distance are rolling and undulating, forming a black shadow, and the stars are reflected in the sky, as if reflecting passers-by in a hurry in the world.

Lin Xu suddenly felt very dazed, this year really passed too fast.And the change between the two of them was too unexpected. The hand holding the phone loosened, and then slowly tightened.

A voice came from over there: "Xiao Xu."

As usual, the familiar voice, the familiar tune, seemed to have been waiting for a long time.

Lin Xu suddenly felt a little sore in his chest, "Ah Rui." Zhang Kai didn't know what to say, but at this moment, he suddenly felt relieved, he heard the sound of the ripples in his heart, as if being caught in the night sky. The branches fluttered, sparkling.

"Xiaoxu, Xiaoxu, Xiaoxu..." The other side suddenly shouted his name desperately like clockwork.

Lin Xu was stunned for a moment, and wanted to respond, but found that he couldn't get his mouth in the dense repetition.With the repeated pronunciation, my heart slowly felt an indescribable feeling. On this noisy New Year's Eve, at zero o'clock, there is someone calling your name over and over again.

The person over there seemed to be tired of shouting in one breath, and was taking a break to take a breath.

Only then did Lin Xu speak out, "You, did you take the wrong medicine?"

"No," the other side snorted, "I'm just too nervous to bear it anymore."

Lin Xu got stuck, and the heat coming out turned into a white mist, which could barely be seen in the dim light scattered from the phone screen, "So you're done venting?"

"It's still far away, Xiaoxu, Xiaoxu, Xiaoxu, Xiaoxu..." It must have just been copied and pasted.

Lin Xu felt that his throat was becoming more and more dry, and in the end it was so hot that it hurt a little, as if his body was imprisoned by ropes, and every syllable fell, it would become tighter.

There is a voice in my heart shouting: Ah Rui, Ah Rui, Ah Rui...

Slowly repeating the rhythm of the other party, over and over again.

As Yang Fengrui said, I held it in for too long.

Thinking of your name over and over again, my heart can't hold it anymore.

"Xiao Xu." After the dense shouting, he suddenly stopped and slowed down, "Ah?" Lin Xu responded reflexively, and then softly said, "Xiao Xu, what should I do? I forgot what it was like to hug you."

If I can touch you, I can hug you from behind, talk softly against your ears, look at your profile, kiss your eyelashes, and bite your cheeks...

Yang Fengrui was sitting on the balcony with two mouthfuls of instant noodles at his feet. Mottled figures and festive music could be seen not far away from the alley, but the excitement had nothing to do with him at the beginning and ended It has nothing to do with him either.Everything in front of him gradually blurred with the flickering lights, Yang Fengrui lowered his voice, and seemed to be talking to himself, "Hey Xiaoxu, come here and give me a hug, okay?"

The Chinese New Year is a meaningless holiday for him, and he can't find a stable place, but in a flash, he thinks of this scene: the living room light is on, the kitchen is still smelling, he is leaning on the Lin Xu watched TV, and when it got colder, he stuck him closer to hug Lin Xu.The young man's skeleton is still slender, and his side face still has a youthful and childish look, but his eyes are warm and moist, but there is an extra maturity beyond his peers, but this maturity is easy to be unloaded.

Lin Xu couldn't help shrinking his shoulders, his face was already flushed in the cold wind, his nose was so cold that he couldn't feel it, but at that moment just now, he had the illusion of being gently hugged by the other party.The body leaning over from behind, the waist was encircled, the cheeks were rubbed slightly by the other party, as if caressing a kitten, the warm breath flowed between the two of them - just thinking about it, Lin Xu felt a little Sleepy.

He tightened his body imperceptibly, and found that the surroundings were empty, and suddenly felt that it was extremely cold tonight, "Ah Rui, it's so cold here."

Yang Fengrui froze for a moment, looked up at the sky, and managed to see a dark sky in the gap between the buildings.

The scary thing about separation is not the distance, but the fact that I can't feel your warmth when I want to hug you, can't smell your breath when I want to kiss you, and my eyes are blank when I want to smile at you.

From the mobile phone, I could hear the sound of firecrackers from Xiaoxu's side, which was endless, and even this side was tinged with the excitement of that side.

When the firecrackers sounded, neither of them spoke, quietly waiting for the noise to pass.

Yang Fengrui also had a feeling of "Chinese New Year" in a trance, and realized for the first time that Chinese New Year has a special meaning.It's like a semester has passed, he and Lin Xu have grown up, and both of them have developed rapidly during their adolescence, and they are approaching the end of their youth at an alarming speed every year and every day.High school is like a chemical reaction in which a catalyst has been added, rapidly ripening everyone's growth.The childish heart that has been naive for more than ten years has undergone earth-shaking changes in these short three years, so that occasionally when I think of myself a year ago, I will feel strange, and I will never regain my original mood. .

The speed of growth was too fast, and it was too late to look back, thinking that I was getting stronger and more fully armed, but some things were left behind in the past years and could never be found.

Yang Fengrui felt his throat dry, and too many fragments flashed in his memory.It’s like as he grew up, he gradually stopped hating his parents so much, he also gradually learned not to fight each other, he learned to escape the world more quietly...he began to learn to deal with his classmates, and gradually realized the importance of the future.He is more and more able to understand the selfishness of human nature, more and more able to see many dark corners, and more and more cynical and dissatisfied.

After countless emotional conflicts and ideological changes, he couldn't even predict what he would become.And among all these changes, the most unexpected and sudden one for him is...

"Xiao Xu."

"Huh?" The sound of firecrackers over there was still harsh, and Lin Xu could barely hear a few pronunciations, "What did you say? I can't hear you."

Lin Xu was stunned by the weak syllables submerged in the sound of firecrackers.

"I like you."

The youthful and youthful heart of a young man becomes enthusiastic at the first beating, with an irreversible sweeping momentum moving forward, which has the potential to overthrow the entire youth.

It is more violent and unstoppable than ever before, the outburst after emotional catalysis, the first time I really understand the taste of liking, even if I read the other person's name, there will be sweetness in the mouth, and the eyes I can't help but follow the other party, I want to know every little detail of the other party, I hope the other party only sees me in my eyes, I hope the other party thinks about myself in my heart, because it is you, so I start to think about the future, start to go Care about things you didn't care about at all.The shyness, sweetness, panic, and willfulness from youth are all awakened, so groping forward so ignorantly but unable to let go.

The corners of Lin Xu's mouth curled up slowly. Under the sky, alone outside the yard, the smile on the corner of his mouth couldn't help but grow wider.

He suddenly understood what it felt like: he had never been so close to a person before, like countless bombs were buried around him, and his life had become unsightly since he met him.That is an existence that lives in another world that is completely different from myself, domineering, self-willed, and selfish, and is forced by him to walk forward to touch the things he has been avoiding. Later, skipping class, speaking out, lying for him...it is still the same until now, he took his hand and forcibly touched the wall, hard and thick, the name is: I like you.

He clenched his fingers tightly, not giving him any chance to escape, rough and simple and no tricks, like every time before.

"A Rui, can you hear it?" The laughter of the elders came from the house, and several houses in the distance also lit firecrackers, but the sound became far away.

"I can't hear clearly, the signal seems a bit bad..."

"Ah Rui, me too."

"Huh? Your signal is not good?"

……

"Ah Rui, happy new year. Congratulations on being one year older." Lin Xu moved his phone away a little bit, and looked at the words "calling" displayed on the screen, his eyes became softer.

I really want to grow up quickly.

——Xiao Xu, I like you.

--Me too.

On the other side, Yang Fengrui held the mobile phone that had been hung up and looked at the dark sky alone. After a long time, the corners of his mouth curled up slightly, and he said softly, "Happy New Year."

Next year's you, the next year's you, and the future you... I want to take every one of you firmly as my own.

If you grow up faster, you will be more able to maintain this liking.

What will the future look like?