Eat little by little

"Damn it, it's still raining in winter and it's killing people!" The slightly warmer weather fell into the cold again because of the sudden light rain.

Yang Fengrui got out of the bed with bare feet and stretched out his hand to close the window. The thin rain fell on the back of his hand, and the coolness passed by. For some reason, he suddenly lost interest and stared at the passing cars outside the window in a daze.

Probably because Lin Xu hadn't contacted him since he returned to his hometown the day before yesterday, and he should have arrived there earlier now, so I don't know what happened.Thinking of this, Yang Fengrui couldn't help feeling a little resentful: "Why don't you even have a mobile phone?" It seemed as if all the contact lines were cut off suddenly, and he lost all perception of the other party.

"I don't know if there is a problem with calling his mother's mobile phone?" Yang Fengrui grabbed his mobile phone and flipped through the address book, swiped it a few times, and froze, "There is no number either."

The rain is soft and weak, like a fine rain curtain, gently enveloping the city, but it disappears as soon as it touches it, and it can't even make a sound.

Yang Fengrui can't say what it feels like, but occasionally when he recovers from mobile games or playing, he feels a sudden emptiness in his heart. He wants to look around for something but can't find it. How long did it take to shut down and lie on the bed in a daze.

The arrival of his mother in the past few days has made him quite irritable, and all kinds of nagging have also come, "Don't stay up late", "How can you play games every day", "Occasionally do homework", "Do you want to go out with your mother? "...

"Xiaofeng, come out for dinner." There was a knock on the door, as if he wanted to turn the handle, but he was helpless because it was locked, "What kind of door is locked at home, come out quickly."

"I'm not hungry."

"Come out even if you're not hungry. It's good to have some soup. Be good, today is specially made sparerib soup. It's warming up."

Yang Fengrui wanted to yell out "don't care if I'm good or not", but the exhaustion of the past few days poured into his limbs and bones, and he didn't want to say a word.I don't know how long it's been since I quarreled with my family, even with my aunt, and even more so with my mother who I rarely meet.

From a long time ago, he learned to be silent after fierce quarrels. Slowly, he lost interest in refuting. Seeing that the other party's neck was flushed and almost about to hit someone, he looked at him calmly, as if filtering out all the voices, leaving only the reflection of the other party's figure in his pupils.

Silence will drive them more mad than an impulsive argument with them.All the coldest relationships are not anger, but ignorance.

At one time, everyone around him could not imagine what he would become. At a young age, he stayed out all night, had fights, and had puppy love troubles. The whole school knew about it. When he was in elementary school, he had to be sent to the next province to study because he was expelled from school.Compared with the classmates who get along day and night, these cold-faced family members seem to be more aware of the child's nature, which is extremely stubborn.

Fortunately, after coming here, he restrained himself a lot. Although the junior high school also made small noises and repeatedly notified the parents, compared to the past, all these things are just like dust in the air, which can be ignored.Even in high school, there were almost no announcements from the school, which made the family suspect for several weeks that the child would drop out of school quietly.

"Xiaofeng, if you really don't want to eat, come out when you are hungry. I will put the leftovers in the kitchen, remember to eat."

Yang Fengrui responded feebly. The continuous voices from his family members filled his life in the past few days. He had never dealt with such a situation before. There was no quarrel or accusation, but this voice just kept lingering.

He has never heard so many voices about his mother in such a short period of time. As time goes by, it becomes slightly thicker but still maintains the soft tone in his memory, as sweet and soft as "baby is good" when he was coaxing him when he was young. moving.He hated the feeling of being unable to struggle because of the jellybean sticking to his whole body, and he wanted to escape from this place weakly, but because he had longed for it for too long, he occasionally lost his mind.

When the things that he had given up and no longer expected appeared in front of his eyes, he didn't even have the strength to stretch out his hands.

He trusts no one, no one.

"Xiao Xu." Yang Fengrui raised the phone, facing the bright white light of the screen, and repeated two syllables in his mouth.

Missing is like turning into a sticky silk cocoon, every time I miss you, it will thicken a bit.I thought I never thought about you or didn't miss you that much, but when I came back to my senses, I was tightly wrapped in silk, unable to move, and I could no longer ignore it.It's really too much, even if I miss you secretly, have I been found out?

Why are you not here?

It was raining outside the house, and the coolness sneaked into the room, but the temperature seemed to drop a few degrees suddenly.

Since when, he has developed the habit of hugging people in his arms when he sleeps. There is warm body temperature under his palms, and he can rub the loose hair when he lowers his head.In my memory, Lin Xu also slept outside, but he could not escape the bad luck of being squeezed out of bed every night. At that time, Lin Xu got into the inner layer of the bed angrily, and pressed his arm into the depression under the shoulder: Let's see if you're still moving around tonight.At that time, I was stunned. I fell asleep alone since I was a child. Lin Xu took care of his younger brother and had experience in stopping the opponent from kicking people. He adjusted his sleeping position with some difficulty. The whole person seemed to be in his arms. Lin Xu was still quite dissatisfied. He complained: This bed is too small.

Yang Fengrui shook his head, moved his arms habitually, and found that there was no restraint. He wanted to laugh at himself, but his smile was faint.

From that moment on, he got used to the feeling of being full in his arms, warming his body no matter when and where.The body is so close to each other, a slight movement of the body will pull the opponent to move together, and the knee will rub against the skin of the opponent's thigh when the knee is slightly stretched forward. The rather thin skeleton, if hugged tightly, the body will be sore the next day .But the attachment to that person's temperature has grown exponentially. As soon as you stretch out your hand, you can't help but hug him into your arms and ravage him wantonly. You can easily hug him tightly with your arms through the other's armpit, and you can rub his head as soon as you lower your head. The forehead smelled the smell of the hair.

Lin Xu would occasionally complain: the sticking is too tight, making it hard to breathe.

He would often cover up the other person's remaining words viciously, press the boy tightly under the quilt and hug him tightly, squint his eyes in satisfaction, and argue: "No way, the bed is too small."

Baked by the warm temperature, Yang Fengrui even got rid of the bad habit of kicking the bed. When he woke up in the middle of the night, he would move the quilt over there and pull Xiao Xu who was far away from him. return.

The body gets used to each other one step earlier than the brain.

Can't think any more.

Yang Fengrui turned over on the bed, randomly clicked on the pages on the phone, and flipped through unknown information.

Has that fool come home?

Another page changed.weather forecast?How is the weather over there?Check it out.

What is he doing?are you asleep?

Sure enough, it's much colder than here, so you should wear a big down jacket when you go out.I haven't seen him wear it in school yet, it must be very swollen when worn, I don't know if it will be more comfortable to hold.

Why do I miss him again.

……

Yang Fengrui looked at the number on the phone where the last address book stayed: Xiaoxu's home. He wanted to press it, but he knew that he was not on the other side. It was so embarrassing. He didn't even know how to hear Xiaoxu's voice.

Yang Fengrui hates holidays, everyone fled to another world briefly from the holidays, but he was abandoned in place.No one is selfish, it just depends on how deep the seed is buried.Don't let that seed germinate, once it floods, every time is the purgatory of the heart.

Selfishness leads to dissatisfaction, complaints, jealousy, and attacks.

He had been dizzy in it for many years, armed himself thickly with armor and barriers, he thought he had protected himself well, but found that he had nothing but his fragile heart covered with layers of scabs , nothing was guarded.He has rejected this world for too long, looking out through the fortress to the first ray of sunlight, the first thing he grasped——

He is selfish, he is domineering, he is willful... Even if the above crimes are tripled, in order to catch the sunshine, he is willing to do it.

Xiao Xu, you will never know what kind of villain you have provoked.

At eleven o'clock in the evening, avoiding everyone, Yang Fengrui went to the kitchen and made rice with bone soup, squatting on the small balcony outside the kitchen and eating alone for a long time.He was wearing soft plastic slippers, his toes fell outside and was frozen by the cold. Even if he tried his best to look far away, he could not block the close-up buildings in this busy city, and he couldn't even avoid the scattered lights on the balcony on the opposite floor. Hangers and rain-drenched clothes hanging out.

Everyone in the room fell asleep, and finally fell into silence again.But it was noisy outside again, the car lights outside the building were flickering, and the small noise of the crowd fluctuated from time to time, just like the continuous drizzle, with no one knowing when it would end.

I used to like to isolate myself from the outside, just like this, no matter how noisy the house is, it is enough for him to come here.Everyone has their own emergency space to escape from the world.

But this space must be cold, frozen, and shielded. If you ever knew what warmth felt like, you would hate being alone now.

"I said I'd love to take you home."

it is true.

The self who escaped countless times in memory, the self who no longer longed to be missed, was found by the same guy again and again.That fool is always panting and complaining: How old are you, can you stop running around all the time!Next time you run to a place where I can find something, okay?

He would put on a thick coat for himself, lean against his side quietly, hug himself for warmth, and kiss himself tremblingly because of his own request...Let him be bewitched by the warmth beyond hope.

Xiao Xu, you really deserve it.

Originally, I just liked it a little bit, really just a little bit.

I just wanted to try it out.

"In the final analysis, you are the worst." Yang Fengrui wiped off the water mist on the screen of the phone with his hands, looking at the group photo of the third grade class dug out from some unknown document, and constantly zooming in on a corner , and then zoomed in—it was too blurry to see clearly, but the fingers couldn't help rubbing that small area, and the corners of the mouth couldn't help but pull up.

It looks so small, and its smile is so rigid, as if it has no expression.The little man was wearing a school uniform that seemed to be buttoned up all the way.It's really a habit I've always maintained—every time I see it, I can't help but unscrew the buttons one by one...

Hey, Xiao Xu, look, you're just going too far.

Because of squatting for too long, his legs started to go numb. Yang Fengrui chopped off his heels and shook his body. The phone suddenly vibrated, and the brightness of the screen suddenly increased. An unknown phone number was displayed on the page. "Damn," Yang Fengrui said Almost lost control, he hurriedly picked up the phone: "Who is it?"

The cleaned bowls and chopsticks were casually placed beside him, but they were also shaken by the bump at this time, and the chopsticks fell to the ground with a dull sound.

"It's so late, who the hell is it? Did you make the wrong call?" Yang Fengrui's legs were so numb that he had to stamp his heels a few more times, and his cold and stiff toes began to slowly regain consciousness. Numbness, the feeling slowly spread to the whole body along the ankle calf.

"Ah Rui." His voice was a bit hoarse, but still had the familiar slightly small roll sound when calling his name.

The night was as cold as water, and Yang Fengrui suddenly felt his head go blank. It felt like he had been waiting for a long time, and it seemed that he had never been able to predict it. Yang Fengrui tightened his fingers holding the phone, and his heart contracted slightly at that moment All of a sudden, my heart skipped a beat.

After a long time, he heard his own voice trying to be as calm as possible: "Xiao Xu?"

"Ah."

Just an echo is enough.

Yang Fengrui grinned with a huge smile like a fool, looking at the blurred adhesion of the drifting rain outside under the light and shadow, he suddenly felt that he had also found something to stick to.

Yang Fengrui wanted to talk a lot, ask a lot of questions, but his tongue seemed to be paralyzed, making it difficult to move.

"Where did you get the phone?"

"Mom, she put it outside to charge, so I stole it and used it."

The voice is very hoarse, and the tone is also depressed, as if just waking up.

Yang Fengrui frowned, "Are you sick?"

"One thing, I got off the car yesterday, and I slept until today after the injection." The words were a little unclear, and the syllables were intertwined with each other. In the end, it was a little soft and vague.

"Have a cold? You really don't stop all year round..." Yang Fengrui couldn't help but sighed, "I must have done something again, I have been tortured by your illness and gained experience. Then Are you okay?"

"Hmm." Maybe it was because of illness, her voice was always weak, and she didn't talk much, just answered.

"Then sleep well. I also know that a secret call is coming. It's not bad. You should rest first. This is the number. I will call you tomorrow." Hearing that the people over there have been in a bad state, Yang Fengrui even thought about it Anything can only be suppressed.If you can't meet him, if you are sick, what else can you do besides letting him go to bed early?

"Wait," the voice over there became a little anxious, "Don't hang up, say something more..."

Eh?

Yang Fengrui stood up and leaned against the edge of the balcony.The living room on the opposite balcony is bright, with unknown entertainment programs playing, it seems that the sound has been muted, only the TV screen but no sound.

The phone screen was a little hot, and Yang Fengrui asked in a low voice, "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

It's very strange, obviously miss so much, have so many things to say, but when it's really here, I don't know what to do.

"Xiao Xu, let me ask you." Yang Fengrui paused, his eyes fell on the soles of his feet, and the corners of his mouth were slightly pursed, as if he was thinking about something, "Why did you call?"

Psychologically, I was vaguely looking forward to a certain answer, wanting willfully and eagerly to hear what the other party said.

After 24 o'clock in the early morning, even the sound of wheels sliding through puddles on the road gradually disappeared.

I heard your voice.

Yang Fengrui always remembers that night, the faint, hoarse but gentle voice from the mobile phone rang softly in his ears: "While sleeping," like wind chimes jingling in the rain and fog, "Want to hear..." Want to hear your voice.

Even in the drowsy sleep, when you have a splitting headache and feel uncomfortable, there is always a figure that can't be opened in your mind, wanting to be covered with warm hands, wanting to lean against the embrace you found, wanting to close your eyes and feel To breathe...

He vaguely found the charging mobile phone outside the room, feeling uneasy like a thief. In the early hours of the morning, he clutched the mobile phone for a long time, and silently recited the number over and over again.

Want to hear your voice.

Confession-like words came through the slight vibration of the mobile phone. Even though it was far away, he could still feel the heat in Lin Xu's breath when he was talking in a daze with illness.

Yang Fengrui was sticking to the phone, his mouth was sour, as if his whole body was soaked in salt soda water, and gradually became weak, and leaning against the balcony, Yang Fengrui slowly squatted down, looked up at the top of the balcony, slightly absent-minded, lightly Muttered: "Xiao Xu, come back quickly."

How desperately he wanted to hug that fool.

Over there Lin Xu seemed to be smiling, and then hummed softly, "Ah Rui, I have a headache." Lin Xu nestled under the quilt to avoid the cold outside, but he felt uncomfortably suffocated.

"You... idiot!" Yang Fengrui wanted to knock on this person's forehead in a blink of an eye, and he would spoil himself in every way as soon as he went out. This kind of person deserves a beating. "Damn it, see if I will let you go back next time, I will kidnap you..." In the end, Yang Fengrui couldn't say anything, he couldn't keep Lin Xu by his side, he couldn't now, Not in the future.

but……

I'm not by your side, how can you get sick so easily?

He couldn't feel the temperature of that fool's forehead with his hands, nor could he cover his eyes while kissing his face to make him sleep, nor could he put his hands in his arms to keep warm quietly, nor could he put his hands in his ear. Talking softly about what happened these days... He can't do anything.

Lin Xu closed his sleepy eyes and said with a light smile, "Don't be angry."

"Stop talking, go to sleep, I'm so sleepy."

"Let's talk for a while."

Obviously, the voice was full of sleepiness, and he couldn't even speak clearly.Yang Fengrui clenched his hands, feeling his throat was dry and hoarse, "...um."

"What are we talking about?" Yang Fengrui lowered his voice and stared sourly.

Lin Xu wanted to talk about other things, but his headache was so severe that he almost couldn't concentrate, "Say whatever you want."

Yang Fengrui smiled helplessly, "Come to think about it, when was the first time I hugged you?"

Lin Xu just wanted to hear Yang Fengrui's voice, that's enough, but he couldn't help but think about it, and he replied dully for a long time, "The fan broke down in summer in the third day of junior high..."

Yang Fengrui was taken aback, he didn't really want an answer, he didn't even care about it.Summer in the third year of junior high school?Yang Fengrui frowned.

It was the midsummer season of the third year of junior high school, and the only fan in the dormitory had passed away, leaving only eight shirtless and sweaty boys crying and howling.After staying up for a few days, people in the dormitory moved to other dormitories to seize positions, leaving Yang Fengrui and Lin Xu alone.

Lin Xu brought a mat from home, and it was fine to make a bed on the floor every night, but Yang Fengrui had no one to take him in.The relationship between the two was still good at that time, and they slept together for a few nights, and in the middle of the night, the two often got lost.Yang Fengrui was particularly surly. He often woke up early in the morning and went to the other side of the room, and often swept away Lin Xu's quilt and pillow. Later, the two often woke up at the other side of the room together, with strange postures and various Refresh scale.It was also during that time that Lin Xu, who was unwilling to have physical contact with others, gradually got used to being held down by another person, holding his breath and waking up with heat all over his body.

Lin Xu doesn't like to get too close to people, and it's acceptable to hang shoulders and backs, but when he fights and laughs, his body becomes stiff, and everyone will restrain himself a little over time.Yang Fengrui, on the other hand, did the opposite. After mixing with Lin Xu, he practiced his kung fu to the extreme. The more Lin Xu hated contact, the more he loved to cling to Lin Xu and tease him.

Lin Xu should really hate him.But at that time, he was a stickler. When he met such a guy for the first time, he would rather trouble himself than embarrass others, so he couldn't help but refresh the opponent's bottom line, just to see where the other party's bottom line was.

Obviously I hated such a person at first, but unconsciously...

Xiaoxu, do you know?You are addictive.

Yang Fengrui suddenly remembered that on one of the summer nights, the conflict between him and Lin Xu broke out completely.

That night, he still made trouble with Lin Xu very much.Lin Xu, who helped the teacher sort out the test papers, was torn off and pressed under him, from poking his arms and shoulders, to pinching his face and waist, all kinds of bullying.He can always make the opponent bark his teeth and claws in anger.

The weather is very hot, and you will sweat when you move a little bit. There is a scorching breath between your mouth and mouth, and the joint between your skin and skin seems to be on fire. He looked down at Lin Xu's angry eyes, which reflected the light of the desk lamp, and looked radiant. .But the young man was panting because of exhausting too much energy, and his face turned red.

He pressed Lin Xu's hands to his sides, but teased and said, "Little boy, look at your small arms and legs, you still want to fight with me."

Until that night, he hated Lin Xu's hypocrisy and sophistication.But because of Lin Xu's stubborn eyes, he felt inexplicably distressed.This one will only be an idiot doing things for others.

Half of the boy's clothes were pulled back, and the belt was also torn loose. The exposed skin stretched from the lower abdomen to the chest, and was rendered a layer of pearly white under the light.

He knew that Lin Xu was sweating, and he was sweating too.

Through the thin school uniform pants, the thighs of both sides are tightly pressed together, and the hot air climbs to the whole body.

From his forehead to his chest, there was a layer of dampness, and his whole body was swollen from the heat. He said hoarsely, "Lin Xu, admit your mistake."

"You idiot!" The body temperature of both of them was too high, and Lin Xu's whole body seemed to be under the fire, and a slight struggle would usher in a raging fire.

"It was agreed before that the lights must be turned off at twelve o'clock." Yang Fengrui slowly leaned down, facing Lin Xu's face, as if he would touch the bridge of the nose if he got closer, and the heat flowing between his breaths had already infected him. two people's faces.

"Damn, this is the teacher's business, I can't..." The other party's panicked eyes came into view.

"Sleep." He lowered his body, leaned on the other person's body, pressed against the boy's earlobe, and said word by word in a hoarse voice: "Sleep."

……

The icy wind blows towards Yang Fengrui, he suddenly came back to his senses holding the mobile phone, and was in a daze for a long time before softly saying, "I didn't expect you to remember it all the time."

There has been no sound for a long time, and it seems to be really asleep.

Lin Xu opened his eyes, a little sober, and then realized what he was saying just now, and his eyes widened again.

remember what?

It was the first time anyone had gotten so close to him.The bastard clung to him, unable to move, his whole body was hot, as if he had been branded by burning iron.He has never felt the body temperature of another person so clearly. When the skin touches, it is pressed tightly, and the breathing flow is full of the smell of the other person. The sweat is sticky against the two, but the stickiness adds to the heat. Lin Xu doesn't even I remember how I fell asleep at that time, as if my brain was blown out, he was in a daze that night.

His world was forcibly opened, and all the defenses were broken in the simplest way.

Lin Xu stuck his head out of the quilt in frustration, breathing in the fresh air.

On the other side thousands of miles away, the rain outside the balcony was getting stronger, and the sound of water was clear.

Amidst the sound of the rain, Yang Fengrui, who was sitting on the side of the balcony, got wet on his upper body, but the protagonist was still unwilling to stand up and go back.

The memory of that time is like quicksand, like the most inconspicuous shell on the beach, easily ignored.That night was quickly passed by the two of them, like an ordinary slapstick.Yang Fengrui was in a daze. He thought he had forgotten, but at this moment, he could clearly recall the slightly hard and even painful feeling of pressing against Lin Xu's body when he pressed Lin Xu under him. body temperature.

Just like at this moment, his body is also hot.

There was a moment when both you and I were moved.It's just that you and I don't know.