want to die in winter [be]

I woke up in the hospital for the first time, and the hospital bed was softer than I had ever been in my life.

Also because of this, I feel that the smell of disinfectant in the air is much better.

I tilted my head and saw Lu Changfeng lying beside me.

Lu Changfeng and I have lived in the same place since we were young. At that time, the houses were next to each other, and they were all small bungalows.

Because my home is close and the school is the same, I don't go back to my own home every time after school, but go to Lu Changfeng's home with them to do my homework.

At that time, it should have been 10 years, and the economy was not very developed. Lu Changfeng's small house full of glass windows and a small garden became the most beautiful house in our area.

Later, when we went to junior high school together, I realized that there is a gap between rich and poor.

It's like Lu Changfeng wanted the latest game console, and when he called out, countless people at home bought him limited edition yo-yos, and when I bought a five-dollar yo-yo with lucky money during the Chinese New Year, my mother would scold me and make me cry. I went to the commissary to return it.

Later, we were divided into different schools in high school.

I probably inherited my father's disgusting genes, and even copied his clumsiness and cowardice exactly.

I have always hated myself like this, and I also know that if Lu Changfeng was not willing to stay with me, who would want to play with a person who picks up garbage at home?

So when I was in the worst school in high school, I thought that Lu Changfeng probably wouldn't have anything to do with me.

There was no phone at the time, and I couldn't text him.

I also feel that I shouldn't pester him like this.

But I didn't expect that he said that there is one way to go home anyway, and he will go back with me every time after class, right?

I was ecstatic, the feeling of not being left behind is not something ordinary people can experience.

I cried on the spot, and for the first time I felt that I wasn't that annoying.

Later, in the second year of high school, I found out that I liked him and started my eight-year secret love.

In the third year of high school, he moved and went to the city center, a place that didn't suit me at all.

After graduating from high school, I heard that he went abroad to study.

Three months later, I found out that he had returned a letter to me before he left, but the mailbox was in disrepair, and there was water in it, so I couldn't read a single word.

The only inscription is the word Lu Changfeng.

The boy I love is like the wind, and now he has gone far away.

In that year, my two years of hard work paid off. I was admitted to a local 211 school. I finally believed that as long as I worked hard, there was nothing I couldn’t do.

Then God gave me a big blow.

There was a debt collector at home. My mother ran away because of my father, and was beaten to death by the debt collector. The police said they would definitely help me get justice, but there is no news until now.

My dad took everything of value from the house, leaving the house impoverished and looted.

I didn't have the money to pay the huge tuition fees for me, so I didn't report.

I have no friends and no home.

Thinking of Lu Changfeng in my heart, I saved some money by myself and took the train to the city center to start working hard.

But what can I do without studies, stupid mind, and not good at intersections?

Distributing leaflets as a punching bag, construction site electronics factory, I have done any job that can make money.

Later, the two jobs of the bar and the restaurant were settled.

I am mainly responsible for the logistics of the bar, but the salary is not stable. When it is good, it is three or four thousand, and when it is bad, it may not be a thousand.

In the restaurant, I serve and deliver food to people, and it is fixed at [-] a month.

Those two jobs made me who I am today.

I leave early and return late every day, live in a dilapidated house shared with others, and live a life without hope day by day.

This is me.

In the long seven years, I never thought that Lu Changfeng would come back.

Sometimes I even hope that he will not come back, I don't want him to see me like this.

"Are you awake? Are you hungry? I ordered takeaway, and the doctor said that you need to recuperate for a few days for the injury on your forehead, and the bruise on your stomach... How did you suffer such a serious injury?" Lu Changfeng said The voice was actually a little strange at this moment. When I looked at him, I felt that it was no longer him.

Wearing a suit and leather shoes, with a full profile profile, this mature and good-looking person who has lost his youthfulness is really the one I like.

I slowly covered the smell of my heart with the palm of my hand, felt the fresh, violent, raging heart, and realized that the man in front of me was the person of my dreams.

"I..." My lips were dry and my throat was so painful as if it was cracked, I didn't even say a word.

Lu Changfeng pursed his lips, opened the insulated box on the side, and filled a bowl of hot pumpkin porridge for me.

"Drink."

He fed it to my mouth, and I enjoyed his service, my mind blank.

My voice is still hoarse, but I want to talk to him: "Have you returned to China?"

Lu Changfeng smiled lightly: "Yes, I just returned to China this morning. A friend invited me to come to the bar to play. Before I went in, I saw you squatting on the ground. Why are you in the bar? Do you work in the bar?"

He probably saw what I was wearing, which was bar work clothes.

I nodded and stared at him tentatively.

His expression was completely devoid of the contempt and disdain I imagined, he just nodded slightly to show he understood.

"I'll help you ask for leave. You will stay in the hospital for a few days."

His voice was so gentle, I nodded again.

"Are you going?"

I saw him stand up, probably about to leave.

I suddenly thought, if I hadn't been injured, he probably wouldn't have treated me like this. Maybe we just looked at each other and smiled, and asked each other why you are here, and we might not have any intersection at all.

I didn't deserve to be friends with him before, and even more so now.

As for the watch on his wrist, I saw Li Chi wearing a similar one.

I heard him say that he bought a similar watch and that the real watch is out of stock and costs tens of millions.

Lu Changfeng's model is estimated to be worth tens of millions.

Lu Changfeng raised his eyebrows and pointed to the water bottle on it: "It's gone, didn't you see it? I'll call and change it for you."

I took a look and watched the liquid pour into my body drop by drop.

God, how much does it cost?

I still don't want to owe money to anyone in my heart, let alone the person I like in front of me.

I have no self-esteem, but I want to maintain a little self-esteem in front of him.

The doctor changed the medicine bottle for me, and Lu Changfeng continued to sit aside and stare at me.

"How did you get yourself like this?"

"Who did it? A customer at the bar?"

I hesitated and nodded.

"I didn't do my job well. I'm sorry to trouble you. Send me to the hospital as soon as I come back."

Lu Changfeng smiled lightly: "It's okay, I just came back and I'm not busy with work, so it's just that we caught up with each other. Speaking of which, it's been seven years since we graduated from the third year of high school? We haven't seen each other for so long."

I nodded and pulled out a slight arc, but I didn't know it was so ugly: "You have been abroad for a long time."

Lu Changfeng sighed: "It's not very good abroad, and I'm not used to eating. I miss the Mala Tang in our school for a long time."

I really don't know what to say.

I am so stupid, I have scolded myself for being stupid countless times in my heart.

Why are you so restrained in front of the person you like.

"You..." My mind was spinning rapidly: "Are you still going abroad?"

While peeling the oranges, Lu Changfeng replied, "I won't return. I have taken over my dad's company, and he is planning to retire. Let's develop in Jingning."

I nodded, and I wanted to ask something, but the orange handed over blocked my lips.

"Your hand hurt too, so I'll feed you."

I subconsciously opened my lips, and bit the orange in one bite. The tip of my tongue was lowered to the orange, and I even licked his warm fingertips.

He should have felt the temperature of my tongue, and quickly pulled it away.

My teeth rub against his fingers too.

I think too much.

He's completely unaware that there's anything wrong with it, and also, straight guys never think it's ambiguous to do something to their friends.

After all, they will punch more than anyone else.

I'm hard.

I had no resistance to his name and face at all, just that finger made my lower body tighten, and I couldn't control it at all.

"Do you work at Mo Bar? Have you been there all these years? I remember that you studied well in your third year of high school. Where did you go to university?"

"I didn't go to college." I lowered my head in embarrassment, not only because of the reaction, but also because of the inferiority complex that I didn't even go to college: "Something happened at home, so I didn't go to college, I just came out to find a job .”

Looking for a job is too noble a word. In fact, I want to say that I want to work because I am afraid that he will look down on me.

Lu Changfeng nodded: "I remember that you did well in high school."

Immediately afterwards, he frowned and looked at my forehead: "Don't go to the bar. I just asked. The monthly salary in that bar is only more than 6000, which is too little. I'll find you a job? Not busy, The salary is better than you are now."

Six thousand?

what.

This is simply unthinkable salary for me.

But he said it was not much.

I know that I am sensitive, because of my education background, I am sensitive like a piece of broken and fragile glass, and I can't control it.

"No need." I refused, "I'm used to staying there, thank you."

Lu Changfeng laughed: "What's there to thank you for? Although we haven't seen each other for a long time, don't you be unfamiliar with me? Anyway, I will be in Jingning in the future, so I can contact you when I have time. By the way, let's exchange phone numbers? My phone number is We chat number."

rusty?

not unfamiliar.

I'm fucking reacting and still rusty?

We exchanged cell phone numbers, and he answered the phone and went out.

He was standing at the door. The door was not closed tightly. I could hear a few words and guessed some topics.

When he came in, I joked, "Girlfriend? Or your wife?"

Lu Changfeng saw my teasing and shook his head: "No, it's...a blind date."

"Really?" I smiled wryly, "Then bless you first?"

Lu Changfeng waved his hands hastily: "Don't, I... don't like it very much, my mother insisted on letting me go."

"Don't like it? Why?"

"I just don't like it, why else?"

"Then how did you fall in love with your ex-girlfriend before?"

Lu Changfeng laughed and shook his shoulders: "I don't have any ex-girlfriends? I'm busy with school and work, so I don't have time to fall in love."

I climbed higher.