saturation concentration

At first, Ji Ling thought Sui Cannong was talking drunk.

Because the content of what he just said can be said to be extremely absurd and illogical.Some "I know life is hard for you" and some "Why don't you want to live anymore".If Sui Cannong hadn't called out his own name clearly, then Ji Ling really thought he was talking about someone else.

Ji Ling didn't expect that Sui Cannong also had this kind of physique that would talk a lot of nonsense like a child after drunk.

Ji Ling thought it was a little strange, but he didn't think much about it at first, he just coaxed patiently: "Stop making trouble, just lie down and sleep first, then talk about it when you get up..."

But when Ji Ling raised his eyes and saw the expression on Sui Cannong's face, he felt that something was wrong.

—— Sui Cannong's expression did not seem to be joking, there was no smile on his face, on the contrary, Sui Cannong was staring straight at his face, he looked anxious and sad.

He heard Sui Cannong say: "I didn't make trouble."

Ji Ling blinked, he looked at Sui Cannong's face, the smile on his face gradually faded.

Ji Ling knew exactly what the expressions on Sui Cannong's face meant.He knew what Sui Cannong looked like when he was joking, and what he looked like when he was talking about something seriously.

Drunk people basically only speak two kinds of words, the truth and nonsense.So belatedly, Ji Ling realized that what Sui Cannong said just now was probably not a joke, but what he really thought in his heart.

It was as if he... said something that had been hidden in his heart for a long time.

Ji Ling recalled the illogical, even outrageous words that Sui Cannong said just now, and he was very confused and at a loss.

Ji Ling opened his mouth slightly, and said, "I didn't..."

Sui Cannong was quiet for a while, and then Ji Ling heard him speak quickly and asked back: "Don't you?"

It is rare for Sui Cannong to speak to Ji Ling in such a sharp and aggressive tone.

Ji Ling looked at his face in astonishment, and after a while he saw that Sui Cannong seemed to look away in frustration, and his chest heaved slightly.

Sui Cannong didn't look into Ji Ling's eyes again, he seemed a little wilted.

Then Ji Ling heard Sui Cannong say: "Ji Ling, do you know... how worried I have been about you all this time?"

Ji Ling's mind started to become very confused, he couldn't understand what Sui Cannong was saying at all.

Ji Ling felt absurd and at a loss, looked at Sui Cannong's face with wide eyes, shook his head after a while, and said with some difficulty: "You may have made a mistake, I didn't—"

"In the past few months, before going to bed every day, I have been thinking about what you said over and over again in my mind." Sui Cannong interrupted him, "I won't need any ore in the future, what kind of hot pot to eat This time is enough, there will be no chance in the future..."

Ji Ling looked blankly at Sui Cannong's face.

Alcohol obviously slows down people's reactions, but Sui Cannong seems to have gradually moved to the other extreme.

Sui Cannong was lying on the bed, he was looking straight at the ceiling, memories flooded in like a flood, and his speech speed couldn't help but become faster and faster.

He seemed to have gradually forgotten that he was actually talking to another person.

The anxiety these days has been piled up in the chest, and finally got an outlet to vent, so Sui Cannong's words became more like speaking for himself.

"Do you still remember the side we met in the coffee shop? After I went out, I saw you standing by the bridge, and then leaning most of your body out of the bridge..." Sui Cannong murmured, "And then the laboratory That time when the beaker exploded, I saw you smiling secretly at the wound on your wrist again..."

"You gave me the ore, and then you told me that you might not need it anymore." He said, "Later, you suddenly entrusted me with the rose you had raised for so long, saying that you suddenly didn't want to I have raised it, so I need to find a new owner for it.”

Sui Cannong gave a sullen smile and said, "Do you really think I will believe it?"

Sui Cannong was a little emotional, he closed his eyes, and paused with some difficulty.

"I was... really just guessing." Sui Cannong said to himself, "But until that environmental protection day, when you were drunk, you told me that there was something you always wanted to do. You don't have the courage to do it, but you don't want to wait any longer..."

"I haven't had a good night's sleep since that day," he said.

"A real person." Sui Cannong's voice was very soft, and he spoke intermittently, "So young and so outstanding, I really don't know... I don't know what I should do."

"I can't think of any other reasonable reasons at all to explain your actions." Sui Cannong murmured, "Otherwise, why would a person always say such things, not make any plans for his future, Do you always want to hurt yourself? Even though you can’t swim, you still want to swim, and you even secretly entered the deep water alone. On Halloween, you still told me...that you think it’s good to be a ghost... "

Sui Cannong didn't see the expression on Ji Ling's face, he just continued talking on his own.

"At the beginning... I thought it was really simple. I thought that as long as there is someone who can accompany you and lead you to do some optimistic and positive things, you may... maybe you will get better." Sui Cannong He showed a smile uglier than crying, and said, "But it's useless... It's useless to send you those positive videos, and it's useless to take you to the movies to grow mushrooms. It doesn't seem to work."

He said, "But I... really want to help you."

"Later you said that you really want to fall in love, you want to find someone... who can let you open your heart." Sui Cannong slowed down for a while, and then said slowly, "I thought this would be a good one. Opportunity."

When hearing what Sui Cannong said earlier, Ji Ling's expression was always blank and blank.When he heard this, his body froze for a moment.

Ji Ling fixedly looked at Sui Cannong's face.

"...But even though I'm already with you, we're so close now, I still can't seem to get into your heart." He said sadly.

"It doesn't really matter if you don't want to tell me what's on your mind, because as long as you get better, it's enough." Sui Cannong's voice was so small that it seemed to be raving, "But then I found out...you Start clocking in on the plan you set up."

"You're still planning...planning to take that step." He said, "It turned out that it didn't work all the time."

Sui Cannong was so sleepy that he couldn't keep his eyes open. He remained silent for a long time, and then said vaguely: "No matter what I do, it's actually useless at all..."

Time seemed to stand still at this moment, Sui Cannong didn't speak any more, and the air in the room suddenly became very quiet.

Ji Ling stared blankly at Sui Cannong's profile.

He felt as if he didn't understand anything, and his chest was tight. He could breathe, but he seemed a little out of breath.

All the unreasonable little details that Ji Ling had ignored once came to mind again.They rearranged and combined, and then stitched together into an extremely absurd truth that Ji Ling had never thought of.

If you think about this truth, all the doubts and unreasonable points before seem to suddenly become clear.

This is actually a very funny, very absurd misunderstanding.

But at the moment when everything was understood, Ji Ling felt as if her heart had been immersed in deep, icy water.

Ji Ling sat up slowly, and then he softly called Sui Cannong's name.

Sui Cannong had fallen into a half-dream and half-awake state, he snorted vaguely, as if responding, but his voice was so small that he could hardly hear it.

After a long time, Ji Ling asked in a low voice: "...Why did you fall in love with me?"

Sui Cannong didn't give any more answers, his breathing became very quiet.

So Ji Ling hugged her knees and sat on the bed for a long time.

Ji Ling got out of bed and covered Sui Cannong with the quilt.

Then he turned and walked slowly out of the house.

Sui Cannong had a very scary dream.

A dream that was so real that he couldn't tell the difference between dreams and reality: he dreamed that he finally had a headache, and he mustered up the courage to ask Ji Ling loudly why he kept committing suicide.

Later, the field of vision became dark and chaotic again, and Sui Cannong seemed to see Ji Ling standing in the darkness, with his back turned to him.

Ji Ling finally turned around.

He didn't give any answer, and there was no expression on his face, but his eyes were very cold, as if he was looking at a stranger.

Then Sui Cannong woke up.

What a nightmare it was.Sui Cannong's scalp felt a little numb, because the words he questioned in his dream... were too real.

It is difficult for Sui Cannong to describe his current feelings. If he had to say it, it would probably be the feeling of eating a large basket of poisonous fungi.

——The ceiling is distorted in his eyes, red, green and green flocs are floating in front of his eyes, and his head is very dizzy. Sui Cannong knows that this is the feeling of waking up after drinking the broken pieces.

Sui Cannong closed his eyes and slowed down for a while. When he opened his eyes again, he felt that he had recovered a bit, so he turned on his phone to check the time.

The time was ten o'clock in the morning, and then Sui Cannong realized that there was nothing around him.

Sui Cannong let out a breath.He walked out of the bedroom and found Ji Ling sitting on the sofa reading a book.

Ji Ling was only wearing a thin pajamas, and he lowered his head, revealing his thin back neck.Hearing the movement, Ji Ling raised his eyes.

He looked at Sui Cannong, and said after a while, "You're awake."

Ji Ling held a book in his hand, his expression was normal, Sui Cannong was taken aback for a moment, and then breathed a sigh of relief.Because the dream just now was so real that it was a little scary.

However, when Sui Cannong got closer, he found that Ji Ling's eye circles and eye ends seemed to be a little red.

Sui Cannong paused, and asked hesitantly, "What happened to your eyes?"

Ji Ling was stunned for a moment, and Sui Cannong saw that he slightly staggered his gaze.

"I got home too late yesterday." Ji Ling said, "My physique is like this. I have irregular work and rest, or it happens when I go to bed late."

Ji Ling answered quickly, his logic was clear, without any pause in the sentence, as fluent as if he had memorized the answer.

But precisely because the answer he gave was so perfect, Sui Cannong felt that something was wrong.

Sui Cannong nodded hesitantly.

Sui Cannong's stomach and mind are in a state of being overwhelmed, and after he washes up, he still feels that everything is not strong in his body.

The feeling of fragmentation was very bad, his mind was as chaotic as a bowl of thick porridge, and his memory also became chaotic, but Sui Cannong chose to believe in his own wine.And he felt that he had Ji Ling with him last night, so he shouldn't do anything too embarrassing.

"How did we... get back yesterday?" Sui Cannong sat down beside Ji Ling, only feeling a splitting headache, "I paid the bill, right? Oh yes, didn't I take those gifts..."

Sui Cannong first saw Ji Ling turn a page of the book.

Then he heard Ji Ling say quietly: "I took you back by taxi, and the bill has been settled."

"The presents are also placed on the dining table. I rolled up the pennant for you," Ji Ling said, "and put it on the small cabinet next to the bookshelf. You can take a look."

Sui Cannong let out a long sigh of relief, he felt as if he could trust Ji Ling forever, because he has always been too reliable in his work.

Ji Ling beside him was silent and did not speak, but when Sui Cannong raised his head, he found that he was not reading a book, but was staring at his own face.

Ji Ling stared at Sui Cannong silently, and after meeting his gaze, he staggered his gaze somewhat abruptly, and put it back on the book in his hand.

Sui Cannong suddenly felt that something was wrong.

He asked: "What's wrong with you?"

Ji Ling's eyelashes trembled, but he didn't speak.

Sui Cannong was more certain about his thoughts, he stared at the corners of Ji Ling's reddish eyes for a while, and asked keenly, "What's the matter?"

Ji Ling's body froze for a moment, and Sui Cannong saw him slowly closing the book.

After a while, Sui Cannong heard him say, "I'm sorry."

"...I promised before that I would give you a gift." Ji Ling raised his eyes, looked at Sui Cannong, and said, "But now there is something wrong with the birthday present I prepared for you."

"Give me some more time, and I'll make it up for you slowly, okay?" he asked.

Sui Cannong was taken aback for a moment.

Although Sui Cannong had been secretly looking forward to Ji Ling's gift for a long time, and it was a pity that he didn't receive much, but Sui Cannong felt that he could understand it.

After all, the gift may be damaged due to transportation problems, and these are some unpredictable force majeure.

Sui Cannong actually cared more about Ji Ling's feelings, because with Ji Ling's personality, if something like this happened, he would secretly blame himself for a long time.

"Oh, it's all right, don't worry about it." Sui Cannong laughed, "I've said it before, gifts are just a formality, they really aren't that important."

"Companionship is actually the best birthday gift." Afraid that he would feel burdened, Sui Cannong added, "The most important thing is the heart, a happy birthday is really enough."

Looking at Sui Cannong's face, Ji Ling hummed for a while, then silently shifted his gaze away, and put it back on the cover of the book in his hand.

Sui Cannong saw Ji Ling stroke the sharp corner of the book with his index finger.

Then he heard Ji Ling say softly: "...Happy birthday."