typhoon transit

When misfortune strikes, I think I will first question, and then empty my mind, for a long, long time, not to accept certain facts.

This year's journalism major's score line is unreasonably high, and I didn't fill in the volunteers that should have been safe.It was Dad who saw the admission letter first, I think it's okay, because if I saw it first, I wouldn't know how to tell him.

He is now sitting in front of the TV without saying a word, and the news of the distant war is playing on the TV. off.My father, he seemed to be very interested, and watched the repeated news over and over again tirelessly. I thought I shouldn't bother him.

For a long time I could not stop trembling at the thought of my going far north.But this is beneficial to my father, I went to the major he wanted me to study, administrative management, so at the dinner table that day, he comforted me in a rare way, and said that it is not a bad idea to go to a farther place to see Not a good thing.

I watched the leaves fall outside the window. I don't know if it's the wind or some other reason. I feel like autumn has come early.This world is full of yellow.Perhaps because of the setting sun, the buildings, streets, scattered debris, everything was yellow, I even rubbed my eyes, it was hard to believe what I saw.

I have seen countless sunsets through this small window in my room, but I have never seen it like this.I was suddenly full of nostalgia for this small town. How much I wanted to escape from here, but when I really wanted to go far away and take a twelve-hour train to Harbin, I felt that this humid and hot southern town The town is really the most beautiful place in the world.At the sunset of that day, I felt that maybe to get something, I must pay a certain price, but I was empty-handed, and I didn't know what God gave me.

I pulled out the drawer, and in a notebook on the inner layer, there was half a cigarette that Chang Qiao smoked that I brought back from the beach that day.I took a match and lit it by accident.I thought it might have been damp, and the dim fire seemed to be dying, and it quickly went out.I threw it out the window and it disappeared among the leaves.I suddenly remembered a sentence I read before, the bigger we grow, the deeper we fall.

When my brother knocked on the door and came in, he could smell the lingering smoke in the room.But he didn't question me, just sat next to me on the edge of the bed, took out a cigarette case from his pocket, and lit one for himself.

He asked me, "Do you want it?"

I reached out to reach for it, but he took the cigarette case away.

"Little sister, don't smoke, you are different from me."

I looked at him, his tone was very calm.He exhaled smoke and stared at the white wall for a long time before saying, "You've always been a good student, and I'm kind of jealous of you, really. You'll be fine wherever you go."

I looked at my brother's profile, his beard hadn't been shaved for a long time, and it was sticking to his chin messily, making him seem several years older than his real age.I have always looked down on Xu Jiming, because the last thing I want to be is his kind of person, but when I heard his words, I suddenly felt quite hopeless.Because this is actually not his own choice, our whole life, in the final analysis, is not our own choice.What we can't do is to be the kind of person we really want to be.I think the most amazing thing we can do, and the best thing we should do, is to accept as much as possible the life we ​​are going to face.Even though it may be completely different from what we first thought, we still have to accept it.I think this is the mission everyone is born with.

I suddenly felt that I understood what growing up was, and I saw an almost aged look on my brother's cheek, and I knew that we were not doing well with each other, people who seemed chic were not chic, it seemed indifferent People also care about many things.My brother is four years older than me, he explored the mysterious youth for me in advance, and tasted the price for me in advance.And I saw a kind of pain on his face, I think this is growth.

"But you have to admit, this school is fucking rubbish." He put out his cigarette, squinting.

I smiled and he seemed puzzled.

"Bro," I called him, "you're the only one telling the truth these days."

I have listened to too many reassurances, and everyone is persuading me that there is nothing wrong with it.But the more they say it, the more ridiculous I find it, because we all know it's a lie, and yet you're telling me that and thinking it's going to work.At least Xu Jiming is an honest person. When I think this world sucks, he said to me, yes, it is.

"Do you want to eat bayberries? From Qingtian." He put a basket of bayberries in front of me.

I took out a red bayberry and looked at it carefully: "Do you eat it without washing it?"

"Yangmei just can't be eaten and washed." After saying that, he stuffed one into his mouth, spit out the core and threw it out of the window.

"You're really out of your mind."

"Just shut up." He patted my head, and I got up and kicked him.

He ouched and shouted Xu Jinghe, you crazy.

Suddenly he stopped, patted the trousers that were dirty by my slippers, looked at me for a long time, and then opened his arms to me.

I threw myself into his arms.He was wearing a tank top and I could feel his sticky arms on my skin, it made me sick, I wanted to push him away, but I couldn't, I was crying loudly in my brother's arms.

"I really, really, really don't want to leave here."

I was crying and talking, I don't know if he understood.He just held my head and said, "It's okay, it's okay."

"Do you think it's going to be nice there?" I guess I'm referring not to a specific destination, but to some part of my vague and unknowable future that I don't want to face.

"What if it's not good?" he replied to me.

The typhoon came again, and this time it landed right here, just like the one a few years ago, with trees bent, rocks flying, and water flooding Jinshan.My room was almost shaking, I think I understood what Chang Qiao said to me at that time, we are like a boat floating on the sea.

I hate my future, I think Chang Qiao back then might understand how I feel now.Those unclear, but tentatively acceptable assumptions about the future are now smashed to pieces.When Chang Qiao bought a boat ticket to Shanghai and then boarded the train to Shaanxi, I wondered if she had the same despair as I did.But I think I am not as brave as Chang Qiao. She did it, but I dare not.

I really miss Chang Qiao.My father and elder brother went to work to fight against Taiwan, and my mother never said a word at home.I can only stare at the boarded-up window, as if I could fly out from there, fly to Chang Qiao’s window sill, and dance with her under the night sky in the rain, and then this will be the best time in our lives a typhoon.I listened to the old Cantonese songs on the radio over and over again, and regretted throwing the half of the cigarette out of the window. It was the only thing I kept here that belonged to Changqiao.

So when Chang Qiao knocked on the door of my house in a raincoat, I was a little flattered.When I helped her take off the raincoat and wanted to hug her, she gently pushed me away, and I realized that no part of her body was dry, and the rain mixed with mud poured in from the gap in the raincoat, even her body The hair was all wet too.

I smuggled my mom into my room before she went downstairs, it was her first time here, but she probably won't remember this room, it's boring, white walls and white bed, no pretty pictures and exquisite paintings.And she said, you are very warm here.

I thought Chang Qiao was cold. I felt sorry for her and wanted to help her change her wet clothes, but she waved her hand and stood in front of the closed door and said, I won’t stay for long, just like telling you Issues.

As she spoke, she glanced at the red bayberry on the table and asked, Qingtian's?

I nodded and said, do you want it?

She smiled and said that she had already eaten at home.

"The red bayberry in Qingtian is only available in my mother's shop."

I do not speak.

"My mother wants me to marry your brother."

I fell down on the bed, not knowing for a moment whether this was good news or bad news.I thought of Chang Qiao's mother, she was really a gentle and kind woman, she opened a small fruit shop by herself and raised her daughter, she was so strong.I can almost imagine that she would knock on the door of my house every morning with a big basket and small bag of fruit, begging my father to agree to the marriage.She is not a bad person, she does not want to ruin her daughter's future, on the contrary, she thinks that marrying Xu Jiming will be the best ending for Changqiao.

I don't blame her, maybe I have already forgiven her.I used to think that the marriage between Chang Qiao and my brother was simply the most ridiculous thing in the world, but it was very interesting, and now I think it is actually not bad.Maybe my brother isn't such a bad guy, even though he's lazy, rude, unprofessional, hopeless, but he's not a bad guy, neither are we.

It's funny, maybe I never thought of monopolizing Chang Qiao, because I knew it was impossible.In the past, yes, she had her Chen Yi, and now, she has some more important things to accomplish.And I've been the one watching her off, I know this summer was an illusion, our talk of elopement was a joke, I love her, and this too shall pass.

It was really a desperate love, from the beginning.

So I smiled at her, what do you think, Changqiao?

"I want to ask you to do me a favor, Jing He."

"You say it."

"Your birthday is coming soon, isn't it?"

"What's the date today?"

"NO.19."

"That's right, one more week."

"Then I wish you a happy birthday in advance. Really, happy birthday to you."

I saw Chang Qiao wiping tears, I wanted to go up to help her wipe away the tears, but she shook her head and held my hand.

"On that day, buy me a boat ticket, will you?"

I think I get it, Chang Qiao is predicting her ending to me.She is still the same, she has not changed at all, and the story of four years ago will happen again.

"My mother confiscated my ID card, so I can't buy a boat ticket."

"Where are you going?"

"Take a boat to Shanghai, and then go to Xinjiang."

I can't think about anything, I suddenly feel my powerlessness, I feel my weakness, my impotence.I know nothing I say can bring her back, I see this in her eyes.Seriously, I never asked her to do anything because I knew I couldn't, and everyone couldn't.I think that's why I fell in love with her, and that's what I'm going to leave her this time.

I thought about the long journey, I never left this small place, so this is also the first time I realized how big the world is.Those love legends, many things, have become shattered in the face of this long journey and long time.

The typhoon is coming, and it will pass soon.I will help her, since when did I refuse her?So far, I have only one question I want to ask her.

"What about us?"

The raindrops on Chang Qiao's forehead fell to the ground, tick-tock.

"That's all we have. I think you should know."

Is that right?