living sacrifice

Is my confidence natural?of course not.I was very clear that when I first came to know God, I had no faith at all, which was much worse than the simple and pure faith of those believers in the countryside.I wanted to rely on my own ability to research history, but found that I had nowhere to go. Only then did I realize that I had to take a "leap of faith".

After I seriously said the first prayer, nothing happened, and to tell you the truth, I was disappointed.But I'm not desperate, I'm still trying.

I saw in the Bible that there was a father of a child who begged Jesus to save his child because the child was terminally ill.Jesus said to him: If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.Father said: I believe, but I don't have enough faith, please help me!

I saw that although this man was not a believer, Jesus still helped him, so I prayed the same prayer as him later.

"I believe, but I don't believe enough. Please tell me, is there really a God? Is what happened to me really not something I imagined?"

I hope there is a God, but I can’t explain why, but at that time, I knew that God would judge the world with justice, and the matter of Wang Xuanhuan could escape the judgment of the world, but not God’s judgment.God will avenge me for all the wrongs I have suffered. I really hope that there is a God in this world.

But I also know that the real God does not exist according to my hope, but exists objectively, and this is God.If it's just subjective idealism, then it's just my imagination, I don't want that kind of "god".

If a person calls the self-comforting thing he imagined as a "god", it is a failure, because he pins his hopes on castles in the air.

What I need is not such a castle in the air, what I need is something higher than the world, the unique Creator God, who personally revealed it to me.

Now think about it, why should he?He can completely ignore me, as long as he ignores me, there will be no future. After all, I am such a sinful and filthy person, but he actually has mercy on me.

Just like asking to see a rich man, whoever the rich man is willing to open the door for is blessed.I was the beggar looking for the rich man, but the rich man didn't make things difficult for others, he allowed anyone to knock on the door of his house.He even said, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

On Sunday morning after I finished my prayers, I decided to visit that church again.A lot of questions piled up in my heart, and I hoped to meet God there, and He could answer me some more.

When I walked through the back door of the community, I met a tattered mute in the community.I was listening to music with my earphones plugged in, when suddenly I heard the dumb man say to a dog next to him: "Go, let's believe in Jesus."

I stopped, took off my earphones, and looked at the woman.

She is a mute in our community. Both of them are insane, and after the matchmaking of the neighborhood committee, they got married.The two of them are well-known idiot couples in the community. They have a dog at home, and they often fight with the dog in the community.

The mute actually spoke?And said to me, want me to believe in Jesus?Could it be that I heard wrong?

I really regret wearing headphones.I thought to myself: I didn't hear clearly just now, please say it again.

The woman seemed to have a telepathy with me, and she actually said it again: "Let's go, let's believe in Jesus." After she finished speaking, she smiled and pulled the dog away.

When I arrived at the unit, I was still haunted by that incident.

But the unbelief in my heart was at work again. It was thinking: I haven't heard her speak, but it doesn't mean she really can't speak, because I don't often have the opportunity to communicate with her.

So, I texted my mom and asked, "Do you remember the woman who collected junk in our neighborhood? Can she talk?"

In fact, what I hope in my heart is that my mother can reply to me that she can't speak, so that it can prove that what I met was really a miracle.

I was thinking: Could it be that because I prayed that prayer, God in heaven responded to me in such a way?Does he really want me to see him?Or am I insisting on adding what is happening in front of me to that prayer?

My mother’s text message reply to me was tantamount to making me confused again. She said: “That woman can talk, she is not dumb. She just pretends to be pitiful in front of others sometimes, but she is actually very smart.”

I was so disappointed that I asked reluctantly, "Are you sure? She's really not dumb?"

"Why are you not sure? When she bargained for the price, her mouth was so sharp! You haven't seen it before. Why do you suddenly ask this?" My mother replied.

I admit that I have a bad mentality, but how I wished that woman was really dumb at that time.Think about it, how strange it would be for a dumb person to speak in front of me and tell me to believe in Jesus!But now, it has become an ordinary woman who can talk and ask me to believe in Jesus. In fact, she is not calling me, but calling her dog.The credibility of this "miracle" dropped a lot.

The working hours are over, but I am still the only one in the office. Today is very strange, everyone is late.

When my colleagues entered the office, I heard them complaining constantly: "It's so strange, it's just across the street, it's raining so much over there, but there's not a single drop of rain here."

I looked up at the colleagues who came in, and they all looked like soaked rats, their hair was stuck together, and there was no dry spot on their trousers.

"Is it raining outside?" I asked strangely.

"It's raining so hard that you can't hold an umbrella. When did you come? Didn't it rain?"

"I just came here too!"

"Impossible! Which way are you going?"

"I got off the subway and crossed a street to my work unit."

"Oh! No wonder! Today is really weird! Only the street in front of our unit didn't rain, and the rain in other places was as heavy as pouring. You are really blessed by heaven!"

The words "being favored by God" are usually a simple blessing, but today this sentence sounds different to my ears.

Is this God revealing His own existence to me?I really don't know.In addition to the "dumb" talking in the morning, there are already two strange things that happened today.

I need to know the truth, what is the truth of this world?Is there really a god?

Originally, I only went to church because You Yan persecuted me. I never thought about looking for God at all.But because I have been going through similar things, I really became curious about God in my heart. I wanted to understand the Bible well and understand the truth of the world, so I stayed in the church.

The people here are very kind to me, including Dong Yiyi and Qian Junru. Every time they welcome me, I can have a delicious lunch here, which is much better than being at home alone.

Qian Junru was among that group of people, and her face was full of pride: "I felt very special when I preached last time. I feel that the Holy Spirit has been touching me and touching me. I don't usually feel like this." Feel."

You Yan hugged my shoulders and said affectionately: "Great! Lin Xiao! Great! Let's add a WeChat group, and you can join our Bible reading and prayer and Bible study groups together in the future."

"What are these?" I was a little conflicted.

"That is, we have an online group where we can usually do these things together, and brothers and sisters urge each other."

"No. I'm usually busy with work, and I don't have much time to attend parties."

"Don't rush to deny it, you have to try it. Why don't you add it first, and then say it if it doesn't work. I won't force you. Look, am I forcing you to stay this time?"

I'm not willing, I just don't want to get entangled with You Yan anymore.I joined the group just to look at it casually. I just picked up the solitaire they posted every day. In fact, I didn't read those scriptures at all.

I thought I might really need to study the Bible, but I didn't want to follow You Yan. I instinctively felt that following her would be no good.But I need a reliable old driver to take me first.

I confess, never has a book made me feel more confused than the Bible.With this new "Bible" in hand, I was ready to study it carefully, but found that I didn't know where to start.It looks simple on the surface, but as soon as I read it, I knew it was really hard to understand.

This kind of discovery made me very frustrated, because I used to be able to get started quickly no matter what the subject.It took me a month to proofread, and it took me a month to complete six years of English. I could get more than 90 points in a physics test paper that I failed in the whole grade. I even dabbled in relativity, psychology, and philosophy... …But this Bible, its words are so short that I think the author intended it to be understood by everyone, but I can't understand it at all.

Since I couldn't understand it, I started to use my old method-hard gnawing.

At that time, I didn’t know what Bible study was. Since You Yan mentioned Bible study, I searched the word on the Internet, and sure enough, I quickly found several Bible study websites.

When I was online, I found a lot of information, but I always had a strong thought in my heart, which kept reminding me: beware of heresy.

What is heresy?I have a big question mark in my heart.

The voice in my heart is very strong. I really don’t know what it is. I don't quite understand it, so I put it aside for the time being, but I have a high degree of vigilance against heresy in my heart.

I found a person’s Bible study material, and I liked it intuitively, so I remembered his name—Huang Jialei.

For me, the biggest hurdle in the early days was Genesis.Because my biggest obstacle is the theory of evolution.Everyone's obstacles are different. Later, I asked many people. In fact, not everyone who received an education in the theory of evolution was as deeply bound as I was. Although some people answered the same way in the exam, they didn't believe it in their hearts.I'm not like that, for me evolution is a huge blocker.

God has helped me a lot through these Bible study materials. These authors seem to have traveled through thousands of years and accompanied me to grow up.

I really have a ton of questions about Genesis.

"Genesis" said: "At that time, the earth was formless and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of God moved over the surface of the waters." This second sentence stumped me. What is "Yuan Noodle"? What is the "Spirit of God"?There was water at the beginning of the creation of the heaven and the earth, so did water exist before the creation of the heaven and the earth?In which world did the dinosaurs mentioned in the theory of evolution come from? Could there be another world before this world?Is there archaeological evidence?

God said that there must be light, and the sun and the moon were created first; but the textbooks say that light comes from the sun, and the moon reflects the sun's light.Why did God say that there was light before the sun and the moon?Isn't the sun's light inherent in it?

It took me a long time to understand the sentence "dividing water into upper and lower parts". It turns out that "water above" can be understood as water vapor in the atmosphere, and "water below" refers to the rivers, lakes and seas we usually understand. water.This is very scientific, but, the age of the Bible actually knew that there was water in the sky?is this real?

"All the water in the world must gather in one place" is even more wrong. Why are the seven continents and four oceans in "one place"?I put this question on hold again, and then the academicians of the Chinese Academy of Sciences helped me unintentionally answer this doubt, which happened very later in the church.

“God created male and female in His own image.” So is God male or female?And what about the conception of the Holy Spirit?

There are too many established assumptions in my mind, and the Bible has no way to get stuck in those established assumptions. Unless I break my own stereotypes and rebuild a new worldview, I will never be able to fully understand it.I either believe the Bible completely, or I don't believe it at all, there is no middle way to go.

There is also a sect called the New School. They do not believe in miracles at all, but they say they are Christians. I have scoffed at these concepts from the very beginning.Because I know that if you don’t believe in miracles, you don’t believe in God at all. It’s no different from atheism, but you have the cheek to call yourself a Christian. In fact, these people are more deceitful than atheists who simply don’t admit that they believe in God.

I think the biggest obstacle I had with Genesis was how simple it was.Unlike the theory of evolution, everything has evolved over hundreds of millions of years. The celestial bodies have the laws of celestial bodies, the laws of flowers, birds, fish and insects, the laws of humans and humans, and the laws of objects... The theory of evolution is all fragmented. Everything in the universe is divided into many, many completely different disciplines, and divisions are created among the disciplines.

And "Genesis" all have one answer: created by God.Everything comes from God and can be explained by the law of God.

This incident strikes me as very strange, because when I was studying, I discovered that every discipline looks completely different on the surface, but has many things in common internally. I don't know why.But I have discovered the existence of this rule a long time ago, which is why I read books much more easily than others.In the past, Wang Xuanhuan said that our college entrance examination in S City was easy, but it was not. It was just that I was more relaxed in studying because I discovered this law—it runs through all subjects, hidden behind each subject, and it is extremely difficult to find.

I didn't know it was alive at the time.I thought I was smarter than others and discovered it, but he took the initiative to inspire me to discover him.

This universe is not disordered, but full of unique and diverse rules, but these rules are really hard for people to understand.

I am just a person, like any other person in the world. Is it really possible to find the origin of the world by myself?