living sacrifice

"Can you also hear voices from the spirit world?" I asked bluntly.

Sister Cao said, "Don't listen! That's not God's voice at all. I'm confused by that voice now. Even if I don't want to hear it, I still hear it from time to time."

"Strange, You Yan also said that she could hear it. What is that sound?"

Sister Cao said: "You Yan? I have an impression of her. She also gives me the feeling that she is an unsaved person."

I really can't say anything.

Sister Cao said: “Don’t listen to that, sister, I’ll tell you the truth, what they preach is all false ways, and such people will be judged before God in the future. That church worships false gods, I used to worship false gods too, which is not pleasing to God. Do you still gather with them now?"

I said, "No, I've found their fault, and I've left."

"Thank God! You are lucky. Since you have already left there, don't contact them any more. They will definitely look for you again. You must not go back just out of emotion."

"I will not."

"Don't trust yourself too much. I knew a person before, and it was the same. She had come out from Zhu Zhishan, but she went back again. Her spiritual situation is getting worse and worse. Hey, they are preaching lies. judged by God."

Let me be honest, she kept talking about "God's judgment", which made me feel that the image of God in her eyes was a bit too scary.God is indeed holy and righteous, but He is also loving and kind. There must be a balanced understanding between the two.

She added, "False teachers are the judgment of false Christians, Paul Washer said."

"I know Paul Washer, and I've heard him preach, and he speaks very well." I hurried to stop her from saying those words again.

However, she said again: "Sister, I don't even know whether I should call you sister or not. Let me tell you the truth, if you had no selfish desires in you, God would not have put you in this place. You should examine yourself carefully, What exactly is your problem? God took you away, it’s good, it’s God’s grace, but you also have to examine yourself, otherwise you will find a new church in the future, I’m afraid it will be the same.”

I said, "I didn't find the church by myself. My sister brought me in. And I haven't been here for a long time. I've always been wary of their leaders, so I didn't study the Bible with them. Very close."

Sister Cao said, "Who are their current leaders?"

"Sister Zhao, Qian Junru, Brother Sun."

"Brother Sun? Where is he? Hey! I feel uncomfortable when I think about it. At that time, I brought my parents to the church and wanted them to be saved, and it was Brother Sun who was preaching the gospel to them. Hey! Thinking of this I feel sorry for my dad."

I asked her: "What's wrong with Big Brother Sun? I can't tell, but I always feel that there is something wrong with him."

"I'm not very clear about the details, but he... Forget it... Let's not talk about it... Let's talk less about the previous things. You have left them now, have you found the new church?"

"Not yet, I am still praying for the time being, and have no direction."

"Did your sister come out with you?"

"The Lord brought her out first. Later, I also realized that something was wrong, so I also came out."

"Thank the Lord. Pray for the two of you, and ask the Lord to take you to a regular church. Hey..."

Chatting with Sister Cao was actually not very comfortable. I knew that she was very confused in spirit and she had no way to control it, but what she said also made me feel a little uncomfortable.What she says affects me too.

The Lord Jesus said, "It is not what you eat that defiles you, but what comes out of you that defiles you." I have heard this since I was a child, and I thought it was just a sentence of chicken soup, but now I have truly realized how I was told to the filthy.But it is a pity that even if I understand, it is still difficult for me to defile other people without words. People who can hold back their tongues are considered smart.

She told me to examine myself, why did I join Sister Zhao's church?

I thought, does she mean that I and Sister Zhao are the same kind of people?I am in the negative.I have never worshiped a false god. With the true God, I also confessed and repented because of the sin of homosexuality, and gradually came to know this God.

I joined Christianity because I believed that the Lord Jesus died for my sins, and when I was saved, I knew clearly in my heart that "Jesus Christ is really the Son of God".I sincerely hope to become a holy person and to enter the kingdom of God, so why on earth would I, a newly saved person, be put in such a church?

Thinking of this incident, I felt a little uncomfortable, but I didn't dare to complain.

After leaving Sister Zhao Church, I was displaced outside.Fortunately, during that period of time, due to the epidemic, we were unable to gather together, but later the epidemic situation improved, and churches around the world began to gradually open up.

Because of the conflict with Sister Zhao and the others, I said something I shouldn't have said, and because I hadn't met for a long time, my spirit was very low.During that time, I was addicted to the game again.

I used to be proud of my self-control ability, but this time I realized that it was not because I had strong self-control ability, but because God had been protecting me.Now that I am saved, the original form of protection seems to have suddenly changed. I have greater freedom of choice, but the original temptation has also become correspondingly magnified for me.

For example, in the game "Minecraft", I can save and read files all the time, install various mods, and build various survival huts.At the end of the game, I also felt very bored, but because I had nothing else to do, I continued to play.

The presence of the Lord disappeared in a flash, so fast that I couldn't tell if it was because of something I had done wrong.

After the Lord’s presence disappeared, I suddenly changed back to the situation before I didn’t believe in the Lord—I couldn’t read the Bible, which seemed to me to be worthless; I don’t listen to my prayers, but I don’t understand what I did wrong. I always think that it’s Sister Zhao and the others who are wrong. My “at most is that my tongue is unclean”, but I don’t think I’m judging them by cursing people. I thought I was fighting for the kingdom of God.

But at times like this, the real state of my spirit is not what I think it is.I think I am rebuking people out of courage, however, because the breach of such a sentence gives the enemy an opportunity to take advantage of it.Afterwards, I didn’t give up because of the persuasion, and continued to forward some things to them on purpose in Moments. Instead of helping them, I became a tool of the enemy, harming others and myself.

The Lord didn’t listen to my prayer, which made me very panic, because the Bible said, “Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Son can be forgiven, but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven in this life and forever.” Using this scripture, the devil fiercely accused me .

I simply can't live with such accusations. Every day when I open my eyes, I think of what I said to Sister Zhao. I really regret it!I had no face to face the Lord, and I was discouraged before I started to pray. Because of this, my relationship with the Lord became more and more distant, so that I fell to the point where I was addicted to games and watched small videos, and I played for hours. Even worse than before believing in the Lord.

During the most depressing time, I was thinking about these things over and over in my heart.Especially Sister Zhao's sentence "Lin Xiao, do you really think we are a stronghold of evil spirits here?" After that, she kept pestering me repeatedly.At that time, I really hated her for talking too much, and it was unnecessary to ask this sentence.

After I was saved, I was originally under God’s meticulous care and protection, but because of my sin in this matter, I suddenly left God’s protection.

"The Bible" says: "The enemy is like a roaring lion, looking around for someone to devour."

At that time, I was that person.

When my spiritual state was at its lowest, another incident suddenly happened in our unit.

That day, the leader came to me and said to me: "Lin Xiao, our department needs a young comrade to donate blood. We have arranged a row according to the year of entry, and it happens to be your turn."

I don't want to, but if I say I don't want to, can I not go?Then I went to donate blood.

I was very reluctant in my heart, because I knew that my condition was very bad. If I lost blood at this time, I was afraid it would be even worse.I know this.

So I went home and prayed, "Lord, if it doesn't come from you, please take it away. But if you want me to donate blood, I will obey. Because nothing can happen that you don't agree with." I."

Is there anything wrong with such prayers?I don't see any problem either.

I don’t know if the Lord listened to my prayers, because at that time I had become estranged from the Lord, and I knew that my prayers would not be heard by God, just like when I didn’t believe in the Lord, how terrible it was!

Finally, this matter still happened to me.This is the first time in my life to donate blood.

When I went there, I was still full of unhappiness, but I thought, maybe my blood could save someone’s life, the Lord knows, maybe.So, later I forcibly poured myself a wave of "chicken soup", and then "went to the battlefield".

The physical examination went well, there was nothing wrong with it, 200CC of blood was drawn, and a certificate was obtained.

After the blood was drawn that day, I felt that I was sweating all the time, especially my armpits. I hoped that I was thinking too much.But the next morning I still felt weak, just like when my aunt was bleeding heavily.

For ordinary people, such a little bleeding is nothing, but at that time, I was under the attack of the enemy in my spirit. How could the enemy let this opportunity pass by?They tried their best to accuse me with "Lin Xiao, do you really think we are a stronghold of evil spirits?" and "No one who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will be forgiven", making me live in fear all day long.

Of course, I already know that I am wrong, but I don't know where I am wrong. I think that except for this sentence, which I admit is wrong, everything else I said should be right. This is their problem. , Why should I bear such consequences for their sins?

When I was attacked too violently, I did not give up my faith, but my heart was full of complaints: Why did God have the heart to see me so lost when I love God so much?God is powerful enough to show me where I am wrong, but why doesn't He help me?

While complaining, I was blaming myself who complained about God. That was probably the most difficult day I have ever spent so far.

Fortunately, I have known for a long time that Christians have spiritual low tides, but I don’t remember how I knew it. This knowledge also gave me some comfort, and Brother Wang Mingdao and others are very concerned about the “blasphemy of the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven” The explanation also gave me some comfort.

But my problem ultimately needs to be solved by the Lord Himself.