living sacrifice

After this incident, I have never been so deeply troubled by homosexuality issues. This past that has devastated me has finally faded away.

As for Sister Zhao, I really don't know how to communicate with her normally.

For a while, I would always think of what happened that night. I was afraid that she would know, but also felt strange, because I didn’t know how she would behave like this. Could it be just because of the harmonious relationship between the sisters?

I know that the Lord wants us to love each other, but the love the Lord said certainly does not refer to this abnormal relationship in sin. If there is no such sin in the middle, I should still love Sister Zhao, right?But I also found it difficult to tell the difference, because I was afraid that I would fall into sin again if I was not careful.

I can only describe my attitude towards her at that time as "never mind".

Sister Zhao didn't seem to know what happened to me yesterday, she went to visit everyone's room normally.

The purpose of our coming to the camp was to sort out the messy relationship in the church, but unexpectedly, many new things happened. Instead of getting better, things got worse and worse.

Qian Junru took a new brother to sing in KTV last night. Of course, Sister Zhao objected to her doing so, but she plausibly said: "Brother has depression, this is to help him relax."

As for You Yan, instead of repenting here, she intensified and scolded Sister Zhao.

Sister Zhao told me: "You Yan found out, I asked you in private to ask Dong Yiyi if her preaching was good, and she asked me to say that if her preaching was good, she didn't need to be praised. I think her statement is also correct in one respect. , but because Qian Junru rejected Dong Yiyi, this made Dong Yiyi very unconfident, so I want to ask you all the real situation. I want to help her. But You Yan didn't understand what I said at all, she kept questioning me .Anyway, I really have no choice. I talked to You Yan yesterday, but still didn't correct her thinking. She also said why I am biased, why do you think that it is good for you, and it is not good for her. She said God It’s about getting to know everyone for what they are.”

I feel that governing a church is really complicated, and I can't do it.I really can't do anything except pray for Sister Zhao.

After this camp meeting, my relationship with Sister Zhao changed. Although I relied on the Lord to overcome the temptation of evil spirits, the influence has not been completely eliminated.Originally, she was just an ordinary leader in my heart, but then her influence on me was different.

Because of Sister Zhao, I decided to try the service that I didn't really want to do in my heart, and I felt that I didn't have the gift.I want to say that most of the reason why I took this job at that time was because of Sister Zhao.

What I thought at the time was that although I don’t have the gift, if the Holy Spirit is with me, even if I can’t do it, I can rely on the Lord.

"Pray and see if you are safe or not. If you are safe, it means that the Lord wants you to serve." Sister Zhao told me.

I prayed, and there was nothing uneasy, and I didn't feel anything at all.And I think this method itself makes me feel very unreliable, what if I feel wrong?

At the meeting, I prayed again, but I still didn't feel anything special.

At that time, I felt that I enjoyed the relationship with Sister Zhao very much. We were very good friends. Although some unpleasant things happened in the middle, as long as the crime of homosexuality is not caught in the middle, being sisters is very good.

Therefore, I felt that there was nothing wrong with doing this. I thought that I loved my neighbor as myself, and I was doing things for God.I thought that was what peace felt like.

So I found an opportunity to talk to Sister Zhao: "Sister Zhao, I decided to try serving in the catechumens. Because I just prayed, I feel very peaceful in my heart."

"That's great! When are you going to start?"

"Let me prepare for a while. I found a material that can be used as the content of the lecture, but I need to familiarize myself first."

"Then hurry up. You see, many newcomers have come to our church, and they all need God's words to feed them. Little Shitou has such a good relationship with you, don't you want to help him?"

"I think the small stone is also a very important factor for me to consider. It really seems that the Lord has made me a burden for him."

"That's it. The catechumens class should start quickly, and you should prepare well. I will help you get everyone together. Then I will create a group for you."

This incident put me under a lot of pressure. My instinct told me that with my current ability, even if the Holy Spirit helped me, I would easily make mistakes.But for other people's sake, and for the Lord's sake, I think I'm willing to take the risk.Please help me, Lord, to complete this catechism class, and see what happens later.

After You Yan heard about this incident, he said to me happily: "Lin Xiao, you will be able to stand on the podium to preach in the future! I am so happy for you!"

I said directly: "You are too happy! The horoscope has not been written yet!"

You Yan said: "Why didn't you leave it? Today, Father asked you to lead the catechism class. In the future, you can live on the church's salary and quit your job. I will ask the church for a salary for you, which is enough for you. Live your life. How nice it is, you can serve God full-time.”

"Don't arrange these things for me, I really can't do it, I don't have eloquence."

"Lin Xiao, don't say depressing words. We Christians don't say depressing words or down words. We want to be up. We declare this matter in the name of the Lord, and the Lord will make it happen for us."

I didn't hate her anymore, I was too lazy to hate her, but what I thought in my heart was, you are not a god, how do you know?

When I first held a catechism class, it was only about half a year before I was saved.Thinking about it now, it's really outrageous, but I didn't know it at the time.

There are only a dozen classes in the catechism class, and I plan to have one class per week, so it can be completed in about three to four months.

I didn't know at the time that these courses would have such great spiritual significance. I thought they were just like ordinary school lectures.

No, no, I'm too naive, I don't know the way of this at all.

I have gained and experienced too much in the catechumen. During these three or four months, the Lord has given me a lot of training and experience. Maybe I am a person who believes in the Lord in a pure faith church. unexperienced.Although the pain was greater than the experience afterwards, the Lord turned the pain over and over again.Such tossing and tossing really helped me grow up quickly.

Before the catechumen class started, You Yan came to make trouble again as usual. She was very enthusiastic about me and told me that she would lead the group with me.

I told Sister Zhao, and Sister Zhao said, "No way! How could she come? Can you stop her when she comes?"

I'm telling the truth that I can't stop her, she's talking nonsense here, and everyone will be disturbed by her.

Fortunately, Sister Zhao stopped in time, and she said to You Yan, "You Yan, don't meddle along with you."

You Yan’s face was not right at the time, but she said: “Why can’t I be together? Zhao Moumou! Why do you always have the final say? Is this your church? We all gather in your name Alright, let’s worship you centered on you!”

I don't know why You Yan speaks so badly, I think Sister Zhao doesn't feel good after hearing this.But I really felt relieved. If it was me, I didn't know how to refuse it. Anyway, Sister Zhao helped me refuse it.

I would rather not have a helper, and I don’t want You Yan to be my helper. Although she has always been very enthusiastic, I think, thank you, or goodbye.She's not here to help me, she's here to make trouble.

Although this sermon is very simple, I think it is really difficult to explain it. For example, Chapter 1 mentions the attributes of God. It contains God’s holiness, justice, mercy, and love. I understand all these, but the explanation requires How to explain it?They are too basic, such as the holiness of God, how to explain it?

For these reasons, I searched all kinds of information, but I still felt unreliable. When the first catechism class started, I was much more nervous than those who listened to the sermon.

Sister Zhao told me: "Don't speak alone, but give others the opportunity to speak more, so that it is easy for everyone to follow."

It’s easy to say, but I have neither eloquence nor theological equipment. I am learning and teaching myself, so how can I still have the energy to guide others to speak with ease?

In the first catechumen class, we put together more than a dozen people from all over the place.I have my own selfish intentions, and for the sake of making the scene look better, I also called people like Mu Yun who have nothing to do with our church.At that time, I still had a lot of mixed thoughts. I valued the data and thought that the first catechumens had "too few people".

Sister Zhao said, "It's quite a lot. It's great to have so many people. The Lord is very blessed."

No matter how many people there are, I have to speak well.

And I also faced another difficulty, which was my fear of cameras and recording equipment.

At that time, I was still in the room I was renting. Fortunately, I was able to speak more boldly. However, it was the first time I was lecturing on a black screen with no audience. Because I couldn’t see other people’s reactions, I It feels really weird.

After the lecture, I felt stuttering, because I was too nervous and couldn't help coughing in the middle.I don't know what the reaction of those who listened to it was. I thought that I didn't speak well at all, as if I was talking embarrassingly to the air.

I didn’t know at the time that the audience’s reaction actually had an impact on the speaker. At that time, my audience was almost all forced by others. People who can be called "friends of Taoism".With my life at that time, it was actually impossible to lead such a group of people.Every time I ask a question, no one is willing to answer. In the end, I can only ask and answer by myself, which makes me feel very embarrassed.

During the first class, everyone was quite supportive.I have to use the word "support" to describe it, because most of the people who came here had to come because of their feelings. Except for Mu Yun who was a little interested, everyone else was rejected for various reasons. They were forced to come, and there were even Mu Yun's friends and a stranger Qian Junru met at the piano shop.

Even if it was Mu Yun herself, she didn't come here with an attitude of listening, she was even a bit picky. After each lecture, she always gave me various opinions. Can't stand it.

For this group of listeners who were not interested in the Lord’s way, I originally planned to let everyone participate in the discussion, but the more I spoke, the less confident I became, because no one responded at all, and in the end I had to bite the bullet and finish the lecture by myself.

When I finished, I still saw some people hanging in the group, I knew they were hanging up and not listening, which made me very disappointed.

Sister Zhao was very concerned. As soon as the party here ended, she called and said, "Lin Xiao, it's the first time leading a group today. How do you feel?"

"Forget it...it's nothing."

"It's the first time, it doesn't matter. How did you lead the party? Did you ask everyone to participate in the discussion?"

"No, I'm basically the only one talking."

"That's not okay. We need to let everyone participate together, and we need to drive the atmosphere."

"But Sister Zhao, I'm really not a person who is good at driving the atmosphere. This can be said to be my weakness, not my strength. I don't think I can do this service. You should find someone else to take over. I think Dong Yiyi is suitable. "

"But Dong Yiyi still has to preach, it's too hard for her to do two by herself. Well, you can persist and see, if it doesn't work, I'll find a way."

I really can't, I really don't want to do it again.But for the sake of Sister Zhao, I decided to wait and see, but in fact, I am very disgusted with this job and these things.I really miss the time when I read the Bible and prayed alone, and no one disturbed me. I was so happy when I was alone with the Lord.

That night, I was very unhappy. On the one hand, I felt that I was too stupid and completely sorry for the Lord, and on the other hand, I felt that I was too much of a failure.With these thoughts I fell asleep.

Actually, I don’t dream often, but after that catechumen class ended, an extremely strange thing happened.

I didn't sleep well that night, and I was very tired.

In the early hours of the morning, I was about to wake up, only to find myself pinned to the bed by gravity and unable to move.I was terribly nervous because I had only heard of "ghost presses", I had never experienced and never believed that such a thing could happen.

But when it was really my turn to be crushed by ghosts, I panicked inside.

When I fell asleep and couldn't get up, there was a voice in my ear saying to me: "You are going to be paralyzed, you will never wake up again."

He kept saying that to me and my heart was pounding.

But I reacted very quickly at the time, and immediately remembered the story about the Lord Jesus casting out demons mentioned in the Gospels.

Although I couldn’t open my mouth, I prayed three times in a row: “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I command Satan to retreat! In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I command Satan to retreat! Command Satan to go away! I command Satan to go away, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!"

After the third prayer, the strength suddenly disappeared, and I woke up and was able to stand up.

At that time, I was sleeping alone in a dirty rented house, and the experience made me terrified and disturbed.Fortunately, it was daytime, and I hurried to the window to bask in the sun, and I didn't dare to stay on that bed at all.

I prayed cleansing again, played hymns, and listened to the sermon, and it took a long time before I felt at peace.

I have never experienced such a thing. I was terrified at the time, but afterwards I felt that it was nothing. I understood that it is true that Christians can cast out demons in the name of the Lord, but it takes courage. When they scare you Sometimes, if you are also limp, you may not be able to drive away.

At that time, when I thought of my grandfather, I couldn't help feeling sad for him.

Before his death, my grandfather always said that he had seen a ghost.At that time we didn't believe it, my mother coaxed him and said: I have helped you drive the ghost to the bus, he has already taken the bus to the terminal, and will not come back to scare you again, you can rest assured to sleep.

Grandpa was dubious at the time, but once, he jumped out of the window where he lived and ran to my house in the middle of the night.

For the hell, my mother scolded him a lot, and I always laughed at him, but I didn't realize it was true until today.

I wasn't scared for long, I knew it was just a kid who came to harass me, and I thought the experience was very valuable to me personally.But when I think of my grandfather spending his later years in such an environment, I feel very sad. If we had believed in him at that time and found someone to pray for him, maybe this would not have happened.

Originally, I was a little shy about the catechumen, but when the devil came to frighten me, I became more energetic. I thought that what the enemy didn’t want me to do must be what the enemy wanted me to do.So I worked very hard to pray for all the catechumens who participated in the catechumens one by one, and I summed up the failure experience of the last time, prepared a more sufficient sermon, and prepared for the next catechumens to continue.

Before the start of the second catechumen class, I was very nervous. I knew that my performance last time was really bad. I really did not want these catechumens to lose interest in the way of the Lord because of my mistakes.Because the word of the Lord is really not as dry as I said last time, but I can't speak, so that's it, I hope they will give me another chance.

Of course I understand how a person who does not believe in God at all feels when he enters a catechumen for the first time and hears a bad message, so I very much hope that they can come again, listen to it, because this time I am fully prepared.

I turned on the voice and invited people in the group.

But all the while, I was the only one there.

Nobody came, not a single person.

When the voice is turned off, I really want to cry, I think I have messed up the Lord's affairs, I think I really can't do anything, and I have lost everyone.

But I still have this responsibility in my heart, so after crying and blowing my nose, I recorded a 30-minute audio of the content I prepared today, and then sent it to the group and said: "This is the content of this catechism class. If you have time, you can listen."

Xiong Yushi immediately sent me a message: "Sorry, I happen to have something to do today, wait for me to go back and listen."

But that doesn't comfort me.

I thought I was really not suitable for this kind of discourse service, so after sending out the recording, I went to Dong Yiyi, and I said to her: "Yiyi, I don't think I'm really suitable for teaching catechism classes, or you bring it on."

Dong Yiyi asked me: "What's the matter, Lin Xiao, why did you say such a thing suddenly?"

"Today's catechism class, no one came."

"How could this be? Last time I remembered, they all came."

That's right, when Dong Yiyi said this, I felt even more sad. Doesn't that prove that I didn't speak well?

Dong Yiyi also said: "It doesn't matter Lin Xiao, no matter what happens, it is the will of the heavenly father. If they come, the heavenly father brought them. Even if there is no one, it doesn't matter, because you Not by yourself. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a pastor and his wife. They drove to a church early in the morning, but the weather was fine that day. When it was time for the meeting, no one came, only they Two people. Then you guess, what happened?"

"I do not know."

"The pastor then stood alone on the podium and preached to his wife. Only his wife listened to the whole sermon, but he still spoke the same, and he was still serious. Later, the Lord brought people back one by one, Their churches are gradually increasing their numbers. I think you don’t have to be too sad, because this is all their account to the Lord, and we are just doing our duty.”

I listened to this story carefully. Although it was a bit chicken soup, it calmed down my emotions at the time.

Although I was still reluctant to give lectures, I continued to prepare for the third catechism class.