living sacrifice

Sister Zhao is serving others everywhere. Thinking of this, I admire her a little bit. She is really busy in the church. We can see all this. Because of this, we all admire Sister Zhao.

At that time, people like Sister Zhao were good people in my eyes.

I have washed up and sat by the lamp to read the Bible.

After a long time, Sister Zhao returned to her room after serving others from outside.Seeing that I was reading the Bible, she asked me, "Lin Xiao, you are serious. Are there any problems with reading the Bible?"

"I just have a question. Sister Zhao, I don't think I can understand the Psalms."

"Why can't you read the Psalms?"

"For example, the book of Romans mainly talks about doctrine, and the Gospels mainly talk about the things of the Lord. But the Psalms are different poems for each person. I don't know where the central idea of ​​the whole book is."

"Lin Xiao, poets write poems to express their emotions. You try to understand their feelings. I think you are a bit like me. You are a rational person, and it is not easy to understand these emotional things."

"Oh."

The camp is a good opportunity for communication. I usually don’t attend the church’s weekly gatherings, so Sister Zhao rarely has the opportunity to have such conversations with me.I remember we talked about a lot of things, and then we talked about marriage.

Sister Zhao said: "Lin Xiao, I don't know if the divorce will affect you? I was still thinking about whether the Lord would save him after a long time after the divorce. Later, I met him again, and I gave him my blessing again. He still hasn’t believed in the Lord after preaching the gospel, so I thought this person really wouldn’t believe in the Lord.”

This is a bit like a boudoir private conversation.She was leaning on the sofa, and I was also sitting on the head of the bed, and the topics of conversation were very light.

"The people who do business are really filthy and filthy," she said.

I thought of Wang Xuanhuan, and I was still angry. I nodded and said, "Yes, mine is also in business. Many of his ideas are so filthy that I can't imagine how anyone can do such a thing." When talking, I knew in my heart that I myself was filthy, otherwise I wouldn't have met him who was filthy.These are the retributions given to me by God.

Sister Zhao shook her head and said, "That's how they are. If the Lord doesn't save me, I will be like this too, and I don't know it myself. We are all sinners."

I was suddenly moved, so I said to Sister Zhao: "The Lord not only saved me, but may have taken away my child. If it weren't for this, my ex-husband and I would not be able to separate completely, and I would be in trouble. Although I have committed a great sin, but the Lord still loves me. Our life comes from the Lord, and this is how I understand it.”

Sister Zhao said with a surprised expression: "Really? The Lord really loves you."

I seldom share such intimate stories with others, but I feel safe here with Sister Zhao, and I really feel a lot easier after telling this story.

Chatting is just chatting, and I won't deliberately remember what we talked about in every sentence, but some things are particularly impressive, so I will write them down.

I remember that Sister Zhao was wearing a black silk shirt at the time. Even though she was old, she still had the foundation of her youth, and the clothes lined her up, which made her look very good-looking.

The more we talked, the closer the relationship became.So Sister Zhao also shared with me a private matter of hers.

She said, "Do you know how our church was established? Did You Yan tell you?"

"She never said that." I was honest.

I wanted to ask You Yan about this matter several times, but she never understood me. I thought it was because of her expressive ability, but later I found out that she didn't seem to have expressive ability, because she often It's just intentionally speaking so that others don't understand.

Sister Zhao said: "This is amazing. At that time, I suddenly had an idea in my mind, to be on duty. I was surprised at the time. I calculated the money. If I wanted to be on duty, I would have to rent a house every month and buy various The equipment, so casually calculated, is one hundred thousand. So I started to prepare the venue and funds. But then the Lord did it himself. And he didn’t ask for a penny.”

I asked, "What is the value of the hall?"

"It is to open a branch church. For example, if our church is on duty, we can send you to open a branch church in another place, and our side will be the mother church. But you must know that it is not easy to open a new church. There is a lack of staff in every way.”

"Oh yes."

"We used to meet in another place, and You Yan was there too. After I had the idea of ​​attending the hall, I was preparing for specific funds and other things. I think we need at least 10 yuan for the hall, as well as the venue. , I have been preparing for these things for a long time, but I have no clue. I was very anxious, and I thought, Lord, how can I be on duty? There is not enough money and personnel. I never thought that the Lord would accomplish this thing in this way.

At that time, a traitor came to our church, and he suddenly denounced us.One day when we were meeting, a group of people suddenly broke into our church.Because of that intrusion, we were temporarily dispersed afterwards.We were divided into three groups according to the Bible study group, and Qian Junru and I were in one group.The leaders of the church arranged for us to continue gathering at the home of the Bible study group until our church can resume normal gatherings.At that time we had a party at Qian Junru's house.

But I suddenly discovered some things: I found that there is a venue for our hall, which is Qian Junru's home; I found that we don't need funds for our gatherings here, so the matter of funds has also been settled.

When I discovered these things, I prayed to the Lord: Lord, You are so good, You have everything ready for us.It turns out that you have arranged and prepared in this way, which is truly miraculous.

I think the Lord led us to be on duty very smoothly. He prepared a place for us and didn’t ask us for a penny, so we left our original church and started meeting at Qian Junru’s house, which is almost the one you came to. At that time, the church on our side had just been established. "

Sister Zhao finally told me the story of the early days of the church. This story was enough to surprise me, who had little knowledge at the time.I marveled: "Is the Lord raising up a church like this? It's amazing!"

Sister Zhao added: "However, many people in the church disagreed with me at that time. Because I had the Lord's words and visions, I was very decisive when I spoke to them. Qian Junru and the others left. At that time, there was a round table meeting in the church, and more than a dozen people pointed at my nose and scolded me, but I didn’t waver.”

I asked her: "Will Qian Junru and the others be willing to go with you?"

"Qian Junru was a little hesitant, and other sisters were also hesitant, but in the end they made up their minds and came with me. That's why our church came into existence. Until now, the original church also wants us to go back, but I won't go back. You know the reason, this is the church the Lord wants us to build, no matter how many people scold me, I won't go back."

Sister Zhao told the story in this way, and I felt admiration for her courage.I think if it were me, I would be the only one who had such an idea, and no one else agrees with me. I dare not rely on one person's opinion to facilitate this matter. What if I am wrong?

It was like that at the time, you and I talked about some very serious content, all about the church.Later, because it was getting late, I saw Sister Zhao get up to go to the toilet. I thought she should wash up too, so I didn’t want to disturb her. I was going to continue to read some of my remaining "Psalms", and then I was going to bed. .

This was a normal scene and a normal conversation, but it just happened so suddenly.

Sister Zhao came back suddenly and chatted with me about other topics.

I suddenly saw Sister Zhao undoing the buttons on her chest one by one while talking, like a slow-motion camera, and finally unbuttoned her chest all the way to reveal her snow-white skin.The black shirt she was wearing made herself look sexy.

I saw her talking, but I couldn't hear what she was saying.

At this moment, shock and fear enveloped me, and I looked at her face in horror.

Sister Zhao didn’t know that I used to be gay, and I had already made up my mind to forsake sin, but sin has power over people. Although I made up my mind not to be gay anymore, my old self was still very big at that time, I am still under the control of crime.

At that moment, I felt a very familiar feeling, just like when I became gay at that time, the completely uncontrollable lust and lust.

She didn't seem to feel anything, didn't fasten her collar, and was still talking to me.I don't know why she did this, I know that an ordinary person might not be affected by such a thing, but why me?Does Sister Zhao vaguely know that I am gay?Does she sometimes vaguely know things like I do?

I knew I shouldn't have done it, and I knew God knew what was on my mind.I want to force myself to stop these dirty thoughts, but my eyes can't help but go to her chest, it's really dirty, but I even feel like I'm blushing.

What she said to me later, I just responded verbally, but I didn't listen to anything at all.

She finally went to the bathroom.

I was frightened to death. I threw down the Bible and lay on the bed, buried myself in the quilt, and kept praying in my heart: Lord!Why!Why is this happening!Haven’t I already confessed and repented to you?Hasn't Your precious blood washed me clean?Why do I still have problems with this?Didn't you already tell me that homosexuality is a sin?Haven’t I already confessed and repented to you?Haven’t I made up my mind never to be seduced by such evil feelings and selfish desires again?Am I not born again?

At that time, there were indeed some self-defeating thoughts, and a thought said to me: God is simply fake, you are a homosexual, you were born homosexual, you will always be homosexual, you are deceiving yourself and others, deceiving yourself that you can change back.

If I didn’t have previous experience, I should easily give in to this kind of thinking, but now I really believe that God really exists, and I also believe that all God’s words are true.I believed that homosexuality in the Bible was caused by sin, so I immediately rejected that evil idea and continued to pray to the Lord continuously.

After this, my heart gradually calmed down.

After finally calming down, I didn't dare to think about it anymore, and I didn't want to see Sister Zhao again. I went to sleep directly, so that I wouldn't have time to think about these messy things, so as not to be put in temptation again.

Thank the Lord, when I woke up the next morning, I checked myself and found that the force that compelled me had receded.

I can finally think carefully about what happened yesterday.

There is a saying in that circle that "all homosexuality is born", but after my own experience this night, I can say with certainty, no!That is a trap of the devil, who deceives people. He takes advantage of human weakness and his own lies to imprison people in the prison of sin. Only the precious blood of the Lord Jesus can free people from this sin.

As long as people repent and only believe in the great work of the Lord Jesus on the cross, they can be freed from sin.Don't give the devil any place, reject him firmly, and you can be saved by the Lord.

But if a person only relies on himself, he cannot win, and it is impossible to win.Only the God who made the heaven and the earth has the power to save sinners.This is why many people think that they are born gay and cannot change it, because of course they cannot change it on their own.

Last night there was a powerful force that wanted to force me to submit, but I overcame it by relying on the precious blood of the Lord, and I did not compromise. As a result, today the force is gone and I am normal.It's hard for me to really understand what's going on, but it's a lie that I'm not born gay.

In just one night, the force that compelled me yesterday was gone, and I regained my self-control.And I feel very disgusted by my series of thoughts and actions yesterday. This is not what I want to do at all, it is what sin forced me to do, but by the blood of my Lord, I can now escape from the bondage of sin Yes, I am really free!

I feel very sad again, because for a long time, I thought that I was a natural homosexual, and I thought that those abnormal emotions towards the same sex were spontaneous and beyond my control.Because of my sins, I was separated from God, and I did a series of things that I thought were unbelievable.If I had believed in God earlier and had confessed and repented before God earlier, I would not have experienced what happened to Wang Xuanhuan, and I would not have endured such great pain.

Of course, now the other way around, if it wasn't for that, how could I repent?The Lord really loved me and gave himself up for me.The most serious crimes I have committed will all be judged before God, and I will have to pay a corresponding price.I am self-willed and reckless, but I have nothing to pay such a price. God will judge me, so what can I use to pay the price for my sins?

The Lord Jesus himself gave up himself, crucified for me, redeemed my lost life with his own life, and saved me from the fire of hell judgment.How can a "thank you" express my gratitude to him?

I was saved by the Lord, but the devil did the same thing again, trying to pull me back to stay in the fire of hell, or he wanted to make me sin again and stay away from God, away from my joy, thank the Lord, this time by prayer, I am saved Victorious.

But Sister Zhao, I don't know what happened to her. She was obviously used by evil spirits yesterday.She doesn't know I'm gay, but the devil knows.I have been under the devil's hand before, and he knows all my weaknesses and strengths.The devil used her to seduce me, and he will come again in the future.But what about Miss Zhao?She is not a Christian, how could she be used so easily by the devil?

I know the devil has left me for a while, but he won't let it go.This made me feel both relieved and apprehensive.

Last night, an evil spirit was between me and sister Zhao.

I have never found Sister Zhao very attractive. I have always thought that her face is dark and dry. How could it be possible that a person who you never thought was beautiful suddenly became a beauty in your eyes?At that time, that emotion was completely uncontrollable, and it was so powerful that it could even change my aesthetics in an instant.

Will Christians still be the minions of the devil?Will it still be a tool used by the devil?I don't know.

But I still vaguely know one thing in my heart: the Lord will test me through this matter, and yesterday I overcame the temptation by relying on the Lord.

I thought: Sister Zhao’s behavior is very strange. Did she disregard the dignity of a saint and do this in front of my face?She will certainly come up with her own legitimate reasons.

I have despaired of all kinds of reasons and arguments of sinners, because I have been like this myself before, and I know how many excuses there are in sinners' mouths for their sins.

People in the circle used to say that homosexuality is not a sin, and we all say that homosexuality is love. We are very angry why people in society do not accept us, why do you want to make homosexuality look down in society, and why are you unwilling to open your minds? Come and accept us.We have parades and calls for legislation, all of which are to make society accept us, to make homosexual behavior accepted by social order and good customs, and to use human behavior to promote changes in moral values.

Some people even take the Bible to say that God did not say that homosexuality is a sin, because the Bible says that Jonathan loved David.

enough!

Is it society that makes homosexuals look down?Not really.The reason why homosexuals can't lift their heads is because they are condemned by conscience and the Holy Spirit.The reason why everyone feels this way is because conscience and the Holy Spirit really exist, and they do not exist in human imagination.

I don't want to go to hell.I don't want to pay for the so-called homosexual theory that people put forward. I have suffered enough. Thank God that he whipped me and told me to repent. He didn't send me to hell in the end.

The Lord Jesus saved me. I should have suffered the death penalty. I deserved to be hanged on a tree and cursed, but He took all the punishment for me.From beginning to end, he is the only one who is willing to die for loving me.

I can’t understand such great love, but I don’t want to stiffen my neck and offend God.

It was the first time I experienced firsthand that I could actually not be gay, or that I had reacquainted myself with the fact that I wasn't gay by nature.This was the first time I truly experienced the influence of evil spirits on me.

With the help of the Lord, I have been able to refuse, although I am still not proficient.

But I still have a very tricky problem:

"Lord, how should I face Sister Zhao in the future?"