living sacrifice

My grandfather was a Christian, and I used to accompany him to church when I was a kid, and then I would watch people worship, put on airs and sing hymns, and sleep there most of the time.I myself know that I don’t believe at all, but I still prefer church songs, especially the chorus, which is very solemn, and I feel that my soul has been washed every time I go there.

But for so many years, I have never been to church again. Since my relationship with my grandfather was not good, I never thought of going to church.

The church I went to when I was a child had a large chapel, a wooden building at least two stories high, with a spire on it, and the sound of a pipe organ resounded throughout the church, and there were also choirs singing in white clothes with a red cross on their chests. There were many The old people sat underneath and listened to the sermon.In the impression of the church, the whole building is magnificent, and everyone's expressions are very solemn, but I feel that something is missing.

This time, You Yan took me to a different church.

We left the subway, walked along the main road into an unfamiliar neighborhood, and turned into a house on the second floor of the neighborhood. She opened the door and introduced me, "This is the church."

Someone inside was washing the dishes, someone was mopping the floor, someone was cleaning the room... There was also an undressed boy who looked sleepily at the door, and then took his clothes into the inner room with a dissatisfied expression.

Isn't this an ordinary residence?Where is this church?I froze.

You Yan was walking in front of me. She embraced others generously and shouted loudly: "Hi! Brothers and sisters! I'm coming~"

The people inside also looked puzzled, and asked You Yan: "Who is this?"

"This is my cousin, Lin Xiao." You Yan pulled me behind me, "Lin Xiao, this is Qian Junru, this is Qian Junru's husband, this is their home. This is Chen Xueyan. This It's xxx..."

After hearing it, I couldn't remember any of them. I don't like to remember people's names, and I almost forgot the first person's name after talking too much.

The people inside greeted me enthusiastically, changed my shoes again, and greeted me: "Come in and sit down. Don't be restrained, here are all your brothers and sisters. Because we are a new church that has just been established, there is only one month, so we will worship at my house for the time being, and if God is gracious in the future, we should have a bigger meeting place."

"Oh." I nodded.

But I'm still a little confused, shouldn't churches be established in large places? Aren't there churches everywhere in City S?How can God's grace be needed to have a place to meet?Why not join those people?

I've never heard of such a sloppy church, but to be honest, it's a lot easier to meet in someone's house than in a serious church.And there is a bird and a dog in their house. If I really can't talk to anyone, at least I can tease the small animals.

I looked around and looked at every corner of their house.

Now that You Yan has promised to come, I will give her face today, I think I will hear the end of the first half here, and then go back by myself.

You Yan said to me: "Don't be nervous, just treat them as little spirits. We are all little spirits. Although our eyes can't see often, it doesn't mean it's fake. We have to accept it with faith. Many things... Lin Xiao, just believe. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen. Believe that there is a God, and believe that He blesses those who believe in Him.”

I think this is quite nonsense. As long as I believe in God, there is God, so if I don’t believe in God, then there is no God?Isn’t this the essential difference between those of us who don’t believe in God and those who believe in God?

Moreover, I am not here today to believe in Youshen. I am here today to silence You Yan and tell her not to preach the gospel to me in the future.

I thought: Anyway, when you come, you have to leave. What does it matter if you can’t remember the name?

Thinking about it this way, I stopped being scared and started to relax.

There was a woman who was sitting in a corner all the time, and she didn't chat with anyone, just kept bowing her head in prayer.Because she was pretty, I took a second look at her.She also seemed to have a sense, and suddenly raised her head and smiled at me shyly.

I had a good impression of such people, so I left You Yan's group and ran to the corner seat.

"Hello." I said.

During the chat, I learned that her name is Dong Yiyi.

Dong Yiyi looks very delicate, I am particularly impressed by her two big dark circles.

She said that she often couldn't sleep well at night, and she came to church just to be healed.She pointed out her eyes to me and said they were not pretty.

But I don't think so, I said: "It's nothing, it's pretty good-looking. If you don't look carefully, it's still smoky makeup."

She smiled, very sweetly.Although her face was tired, she had two beautiful dimples when she smiled.

Seeing that I was a bit unfamiliar with this place, Dong Yiyi said to me: "It's okay, I won't get used to it for the first time, it will be fine after a long time. I'm actually not used to being in the church either."

"Have you just been baptized, too?"

Dong Yiyi shook her head and said: "I have been baptized for several years, but I haven't adapted yet. The church is very complicated, but I don't want to tell you this, so as not to scare you. Are you You Yan's younger sister? I want to say, don't believe it. Anyone in the church, including me. Don't follow people, only God can't be wrong."

It's kind of weird, isn't it?Shouldn't a group put gold on their face when introducing themselves to others?Since she said this to a stranger, it means that she doesn't really love this group in her heart, at least she doesn't trust it very much.

I thought about it, and felt that she probably reminded me out of kindness that there was no need to think so complicatedly, so I nodded and said, "Okay. I think you are pretty nice."

"I'm not a good person, I know it myself." She shook her head, "We are all saved sinners, and in the church, a group of saved sinners gather together. I have been to many places before, and in those places I was hurt a lot. There used to be a church that confessed and repented every day, confessed and repented every day, confessed and repented every day, and confessed and repented as soon as I opened my mouth. In another church, when I entered, I told the elders that I didn’t sleep at night, who knew that the elder said I was possessed by a demon I was dead, and even said it was a dog spirit, which scared me so much that I couldn't sleep for several days..."

I laughed when I heard her say these strange things. I thought she was really stupid, and people would believe that there was a dog spirit in her.

But she smiled helplessly and said, "Maybe I shouldn't tell you this. You don't need to listen to me, just pretend you haven't."

"It's okay, I'm not affected."

"That's good." She seemed genuinely relieved.

I looked at the house with great interest. To be honest, families who can afford such a house in S City are very wealthy.And the layout of the whole room also makes people feel comfortable.

Sunlight streams in through the large windows and hits the black and white graphics pasted on the walls.The figure is a tree with a wooden bird-shaped clock hanging on it, full of the breath of nature.The door of the toilet was half open, and a black starling could be vaguely seen, calling "Hallelujah", "Hello, welcome", "Lord loves you"... In the corner of the room there were still There is a massage chair that looks like it can wrap your whole body in it.

In the very center of the room is a small mobile podium with a thick Bible under it.

Seeing that "Bible", I felt that my memory seemed to be opened, as if back before primary school, my grandfather and I hid on the balcony every day, and every time I went to my grandfather's house, I would listen to him talk about Jesus Christ s story.

At that time, I really liked listening to these stories. I don’t really remember what kind of mentality I was in. I just liked listening to the stories in the Gospels. I wanted to know what Jesus did and said. interesting.

I myself am not too sure whether these stories are true. I feel that I have a higher degree of trust in Jesus and feel that He is more real, but I have a longing for the Garden of Eden, but it is hard to believe it.But vaguely feel that these things seem to be true or false, and want to know why.

It wasn’t until later that my family found out, they laughed at my grandfather in front of me, and they also laughed at me for believing a story told by a person with elementary school education. They said that humans were not created by gods, but evolved. I don't understand this.

My mother scolded me when I got home: I read in shit.

Because of being ridiculed by my parents, I suddenly hated my grandfather. I felt that he lied to me and made me suffer humiliation at home.Until his death, he was never as close as he was when he was a child.

I regret it now.

I regret everything.

When I heard that Qian Junru was a preacher, I was very curious about what kind of person she was, because I always felt that a preacher was a particularly sacred figure.

Out of curiosity, I watched Qian Junru and the others praying together. I couldn't hear what they were praying, but I could see their serious expressions.

I found that most of the people in this church were women, and they even cried when they prayed, especially Qian Junru, who had a runny nose and tears.This incident made me very uncomfortable. I didn't know what they were crying about, and I felt that there was nothing to cry about.

After praying, Qian Junru came to see me. Her eyes were still red from crying, but she smiled at me and said, "Lin Xiao, you were brought in by You Yan. You are welcome to our church."

You Yan put her hand on my shoulder, she stood behind me, she was not very polite to Qian Junru: "Lin Xiao was not brought by me, but by the Lord."

"I know the Lord brought her in. I mean the Lord will bring her in through you."

"Glory to God is enough."

Qian Junru rolled her eyes halfway, and I could see that she was holding back.Instead of looking at You Yan, she said to me: "Lin Xiao, why don't you sit on the sofa?"

You Yan pressed my shoulder and said, "It's better for Lin Xiao to sit in the middle of the first row. It's her first time here, so she can hear the most clearly when she sits here."

"Well then, I see Lin Xiao likes to sit there." Although Qian Junru was still smiling, that kind of smile made me panic.

I don't know what they are doing, I feel that You Yan and Qian Junru are at odds with each other.

I didn't want to be somehow involved in the women's struggle, so I said, "Don't bother, I'll just sit here."

"Okay, it's fine if you like a hard stool. I wanted to make you sit more comfortably. By the way, do you have a Bible at home?"

Before I could speak, You Yan replied first, "It's the first time someone comes to church, so you must give her a Bible, right?"

"No, no, no," I said, "my grandfather used to believe it, and I have a Bible at home. But the version I use may be different from yours. My Bible doesn't have such teeth on the side."

You Yan took a copy from a pile of new "Bibles" and gave it to me, removed the plastic cover and said, "Then this is what the Lord has blessed you with."

"Thank you."

"Just thank God."

"Thank God."

What an awkward long conversation.

Thankfully the service has finally begun.