the one who lives in my body

Standing at the door, the room was silent. I thought, maybe the big brothers who were sitting on the bed and I had never met before didn't know what was going on at this moment, and neither did I.

"You... Did we disturb you because we were too loud?" For a moment, the atmosphere was slightly awkward until one person spoke, breaking the deadlock at the moment.

"...Actually, I am the staff responsible for the care of the Amut people on the ship, so I am a little concerned...what you just discussed," scratching his head, trying to make his tone appear natural, "We have not received any For related notices, may I ask... is there really such a thing?"

I hope this is just a wild guess of us little soldiers. After all, the high-spirited talk in the boys' dormitory is the most normal.

The tall man sitting at the door scratched his head, as if a little embarrassed, "There is no official notice, but our battalion commander told us a few words to make us get ready. I guess it's just a guess."

Looking at each other for a moment, everyone in the dormitory nodded in agreement.

This kind of rhetoric made me feel a little relieved, "That's it, that's fine, excuse me." I took two steps back, and when I was about to close the door, I heard one of the soldiers shout to me:

"Let's not get too emotionally invested in that alien creature."

"Huh?" I stopped the movements in my hands.

"I don't want you to be cold-blooded, but what if it's true?" The one who spoke just now added.

"Yes, I will ask clearly."

After closing the door, I thought, whether it is the doctor or Xie Dongrong, I have to get an answer to this question.

Although I can't understand more than that, I can't change anything if I know the answer, and it is more likely that it will only increase sadness and anxiety.

Xie Dongrong sent a message that night, telling me that he would not come to my place.

With doubts in my heart, I couldn't wait, so I decided to squat him on the floor of his dormitory.

When I arrived at the elevator entrance on the top floor, I thought I would be let through as before, but I didn't expect to be turned away this time.

"Sorry, you can only visit the top floor during certain hours." The receptionist's expression was humble, but I felt as if I had been slapped hard, and I froze in place.

Also, how important are the "secrets" of the upper echelon, how could an insignificant civilian like me be allowed to come in and out at will?That being said, I'm being self-indulgent.

Picking up the optical computer, I didn't know how to get in touch with Xie Dongrong for a while, and I didn't know how to speak. After all, if I was asking about this kind of thing, it seemed that I didn't know the importance.

"Can we meet at night? It's at your place."

Xie Dongrong's reply came quickly - "What's the matter?" It was concise and clear, without any emotional color.

"It's nothing, I just want to see you." After thinking about it, I finally said it in a half-joking way.

"I'm busy today, let's go tomorrow." This was Xie Dongrong's answer.

For some reason, for no reason, I thought of his birthday celebration with Xie Ningbai yesterday...and that sincere letter.

Suddenly, not even tomorrow, I don't want to see him anymore.

Reason told me that this kind of thinking was naive, but at that moment, the feeling of disappointment almost overwhelmed me with the disappointment from the bottom of my heart.

I then contacted Dr.

The doctor may not be as busy as Xie Dongrong, so I made an appointment, and he will be able to meet me tonight.

"This is the first time you have asked to see me." The doctor rested his chin on his hand, with a look of interest on his face.

"Actually, I want to ask the doctor some questions," I said with a smile, "As for the purpose of the soldiers on the ship going to Amut star this time, it may not be appropriate for me to ask this question, but I I think I'm entitled to know."

Apparently he didn't expect me to ask this question, he stared at me for a while, and suddenly, the doctor laughed, "It seems that Ah Shu already has a lot of affection for the Amut people, but I can only tell you regretfully, I I don't know, I'm too uninterested in anything other than my research."

"Really?" I was a little frustrated, the doctor and Xie Dongrong were the only two people I knew on this mothership who might be close to the truth.

"Is there anything else? I think we can talk more than that." The doctor tilted his head slightly, trying to bring up the next topic.

"……All right."

I smiled, feeling helpless for myself—the situation was clearly extraordinary, and yet my mind was still so full of personal matters that it was hard to tell, really.

"About the question that the doctor asked me some time ago, I actually went back and thought about it carefully, and now I'm not as sure as I was before." With my hands on my knees, I sat upright, with a serious face on my face.

The doctor raised his eyebrows, then raised his hand, motioning for me to continue.

"I think, I might like Xie Dongrong a little bit." This is the first time I voluntarily admit this in front of my elders, I have to say I feel a little ashamed, "Because Xie Dongrong was watching outside last time, I didn't dare admit."

I lied without changing my face, half-truth and half-false, so that I believed it myself, "But at least on the surface, Xie Dongrong doesn't know this." Staring at my curled fingers, I said: "After going back After thinking about it for a long time, I was still a little concerned, so I wanted to ask the doctor."

Looking up again, I found that the doctor had frowned, and he was staring at me as if he was examining some elusive, troublesome little object, which was frightening.

"When did it start?" He asked with a doctor's attitude.

"I haven't counted it, three years? There is always two years." I dare not say too long, I am afraid that the doctor will follow the clues and find the truth of the matter.

"Do you have sexual desire?" The doctor asked directly.

My thoughts froze slightly, "Yes." My fingers couldn't help but curled up even tighter.

"You have to know that Xie Dongrong is a very smart person. If you've been in love for so long, it's impossible for him not to know about it." The doctor spread his hands, and began to analyze the relationship between Xie Dongrong and me in the posture of an emotional master, "and Presumably you also know that the possibility between you and him is almost zero."

It is obviously an indisputable fact, and I know it clearly in my heart, but when these words are said so easily and naturally from others, my heart throbs like never before.

"I'm sorry, Ashu, I hope you don't blame me for being straightforward. In fact, I have talked with the princess, Dongrong himself, and even your mother about the coping strategies for this possibility."

This is something I hadn't thought of before.

"Although the princess' attitude is that as long as the two children are happy with each other, your mother is against it." The doctor's attitude is very serious. As for the bodies of the two of you, to a greater extent, it will also be related to the fate of Namin, and I think your mother is also considering the latter."

"And Dong Rong's attitude is also very clear—"

Did my heartbeat stop or speed up at that moment?I can no longer tell.

"He has no feelings for you, and he is unlikely to change in the future, and his sexual orientation is also very clear, he is a heterosexual, there is no doubt."

For a moment, I felt at a loss. I didn't even know why I was sitting here, why I listened to so many inexplicable things like this.

I don't think the doctor's words can be trusted. For this kind of thing, you still have to ask the person...you have to ask Xie Dongrong.

Because in my cognition, maybe at a certain moment, from his eyes, I can see that he likes me.

Could it be that those were all illusions?I do not believe.

"I asked him to write a diary before. I don't know if this habit is still maintained. Anyway, with his permission, I have read two pages. The words on it are also obtained after reading. the result of."

The doctor's words are cruel, at one point, I even had an extremely angry emotion towards him, but after that, there was endless emptiness, because I couldn't refute, and I couldn't even prove that the feeling in my heart was correct .

As if seeing my distraction, the doctor put his hands on my shoulders and shook vigorously, "Ashu, now I want to ask you, do you really like him? The reluctance of the soul, or the attachment? Can you tell the difference between the two?"

I can't answer, I really want to tell him loudly that I love Xie Dongrong, from a very young age to this big, I hate people questioning my feelings, but how much I want, how much I want to make this innocent love It's due to the onset of sequelae, so that I don't look so embarrassed myself.

"Perhaps you should be separated for a while." Looking at my expression, the doctor seemed to understand something, "After he finishes the necessary electric shock for separation, he will not be so dependent on you. You can leave without any burden."

My thoughts have been wandering, and I can't adapt to the blockbuster bombs released by the doctor one after another, "Electric shock?" I clearly remember that I promised Xie Dongrong not to do this?

Seeing the bewildered look on my face, the doctor frowned, "He didn't tell you..." Putting his hands on his forehead, the current situation was obviously beyond the expectation of the doctor, and the ridiculous thing is that what I said now is just a fabrication The real facts, the real facts, would probably make him even more distressed.

"What's going on with you two kids?" After saying this, the doctor entered a long cooling-off period, and then he took a deep breath and told me: "Talk this matter to him when you go back, and turn around I will give you a special 'treatment' for this situation, this time for you."

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. When I stood up, I felt like an unlucky soldier who had been shot all over his body, as if he would collapse and die the next second.

"Ashu, I think you don't seem to believe what I said." The doctor had obviously been observing my face. Before I left, he stared at me calmly and said, "If I give you a clear understanding The opportunity of Xie Dongrong's true thoughts, even if it is particularly cruel, are you willing to accept it?"

"This kind of illness mixed with personal emotions is also the last thing I want to encounter."

"It's for your own good too."

For my own good?It is probably hopeless, and I feel extremely angry at these words.

If it's for my own good, why do I feel so uncomfortable with every word he said, as if all the bones in my body were broken?

for my good?

No, or maybe the doctor is really doing it for my own good.

Lying on the desk, I suddenly figured it out, and raised my head.

Sweat all over his face, maybe tears.

In the end, I actually laughed out loud.

The author says:

rest tomorrow