the one who lives in my body

As I wished, he left, still in the middle of the quarrel.

I froze in place for a long time, and finally came to know this fact vaguely. The next day, after a little verification, I found that my guess was indeed correct.

He didn't even take a break, and after rushing to the ship for a few hours, he returned to the battlefield without stopping.

I can't tell what it feels like, it's probably a little inexplicable, and of course I'm a little disappointed, but I know his character after all, this is indeed something Xie Dongrong can do, there is no doubt about him. , never disappoints.

Perhaps the doctor's previous thoughts are indeed beyond reproach. Anyway, after Xie Dongrong came back, my condition did improve quickly, and I can return to the studio to be with my seniors soon.

It is a bit ashamed to say that because the rock is gone, my identity can no longer be of any use, and now the research on the Amut people has gradually turned to military content. Soon after, I lost interest in the content there It’s missing, although because of professional issues, I really can’t help any real help, at most I can help the seniors deliver equipment and configure medicines, etc., but as long as I think that the purpose of doing all this now is to harm The Amuts, even killing them on a large scale, gave me a headache.

The headache here refers not only to the psychological aspect, but also to the physical aspect.

This kind of life lasted for half a month. Although I didn't suffer from any illness during this period, I always had no time to take care of my mech making because I participated in the work of my predecessors. However, when I fell on the bed exhausted, After I suddenly realized that all I had done was for the purpose of killing, I fell into a kind of endless despair.

The mentality of the seniors is completely different from mine. What they encountered in the territory of Panshi during that time seemed to make them more indifferent and cruel to the Amut people, and they also took it for granted that I should do the same .

Suddenly, I realized that I had become an outlier among them. Of course they didn't realize it. They even expressed deep sympathy for my experience and taught me as a junior.

To be honest, I am very grateful to them, but after all, I feel that I can't stay in this place anymore, I start to think of a way, start to find my way to survive, although the people I know on this mothership are not many.

Xie Dongrong?Since he left that time, he never came back and never contacted me again. I guessed how busy he was, and about not contacting him anymore, after all, I no longer have any special relationship with him now. , but also normal.

In the end I went to the doctor, and I should be glad that he is a reliable elder. After listening to my heart, he told me: "Actually, I don't have the ability to transfer you out of your department to do things for me, because I am here. There is no position suitable for you."

Listening to the doctor's words, I felt ashamed for a while, "No, doctor, I was abrupt and said something to trouble you."

The doctor waved his hand not minding, stroked his chin with his fingertips, pondered for a moment, and told me: "Actually, I'm planning to go back to Earth."

I looked up at him, I think at that time, my expression was probably a little dull.

The doctor continued: "In fact, I was deceived. When I stepped on this spaceship, no one told me that the situation would become what it is now."

"No one wants to be used as a gunman, but I feel that I have become a tool used by the government to attack Amut Planet?" For the first time, in the doctor's eyes, I saw full of sarcasm. It was the first time he publicly expressed his dissatisfaction with the government.

"Now the mothership is ready to land on the Amut planet. Part of the spaceship towed on it will be responsible for transporting supplies and returning to Earth. I will take advantage of that time to go back." The doctor spread his hands slightly, "Tao Shu, you are a Good junior, we have known each other for... many years."

Realizing what the doctor was saying, for an instant, I straightened my back.

"I can take you back with me, as another person... You live in the capital, I suggest you not go back to the capital until the big troops return. You are still young, and I'm afraid there is no one there yet." The experience of living in other cities, I have to tell you first, I will not take you in..."

In fact, the meaning expressed by the doctor is very simple, that is, if I want to go back with him, unless I hear the news that the large army has successfully returned to the earth, before that, I will have to live in another city outside the capital. This time can be long or short, It could be a month, or it could be years.

"Perhaps it's inappropriate to say this now." Seeing my solemn expression, the doctor laughed. "This is a good opportunity for you to leave Xie Dongrong and find your own life. You have to seize it."

For a while, my mind was confused, and I told the doctor that I had to think about it, but the doctor told me that I only had one night to think at most, because soon, those spaceships preparing to return to Earth will set sail, maybe tomorrow evening time.

Back in the studio, I heard the seniors discussing the poisonous gas again. What kind of impact will this have on the Amut people?

I can't believe that as long as the order is given the authority of the government, the inhuman cruelty in it becomes justified?Of course, I can't tell the seniors these words, I just trot over under their beckoning and hand them the equipment they need.

At night, sitting in the small room that was once used to guard the rock, it is actually useless here, and it has begun to be used to store sundries. I don’t need to sleep on this bed here. In the dormitories of the predecessors, there are better ones. Facilities await me.

But I stared at the small window, and I saw that the place where the rock used to rest is now filled with chemicals used to kill the Amut people. It became hideous, so I sat at the desk, took out a page of letter paper from the drawer, and wrote some words on it.

It was written to Xie Dongrong.

To say it was a breakup letter is actually not very appropriate, it is more like a confession of my own heart for so many years.

I used to despise the kind of little girl who wrote a short essay hypocritically before breaking up. I thought that was a very naive behavior.

Yet now I do.

"Xie Dongrong, please allow me to recite your name silently, although since I was a child, this name has been whispered in my heart thousands of times.

I think I have to leave, the atmosphere of the battlefield may not be suitable for me, why things have developed to this point, this has always been a point of confusion for me, now you have become a part of the war, in fact, I really want to know There won't be a single moment when you'll be confused about what you're doing right now.

Of course, this is not the main reason for me to write this letter. In fact, what I mainly talk about is 'us'.

You are the perfect lover in the hearts of many girls, although before you wake up, I have dreamed of this kind of love dream countless times, until the moment you wake up.

For so many years, I don’t think anyone knows your temperament better than me. I have seen all your appearances. When you smile, you are so intoxicating. When you raise your chin, it looks like a sharp knife. Teasing and stabbing my heart tentatively all the time.

No one has ever made me care so much, and if it is not unexpected, there will be no more in the future. In my few years of life, you have occupied too much position. Sometimes I even feel that I am for you live.

But you are as unattainable as the sun in the sky, even when you look directly at it, it hurts my eyes. I seem to be waiting forever for the moment when your light shines on me.

You probably can't understand how happy I was when you finally agreed to be with me. The sense of honor that seemed to be blessed even made me shudder when I recalled it.

Although it was only a few months, you gave me everything I expected. Although your skills are not very good, and even hurt me most of the time, but looking at you, thinking about this People looked at me like this, and I couldn't stop getting excited. The excitement of being about to hold the light is the most sincere expectation of young children.

But I forgot, you are the sun, you will sting my eyes, burn my palms, scorch my heart, you shouldn't come down to me, when I look up at the sky and see so many beautiful stars When I realized that I was small enough to match you, it would lead us into a similar pain, because we were never equal, and we would never be as harmonious as any other close couple. get along.

So, we broke up.

Up to now, any accusation is useless, the usual things have passed, I realize that we all need a growth, and I decided to bury everything you gave me in my heart and never think about it again.

One of the questions I was most puzzled in the past was-does Xie Dongrong love me or not?And now I realize, just like you never ask me this question, the one who is truly loved will not doubt, the answer to this question is no longer important, I find that I have been looking for it all my life A man who values ​​himself and it makes me throw everything I have at no cost, I don't know if I should be thankful I'm young enough to make mistakes and you have more room to grow than I do , if getting acquainted with me can make you a little bit better, then it should be considered my honor.

Xie Dongrong, I'm leaving. I don't want to see everything in front of me again. I want to go back to the earth and live in a city other than the capital city. This may be the last time. I pronounce your name in this tone, no matter what What will each of us experience in the next time, at this moment, I will bless you in my own name. "

At this point, my decision is complete.

As an insignificant person with little effect, I finally decided that I want to go back to Earth.

The author says:

Rest tomorrow!