Water lanterns and dreams in 1 nights

In order to take the initiative to pile up the tableware and go to wash it, I saw him very happy, and let him let me clean it up, but my concern made him change color-"Are you angry with me? Blame me for not doing it properly for so long. work."

"No. It's not a big deal, so why bother to get angry with you. Since you're not feeling well recently, just take a rest. I can do it by myself."

Xiuyi sneered, "I know you can do well by yourself. Anyway, I don't matter, you are more comfortable without me!"

I was considerate enough, and I didn't know which nerve he had misplaced. I frowned and said, "When did I say you don't matter, don't think about it and make trouble for yourself."

Xiuyi seemed to be out of breath, not only angry, but also heartbroken, and yelled some nonsense complaining that I had no heart. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and put his face on my back, "Why can't you need me more? You know that I am willing to do anything for you, even kill for you."

"I don't need you to do anything. I don't need to kill people." I took off the dry towel hanging on the wall and said while wiping my hands, "If you are impatient with me, just do what you want. You Such young people really can’t always do trivial jobs at home, and you don’t need to worry about housework in the future. I’m serious, find your own interests, as Aunt Tan always said, you have to find something you are interested in. This is very important."

I broke free from his encircling arms, turned around, Xiuyi didn't dodge, looked at me blankly, gritted his teeth and squeezed out words: "You are just, like, a rock!" Then he walked away , leaving me standing there, brow raised in bewilderment.

Two days later in the afternoon, Xiuyi took the initiative to knock on the door of the study again, and randomly stuffed a stack of manuscript papers into my hands, "Read it, this is the answer you want." He said lifelessly.

The sound of thunder suddenly came from outside the house. This was the first spring thunder of this spring, and then the rain fell profusely.

39. Bad boy 25

Showers are beginning to ease.

The strong wind and rainstorm suddenly stopped, turning into a silent drizzle, and the sky was still dim.

Xiuyi didn’t give me too much manuscript paper. He developed it in a letter-like manner, with neat handwriting and almost no revisions. Either it was done in one go, which was not easy in terms of space, or it was carefully transcribed.

I turned over the blank first and second pages, and the writing began on the third page. "Dear Uncle," he wrote, "Good day. I have finally learned that you don't care much about me. You kept asking me for an answer, even though I acted so embarrassed and confessed it was to protect you. You don't care about my obstruction, you don't want my protection and care, you accept all the problems I throw at you, ignore them, don't get angry at me or ask for it, just like I begged you countless times. Then Well, I will give you the answers to all the questions you want to know, including my life history that you may not be interested in, my sensitive, angry and jealous bad temper, and explain the whole story for you. If you are reading this letter Don't say I didn't stop you from being hurt, I'm more than happy to see you hurt at this moment, I believe if I could see it with my own eyes, it would make me heartbroken and ecstatic at the same time.

In order to reduce the obstacles of reading the letter, I decided to start from the beginning in chronological order, which inevitably comes down to my family and childhood.If I say that I'm not a bad person through and through, I'm afraid it will seem to you another sophistry.Once in contact with the world over there, Hemei's monotonous life is the existence outside the glass window.Just like a vortex is formed in the entanglement of two different forces, when you are in the center of the vortex, you can try to keep yourself as still as possible, but there are always bits and pieces such as dry twigs, fish and shrimp, and rotten garbage being involved Wrapped in, and the vortex turns bigger and faster, and everything in it can no longer get out, unless a third external force intervenes to break the original balance of contradictions.

God didn't give me a choice, let me live in a whirlpool since I was born, the world is a deadly swamp with poisonous gas, and other people are hell.

A man and a woman whom I called my parents opened the Yanxia Restaurant, a small restaurant, dark and simple, with no light, and a few rooms in a remote corner were reserved for their own use, where they lived and boarded.In my childhood memories, I seem to never be able to remember the whole picture of that restaurant. I only remember the corridors one after the other. In some corridors, there are beds on both sides. The whole corridor is full of choking smoke; in some corridors there are no beds, but doors are opened on the wall, and each door is closed. From time to time, I can hear men and women leaking from inside. cry.

I named it the Vole Hole.

The intricate passages, the nesting of large and small holes, the restaurant and the vole's cave are very similar, and they cannot be discovered by people.They make their homes and are at home in the suffocating, dark underground, and everyone thinks they are dirty and humble, but if you smash the hole in their structure, you will find that they may have quietly stolen. Dozens of catties of grain were taken away.

Nobody told me that, but I know opium addiction can be described as a thin, slender vine that gnaws at your bones, sucks the essence of your flesh and blood, and makes you thinner and weaker every day.You're skinny, your eyes are cloudy, they won't stop, this selfish, greedy vine feeds off your weakness and materializes, what you thought were blue veins emerging from your increasingly lean body , but it was an addiction, the vines grew wildly from the bones, and pressed the flesh from the inside, waiting to break out.Some addictions just want you to die.

In a process like this, death is the norm, and I've seen it so much that it's no big deal.

They didn't shy away from me. The dead were quickly rolled up with straw mats, carried away and buried indiscriminately. They didn't bother to bury them, and threw them into the river as if they were drowned. People who came to the restaurant were not dignified, and their lives were low. No one will trace the cause of death for them.The only thing I didn't understand at that time was the sound coming from behind the door, and this only thing also lost its mystery when I snooped into my parents' room on a moonlit night.

Nothing makes me feel guilty and ashamed.I once sneaked a taste of my mother's hidden honey, an unassuming little jar stuffed under the bed.I found it and took a bite, then put it back when I thought it was too tired, but she still found it.A beating or shaming won't make me remember, she calls me a thief, then I'm a thief; she says I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch; it's not hard to admit the name she gave me, whatever she calls it , I am unimpressed.I can be a good child but she won't let me, because I'm my father's child and not hers, she makes me do laundry, cooking, chores, doing badly is justification for violence, my life skills are in learned at that time.

My admirable, gutsy father, always submissive, you can't imagine such a thing can have an affair and have a child, I always thought it was incredible that he could bring me home, mother ruled He, oppressing him, is like a tyrant treating a slave. I didn't expect the slave to play tricks. My existence is a slap on her face. It doesn't hurt much, but it can make her hold a grudge.As for my biological mother, I have never seen her before, and I have no impression of her, I just pretend that she doesn't exist, but my mother can't be as calm as I am, especially when I find that I don't look like any of them as I grow older.

While I received malice, beatings, and slander, I also suffered from sympathy and pity. Stupid people thought my life was a mess and spread their cheap feelings.That was the last thing I needed.They use this to show their kindness, and they often sigh and sigh when talking about me, pretending to look down on it, but they are indifferent. I am the best object for them to show their hypocrisy.

You are very different.

Grinding through my childhood, few things make me feel guilty and ashamed, compared to a little kindness that can make me feel at a loss.I don't say these words to win your affection, but to give a brief explanation of my growing environment. I understand that I don't fit your moral sense, but I still want you to understand that I am not a born bad species. If That's fine, I will never be caught between viciousness and remorse, I thought I was shameless and ruthless enough, but in fact I suffered from it countless times.

At a temple fair when I was 11 years old, I met a man who was different from everyone I met.He is neither enthusiastic nor indifferent; he is not considerate nor careless, a noble person who is just right—that is what you give me the deepest yearning for, since the day I met you, you have replaced the boring fantasy , became my ideal to shine into the present world.

Maybe you still don't understand my description, so many years of intentional or unintentional temptations, I'm sure you have completely forgotten our first meeting, even if you saw my face completely, as long as you put me in the slightest afterwards Put it in your heart, you will be able to recognize it, and said to me in surprise: "You are the child I met at the temple fair." 'Just this one sentence, I don't have to be angry for many years to come, and then again, I'm not so fascinated by you because of your good memory.

The temple fair entered through an archway. At that time, I was hiding in a dark, snow-covered corner of the street opposite the brightly lit temple fair. I had just been beaten for a trivial matter, half of my face was swollen, my abdomen hurt so badly, and I hadn’t eaten all day. , Stomach cramps.Yuan