little city

The night is gradually lengthening, and the city ushers in the quietest moment of the day. Some people sleep soundly, while others stay up all night.

I am going through the first and most painful night of my life, and the pain now is the pain deep in my soul.Sometimes my body curled up, my fists clenched tightly, and my whole body trembled; sometimes I lay on my back, my limbs were completely spread out, my eyes were round, and I stared at the ceiling numbly, like a dying patient; sometimes I sat up suddenly, Gaining a breath of life, the body fell down naturally.

"I have a boyfriend." This sentence played back in my mind over and over again.How silly of me, really, I should have seen that she had a boyfriend, how could a girl as beautiful and elegant as her not have a boyfriend?But, since she has a boyfriend, why did she hug me on that rainy day? Doesn't she know that I will be tempted?She's not the kind of casual person, is she?So why?What is she thinking?What's the use of thinking, she's rejected me already, she doesn't love me, is she just using my love like those bad girls?

But what does it matter if she doesn't love me?I love her so much, I love her delicate face, I love her frail body, I love her elegance in every gesture, I love her demureness when she is silent, I love her profound thoughts, I love her ethereal soul, I love her Tianshan Snow Lotus I love her as pure white and holy as the East China Sea, and I love her more than my life.

But she doesn't belong to me.

In the middle of the night, a gust of wind hit, followed by the sound of dense rain, rustling against the windows.This lonely night devours everything about me.

It seems to be sleeping or not sleeping, and no one cares about comfort.Lying stiff in a lonely bed, but thinking about it is ruthless and thoughtful.Love breaks the heart, sleepy eyes, want to open and close.Dreams follow the wind for thousands of miles, looking for Shu to go, but also startled by the rain.I don't hate Jing Shu for being ruthless, but hate myself for being too affectionate.When dawn comes and the rain passes, where is the sorrow?Weary all over.How much love is, how much hate is, and the flowers are flowing.If you look closely, it's not heartless, but eyes full of tears of lovesickness.

I am desperate, desperate for life, for love, for the future, everything.

For the next week, I lay in the dormitory every day, not wanting to do anything.Apart from sleeping and watching movies, Jing Shu's figure is always shaking in front of her eyes.

I also learned to smoke, took Dongdong's cigarettes, and started smoking one after another, until I became dizzy and nauseated.When Dongdong came back, looking at me, he felt distressed, so he kept telling me, "Well, there are many women, brother can help you find a better one another day."

I don't want to say anything, I don't want to do anything, I just want to rot in the dormitory, be decomposed by microorganisms, and turn into soil, as if I have never been in this world.

A week later, I finished watching all the movies and TV shows on the hard drive, especially revisiting "East Love". I watched those classic plots many times.Dongdong said that I look like Wanzhi in it, but Jingshu is not like Lixiang at all, but she has a temperament like Satomi.

I tried to get up from the bed, but my feet were sore and numb, and I couldn't feel the ground. My bent body looked like an 80-year-old man.I walked to the mirror, looked at the haggard face, and slowly tried to straighten my 19-year-old spine.A dignified man with strong bones, how could his youth be buried by my love.

I went to the bathhouse to take a shower, to wash away the exhaustion and this sad love. When the water from the shower head sprayed down, my tears gushed out again, let me cry unrestrainedly for the last time.Coming out of the bathhouse, I was full of vitality again, but a mature facial line had already appeared between the eyebrows.

I started to attend classes on time and actively completed my homework.In the education I have received for so many years, my studies always come first. In the future, I will study abroad and become an outstanding biologist.

I started to go to the library for self-study, and I was still sitting in a remote place in the back of the reading room of outdated periodicals. The administrator teacher still had the expressionless face, like a statue, but it was full of stories.I really want to know what kind of life this female teacher has experienced to be so calm and calm.

Two weeks passed by in a hurry. In such a small campus, even if there is no appointment, the chance of encountering each other by chance is quite high.At noon that day, when I walked out of the cafeteria gate, I saw Jing Shu coming from the opposite side.At that moment, I was completely bewildered and didn't know how to face it. I had never encountered such a situation.I walked forward as if nothing had happened, but I was still looking at Jingshu from the corner of my eyes. She seemed to have cried, she seemed to have lost weight, and she seemed to be haggard. I felt an inexplicable heartache.

Jingshu also saw me, and our eyes collided for a moment, but our footsteps didn't stop for anyone, we hurried past each other.

I felt that Jingshu meant to talk to me, and I also hoped to have a word with Jingshu in my heart.But for some reason, the fiery heart was overshadowed by the coldness on the outside.When I brushed away and left, my clenched hands were already dripping with sweat.

It turns out that those who feel at ease and let go have never had true love.For those who have truly loved, a glance can cause ripples in the other person's heart.I love Jingshu deeply, how can I let go so easily.

I stay in the fixed seat in the library every day, and I quickly make up for the homework I missed. I spend more time learning English, reading various English journals, listening to VOA broadcasts, and preparing for the English level [-] at the end of the year. take an exam.

In my seemingly peaceful life, an undercurrent soon began to surge.That night, I suddenly found a familiar figure sitting in the first row of the reading room. I was not mistaken, it was Jing Shu, it was really Jing Shu, even a back view had aroused my inner turmoil. .

Jing Shu came to the outdated periodicals room to borrow materials that day. She never thought that I would hide in this place. This is really a reading room that few students visit, and it is full of antique books.

On the first day, we didn't talk, and I even felt that Jing Shu must not have noticed that I was here.

The next day, Jing Shu came again, still sitting in the front row.The administrator still sat there motionless in a daze like a living Buddha, as if the world had never changed.

A few days ago, I always came first, and Jingshu came later.I could feel her looking behind, and I secretly felt the breath of Jingshu's arrival, but I refused to look up.

After Jingshu sat down, I raised my head with low self-esteem and self-esteem, and stared at Jingshu's back intently, without moving away all night.

After closing at night, I have to wait until everyone is gone before leaving.If I saw Jing Shu slowly packing her things, I would run away in a hurry, for fear of being alone with Jing Shu.

I long and fear.Longing for love, yet afraid of the pain of losing love.

Finally one day, Jing Shu arrived first, and she came very early.That day, as soon as I entered the door and saw Jing Shu, I hurried to the back row of the reading room, not daring to raise my head to look at Jing Shu.Are you shy?Is it fear?Is it masochism?I am struggling with love, struggling.

I sat down in panic, only to find an envelope on the table.It reads: Little dear, Jingshu.

I picked up the envelope, and when I looked to the front, the front row was empty, and Jing Shu had already left.

I nervously and urgently opened the envelope.