Brothers second and third

Chapter 31

When I returned to Harbin again, my overall mental state was very bad. When I closed my eyes at night, I could see my aunt's face, eyes deep in suffering.I am very guilty, I feel that my aunt passed away because of me.During that time, I was very afraid of answering the phone, and even more afraid of hearing my brother’s voice. I was afraid of hearing bad news. I knew that my uncle’s physical condition was also very bad, and I didn’t want to lose them again.The headache started again, and sometimes the pain was unbearable. I always hallucinated to hear people's voices, they were laughing: Lao Shan's family can't produce good seeds!

When my second child was at home, he always sat beside me and massaged my head. Sometimes I hugged him like a child and he would touch my back like a child.I don't know how long we can love, I'm really tired.The short summer in Harbin is finally here. Our little home will be bathed in sunshine all day long. I often sit on the sofa, open the windows fully, and let the wind blow in through the curtains. This feeling makes me feel warm. It's like going back to my childhood.In this way, I blew the wind for a whole summer.

The second child later found out about my family from nowhere. He hugged me distressedly for a long time, and then we both bowed our heads and remained silent.Love is a luxury for the fourth child, so why not for the second child and me?Another year passed, 33 years old, and the pressure took our breath away.Once at a gathering of colleagues, I happened to meet a colleague who was the second child. He was telling others interesting stories about their unit. He said: "In our unit, there is a colleague named XX. He is usually a nice person and serious about his work. It’s a pity that he is about to be promoted to a department manager, but he is reported as a misbehavior. Now everyone in the unit sees him as a joke. In fact, we have been together in the office for so long, and we didn’t believe it. I didn’t expect him to be gay !” The XX in his mouth is the second child.

When I heard these words from outside the crowd, I was surprised for a while, and smiled wryly.The second child never mentioned these things to me.I didn’t tell him the grievances I suffered in my hometown. I didn’t tell him the resentment of my aunt’s deceased brother. I was afraid that he would feel sorry for me. I didn’t tell me the grievances he suffered at work. He always smiled when he got home. He didn't want me to carry his burden either.We just hid our depression and protected each other.We are so careful to protect each other and maintain our love.

One night, my second child and I snuggled together to watch TV, and there suddenly appeared the vast snow-capped mountains of Tibet, the deep blue sky, and the prayer wheel that overcomes suffering.The longing in my heart began to ferment again, and I said to my second child: "Let's go to Tibet!"

The second child said, "Okay, if you want to go, then let's pack up and resign immediately and go to Tibet."

It was deep winter at that time, and I looked at the white snow under the street lamps outside the window with some regret: "It's a pity that summer is over."

The second child comforted me: "It's okay, then we can wait for summer."

I looked into the gentle eyes of my second child and smiled.The eyes of the second child were a little moist: "It's been a long time since I saw you happy."

Thinking about it for myself, it seems that I haven't been happy for a long time.

We hide our minds from each other, and in the end we still worry about each other. I hugged my second child tightly, feeling his body temperature and his smell. These have become my habits. If one day I have to quit these habits, I will I don't know how to go on with my life.

The second child finally resigned, and he came home that night and told me he had resigned with ease, without any expression on his face.I said as long as you are good, everything else is not important.The second child touched my face and didn't speak.After resigning, the second child has more time to rest. He was always busy in the past, and sometimes he had to accompany the leader to drink and eat. He often went home at night. Now I can see him every day when I go home. I think it is very good .During that time, the second child was not in a hurry to find a job. He usually submitted his resume online in the morning, and sometimes he would go to the fabric market to help Lele in the afternoon. He would call me every time before he went, implying to call me do not worry.In fact, sometimes I think, if he can really walk with Lele, it would be great, at least his future life can be the same as that of ordinary people, with a family, a child, parents with grandchildren, He no longer has to carry a comrade's stele on his back to live a hard life like me.But thinking of leaving him, my heart began to ache.

During the Chinese New Year, I went back to my hometown to visit my uncle once. His expression was dull. My elder brother said that my uncle had some dementia. Although my uncle was ill, I could often hear him muttering in his mouth. Sometimes he said, girl, it’s spring, sometimes I'm saying, Erwa, don't drink.Yatou is my aunt's nickname, and Erwa is my father's baby name.Only when his little nephew appeared in front of him would he laugh.My uncle has forgotten a lot of things. Whenever he sees me, he always asks me: Are you out of school?He thought I was reading.The eldest brother has experienced so many changes, and he is already full of weather before he is 40 years old.He once told me that he was going to move out of the village. He wanted to take his family to Hangzhou to work, and he couldn't stay in this village anymore.I didn't speak after hearing this, and I blamed myself and felt sad, because I had harmed them.

Spring in Harbin is cold.Fortunately, the spring in Harbin is very short. Once the spring is over, it will be a brilliant summer, with warm wind and bright sunshine.The second child found a job in a private company, and he became busy again, working overtime every night until late at night before returning home.He was very tired when he got home, took a shower and fell asleep.Most of the house loan has been paid off, and it will be paid off soon. I plan to let him change to an easy job after the loan is paid off.

My life with my second child continued, but I always felt a little uneasy in my heart.

One day in May 2012, my second child's mother suddenly called me and said she wanted to meet me.I was at work at the time, and I felt uneasy after receiving a call from my second mother's mother.After get off work, I went directly to the hotel I had made an appointment with, and the second child's mother was already waiting there.

The mother of the second child, we met before, she visited the house where my second child and I rented one year.She is a very kind old man, wearing a pair of presbyopic glasses, her hair is neatly combed, and her clothes are generous and natural.After we sat down, she smiled and asked me with a tired face, "You still know me, right?"

I said: "Know."

The old man sighed: "I hope you don't mind calling you so abruptly. In fact, our old couple already knew about the matter between you and my son. His father was very angry in the early years, and I kept him holding it back. I always thought that you two are still young, and after a few years you will understand that you can't live upright in society like this, but I didn't expect that you two have persisted until now, and my aunt also knows that it is difficult for you."

She called herself an aunt, and my heart trembled, feeling a little uncomfortable.

The old man went on to say: "Our old couple is getting old, and you and XX are both in their thirties, and they are not young. We old couple look at other people's children and grandchildren, and look at our knees. A grandson sometimes feels very uncomfortable."

I took a deep breath and looked out the window at the traffic.

The old man wiped his glasses: "Hey, don't blame your aunt for being selfish. I really hope that both of you are happy, but are you happy now?"

Think about me and my second child, how long have we not laughed happily, happiness seems to be a long time ago.

The old man said: "If you two really care about each other, then separate, it's good for you and him, don't be so persistent, young people can afford to let go, and live separately in the future, okay?"

I looked at the wrinkles on her face, her earnest gaze, so like an aunt, I felt very uncomfortable, but if I really want to leave my second child, how can I completely forget him?I bit my lower lip and felt a pain. I didn't know how to respond to my second child's mother.

She waited for a long time, I did not answer.She sighed and turned to look at the street lights outside the window, and I saw tears rolling down her eyes.My aunt is gone, my uncle is sick, my family is already in pieces, and the mother of the second child is so old that she sheds tears for the second child.I asked myself in my heart, do I really have to persist until my second child suffers as much as I do now?At least his mother is still alive now, and he still has the opportunity to honor the elderly.

I've been struggling with it, and when I finally made a decision, I felt a bitterness in my throat.I shook the old man's hand and walked out of the hotel.

It was dark and the street lights were on.The night in Harbin was unbearably cold, and I was walking on Gogol Street with a splitting headache.A person wandering aimlessly on the street like a ghost, I think of many things and people, Yang Xinkun's heartlessness, brother Ma's kindness, second child's smiling face, aunt's tears, and elder brother's vicissitudes.For so many years, I have always wanted to live seriously, I have loved seriously, and I have truly suffered, but in the end life is a mess.Thinking of being separated from my second child soon, my heart hurts like a knife.I suddenly regretted it, regretted agreeing to my second mother, and ran all the way to the door of the restaurant. The store was closed, and it was pitch black inside. I gasped for breath and looked at the darkness inside. A kind of despair spread in my chest, and it tore my chest. Internal organs, one after another without stopping.

When I got home late at night, my second child was already asleep on the sofa, and the colorful world outside was still playing on the TV.I sat lightly next to him and just watched him sleeping soundly. I was so familiar with his face, his eyelashes, and the scars behind his ears, but I still watched it over and over seriously, and I would never do this again. I looked at him seriously.I hugged my second child lightly, he woke up from the dream, and hurriedly grabbed my arm: "Where the hell did you go? The phone is also turned off, I can't find you anywhere! Where did you go?"

I fumbled in my pocket only to realize that the phone had gone somewhere long ago.I didn't speak, I stretched out my hand to touch his hair, my second child held me tightly in his arms, suffocating me tightly.

Both he and I knew that our days together were getting shorter and shorter.We used to swear to love each other for a lifetime, and we also kowtowed to Yue Laosan three times. We persisted for so many years, but in the end, we still lost to reality.