He said he was a god

"Hoo, hoo..." Ah Xiu woke up with a start, panting heavily.

A pair of hands wrapped around the back, "Did you have a nightmare?" It was Lu Sheng's deep voice.

"Lu Sheng, Lu Sheng..." Ah Xiu turned his head, his blank eyes immediately focused when he saw Lu Sheng.He hugged Lu Sheng tightly and kept kissing, "Lu Sheng... Lu Sheng..." He cried helplessly, like a child who lost everything and grasped the last ray of light.

Lu Sheng also kissed back, holding him tightly, "I'm here."

After a long time, Ah Xiu lay on Lu Sheng's chest, "Lu Sheng... I'm having a nightmare... Yours, mine... Lu Sheng, I'm afraid..." He, who has always been strong, let out a rare cry.

Lu Sheng patted him on the back, "I will be by your side. Forever. Always."

"Aren't you going back to your world?" Ah Xiu asked him sullenly.

Lu Sheng paused for a moment, "...Ah Xiu, I lied to you once."

Ah Xiu's heart skipped a beat, but he was calm, "I know."

Lu Sheng hesitated and kissed his forehead, "Sleep first, we'll talk about this tomorrow."

At least, let them have the last night before everything comes.

If possible, Lu Sheng hopes that this night will be an eternal night stretched far by time, and tomorrow will never come.

The next day, the wind and snow were still blowing, Xiu Wen got better, and ran away without a trace.

In Lu Sheng and Ah Xiu's room, Ah Xiu leaned in Lu Sheng's arms, watching the violent wind and heavy snow outside the window, and listening to him talk about the past.

"I'm not a god, I'm just an ordinary human being..." Lu Sheng's face was rarely disturbed, and the hand holding Ah Xiu was also tightened, fearing that he would push him away.

"I come from China in the 21st century, the predecessor of this empire. That...is a very vast country, and he is called the 5000-year-old Huaxia. Although many people are scolding that country, when the country is humiliated and difficult , but they were the first to jump out and charge the battle. The descendants of Yanhuang, the descendants of China, and the descendants of the dragon are what they call themselves; "May I see you rule the world in my lifetime" is their wish; "The mountains and rivers are still there, and the country is safe and peaceful. .Great country, why not prosper!', is their belief. China... This is my homeland, where I came from, and the land I once loved deeply."

Ah Xiu listened quietly, "Is that a good country?"

Lu Sheng shook his head, "No. What I love is the land owned by that country, the people who work on the land, the history created by the people, and the traces of customs left by history. I don't care about the party and government. But anyway, it was the worst of times and the best of times. So we love it and hate it at the same time. It seems that only hating can show how much we love. And I am the one A product of the times, or in other words, a product abandoned by the times..." Ah Xiu clenched Lu Sheng's hand, and he could feel the faint pain and tension in Lu Sheng's heart.

"I am an illegitimate child. My mother is a Dutchman living in China. She is beautiful, but she has nothing but beauty. My father, relying on his power, made love to my mother, but he also I just love her beauty, nothing else. And everything that is barely considered happiness has changed after I was born... The doctor said that my physique is poor, and I may die young if I am not careful. So my mother named me Lu Changsheng also put a longevity lock on me, which means a long life. At that time, my mother was very gentle. She often held me in her arms, sang songs to me, recited poems, coaxed me, and touched me. I said, "Changsheng is awesome, Changsheng is so good, my mother... I like Changsheng the most." But my father doesn't like me when I'm sick, and even my mother doesn't like me...

My mother and I lived in a dilapidated house, and while my mother was taking care of me, she was anxiously waiting for my father's occasional blessing.And when I was five years old, I was sent to learn martial arts from a master, and I was entitled to exercise my body so that I could live longer.Many physical skills were learned by me at that time.My mother often came to see me, but every time she came, she had a sad face, and finally turned into a face of resentment...During those ten years, my father only saw me twice.Every time they are cold-eyed and disdainful.I know, he doesn't like me.I don't look like him, I'm an illegitimate child, and I'm causing trouble for him and his wife.The point is that I'm still a broom star, short-lived.In this way, the father began to stay away from the mother, and the mother complained about herself every day, washing her face with tears.Unwilling to accept the truth about her fading and falling in love, she chose a way not to make herself feel so uncomfortable - to push everything to me, and I was the chief culprit for causing her to fall out of favor. "

Lu Sheng's voice was very quiet, but Ah Xiu could feel his body trembling slightly.At this moment, no matter what lies the man had told him, he didn't care anymore.It was as if a dangling knife had cut a wound in my heart, and it hurt.

"Don't be sad. Don't be sad. Lu Sheng. I'm by your side." He turned his head and kissed gently.

Lu Sheng tried his best to pull the corners of his mouth and smiled, "Then, every time she came to see me, she always had a look of resentment. She said that it would be nice if she didn't give birth to me. Why am I such an unpleasant guy? ...Yeah, I can't speak nice words to please my father, and I can't achieve amazing results to make him proud. He can't get anything in return from me. He should be disappointed in me and hate me. So I always keep silent. From my mother's scolding, I can see that she will be very happy after venting for a while, and then she will touch my hair, hug me, and say to me, "Changsheng, you are a good boy." But she , never said, 'Mom loves you the most', never again.

Then things went from bad to worse, and she started drinking, smoking, gambling, and owed a lot of debt.My father began to completely abandon her. She couldn't ask for money, so she came to take out my anger.She looked at me, a quiet smile flowed from her eyes, like tears streaming down her face.She said, 'Lu Changsheng, why don't you fucking die?Why don't you die! 'The sharp tone, the disgusted expression, and the thorny words were exactly the same as my father's.Once upon a time, the gentle mother who loved poetry and sunlight finally turned into a drunken prostitute in the streets, speaking the most vulgar words and living a life that even cockroaches would hate. "

"After 16 years of learning martial arts, I won the third prize in the national competition. At that time, my father was very happy. He said to me, 'Changsheng, you make me very proud', just like the poisonous snake he once confided to me The words "why don't you die" are just my fantasy. I am also very happy, I thought, the future will be bright, like the ending written by all fairy tales for the protagonist, I will live happily with my parents together.

But, it seems that as long as I am happy, God will be sad.

At the age of 21, my disease broke out without any warning, variable amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, referred to as M·ALS (Mutation·ALS). "

"what is this?"

"To put it simply, the muscles are stiff and unable to move. They are called 'ALS people'. In our time, many people performed the ice bucket challenge to express their support for ALS people, but the progress made in medicine was very small. Slow. And my disease is even more variable, from one unit to slowly spreading to the whole body, the whole process is extremely slow, as if people are watching themselves die. I... the first to discover the parts that I can't move , It’s the legs. The inability to move my legs means that I can no longer fight martial arts, and I have to lie on a hospital bed or a wheelchair until the day I die...From that day on, my life has changed.”

"The first person to see me was my mother, who was drunk and smoking in my ward, with a half-smile and said, 'As I wish.' I haven't seen her since. Then came my father. Yes, he said he would help me pay for the medical bills, but since then we have no parent-child relationship... Before leaving, he looked at me coldly and said, 'Do you think it's better for you to live or die, you can see for yourself .' After that, I never saw him again.

The last one to appear was my teacher and father.He helped me bring a lot of books and a lot of things to relieve my boredom, and would come to chat with me every few days.It's just that the interval changed from three days to seven days, then half a month, one month, three months, six months... one year,... Finally, he never came to see me again. "

Lu Sheng was taken aback suddenly, he felt the warm touch on his hand.After being silent for a while, he raised his hand to silence Ahxiu's head, "Fool, why are you crying. This is someone else's story, why are you crying."

Ah Xiu shook his head, even he didn't know why he was crying.It may be that I feel sorry for Lu Sheng, or it may be that I have seen my own pain and the pain of thousands of people from Lu Sheng's past.

A story is a kind of existence that arouses the resonance of the listener and recalls the writer.

Lu Sheng bent down and kissed Ah Xiu's eyes, "Okay, don't cry. Now, I'm by your side." Fortunately, Ah Xiu didn't push him away.

"At first I thought it was because his son got married and he had a grandson in his arms, so he didn't miss me anymore. The human heart is such a fragile thing. No matter how long the time and years are, it can't stand the beating of blood relationship and emotional intimacy... Just when I gave up, his son came to me. At that time, my ward was full of books. Apart from books, there were only comics, laptops, and the TV that came with the ward. He was in his father’s In the sea of ​​books that came, he told me that his father had Alzheimer’s disease, and he might never see me again. At that time, I had been lying on the hospital bed for six years, and the muscle stiffness had spread to my neck. I looked at him, yes He laughed, and I said, 'When I get down here, I will take good care of him. I will be a teacher for a day, and I will never forget it.' I don't know if what his son said is true, but whether it is or not, I admit it."

"The days passed like this, and the boundary between life and death has long been blurred in my eyes. For me, life is more painful than death. I just held my breath and didn't want my father's selfishness to succeed. But after seven years of bravery, I can't take it anymore, I thought, let's die, you will be free when you die, how happy. In the seventh year, I submitted the 'Consent for Ease Application', and a month later, it was approved. "

"The afternoon when I was injected, the sun was shining brightly, and the voices of people were very playful. Finally, I closed my eyes deeply, and then, I threw myself into the embrace of the boundless darkness. At this moment, there was a loud thunder...after a long period of pain , I saw you as soon as I opened my eyes."

He traced Ah Xiu's eyebrows and eyes with his hands, "Maybe I killed me because I was afraid that you would hate me, or maybe I wanted to give you a hope of living. Tricking people... So, I lied to you. I'm sorry, Ahxiu, I'm not a god, and I can't save Ahxiu."