He said he was a god

Ahxiu was lying on his back, he could feel a stone in his heart finally fell heavily to the ground after more than five months of free fall.All the boulders condensed by doubt and anxiety were turned into powder, and they were completely broken.

It's finally over, he thought.it's all over.He finally didn't have to worry about doubting or guessing anymore.

From then on, he was finally able to love this man without psychological barriers.

"You..." Lu Sheng held his hand, hesitating but didn't dare to ask.

Ah Xiu turned his head and looked at Lu Sheng's dark obsidian eyes, he understood everything Lu Sheng wanted to ask.

"As early as when I went to Shengshen Village, I figured it out. You and Ah Xi are two different people. If you can save Ah Xi, then that's good, if you can't, then forget it. He recalled everything that happened in the past few days, "Lu Sheng, life and death are uncertain, like a speck of dust. I can see clearly now, if you are too attached to life and death, you will lose more in the end."

There is nothing wrong with this now, you are by my side, Ah Xi's soul seed is free and unrestrained, maybe, in the dust particles floating in this room, there is a part of him.Or maybe, those that stick to my skin, that I eat and swallow into my body, also contain his soul seed particles.

Although I will never see him again, he is everywhere and always, mingling in my flesh and veins, floating in the air I breathe, and alive in my beating heart.Life goes on and on. "

He grabbed the air in his hand, as if he had caught Ah Xi's body, and smiled foolishly, "That's good, too. Very good."

At least, for him in this life, Ah Xi is immortal.

That person will always be with him.

Lu Sheng hugged him tightly, he knew that Ah Xiu no longer cared whether he lied or whether he could save Ah Xiu again, but a deeper panic appeared in his heart, swallowing his heart like a sinking hole .

Looking beyond life and death, is this an extreme obsession, or a true sense of freedom?

I'm afraid even Ah Xiu himself doesn't know.

……

The dead Ah Xie will retain his most beautiful appearance in Ah Xiu's heart, just like the white moonlight in front of the window and the cinnabar mole in his heart.Even if Ah Xiu stayed by his side, he might never be able to break into the secret garden in his heart that belonged only to the two of them.

Axiu curled up in his arms, looking at the snowy scenery outside the window.It is an unchanging truth from generation to generation. The snowflakes have suddenly become more and more numerous in the past few days. Perhaps, they will become smaller in a few days, right?So are those sorrows and pains, there will always be a day when time goes by.

"Lu Sheng, capital punishment is inevitable, living crime is inevitable!" After a long time, he smiled mischievously and kissed the corner of Lu Sheng's mouth, "You read to me those poems that your mother once read to you. This is punishment .” He rested his head on Lu Sheng’s heart, feeling the strong heartbeat.

It's good to be alive.

Although he said let go, but if there is a choice, everyone hopes to be alive, right?

Lu Sheng stared at him blankly, then pulled out a sincere smile, which then widened.He smiled, as if trying to evaporate all the tears through laughter.

"Are you sure you want to hear?" He looked at Ah Xiu narrowly.

Ah Xiu didn't understand, so he said, "Read it, I'm listening."

Lu Sheng turned over suddenly and let Ah Xiu lie down on him. He was doing push-ups on Ah Xiu, and the two bodies touched each other, colliding with sporadic sparks.

He kissed Ah Xiu's forehead, and every time he said a word, he kissed down a little, until it reached his lips.

Every time he did push-ups and fell down, he would find exactly where Ah Xiu's lips were, pry open his teeth, and kiss him lingeringly.

Axiu blushed, listening to his soft words, feeling the temperature of his lips, as if from this, he was really close to Lu Sheng's heart.

【Ifthoumustloveme, letitbefornought

If you must love me, then besides love itself,

Except for love's sake only. Don't say

Don't have any other reason.Please don't say:"

`I love her for her smile...her look...herway

I love her for her smile, her looks,

Ofspeakinggently,...foratrickofthought

Her soft words, and her cleverness.

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

It all suits me and suits my heart.That day,

As sense of pleasure on such a day'--

It does give me a sense of joy and relaxation. "

Forthese things in themselves, Beloved, may

But dear, those reasons to be loved,

Bechanged, or change for thee, --and love, sowrought

It will eventually lose its meaning because of your changes.And that love that is carved and adorned,

Maybe unwrought so. Neither love me for

The reality is emptiness and poverty.don't love me either because

Thineowndearpity'swipingmycheeksdry,--

The tender pity in your heart as you wiped away my tears.

Acreature might forget to weep, whobore

When long soothed by you, one may forget to cry,

Thy comfort long, and lost thy love thereby!

But because of this, she will also say goodbye to your love forever!

But love for love's sake, that evermore

Love me because of love itself.

In this way, you can love forever and endlessly. 】

It's ridiculous that the mother who likes Mrs. Browning's sonnets the most doesn't understand the true meaning of love, thinking that her father really loves her, not because of appearance and behavior, but because she loves herself, because she is her, because her soul.So she got deeper and deeper in that false love, and finally fell into boundless darkness.

"What do you love or not... really..." Ah Xiu turned away from his blushing face, feeling his heart beating uncontrollably, he finally knew where the smile in Lu Sheng's eyes came from.

Lu Sheng leaned into his ear and chuckled softly, "Ah Xiu, you are my whole world, but the whole world can't compare to you."

With a red heart hit with a "bang", Ah Xiu can adapt to the fusion of the body, but he will never be able to resist the closeness of the soul.

He wanted to get up, but was held down by Lu Sheng again, "Ah Xiu, the days are still long, and I still have a lot of love poems to read to you."

In the ears, the whispers are gentle, bit by bit into the heart.

Beside the tombstone, half-baked Xiuwen kept getting himself drunk with wine.

He's had enough of this world, full of trash, bugs, strange diseases, radiation, darkness.This is not a fucking place for people to live at all!

"Gulu..." The strong wine entered his intestines, and the strong taste made him shed tears.

"Hiding here to drink?" Joe sat down, picked up a can of wine, and poured it into his mouth.

"Hiss - such a strong wine, you are not afraid to burn it unconscious again." Joe frowned.

"That's just right." Xiuwen's face was expressionless, as if he had shrunk back into the cold shell of that 15-year-old boy.

"Xiuwen, have you thought about it? You... can't go on like this forever." Joe hesitated, and finally decided to make everything clear.

"..." Xiuwen continued to drink while leaning against the tombstone, not looking at him, not responding, and occasionally brushing the snowflakes off his eyes.

"I don't want to say that sister-in-law will worry about you in the sky." Joe scratched his head a little annoyed, "But think about why sister-in-law liked you in the first place, isn't it because of your masculinity?! But look What do you look like now? Without your lover and children, you lose the motivation to live. You look like a walking dead, and you are not afraid of your sister-in-law laughing at you!

In any case, we have come this way and seen a lot of things.Didn’t the kitty say that, although the soul species returns to the heaven and earth after death, and the memory is washed away by the sun, moon, mountains and rivers, the soul is still the soul of the past after all, and they will have countless reincarnations and afterlife. dead.Isn't it good to think this way? "

Xiuwen paused for a moment with the hand holding the wine bottle, "..."

Endless snowflakes fall from the gray sky, and those who escaped from the sky are destined to melt and perish, but is the sense of freedom released from the boundless prison of the sky more precious than the weight of life?

"You also understand... what kind of world this is. Although it is selfish to say so, if the imperial government does not collapse, this world will not have such a bright future. You understand, right? Environment, radiation, rights... ...This government has ruined everything. Even if the sister-in-law and the child are still alive now, who knows if the fate of the future will be the same as it is now? Xiuwen," Joe held Xiuwen's hand, "You want your lover, you Will your child still live in such a dark, dirty world with no future in the next life?"

"..." Xiuwen didn't respond, but tears fell from the corners of his eyes, making his expressionless face a little more sad.

"Besides, after being a policeman for so many years, I think you have a sense of belonging to the people, right? Xiuwen, you only have one wife, but you have more than one child. People in this town live under the protection of the police all year round. Excuse me, aren’t they your children? Even if you don’t value those people who will greet you by chance, give you gifts during festivals, and treat you like a father or a god in your heart, don’t you... Do you value us?" Joe's tone was a little bit bitter, "We have always regarded you as a brother who committed suicide, and now this kind of thing happened to my sister-in-law and the child, we are also very sad. But you are like this, we have to hold on .Hey, Xiuwen, not for the world, not for the people, you, would you like to cheer up those who are with you now?"

……

Lovers, children, subjects, partners? ...

Xiuwen cried silently, his tears mixed with the melted snow on the ground, blurring the traces of the fusion of ice and fire.

Joe held his hand tightly, and could feel Xiuwen's slight trembling, but he knew that all this was finally going to pass.This snow is finally coming to an end.

Three days later, everyone prepared their luggage, left the home that was once full of laughter but now there was only silence, and headed for the Imperial Court.

Naturally, Xiuwen went with them. In the past few days, he had recovered a lot, but his expression was cold and indifferent, as if he was a different person.

Before Xiuwen left, he placed a large bouquet of chrysanthemums in front of the tombstone, bright yellow and full of vitality, in stark contrast to this small piece of dumb and lonely world.

The wind and snow had calmed down a lot, Xiuwen silently looked at the bouquet of flowers, the tombstone, and the house, then turned around and resolutely embarked on a new journey with his partners.

The dead are long gone, and the living are like husbands.He couldn't take the whole world to bury them with them, so he would take a bright world as a new birth gift for them.

"Let's go." He said hoarsely, and what lay ahead was a world full of vitality after the new year.

Tomb of Memory