Inferior by Nature

After crying bitterly, my mother was able to stabilize her emotions. She wiped away her tears and said that she wanted to see my attending physician to understand my condition.

The world has never been kind to her, but she seems to be unbeatable no matter what.Obviously so thin and helpless, but because of the title of "mother", she bears all the suffering.

Only now did I feel naive.

Even without Ran Qingzhuang, it is impossible for me to leave this world willingly.No matter how well thought and how cool you were before, under the tears of your loved ones, all the calmness of going to death will disappear, leaving only the infinite nostalgia for this world.

Ran Qingzhuang and Nanxian accompanied my mother to see the doctor, while my younger sister stayed with me in the ward.

Compared with her mother, the little girl was much more fragile, and she couldn't stop crying. The tissues piled up one after another, and quickly piled up into a hill.

"Do you want to play games?" In order to distract her, I pointed to the pile of puzzle games in the corner and asked.

She sobbed and shook her head without looking at it. Just as she stopped her tears, she turned her gaze to my face and cried even more fiercely with a wow.

I had a headache: "Don't cry, am I still fine?"

She blew her nose and said with a strong nasal voice: "It's all my fault."

"What's wrong with you?" I couldn't laugh or cry, "It's not your fault that I'm sick."

"If it weren't for me...you and mom...you and mom would definitely be able to live better. Your illness is caused by exhaustion!" She cried so hard that her facial features were distorted and deformed. She really felt that I was sick. have to pay most of the responsibility.

Ling Ge and I had no father since we were young, and our mother worked so hard to raise us up, which was not easy.After I went to college, I started working outside to earn money. I did send some money back to my family every month, but it was all within my ability.

As a member of the family, I don't think this is a kind of "pain", let alone blame my relatives for the unsatisfactory life.

I sighed and said, "You are going to be a college student anyway. Let me talk about scientific evidence. My illness has nothing to do with whether I am tired or not, and I am really not tired. If you want to say that, without me, you and my mother are the same. Wouldn't it be easier?"

"Don't talk nonsense!" Lingge's eyes were red, and she loudly covered me, tears silently slid down the tear stains on her cheeks.

Seeing that she couldn't stop crying, I deliberately distracted her, so I took another piece of paper for her and said, "Okay, don't cry. Tell you something, I'm in love."

She froze when she heard the words, and looked at me with wide eyes, as expected, she didn't cry anymore.

"What... when did it happen?"

"The two of us met in high school, met again half a year ago, and only recently confirmed our relationship." I said.

"Oh." She nodded while clutching a tissue, and after a while said "hmm" in a high tone, recalling, "Then does she know you're sick?"

"I know." I didn't go around in circles with her anymore, "He was here just now, you have met."

The little girl's expression was blank for a moment, and the tears were completely withdrawn.

"Just now..." She glanced at the teacup on the coffee table, her face full of disbelief, "That...that man?"

I smiled slightly and asked, "Is it okay?"

She looked at me as if trying to tell if I was joking with her.

"You've... you never said... this kind of..."

I figured out the general meaning from her stuttering words, and said bluntly: "Before I met him, I didn't know that I liked men."

She stared at the cup of tea on the coffee table in a daze for a while, and asked me, "How is he treating you?"

"Ah."

She digested herself for a while, and said: "Then it's fine, as long as he treats you well."

I smiled and patted her head, messing up her long hair, she should have been screaming normally, but today she was very well-behaved and didn't struggle at all.

When she came back from Dr. Xie, my mother was in a good mood, but her eyes were a little red.

"Doctor Xie said that surgery can be arranged the day after tomorrow. What do you think?" She heard my bad news, and she was able to calmly discuss the surgery with Dr. Xie in a blink of an eye. "It's too late, I'm afraid something will change."

The day after tomorrow...

If I hadn't survived surgery, this would have been my last two days.But for things like tumors, it really shouldn't be delayed for too long. Now that you have made a decision, you shouldn't hesitate.

Glancing at Ran Qingzhuang standing silently by the side, I nodded and said, "Okay, the day after tomorrow."

My mother and younger sister rushed here as soon as they got off the plane. They didn't eat or pack their luggage. I was afraid that they would be hungry, so I suggested that Nanxian take them to eat something.

"Then let's go to the hotel to store things first, and we'll see you in the evening." My mother touched my face and said, "You should have a good rest in the afternoon, don't be too tired."

I sent them to the elevator and waited for them to sit in the elevator before walking back with Ran Qingzhuang.

"I told my little sister about our affairs."

Ran Qingzhuang paused, then quickly answered: "Your mother didn't ask."

"She shouldn't be in the mood to ask now." I stretched, and in the blink of an eye, my eyes became more and more blurred, and I couldn't see anything in just a few seconds.

Caught off guard, I stumbled and my whole body fell forward uncontrollably.

"Ji Ning!" Fortunately, Ran Qingzhuang had quick eyesight and quick hands, and supported me.

I clutched his clothes tightly and closed my eyes hard, but it was still dark and I couldn't see anything.

"Your eyes..." Ran Qingzhuang should have noticed it, he picked me up by the waist without saying a word, and walked quickly to the ward.

I couldn't see it before, and it recovered after two or three minutes at most, but this time it took a long time, and it was still in this state until night.

Doctor Xie thought this was a dangerous signal and asked us to consider performing surgery tomorrow.My mother and the others rushed over from the hotel and couldn't bear to see me like this. They stayed in the ward for a while and then went out with Dr. Xie.

The three of them didn't know what they said outside, but I held Ran Qingzhuang's hand all the time, and with the help of his body temperature and pulse, I calmed down my disturbed heart.

"Don't be afraid, I will always be by your side." He took my hand and kissed the back of it.

"Ji..." My mother's voice appeared at the door of the ward, and she paused for a moment before continuing, "Ji Ning, I discussed it with the doctor, and I think it would be better to change the operation to tomorrow, what do you think?"

After all, doctors are professionals in this kind of thing, so of course I listen to her opinion unconditionally.

"Okay, let's do it tomorrow."

After finalizing the operation, I asked my mother and little sister to come to my hospital bed, and began to explain what should be explained.Nan Xian has gone home and will come back tomorrow. I was afraid that I would not be able to wait for him, so I told my mother that if I had an emergency, let her give Nan Xian my piano.

The little girl's suppressed cry came from my ear, probably because my mother stared at her, but it disappeared soon.

"Don't think about it yet. Doctor Xie said that before the pathology report comes out, you can't say anything for sure." My mother said with a trembling voice.

It's not good to spend the last night crying.The last words were almost finished, so I took the initiative to change the topic to a lighter topic.

Talk about old neighbors from the past, little sister’s classmates, talk about the destruction of Lion King Island like a story...Ran Qingzhuang has been quietly listening to our chat, not interrupting, not talking, if I didn’t hold his hand for a moment, I would not let go If he had opened it, he would have thought that he was not in the ward anymore.

"How did you two... know each other?" My mother asked suddenly.

I was taken aback for a moment, and I could hear the subtlety in her tone, but then I thought, I am so obvious, if my mother still sees it, then she is too self-deceiving.

Just as he was about to answer, Ran Qingzhuang replied: "Ji Ning and I are high school classmates, we separated for a few years, and met again on Lion King Island..." He briefly talked about our reunion process, and described how we are now The reasons for accepting strict protection were explained, and many thrilling links were removed in the middle, "...that's how things are."

"Student from high school?" My mother murmured, and instantly opened up the old memories, "Ji Ning, is he the classmate you took care of in the hospital all night?"

The house was so quiet that you could hear a needle drop.

My mind went blank, I swallowed, and before I could figure out how to fool it, I heard Ran Qingzhuang ask, "Hospital? When did it happen?"

My mother thought about it, and said: "It was in the third year of high school, it seems to be January, I remember very clearly, I fell and broke my waist not long after that. Ji Ning didn't come back very late that day, I I thought something happened, but I received a call from him, saying that a classmate was injured and no one was taking care of him. He had to take care of him in the hospital. He didn’t have many friends before, so I heard him mention it once. It’s you ?"

My dear mother, this exposed my old background in an instant, and revealed it clearly and clearly, leaving no room for sophistry.

"Ah, I remember that too. My brother didn't come back that night, and my mother went out to set up a stall again. I was so scared that I didn't dare to sleep alone." The little girl added another knife.

I'm a little glad I can't see it now, so I don't have to face Ran Qingzhuang's disbelieving gaze.

I can even feel a sharp gaze cast on my face, as if it wants to burn through my skull to see what is going on in my mind.

"...It's me." After a while, Ran Qingzhuang spoke hoarsely.

My mother and little sister stayed until nine o'clock in the evening, when visiting hours ended before leaving the ward.

Ran Qingzhuang sent them to the door, so he let go of my hand.

I was alone in the darkness, feeling anxious in my heart, when I heard the door closing outside, I sensed that Ran Qingzhuang had returned, and immediately groped my hand forward, wanting to touch him.

"You listen to me explain..."

His footsteps stopped some distance away from me.

"Tell me." He said two words coldly.

I panicked even more.

"When I met you, I actually forgot a lot of things." Whether he believes it or not, I said that I had a serious illness that year, and I don't remember much about him after I recovered, "...I fell into the sea later I just remembered everything about you, trust me."

"In Darong Village, I asked you again and again, you remembered it at that time, why didn't you say it?" He seemed really angry, and refused to approach me even one step, "Why, are you afraid that I will love you more? "

I clenched the thin quilt in my hand little by little, and was left speechless by his question.Indeed, the same can be said.

If there is magic in this world that can arbitrarily erase the memories of loved ones, I will definitely cast this magic without hesitation before I die, so that everyone will forget my existence.

If remembering me would cause them pain, I'd rather never have existed.

I bit my lip and said, "Okay, okay, I know I was wrong." I simply admitted my mistake to him, and played tricks, "I'm going to have an operation tomorrow, how long are you going to be angry with me? I promise , this is the last thing I will keep from you."

I groped again, reaching my hand in his direction.

In the dark world, he did not respond for a long time.My heart sank gradually, and my arms hung down in loss.

Bitter tricks are useless...

When the arm was completely down, there was a heavy "tsk" sound from the front, and the next moment, my hand was grasped by another broad palm.

In the end, Ran Qingzhuang couldn't calm down and responded to me.

"I told you, they chose me because I have no attachment in this world." He held my hand tightly, so hard that it hurt me a little, "I keep Lin Sheng's ring , in order not to lose myself, and to remind myself that there are still beautiful things in this world. Looking at the ring, I can always think of those mottos that once gave me infinite strength. I thought it was Lin Sheng who made me not afraid of the night, It is he who needs to be grateful, but in fact it is you, it has always been you..."

"Ji Ning, before I met you again, I really had no attachments in this world." He stroked the back of my neck, pressed against my forehead, and said in a hoarse voice, "So please, don't leave me with nothing."