Wading in muddy water

I knew I had crossed the line again.

"Crossing the line" is not a good word, I'm well aware.I used to think that crossing the boundary was just adding to Zhou Boxin's "disgust" towards me, but now I know that crossing the boundary means an overdraft that cannot be controlled by myself.The love between me and Zhou Boxin can only exist so much, and if I overdraw it with insatiable greed, it will really be gone.

And now I'm crossing the line again, knowing I'm doing something wrong.

I seem to be making mistakes all the time.

Zhou Boxin may be in a meeting, or his mobile phone is not with him, and no one answers it after it rang for a long time.Just when I was waiting for it to hang up automatically, it was picked up suddenly. There was only the sound of a weak electric current passing by. I didn't speak, neither did Zhou Boxin.

After dialing the number, Dacheng handed me his mobile phone, and said he was going for a walk nearby. I was the only one behind the rostrum, with a pile of cigarette butts piled up at my feet.I breathed silently, staring at the passing time of the call, a suppressed breathing sound amplified suddenly, I knew he wanted to hang up the phone, as if I had a telepathy, I immediately said, "Don't hang up."

……

I lowered my head and begged him in a low voice, "I didn't turn on the recording, so don't hang up, okay?"

After saying this, I couldn't see the screen very clearly. My vision was blurred for a while and then suddenly became clear, but there was a puddle of smashed water on the screen.I really didn't expect that I could cry directly, I thought I was fine, I was just a little upset, I just missed him a little bit.Song Yiwei asked me if I was okay that day, I said I was fine, Dacheng and Sanzi asked me if I was okay, I said I was fine.

I didn't lie to them, I really felt that I was fine and fine.

But as soon as the call to Zhou Boxin was connected, I immediately knew that I was very bad, really very bad.Why does Liufang have schizophrenia, and what should I do?She kept an eye on me, I didn't know what I did wrong, I was like a prisoner, I was at a loss and could only accept it.Hate her, but she's sick, but I still hate her, I don't know what to do, my mind is a mess.

What should I do if she keeps watching me like this for the rest of my life?

I slowed down for a while, and tried to make my voice sound calm, "Liu Fang. I probably have schizophrenia. I hurt myself with a knife a few days ago. I'm not allowed to find you. You have to call me many times a day to make sure I'm alive. in school."

"I can't find you anymore."

I said this on purpose, as if we are a loving couple who are temporarily inconvenient to meet. I hope that he will not refute me, and I also hope that he will speak to me in order to refute.I knocked my forehead on the metal pole, and the cold metal in the open air in winter made me tremble, and my voice trembled for a moment.

"I'll figure out what's going on. If you don't want to hear me say you like it, then I won't say it. But I will definitely know what you and Liu Fang are hiding from me. Just this time, brother, just this time. Don't you Want to push me away again, I only go this once. Since you can't control yourself, kiss me, hug me, fuck me, then I can't let you drive me away next time, can you understand? "

"Do you really think I can still like someone else? A woman or a man, someone who is not you."

"……Grass."

"..."

"Brother, can you say a word to me. I... I'm fucking, really sad, I only have you, how could you have the heart to drive me away. I can't see you, I can't hear your voice, I... ..."

I sucked my nose violently, raised my hand and wiped away the tears all over my face, and then scolded myself as a bitch in my heart, why did I cry so much?

"It's okay not to talk, but don't hang up on me."

I have to wait for a while before I can continue talking. Actually, I don't know what else to say. I have already said a lot of things that I shouldn't have said. I didn't think I would say these things before the call was connected.During the silent time, I heard the sound of inhaling from the receiver, paused for a while, and then exhaled slowly, the breath was a little trembling when I exhaled.

I wanted to cry again, and the tears I had finally held back ran out again, turning my head away from the phone screen, and the tears hit the concrete floor.

There was a very light "pop", but the ground was already wet, so it couldn't be seen.

I really hope that Zhou Boxin is not as good as a scumbag, he doesn't like me at all, and he doesn't have to suffer the same as me.I'm really afraid that he will cry too, he won't cry, he probably won't cry, the word cry is too unsuitable for Zhou Boxin, even if he cries, he won't cry like me, crying like this.

I asked him, "Zhou Boxin, do you miss me?"

There was silence for nearly ten seconds, indicating that the call had ended.

I moved to live with Liufang, and Chen Zhiyuan reacted the most.

Chen Zhiyuan is not my father, but he actively calls himself "father" in front of me. It sounds ridiculous to me. He may think it is a way of self-comfort.Now that I'm moving out from Lishui Garden, Chen Zhiyuan has become a loner, his "lover" left and his "son" ran away, he was furious and yelled at Liufang in the hospital ward.

Doctors and nurses gathered here, and even the security guards came.

"What's wrong with you being mentally ill? It's useless for my son to live with you. He is a doctor who can treat illnesses? You are not pretending, the shares are going to be given away, and the son and son are going to be taken away. Pretending to be your mother's mental illness, fuck me your mother."

I watched them coldly when they were arguing, and two security guards held Chen Zhiyuan up.The doctor frowned tightly, disgusted by his swearing, the doctor's hand was hanging half a meter away from Chen Zhiyuan's shoulder, and he refused to get any closer, trying to raise his voice, "Sir, who are you a patient? Please don't be here... ..."

"I'm her man, she wants to take away my son!" Chen Zhiyuan stared.

And when I said that I don’t have a father, the doctor seemed to have glimpsed the truth, and looked at my “father” with disgust, “If you do this again, we will call the police. Patients cannot be mentally stimulated. I will ask you to leave for the last time.”

"She is mentally ill? Can a mentally ill person act as a mistress to seduce me to marry her? I am not born to a mentally ill person to have a son! Liufang, fuck your mother, do you think you can still fool me? I have never lived I was cheated by you once! Shares are given to whomever you love, but son, I won’t allow you to take them away!”

I seem to be the "son" in his mouth.

I know he doesn't love me or that I'm really more than a stake.I am a symbol, as long as Chen Li continues to be Chen Zhiyuan's son, he can still be considered a man, and he has not torn off the last fig leaf, and he can still avoid being entangled in nightmares by Zhou Qingluo every night.

At this time, I would feel envious of my brother, would feel that I had suffered for him, and that being Chen Zhiyuan's son would give me a strangely inexplicable pleasure.

This is another proof that Zhou Boxin and I are inseparable.

In the end, Chen Zhiyuan was kicked out of the hospital, and I haven't been back to Lishui Garden since that day. Liu Fang was afraid that Chen Zhiyuan would detain me.

After school, Liufang sent a driver to pick me up. Her house was bought quite far from Lishui Garden, and also far from Liu's house. I came here once last night, but I'm still not used to it.

The greening of the community is very good, and it looks more self-cultivating than Lishuiyuan. The entire villa area of ​​Lishuiyuan is full of copper smell.This place is different, quiet, and really suitable for mental patients to live in.I pressed the password, and when I entered, I saw Liu Fang cooking in the kitchen.Liu Fang can cook?I may have stared at her back for a while, but she had already turned her head to look at me, smiled and waved, "What are you looking at? Change your shoes and wash your hands, and we'll have dinner later."

Liu Fang has completely changed back to that elegant and easy-going woman, even more like the most ordinary mother than I have ever seen before.

Cooking in an apron, smiling at me in the smoke, urging me to wash my hands and eat.She had never done this to Chen Zhiyuan, even when they were most affectionate, Lishui Garden was cooked by the aunt, and she would hold hands with Chen Zhiyuan for a walk at most.

I was a little absent-minded until I sat at the dinner table, and I couldn't help thinking about Zhou Boxin at all.I originally thought that even if Liu Fang didn't allow me to see him, I could go back to Lishui Garden from time to time to hang around under the camera.I was afraid that he would miss me, and I was even more afraid that he would miss me. I didn't expect that I couldn't even go back to Lishui Garden.

"Little gift?" Liu Fang's chopsticks knocked against my bowl, and I suddenly regained my senses.

Her expression was a little stiff, "Mom has called you several times."

I pursed my lips and adjusted a nonchalant expression, "I was a little distracted just now..."

"Are you still thinking about him?"

The second hand of the clock hanging on the wall ticked away.

I breathed out, "Yes, I'm thinking about him, I've been thinking about him all day. I've been stared at by you all day like a prisoner, is it wrong to think about him?"

Liu Fang slammed the chopsticks on the table, one of them bounced off and flew out, brushing against my ear.I thought she would be very angry, but it seemed that she caught emotions similar to sadness or even fear in an instant. In the end, she said nothing, got up and left from the dining table, and closed the bedroom door with a "bang".

A table of dishes, the crystallization of maternal love, but no one ate it.

At eleven o'clock, I sent a message to Moments, simply saying "good night".I received a series of likes and comments as soon as I sent it out. I have many friends on WeChat, and more people I don’t know than I know. 80.00% want to know me and want to please me. meaningful interaction.For example, "Brother Li, good night~" "Brother Li is still awake, do you have something on your mind?" I only pick a few people I know well to reply.

I wondered strangely whether Zhou Bo had also installed a new camera in Liufang, and immediately denied this idea, it was too fucking outrageous.

But I turned over and got out of bed as if I was insane, and whispered "Brother" against the door.

...I miss him so much, it's true.

This bed is so damn big, I rolled around twice, buried my face in the pillow and took a deep breath, I'm stupid, you dare to cry, I cried a few times today, if I cry again, I will kill you.

After several rounds of deep breaths, I finally suppressed my tears. I touched my phone and opened WeChat. Before going to bed, I used to look at the chat box between Zhou Boxin and me, and then scroll through Zhou Boxin’s empty circle of friends.

The chat box still stays on the blown kiss emoticon package I sent, and the circle of friends is still blank when I click on the avatar.I casually clicked into the circle of friends that was obviously blank. This is already my habit. Although it is empty, I still want to click in.

But today, two words suddenly appeared on the usually blank screen.

good night.

I stared at those two words for a while, then slammed my fist on the bed with a "boom".I buried my face back in the pillow, and my shoulders began to shake, and the amplitude became bigger and bigger. If Liu Fang was not at home, I would just fucking cry.Zhou Boxin is a bastard, a bastard, a scumbag, I'll fuck your mother, fuck, fuck, fuck.Why did he tease me again, fuck it, why did he say goodnight to me.

……Hold.

I just cried for 2 minutes, and quickly got up to look for the phone that I just threw out.Zhou Boxin and I don't have any mutual friends, and no one else in this world knows that we said good night to each other.

screenshot.He will delete it soon, coward, bastard.This is the evidence, the evidence that he misses me, the evidence that he can't control himself.

It's proof that he loves me.

The author says:

Because the disconnection of these two chapters greatly affects the reading experience, they are released together~ It means that tomorrow’s update is moved to today, and tomorrow will not be updated!Outline text cookies are open!Don't worry, the update will not be affected!Go next door and bookmark it, I beg you!