imaginary rival

Jiang Shiyu didn't come back to the bedroom after going to the toilet.

Yan An was sitting by the bed, hearing cicadas, crickets, birds, and cars running over the road outside the house, all kinds of sounds mixed together, disturbing his heart.

Jiang Shiyu is gay.

He admitted it.

And he admitted it very frankly, as if he was answering whether he had breakfast today or not.

Why is he so calm?

Yan An didn't move, and even moving his fingers was an extravagant hope. When he was in a daze, he couldn't feel the passage of time, as if everything was progressing so fast. When he came back to his senses, the light outside the window had dimmed a little, and it was no longer so dazzling .

Yan An took a deep breath and was just about to stand up when an indescribable soreness swept over his lower body, accompanied by unbearable numbness. Both legs could not move, but his upper body was already ready to stand up, and his whole body directly Kneeling under the bed, the body fell forward and completely fell to the floor.

"Fuck..." Yan An's eyes widened, the pain was overwhelming and he was caught off guard, "Fuck!"

Immediately there were footsteps outside the door, and Yan An had no time to worry about it. He bent over and hugged his thigh and tried to move it a little bit, but every inch of movement would make him sore and unbearable. He gasped continuously, and his calf began to swell. Both legs are numb.

Jiang Shiyu pushed open the door and was taken aback when he saw the scene in the room. His first reaction was whether Yan An had a stroke.

Was it frightened by his homosexuality, the reflex arc finally took the time to shock him.

The second reaction was Yan An's cramp.

He walked over quickly, squatted in front of Yan An to help him up, pressed his leg without hesitation at all, held his calf with his palm and straightened his leg a little bit, probably because he felt it was inconvenient, he simply Kneeling between Yan An's legs and massaging Yan An.

Yan An was in so much pain that he was sweating, and kept gasping: "...it hurts."

"Don't move even if it hurts." Jiang Shiyu put his leg back, dragged his calf to straighten his leg, and kept massaging during the process, "Can you stretch your toes?"

Yan An bit his lip and shook his head in pain.

Jiang Shiyu didn't speak, he held Yan An's forefoot, and gently rotated his ankle outward. His strength was moderate, as if he had dealt with such emergencies many times, and it took a while for Yan An's situation to ease. Both of them were covered in sweat.

"Don't stand up yet," Jiang Shiyu saw that his brows were loosened, and then heaved a sigh of relief, "I'll find a hot water bottle to give you a warm compress."

"... Oh." Yan An nodded and wiped his sweat.

Jiang Shiyu pulled some tissues from the bedside for him, turned around and left the room, Yan An leaned against the bed, his legs were numb, the soreness did not disappear, but it was not as painful as before.

After a while, there was the sound of boiling water outside, the kettle was screaming, and the sound spread to every corner of the room. Jiang Shiyu was waiting outside and did not come in.

what time is it now?

Yan An struggled to move forward, found the mobile phone by the bed and looked, it was already past six o'clock, and he actually sat by the bed for almost four hours?

The sound of the hot water bottle outside stopped abruptly, as if someone had turned it off. After a while, Jiang Shiyu came in with a pink hot water bottle, knelt down in front of Yan An, pressed against his calf, and said nothing.

"You haven't burned it well?" Yan An looked at his hand, "It's not hot at all."

"Slaughtering a pig and scalding it?" Jiang Shiyu said, "Do you have to use boiling water?"

"...Hey." Yan An didn't know what to say.

"The main reason is that I suddenly remembered it when I was boiling hot water." Jiang Shiyu continued.

"What?" Yan An asked.

"I have hot water in my house. As soon as the tap is turned on, it is hot. The temperature is not bad." Jiang Shiyu smiled, "Why are you boiling water? You don't want to drink it."

Yan An was stunned for a while, then turned his head and smiled at the wall for a while.

Jiang Shiyu knelt in front of him until his legs were less sore, then he put the hot water bottle aside and said, "Stand up slowly."

Yan An nodded, stood up after a pause, and let out a long sigh of relief: "Okay, it's okay."

Jiang Shiyu smiled, took the hot water bottle outside, unplugged the plug and poured out the water bit by bit.

"Hey, you're very skilled at handling these things," Yan An followed at some point, and leaned against the door and said, "Do you often have cramps?"

"I often have cramps when I have growing pains." Jiang Shiyu put the hot water bottle away, "I get used to it as I deal with it."

"...Your mother doesn't care about you?" Yan An looked at him.

"I didn't tell her." Jiang Shiyu also looked at Yan An, "At that time, I felt that there was nothing to say about this kind of thing, and it wasn't like I was going to die."

"Since you were young, you never talked about having a cold or fever." Yan An frowned, "If no one finds out, you can carry it by yourself."

Jiang Shiyu said nothing.

This is indeed the case.

Aside from the fact that he couldn't see Jiang Xing and his mother at all, the main reason was because he felt it was useless to talk about it.

Mom would only say why you caught a cold again, why you were sick again, what good is it if you can't even take care of yourself, and then angrily took herself to a small pharmacy to buy medicine.

Every time his mother caught a cold, he would be scolded. After a long time, Jiang Shiyu didn't want to talk about it.

He even tried every means to hide his illness.

"Let's have barbecue in the afternoon," Jiang Shiyu said, then paused, "Would you like to eat with me?"

"...It's too late, I can only eat with you," Yan An was stunned for a while, the topic changed too quickly for him to react, and he laughed after a while, "It's a good thing to have a meal. Well."

"Are you hungry? If you're not hungry, wait a little longer until the sun has completely set before going out," Jiang Shiyu said, "It's still a little hot right now."

"Why don't you order takeaway and eat at home," Yan An said hurriedly, "I don't feel like walking anymore."

Jiang Shiyu glanced at him sideways, raised his hand as if wanting to pat him on the shoulder, paused for a moment and withdrew it: "Supplement more calcium."

After speaking, he went to the living room.

Yan An was stunned for a while, then raised his hand and pressed down on the place Jiang Shiyu was about to shoot just now, pursed his lips, turned around and walked out, Jiang Shiyu was already sitting on the sofa, turned on the TV, and ordered takeaway with his mobile phone.

While waiting for the takeaway, the two of them went to the canteen downstairs to buy two cases of beer and brought them up. They always felt that there was no soul in eating barbecue without some wine or Coke.

Yan An took out the barbecues and put them away, and found a pack of cigarettes under the bag, and was stunned: "Jiang Shiyu?"

"Huh?" Jiang Shiyu took out two cups.

"Have you bought cigarettes?" Yan An asked.

"Ah," Jiang Shiyu put down the cup and took the cigarette, "Sometimes I smoke one."

"When you're in a bad mood?" Yan An continued to ask.

Jiang Shiyu glanced at him, without saying a word, the two sat down around the coffee table, poured beer and started drinking.

There is a layer of carpet around the tea table. It is not too uncomfortable to sit on. The barbecue is divided into two parts, normal spicy and slightly spicy. There is a coffee table. They ordered a lot of meat, and it is not easy to cool in summer. It pops up little by little, and it is especially tempting with the help of barbecue ingredients.

There was an idol drama on TV, and a woman and a woman with similar looks and a man and a man with similar hairstyles were arguing endlessly. After watching it for a long time, Yan An couldn't tell who was who, and asked in a daze: "That woman is her." Mom?"

"...that's the heroine and her best friend." Jiang Shiyu looked at Yan An speechlessly.

"Then who is that man?" Yan An asked.

"The hero." Jiang Shiyu sighed, touched the remote control and changed to a children's channel.

"Fuck." Yan An was happy.

The children's channel is currently showing a special domestic film. The two of them became bored after watching it for a while. They simply focused on eating barbecue and drank a lot of wine. After drinking for a while, Jiang Shiyu noticed that Yan An's eyes began to relax up.

Exactly how much Yan An can drink is still a mystery.

Jiang Shiyu took a look, the two of them only drank ten bottles in total, canned ones, last time when Xie Lanlan celebrated his birthday, Yan An drank much more than this, and he didn't see how confused his eyes were.

Maybe the amount of alcohol depends on the mood.

Jiang Shiyu sighed, and said to Yan An, "Shall I smoke a cigarette?"

"Ah," Yan An replied slowly, "you smoke."

Jiang Shiyu took out the lighter from under the table, went to the window and pushed it open, leaning against the window and smoking silently.

The smoke was winding and rising, Yan An suddenly asked: "How did you learn to smoke?"

"Forgot." Jiang Shiyu said.

"Can I forget this too?" Yan An was happy for a while, "I'll take a sip."

"No," Jiang Shiyu frowned, "You want to try everything."

"Take a sip," Yan An walked towards him, "just one sip."

Jiang Shiyu stared at him for a while, sighed, a little helpless, took out the cigarette case to get him a cigarette, Yan An suddenly came over and held his hand, and said, "I'll take a puff from yours. Just do it."

Jiang Shiyu was stunned for a moment, but didn't speak.

"I'm not afraid of you, really, don't... don't feel anything," Yan An said in a low voice, "We are still the same as before, you can pat me on the shoulder if you want to, and slap you if you want to hook you, We're still the same as before, okay?"

Jiang Shiyu put out his cigarette, but still didn't speak.

Yan An pushed the window open a bit, looked out the window, the voice was scattered by the wind, and it fell into the ears in fragments, not very clearly heard: "When did you find out?"

"What?" Jiang Shiyu asked.

"I am... gay," Yan An said, "When did you find out?"

"I don't know." Jiang Shiyu leaned against the window and narrowed his eyes, "There is no specific point. You will discover it when you grow up, just like other people who grow up and find that they like girls."

So it can't be called discovery or non-discovery.

In Jiang Shiyu's growth trajectory, there was no such a stormy process of knowing his own sexuality.

It's different from Yan An.

"Then, will you come out?" Yan An blinked and looked at him sideways, "To your mother?"

"I will," Jiang Shiyu replied quickly, "Before, I always felt that it's nothing to come out of the closet, as long as I live well and don't feel sorry for others."

"Ah." Yan An responded.

"I didn't feel that way later," Jiang Shiyu continued, "Coming out...in fact, it is to give an explanation to the person I like, and to give a definite answer to the family. If the child is gay, there are many careful parents. Rarely will notice."

"What if your mother disagrees?" Yan An looked at him.

"It's normal to disagree," Jiang Shiyu said, raising his hand, and gently rubbing Yan An's head, "There should be very few people who can accept that their children like the same sex, but..."

He paused and said softly: "Not everyone's parents will be like Ran Hang's parents."

Yan An trembled all over, and was stunned for a long time without saying a word.

"This road may be difficult to walk, but we must go on, and we must spend time negotiating with our parents," Jiang Shiyu said, "After all, we are born like this, and there is no way to change it. If you like it, you like it."

It's not a disease, it's not a stimulus, and it's not affected by any other messy factors.

Just like the same sex.

So I can only choose a softer way to confess to my family, or I don’t have to. This is everyone’s freedom and choice.

But absolutely, definitely not becoming the second Jiang Xing.

Jiang Shiyu put down his hand, and when he was about to say something else, Yan An suddenly blinked his eyes, tears rolling down to the corner of his mouth, he took a trembling breath, and said, "I don't understand."

"...Well," Jiang Shiyu looked out the window and sighed, "It's okay."

"Jiang Shiyu," Yan An called him softly, "Are you afraid?"

"No." Jiang Shiyu said, "I have accepted myself a long time ago."

"Oh." Yan An responded, and after a while called again, "Jiang Shiyu."

"Huh?" Jiang Shiyu looked at him.

"You kissed me, didn't you?" Yan An said.

Jiang Shiyu didn't speak.

When he was about to look out of the window, Yan An suddenly pushed the window shut, so fast that it almost caught Jiang Shiyu's head, and then he pulled the curtain aside, the whole room was cut off from the window.

"What are you doing?" Jiang Shiyu looked at him in shock.

Yan An took a step forward, grabbed Jiang Shiyu's collar, with wet tears still on his face, and asked uncertainly, "You really kissed me that day, I wasn't dreaming, right?"

Jiang Shiyu stared at him for a while, then suddenly lowered his head and kissed the corner of Yan An's mouth: "Yes."

Yan An looked up at him in a daze, and after two seconds, he suddenly raised his hand to wrap around Jiang Shiyu's neck, pressed down, and kissed him forcefully.