Like Love But Not

It's really comfortable to be coaxed by him. I'm not so sad anymore, but I still hang on to him to take advantage.At this moment, there was a hateful knock on the door, and Fang Shuyi's rhythm was three light and one heavy. I quickly wiped away my tears, but Fang Shuyi had already entered, and when he saw me, he immediately teased: "Oh, the big star Luo loves to cry. Ghost, rare and rare."

"Crybaby." He made such a mouth shape to me, and smiled again, with kindness and unscrupulousness, reassuring intimacy.

I thought Fang Shuyi was looking for Xiao Heng, but he just said hello to him, and then turned around and said to me, "Come out." I looked at Xiao Heng behind him, and he forced a smile , and then lowered his eyes, as if he knew what Fang Shuyi wanted to tell me.Naturally, my heart sank, I've been fooled too much, I don't know if this fox said something to sow discord again.

I looked back at Xiao Heng again, and he smiled and nodded to me.Outside the door, Fang Shuyi closed the door and walked for a while, I followed him until he stopped in front of the corridor window, and said to me: "The results I got last night, the bone marrow compatibility test before the operation No adverse reactions."

I listened, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was rare that Fang Shuyi could bring good news once in a while.But before I could even smile, he lit up a cigarette again and continued: "Tomorrow, the marrow will be washed...that is to say, to separate the separable antibodies and cancer cells from the blood mechanically, so as to avoid contamination with the newly injected blood. His bone marrow repels each other. If you stay with him for another day today, if you dare to affect his mood, I will kill you."

"After that... what about today?" I felt a chill running down my spine and was a little incoherent.

"We'll be moving into the sterile ward after today, and it's impossible for us to get in." He took a deep breath of cigarettes, frowned and waved his hands: "Don't waste time here, go and accompany him."

I didn't even think about arguing with him and bargaining with him, so I could only turn around and run back to the ward immediately, feeling terribly sour.I thought there would be fourteen days, although I can't make any big progress in fourteen days, at least I can drag it on, and I can avoid the most terrible result, but now it's good, I have no defense at all, and I will do something casually Anything can kill me directly.

When he opened the door, he still had the same expression before I left, and there was really no need to pretend to be cheerful at this time.I walked over to him, thinking that even if I couldn’t exaggerate the day with balloons, ribbons, roses, and snow to make it look like a movie, at least I should say something touching, but I didn’t even do this, and my mind was empty. I can't yet accept the reality that this sentence will start tomorrow.

"That...would it hurt to wash the marrow?"

Xiao Heng shook his head: "I don't know, but it should be...it's okay. Like Xia Mingxiu now, maybe everything is fine."

I fell silent, looking at his usual appearance, I always felt that what I could say now seemed hypocritical, but if I didn't say anything, I was afraid that I would regret it.The things he said that he didn't want to believe would be even less convincing when he said them at this time. Fang Shuyi was right, what I want to do is not to affect his mood, so, so I...

"...Luo Yuchen, do you want me to survive?"

he asked suddenly.I thought my face must be very distorted, so he added: "There is no other meaning, it's just that Xia Mingxiu asked me this question back then."

I don't care what nerves he has, I stare at him, I'm very hurt, he will ask me like this, it's impossible not to get hurt.

"Aren't you curious about my answer?" He looked at me with a serious expression and said, "I told him that I don't want it, I think it would be better for him to die."

I am stunned.

Seeing my expression, Xiao Heng almost bent down with a smile: "Do you really believe me? Am I like that?"

I saw him laughing happily, but I really didn't think it was funny.After all, once his mind entered a certain state, I couldn't understand it, so I patted him, pulled him back, and told him righteously: "Xiao Heng, I don't care about other things, I'm telling you now, I need you to live Come down, you must survive for me!"

"This... is very similar to what I said to Xia Mingxiu at the time."

Well, I'm dull, but I understand now that he's pretty much using an example analogy except I hope he's alive and it's not entirely true.My God, it’s not about killing me, I laughed, but the soreness in my heart could not be covered, so I could only turn my head to stop him: "Stop, if you want to see me cry, now Just stop talking..."

Depend on.The result is that I can't hold it anymore before I finish a sentence, and I need to hold my breath to suppress the tears that are about to fall. This must be a shameful look, or in front of him, I can only laugh at myself and cast aside .

Xiao Heng was a little helpless: "Mr. Luo Yuchen, you think I'm alluding to you, I don't have such vicious intentions. Listen to me first and finish it?" He wiped it off for me with his slender fingers. From the corner of my eyes, I froze for a moment, I don't know what I thought of, a ambiguous embarrassment suddenly appeared on my face, and then I patted my head gently: "Hey, don't make you cry when I speak? What? Like a child, it makes me feel embarrassed."

"Who told you... who told you to say..." I wanted to be brave, but I didn't come up in one breath, which turned out to be a very pitiful counter-effect.I heard him laugh, admitting to me with a smile that it was his fault, and I was still struggling, so he stretched out his hand and hugged me politely.

It was just that he thought he was here to comfort me politely.It's been so long, since we separated, this is the first time he has taken the initiative to hug me. No matter how wronged I am, I know that I must not let it go. Even if I can't be shameless at this time, I still have to be shameless. Anyway, I won't let it go.

I couldn't hear him, but I could feel it, and then he began to protest: "Hey, hey, let go, I can't breathe."

I let go a little, but refused to let go, and he said: "Well...do you still want to hear me finish?" In order to win his sympathy, I put down my poor self-esteem and cried in his ear: "You explain."

As expected, he still insisted on this, and could only ignore my hug and continued: "Actually, even though I was contradictory, I still hoped that Xia Mingxiu would survive. Not only because he is a good person, but also because... because I really wanted to You need to know what the real ending of the story is. If he dies, maybe I will be your only one, maybe I don’t have to wait for you so long at all, but is that kind of happiness real? I got that kind of ending, in fact, my whole life We all know that if he survives, I have no chance at all."

To be honest, I seemed to catch a glimpse of what he wanted to express, but I still didn't understand what he was saying.He also knew that I probably didn't understand, so he asked seriously in my ear again: "Luo Yuchen, please don't mind me asking. If I die, you will never fall in love with others all your life. To commemorate me?"

"I will."

"I believe you will too, but that's not the real ending either. For me, the real ending is only me surviving and living well, so that you can figure out your true heart and make unscrupulous A choice; rather than dying, and then letting you miss me with guilt, I have made that mistake once, and I will never be so stupid again. So don't worry, Luo Yuchen, I will definitely survive. "

After he finished speaking, he looked at me, as if expecting that I would be inspired by this decision, while I was lost in my own thoughts.I only heard the first half of the sentence, and the content behind it, the meaning of the whole sentence, I only understood after a long time after he explained it again.That's why when I heard these words at that time, I raised my head and asked him like a fool: "What is an unreal ending?"

I didn't understand what he was talking about, and he didn't understand why I was suddenly excited, and his surprised expression hurt me even more. I opened my sleeves, and I showed him my left hand. I asked him loudly with red eyes: " What is an unreal ending? You mean I won’t be able to remember you after a few years? You mean I can happily fall in love, get married, and live happily after you die? That’s how I am in your heart Right? Yes, anyway, Luo Yuchen can't think of dying just because he misses you, so why don't you tell me what this is?"

I must be crazy, I never thought of letting him see this, and even said that I would secretly find a doctor to smooth it out for me when he recovered.After all, this thing is too deliberate, and it always feels like a life-for-life prank. It can't even prove that I was not confused when I did this, let alone talk about feelings.

But it can prove that a person like me can also become very decisive and desperate for a person.