Like Love But Not

In March, the earth warmed up, reflecting my mood finally returning to the right track.Having experienced such a period of despair, I feel like I am living after a catastrophe. The previous days are like a distorted bubble. I dare not think about it. Sometimes I imagine it, but I only get some fragmented images.

When I'm free, reaching into my clothes to play with the ring has become a habitual action of mine recently.Not long ago, I cleaned the house again, and moved all the corners of the cabinets, but I still couldn't find the other ring.This incident made me quite annoyed, but I couldn't blame others for what I did, so I could only vent my anger on myself.

I still remember the cautious look on Xiao Heng's face when he gave it to me on my birthday that year and the dejection after being despised by me.Every expression on his face is still vivid in my memory, and I even remember every word he said, but I just can't remember where I left that little thing.

The last time I passed by a store in the bustling area, I saw a ring that was similar in color and texture to my ring. When I walked over to it, I was disappointed to see that it was paired with a small blue diamond ring.Just when I was about to leave, I was attracted by the diamond watch lying on one side. It lay quietly, noble and elegant but not dazzling. The hour hand was designed in an antique style, complicated and meticulous. When I first saw it You can just imagine it being worn by Xiao Heng on his wrist, as if it was tailor-made for him.

I almost never bought him a gift, and I didn't want to repeat this deliberately indifferent disguise, and immediately asked the clerk to wrap it.His birthday is coming up and I want to give this to him, it's time for me to manage a little bit of his life for him.He has been calculating for me which one to eat and which one is good for my health. I am not without strengths. At least I can improve his taste in dressing and make him more chic and attractive.

But...he's not that attractive, so I'll be more at ease.

Recently, I really don't want to go home, because Xia Mingxiu keeps dragging me to find a psychiatrist.How many times have I told him that those are all lies, but he insisted on making me lie down and pretend to be hypnotized, and looked at me as if I was the only one who was pitiful.

I couldn't explain it well to him, he didn't believe me, but the evidence that Xiao Heng was still alive was obvious, especially after Lu Weixi made a special trip here in hopes of continuing to lie to me.He committed suicide the day after Xiao Heng moved out one by one. I really wanted to beat him up. As his friend, how could he curse him like that?I just thought I was meeting a lunatic and listening to a joke, and finally held back.

On the night when my stomach hurt, Xiao Heng took care of me all night, and I knew that was the truth.I don't know why they partnered to lie to me, whether it was to test my patience or my feelings for Xiao Heng, I decided to ignore them, and I decided to publicly apologize to Xiao Heng again, and then go to him on his birthday.

The opportunity will come soon, and the concert in city B is the highlight of this year.During the promotion period, I was invited to do a show, and I was obediently answering the host's gossip.Admitting against my will that I was dumped is actually very reconciled, but I think maybe if I pretend to be pitiful, Xiao Heng will be soft-hearted earlier, so I can only reluctantly do it.

At the concert, I almost tried my best to convey my voice to him."Like Love But Not" is a previous song that I have secretly tampered with. Singing it just once is already unbearably heavy.When I wrote the lyrics before, I recalled everything he had done for me over and over again. It was the first time I sang together, and I realized that it is so indispensable and smooth. Without any of the details, life is incomplete .

I don't know that when he watched me fall asleep, kissed my bangs and woke me up, I was afraid of something, irritable or something, now that I have nothing, I just want to get it back, and I want to tell him that Luo Yuchen is actually this person It was his, and he could do anything to him.

On the official website and blog that night, I still couldn't find him. I found his last login record, which was half a year ago.He just fell silent like that, didn't say a word anymore, and didn't care about my life anymore?

I know that I didn't do enough, that he turned around, and that he thought that I had changed my past, but it was inevitable that I would feel wronged and depressed.He knows me right, he knows that if I pester him and beg him every day, it’s not me. I’ve almost reached the limit of what I can do, but he still doesn’t say a word, and wants to punish me to the limit. when?

Sometimes I wonder if Fang Shuyi instructed those people to tell me that he is dead.He can protect Xiao Heng, hide and let him leave me forever. Xiao Heng doesn't know anything, but he can be coaxed by him so that he doesn't look back. Just like that, he doesn't leave me with any hope.

It's really amazing, it's the way he has always acted, and he must not be allowed to succeed like that.

When I stare at the computer screen and mechanically browse through the posts, my brain will suddenly have a lot of messy fantasies. Now the image in my mind is the back of Xiao Heng. He is hugged by someone on the shoulder, very precious. , I couldn't see his expression, I could only watch him go away.

I've always had a firm grip on his feelings, while lying to myself that he is fully qualified to find someone better, so he can dump me at any time, while subconsciously believing that even if he leaves me, he will never forget me.Now he hides from me without saying a word, suddenly makes me realize that after he leaves me, he can be taken care of by someone who really knows how to love him, he may be very happy, and he may forget me one day.

This kind of thought makes me restless, it is late at night, but I really want to go out and run wildly, maybe there is a road in the dark that can lead me to find him at the end, and never let go.

It's half a month away from his birthday, but I can't even stand the exhausted late night after the concert, it's like venting hard, but I don't know what to do to vent, so I can only say desperately Hold the mouse and tap the keyboard heavily.

Then I saw the post, discussing my earrings.

Feeling guilty again, I thought about throwing away the earrings and burning the photos in a rage. Fortunately, Xiao Heng didn't see these, otherwise I really don't know what else I can do to make up for it. Seeing the light of day, the matter of the photo can be used as an excuse of fire, what about something so expensive as earrings?

I hated myself so much that I went to LUDEVICI's shop to find fakes.I know it's disgraceful for me to do this, but if I don't even have this thing that I've worn for ten years, I simply don't have the right to stand in front of him again.