Like Love But Not

Xia Mingxiu is going to work in LA for a few days, and I stay at home. No matter what I do these days, I am not going well.Taking pictures, I can’t laugh, I don’t understand why they want me to laugh, I have to laugh, I’m a star, yes, but I’m not a god or a laugher, no one can force me; when I get off work, I block Fang Shuyi , but he refused to tell me anything related to Xiao Heng. I have been with him for ten years, and suddenly I don’t even have the right to greet him. Does Xiao Heng have to grind like this to relieve his hatred? Well, I will let him grind.

The next morning I looked up the address where he moved, and I thought I'd better check in person to see if he was okay, at least... I should have accompanied him to support him during his operation, otherwise it would be too impersonal .He definitely won't agree, but I have to find a way anyway, otherwise I won't be able to forgive myself.

I entered the white house, and I really saw Xiao Heng's things on the second floor, piled up scatteredly all over the floor.I felt a little uncomfortable looking at those things, they were all treasured by Xiao Heng once, why did I put them away so casually now, I suddenly felt that I was similar to these things now.There is no way, one person has been missed by another person for a long time, and there is always a sense of superiority, and suddenly the flowers and attention have disappeared, which is somewhat unbearable.

The combination locks of several large boxes were still silly "four, one, six". It was his birthday, and it was opened all at once.

The lockbox has a lot of déjà vu items that I never cared about after wearing them at shows and never knowing he ended up collecting them.One of the emerald and obsidian necklaces is quite dazzling. I donated it to a charity sale. It was said that it was bought at a sky-high price, but it turned out to be back to Xiao Heng.

I put the necklace back around my neck, feeling a little torn.I always knew that he was stupid and he was obsessed with me. Now that I see the evidence, I am still somewhat satisfied, but now he just throws this thing here so casually. Does it mean that he never wants to see me, never wants to stay It's all about me.

Suddenly, I felt that people are really cheap. I have always been the only one who pushed him away and he clung to him.Now that he's let go, I'm brooding, what a problem.

Then I saw a small crimson velvet box, which seemed to be a delicate jewelry box. I opened it and saw the contents, and I couldn't tell what it was like.

The ring, the ring with words engraved inside, is the only one he gave me.I accidentally lost it, and secretly searched for it with a sense of guilt. I was often frightened and afraid that Xiao Heng would mention it, but I didn't expect it to be put away by him.

I picked it up and looked at Liang, and suddenly the small ring in my hand became heavy, so heavy that I almost couldn't hold it.

The words engraved inside are something I have never seen before.

"HloveCforever", Xiao Heng loves Luo Yuchen forever.

It wasn't the one he gave me. The one he gave me was obviously the same in appearance, but it wasn't engraved with this sentence.

He never told me it turned out to be a pair of rings.I looked at it, in such austere, uncluttered white gold, that it looked a lot like a wedding ring.

The five flavors are mixed, and that feeling is very uncomfortable.In my opinion, Xiao Heng's feelings for me are infatuation, habit, and obsession. I always feel that he struggles because he can't get it. As long as I fall in love with him one day, my death will come.But now, facing such a delicate mind, I can no longer attribute it to superficiality.

He never made any oath to me, and even the contract is only "ten years" from the age of 28.When the years are over and I lose my vigor and become less dazzling, he can naturally find better ones.Although he often said he loves me, I just listened to it as a joke. I never thought that he would secretly engrave the motto at such an early age, and what was handed over to me was "Xiao Heng's love", and what I hid was "Forever" to Luo Yuchen.

I am a little sad, if he has been so attentive, it is my blindness and indifference that ruined his feelings.

I went through his luggage, and all the documents were still in place, only the ID card was taken away.I looked at this house, full of the bleakness of being abandoned, and felt that Xiao Heng would never come back here again.

On the way back by car, I thought about the information about leukemia that I checked online a few days ago.

The results of the search made me chill. Acute leukemia can last less than a year, and even if it is chronic, it will not last for a few years.

People who get sick will have early symptoms. Xiao Heng rarely feels unwell, but recently he occasionally complains of chest pain or joint pain all over his body.At that time, I didn't care about it at all, sarcastically saying that it was rheumatism, a sign of premature aging.

He smiled wryly, and he endured it silently without saying anything.

I think I'm really disgusting, I should care about him more, if I can stay with him when I find out, I won't be so bored here alone now.

My behavior pattern in the past ten years is very simple. I keep letting him down, give him some hope when I am about to despair, and repeat the cycle of rewarding him with ten whips for one candy, rewarding him with candy again, and destroying him again.He was obviously a smart person, but he couldn't see through it, and he didn't dare to say anything, even when he was seriously ill.

If I had known it would be like this, I couldn't have pushed him to this point. It's not difficult to be nice to people, but I just haven't been nice to him.Thinking about it this way, many people from Xiao Heng's side said that I was bad, and it seemed understandable.

When I walked to the door of the house, my stomach started to hurt. I pushed through the door, thinking it didn't matter much.Although I was born with a bad stomach, because Xiao Heng took care of me, I only had a slight pain occasionally in the past ten years. I was used to this kind of feeling that I only listened to the wind but couldn't see the thunderstorm, and I was depressed, so I opened a bottle of wine.

Unexpectedly, this time the stomach pain came violently, as if it was entwined and tightened from the outside by something like thorns, and there was something swelling inside, as if it was going to burst the stomach. I was convulsed one after another, I was dizzy and wanted to vomit, and I hit my head on the sofa, but after lying down, the discomfort became more serious. I felt like my stomach was cut into pieces, and I spit out a few mouthfuls, but the pain was still severe.

I began to feel very cold, and the cold hand on my stomach stimulated the pain nerves, but I couldn't let go, I could only curl up and tremble.I suddenly thought of the hot milk that Xiao Heng must boil every morning, the temperature that warms my stomach, I ignored it for a day and a day, until it was painful and cold, I realized that I needed him so much and missed him so much.

He took the recipe and carefully marked it with a red pen. He carefully arranged the meals for each day and strictly controlled my picky eaters. He insisted on hot milk every morning and evening, as well as ginger and brown sugar water, which he said was good for stomach cold. benefit.I have never gotten sick from eating what he made. Occasionally, I feel uncomfortable when I drink too much to socialize outside. He never complains. Instead, he will make a special drink to hangover, and then let me lean on his shoulder to help I rubbed my stomach, and his hands were big and warm, always reassuring.

But where is he now? He's gone and won't care about me anymore.

It's really self-inflicted, I drove him away, of course I will eat the bitter fruit myself.I only think of him when I need him. I'm not that weak yet, so I don't believe I can't survive the night without him.

However, within a short while, the more severe pain shook my stance, and I began to wish that he was by my side, even if I did nothing but let me hold his hand, even if he accused me of being ignorant.I know that people will always become vulnerable when they are sick, and even a little care is like sending charcoal in the snow, but I am too weak to restrain myself from thinking about him.

The long tossing and turning has exhausted all my strength, and my stomach is still cramping and uncomfortable. I don’t know when I’m lying on the floor, my head is congested with blood, and there are dazzling color patches in front of me. I feel as if something is oppressing my chest. It's hard to breathe.I won't... just die like this.