Like Love But Not

It was the first time in ten years that he slept on the couch with me.The general situation is that even if it is done, he will sleep in his room after doing it, and I will go back to the living room to sleep on the sofa.

I like to sleep with the light on, a habit I developed from a young age.It’s not that Xiao Heng forbids me to turn on the light, but when I open my eyes, I often find that he is watching me sleep, as if he is admiring some artwork carefully. His obsession puts a lot of pressure on me. Once I got angry with him, scolded him for being crazy, and even got into a fight.

That time when I hit him, I didn’t actually hit him very hard. He was pushed down by me, and his head hit the protruding corner of the table next to him, bleeding exaggeratedly. Until now, there is still a shallow scar on his forehead under the bangs. .

He stayed in the hospital for three days, and I was severely warned by Fang Shuyi. It was one of the rare times when I regretted what I had done, so I changed all the desks and chairs at home during the period. , replaced by a smooth edge.

As a result, when Xiao Heng came back from the hospital and saw those, he sneered and said, "Is it for the convenience of you hitting me next time?"

Good intentions also become the liver and lungs of a donkey, so I have nothing to say to this kind of person.

When we were brothers, we couldn't finish talking every day, and we never found out that our personalities were at odds. I never thought about getting to where we are today.

For the next week, we did it every day. Xiao Heng really rarely did this. He was clearly enduring until his face was full of pain, but he always told me: "Go on".I had no choice but to be gentle. I haven't treated him well in ten years. After all, I was still struggling when we broke up.

It would be nice if I didn’t have to see him in the future, and my life finally returned to normal.

On the first day when Xiao Heng was away, I got up late.Because he wakes me up every day, the alarm clock at home has been useless and almost completely forgotten, I don’t want to go to the company, thinking that if I meet Xiao Heng and he finds out that I lack self-care ability without him, I guess He was going to snicker.

Fortunately, I went to the company for a day and didn't meet Xiao Heng. I also made an agreement with Xia Mingxiu that he would move in tomorrow.

Ten years ago, I thought that my life would be prosperous again the day I got rid of him, but in fact... I really got rid of him, and it felt like "just so".When I got home, it had become a habit to see his sullen face, and it was a bit weird to suddenly quiet down.

Xiao Heng basically took away all the things we bought together, and I also replaced all the posters, wallpapers and photos in the photo frames that he posted. I did not do this for Xia Mingxiu, but for my life to be completely separated from Xiao Constant shadow.From then on, Xiao Heng and Luo Yuchen had nothing to do with each other, just like passers-by.

I also threw the earrings into the artificial lake outside the company. I was really useless. I had been at his mercy for ten years, and there were traces of "Xiao Heng's proprietary" all over my body. Now I finally cleaned it up.

When Xia Mingxiu moved in, he brought very few things. I dragged him to buy more, and he said, "It's better not to. If one day you want to drive me away, I won't be in trouble."

I was really angry at the time, he had already had a cold war with me because of the earrings, and now he was talking with thorns, I asked him: "Do you think I will treat you like Xiao Heng? Or are you just making excuses for not wanting to live with me?"

Xia Mingxiu's expression was very hurt, I don't know what could hurt him.He has always been very good at advancing and retreating. After finally being able to live a good life together, he always mentions Xiao Heng to me. Isn't he just looking for trouble?

The ten years that I managed to erase were a humiliation to me and a big stain in my life, and I really don't want anyone to mention it.

Xia Mingxiu raised his head, and said suddenly: "Luo Yuchen, have you found out, only Xiao Heng's matter will always stir up your emotions..."

I glared at him, nonsense, because Xiao Heng was the only one who dared to do all kinds of things to me in the past ten years. I thought he would be angry, and of course it could stir up my emotions.I just hope that Xia Mingxiu won't be so sensitive and don't always think that my emotions are because of Xiao Heng.

After Xiao Heng left, everything in my life was normal, the only inconvenience was that the food was not as good as before.Anyway, Xiao Heng is pretty good at making food, the taste is light, and the heat is well controlled. Xia Mingxiu likes sweet and greasy things, and I appreciate that.

The best dish cooked by Xiao Heng is iron plate tofu. I never knew that someone could make tofu into a delicacy before I tasted his craftsmanship. I suddenly thought that I would never be able to eat it, and I was still a little at a loss.

After Xia Mingxiu went to work, I lay on the sofa because my stomach felt a little uncomfortable from the previous eight-treasure meal.Every time my stomach hurts, I feel very annoyed, wishing that this thing didn’t grow on my body, and Xiao Heng’s meticulous care would make me very worried at times like this before, as if I am some delicate flower and cannot live without him .

When I think of him, I feel like being scratched by a cat in my heart again. I am really convinced by this person, and the memories are still lingering and tormenting me when he is gone.I went into his former room again, but unfortunately I didn’t find anything to vent my anger on. Later, I finally found a lot of old photos. I took them all out and dumped them in a cardboard box. Later, I thought it was a bit too much, and I wanted to let Xiao Heng came to fetch them, but Xiao Heng didn't come to fetch them, so I burned them all.

Maybe it's because I'm too kind, because Xiao Heng always looks at me with a painful look, which makes me think that he is very sincere to me, and sometimes I can't do anything to hurt him.In fact, he was so full when he left that he didn't even let me see him for the last time. I thought he would leave a provocative letter or leave a message, but he didn't.

He let it go, and I'm the one who still haunts my heart.

Later, I didn't see Xiao Heng for several days, and I didn't care too much, guessing that he might be avoiding me.But a week later, Fang Shuyi suddenly became the president of the company, and Lu suddenly came to help Xiao Heng, but there was no news at all, which really surprised me secretly.

There was a lot of trouble in the company. I heard many kinds of rumors. Most of the rumors mean that Fang Shuyi staged a coup and squeezed Xiao Heng away. But they have always had a good relationship, so they would not do such a thing. Where he went after that, no one knows at all.

Xiao Heng will not appear in the company again, but I don't feel relieved.If something happened to him at this time, I would definitely feel guilty. Xia Mingxiu and I drove him out of the house together. He curled up next to me on the last night, and the pillow towel was wet a lot in the morning.Even if I've always been indifferent, I'm not emotionless. It's unbearable for such a big man to look vulnerable. Several times I almost said to him: "Actually, you don't have to leave."

Every time I wake up, I will be shocked, and then comfort me and say that it is fortunate that I did not make a big mistake because of a little woman's kindness.It's been ten years, and I have done my best, even if I know he is very pitiful, I can't give him anything.

If he didn't start that, if he didn't say anything, didn't want anything, how could we be so sad.He was the one who did the wrong thing. I was involved, but Fang Shuyi and LU regarded him as the unforgivable sinner. I really don't understand why.

Under Xia Mingxiu's pressure, I called him, but I couldn't get through.I think Xiao Heng is a bit too much. The sudden disappearance of the world makes everyone unable to contact him. What can he do if he didn't do it on purpose?

In fact, thinking so, I quickly denied myself.For Xiao Heng who can't let go, he should only be able to hide in secret and cry silently.

It seems that he is a weak person in this way. In fact, the word "weakness" is basically insulated from Xiao Heng. He was seriously injured several times when playing football together before, and his face was pale from pain without shedding a single tear; in the face of setbacks Or when he was hit, he always had a good psychological quality and laughed it off.We have been together for so long, in fact, he has not cried a few times, or let me see him a few times.But I don't know why I always feel that he is very weak, it may be due to the way we get along.

I don't know if he knows he owes me, or if he really likes it so he's humbled. He doesn't refute when I say something, and he doesn't retaliate when I scold him. I can't touch his bottom line at all.At first I thought it was very interesting, maliciously bullying him and trying to make him cry again and again, but later I found that he was simply indescribably tolerant, so I lost interest and treated him casually and coldly.

He still gets hurt, and it's easy to see his heart in his eyes.He has always lowered his eyes slightly to my cold violence, revealing dark eyes, occasionally when he treats him a little better, he will suddenly smile very softly and happily, at that time, people will have a feeling of wanting to treat him all the time The illusion of getting better, so at that moment, I always use bad language to force him to go back to the corner where he has self-knowledge.

It seems that I can control everything about him and control his mood. In fact, no one will believe me when I say it. Xiao Heng himself is also very strong, and he acts vigorously in the business field, which is different from Fang Shuyi's cunning and deceitful approach to the outside world. Xiao Heng manages the company's internal affairs more, assigns work, sets deadlines, and watches the employees with a blank face to put pressure on them. If there is a problem with someone's behavior, it is ruthless to fire him. This is different from his brother. Fang Shuyi's behavior pattern is exactly the same.

When he was in school, he was a standard top student. Smartness must be a major factor, but there are also some who will never lose.Otherwise, people like me are just dawdling in school, why do we have to work hard to get high scores in every class, just for the recognition of a report card.