Abandoned Lover [Future]

The shaving foam was squeezed on the chin with growing stubble, and was spread by fingertips little by little.The water-soaked blade sliced ​​across the chiseled jaw, revealing smooth skin where it passed.

Joshua bent down, pulled Eugene's forehead hair back with one hand, and held the razor in the other, carefully shaving Eugene's beard.

"Turn your head a little bit, mouth, mouth towards me." After all, it's not your own face, the operation is always a bit weird, Joshua raised and lowered his elbows, as if he was doing some inexperienced experiment.Eugene, who was being teased, sat on the chair, frowned slightly, and finally did as he did.

A few minutes later, a warm towel wiped off the remaining foam on Eugene's face.Joshua examined the face carefully, making sure that there were no stubble or scars, and then rinsed the blade clean.Eugene's eyes followed Joshua's hand all the time, watching him carefully wrap the blade and put it in his pocket, his expression seemed to be a silent sigh.

... He has emphasized many times with Joshua that he has no intention of committing suicide.Yet his two temporary guardians—Dietrich and Joshua—suddenly united in the matter.The change started when the weapons around him were taken away one by one. After that, he found that he could no longer even order blades and alcohol online.Two aristocrats who abused their privileges chose to ban these things from his life by some means.What's even more ridiculous is that they will also take the initiative to deliver tranquilizers and tobacco to the door, seeming to understand his terrible dependence on the latter two.

Faced with such an arrangement, he should probably feel angry, but he simply didn't have the strength to support such emotions.He just finds it funny.Towels hanging in the bathroom, windows that could be easily broken, sliding doors leading to the balcony—if he really wanted to, he was full of handy things that could get him all done.

Neither Dietrich nor Joshua seemed to understand that his wishes and his choices didn't need to be aligned.He wanted to end it all, but he promised Xiao to live.The latter is far more important than the former.

So he didn't say anything, and now let Joshua dress him up like a doll.December has arrived, and his figure is too thin at this time, and the clothes that could be easily stretched out will be filled with wind crazily when he walks out, so he can only stack a few more layers.To be honest, he didn't have any intention of going out, and the occasional outings were all pulled out, such as today.

Joshua bent down and buttoned Eugene's coat from bottom to top, his mind full of plans for this trip.Eugene's hair should be cut when it grows, and the clothes that don't fit him need to be changed.After that, it is time to find a place to have a meal. A place with a view is the best, but it must not be facing a direction that cannot be mentioned.He was thinking about it, the buttons on his hands were fastened to his head, and when he raised his head, he just bumped into Eugene's thin but still handsome face, and he couldn't help being taken aback.

... He has known Eugene for more than ten years, and he has never dared to be tough in front of this person. Even the teasing he dared to do was calculated in advance, and he was cautious and humble from the bottom of his bones.Perhaps because of the plot of the chick rescued by Eugene back then, he always held some unspeakable admiration and longing for Eugene.Such feelings accumulated over time, drawing a rift between him and this person.

However, ever since Xiao disappeared, the Eugene he was familiar with seemed to be a statue that had fallen from the altar and shattered into distraught fragments all over the place.Such fragments have no light, no vitality, let alone dazzling.He diligently wanted to piece this person together again, but facing Eugene at this moment, he suddenly remembered that these pieces could also be easily gathered in the palm of his hand and hidden deep in his pocket.

Such an indescribably weird thought made his palms sweat.He wanted to look away, so he ran away and looked at what Eugene was looking at now.But when he saw what was at the end of his line of sight, he immediately lowered his head as if scalded—a tattered book of poetry lay on the side table in the living room, just as it had been when he first handed it back to Eugene.Eugene never touched it, but the mess scattered all over the room bypassed it, as if it held someone's inviolable soul.

There was no emotion in Eugene's eyes.He has no emotions about anything right now.The golden eyes turned in the direction they were facing, and Eugene said "Let's go" in a low voice.

……

The soft jazz music was playing slowly, and Eugene lowered his head and ate the food on his plate in silence, as if the intoxicating night in the land of no night behind him had nothing to do with him.His hair has been cut short, and a new coat and scarf have been added to the back of the chair. If you ignore his excessively protruding collarbones and shoulders, in terms of appearance alone, he is almost the same as he was a few months ago.Joshua didn't dare to look at his face, he just chatted about some work matters, and didn't care if he could get a response.

"Speaking of big things," Joshua paused, and after deliberation, he still said the next sentence: "Parliament passed the impeachment of Sisong and Kiev. The Ministry of Justice is said to have evidence. If it goes well If not, they will be dismissed for review, and depending on the name of the prosecution, they may even be imprisoned."

Eugene paused.This is his rare reaction to the outside world.Joshua waited expectantly, and finally got the sentence "...Waging war cannot be punished."

"Everyone knows this. But it seems that someone has packaged and sent up the evidence of their overreach and violation of the constitution. It looks like it is going to be true."

Eugene didn't respond any more.Joshua suddenly felt a little sad.Some things have already happened and cannot be undone, making late justice seem fragile and thin.He squeezed the fork in his hand, and said in a hesitant tone, "I'm going to officially enter politics."

Eugene said nothing.

"With such a big change in the military, the system of three generals must fundamentally change. The generals are willing to delegate power, and the influence of the parliament will only increase in the future." Joshua's expression is very serious: "Since In this way, if I enter the parliament, I will be able to support her better in the future. There are too few people-friendly factions among the nobles, and if the Rothschild family can set an example, it is estimated that several other big families will follow suit."

Eugene listened quietly.

Joshua suddenly felt a little embarrassed: "Sorry, it's all boring..."

"You can do it." Eugene interrupted him, his voice was very low, but he didn't hesitate. "I know."

……

After the meal, Joshua sent Eugene back home. His mind was chaotic and hot all the way, and he couldn't figure it out.He felt that he was approaching a terrible answer that must not be touched, but his heart was still beating, low and despicable.When he finally got back to his mansion, he wished he could just jump into the fountain to calm himself down.The butler who went out to greet him thoughtfully took his coat and wanted to untie his weapon belt, but stopped halfway through his hand.

Joshua, who was about to suffocate, looked down casually, and suddenly he woke up as if cold water had been poured on him.

—his sidearm was missing.

When did it disappear?Is it before or after they go out?Most importantly, was it deliberately taken by Eugene?

Fearing the worst possibility, Joshua snatched the coat from the butler, and rushed into the night again.

... Eugene sat at the dining table with the overhead light falling over him and over the gun on the table.There was no expression on his face, and now he inserted the middle finger of his right hand into the trigger button, and slowly turned it on the table.This is what Joshua left unintentionally, but now it seems to be some kind of hidden signal, trying to quietly pull him in a certain direction.

It's a pity that he has already made a decision and won't hesitate in such a place.

He took out the terminal in his pocket, trying to find Joshua's name among his recent contacts.However, this action brought him an unexpected result—a few familiar letters lay quietly at the fourth place on the list, catching him off guard when he was unprepared.

"shaw."

Probably because there are too few people in contact with him in life. Over two months later, this name has not been covered by others.Eugene looked at the screen in front of him, consciously feeling the knife stabbing his chest.

Except for the puppy pendant sleeping quietly in the bedroom, he was afraid of other evidence of Xiao's existence.He needed the puppy to keep him company, to pull him out of the loneliness that made him so painful that he almost lost his mind.But if he reads too much of other things, it always seems to be a vivid reminder of what he has had and what he has lost.So he made up his mind to avoid these things one by one, and sat in the uncontrollable pain, waiting for the day when he was completely numb.

He has gone through this kind of process before, and he should be familiar with it by now; seven years ago, he put all the things related to No. 6 into the box and locked it, and now he may be able to repeat the same method.However, he soon found out that he was very wrong, because unlike No. 6, what Xiao left behind was not worth mentioning.

- a pendant.a photo.a ring.A dried flower caught in a book.and now persists in the terminal, a simple name.

Rather than sealing these things up, he was even more afraid of gathering them together.These thin relics seemed to mock him cruelly. The time he spent with this person was too short.

Eugene squeezed his fist, his hand was shaking badly.For some unknown reason, he moved his finger to the information bar, and finally clicked on the message from Xiao.

"Where are you?" "Of course" "The luggage has been placed upstairs" "Be right back" - this terminal was taken from Jensen when he left Green Star, after that, he talked with him almost every day Xiao is inseparable, and doesn't really need to use the terminal to communicate.Therefore, all of these surviving sentences lack warm narratives, and are all short and intermittent sentences.

However, every sentence can clearly remind him of the corresponding frames.

——At the entrance of the market, the conspicuous Xiao lowered his head and typed the message, and bumped into himself just after sending it out, so he smiled in relief when he looked up.

——This is Xiao's response to any of his proposals, quickly, decisively, and willingly.Every time he determined the direction of travel, Xiao would take his hand as a matter of course, look him in the eyes and say "Let's go".

——Whenever he docks at a new port, Xiao will move his luggage to the residence first when he inspects the ship.He remembered that when he pushed open the door of the room, Xiao would hug him from behind, fall into a ball with him on the bed, smile and kiss him carelessly.

——Sometimes, Xiao would leave quietly when he was absent-minded, and then bring back the lunch or dinner that he had forgotten.This kind of coming and going is always very fast, and only a very few times, he will suddenly react.In the face of his inquiries, Xiao's response was always like this—be right back.

Shaw always walks the talk.Every time, he would use the fastest speed to come back to him.

... Eugene finally understood the reason why he clicked on these messages.

He missed him more than the fear of being hurt by these messages.

He misses him so much.

Eugene raised his head, stared at the ceiling with wide eyes, forcefully forced back his tears.It was not easy, he finally closed his eyes, frowned tightly, raised his hand, and pinched the base of his nose vigorously.

In the end, he could finally take a slow and deep breath, and exited the information interface.The emotional shake made him forget what he was going to do, and his fingers slid unconsciously on the terminal, finally staying on an icon that he had never clicked on.

It was very strange that the system showed that he had saved a note without him realizing it.

This is by no means a feature he would use.Eugene clicked it open by accident, and the moment he saw the content clearly, he felt someone tightly clenched his chest.

……

When Joshua came, Eugene was sitting under the lamp with his head down, a cigarette dangling from his mouth, his eyes were red, but there was a smile on his lips.

He didn't raise his eyes to look at Joshua, but casually clicked on the gun that was placed aside.

"...Take it. Something you forgot here."

Joshua nodded subconsciously, and suddenly felt that the Eugene in front of him was different from before.Eugene was looking over and over at a photo in his hand, finally raised his head, raised his chin at Joshua, and exhaled: "Help me find a photo frame, I want to hang it up."

Joshua glanced inside without knowing it, and then found almost horrified that what was placed in Eugene's hand was a photo of him and Xiao that could be called a minefield.The soot fell from Eugene's lips to his legs, and was brushed away indifferently.The smile on the corner of Eugene's mouth was casual, but his narrowed eyes were amazingly bright.

"...better. Stay longer."

The fragments were piecing themselves together, eventually gluing together a cracked figure.Joshua thus knew that Eugene had found the answer before him, and became the one he couldn't touch again.

……

——August 8 at 19:01am

I don't know if you will see these messages, or when.But I hope it puts a smile on your face when you finally read this.

(Idoknowwhenyouwillbecolor eihise, ifatall. Ijusthopewhenyoudo, itcanputas/mileonyourface.)

Right now, you are lying beside me with your head on my chest.You may not know that even in your sleep, your hands are still reaching out to me.I can't tell you how happy this makes me.But tonight was different, more special, even stranger than ever.Because when I look down, I can see the ring on your hand.

(At this very touch m, youarel brightntome, cloak tomych. Youmayknowthis, butyouhandsarereachingformeevenwhenyouareasleep.Icatellyouhowhappythismakes me. Buttonight everythingis lightly differ, slightly touch respecial, evenslightlystrange; whenIlookdown, Icolorearingonyourfinger.)

I put that ring on your finger.I made you my thing.

(I put that ring on your finger. I have made you mine.)

Although I have told you many times that I belong to you, I find it hard to believe that the opposite is true.can i really have youIs this what is happening?In the dead of night, I ask myself these questions over and over again, savoring these luxurious worries in secret.

(Despitemellingyoua mix drimhatIamyours, Ial touch stcabelievheoppositeis true. DoIde rvhis? Isthisreallyhappeniome? Iaskthe quioomy lfwhhenightgsdark, asthearhebworriohave, andIwouldlikodevourthemquilyand crly.)

I wish I could tell you how much I love you, Eugene.But instead, I can only thank you for making me the luckiest person in the world by placing a few kisses on your forehead while you sleep.

(IwishIcouldtellyouhowmuchIloveyou, Eugene. ButieadIcouldonlygiveyouafewkiscolor sonyourforehead, thankyouformingmheluckimaniheworld, whenyouaredeepinsideyourdreams.)

I have so many promises I want to make to you—to be faithful forever, to make you happy always, to always put you before myself.But maybe that's not necessary.We have a life to live together, and you can experience for yourself all the things I wanted to say but didn't say.

(IhavemanypromisthatIwaomakoyou:toalwaysbrue,toalwaysmakeyouhappy,toalwaysputyoufirst. Butmaybereisnoneed.Wehavealifimospeogher, andyouwillgoeverythingImeaosaybutneverdid.)

I look forward to tomorrow morning, to waking up with you in my arms.Because from now on, you are mine and we own each other.

(I will be looking forward to the morning, when you wake up in my arms. For you are mine, and we have each other, from now on and forever.)

Have a good dream.

(sleight.)

……

"I wish I never met you."

Eugene couldn't deny that he'd thought that many times, especially when he was in so much pain that he could barely hold on.

But now he suddenly understood that this sentence was not true.

Because in the short time they once had, Xiao loved himself sincerely and without reservation.This was a man who had looked forward to spending each day with him, never doubted the future they were going to have together.

They were lucky to have each other.He was lucky enough to have Shaw.

The first to respond to him.The first to take him all in and not ask him to make any changes.One who fulfills all his expectations of a partner, who makes him unable to help but believe that life is worth living and that love is good.A person who, at the end of the day, chooses to save himself by leaving.

From the beginning to the end, Xiao loves himself deeply without any transfer.

And he was fortunate to be the source of Xiao's happiness.

Aside from the abrupt epilogue, he has no regrets—they have no unfinished fights.They always kiss and hug when they meet and part.They spent the only time between them carefully, cherishingly, and not squanderingly.

They once loved each other with the most beautiful attitude, and they made up for each other.This kind of feeling, this kind of relationship that once lit up his entire life, shouldn't be forgotten and denied by him just because it was short.

……

The thin silver chain hanging around his neck was removed.Eugene bit open the clasp of the chain with his teeth, took off the ring hanging from the chain, and put it on the ring finger of his left hand again.

The scattered cigarette butts were picked up one by one, and thrown into the pocket together with other messy garbage.The debris in the room gradually became orderly, and the lingering smoke finally dissipated slowly.The scrubbed floor reveals the original smooth surface, reflecting the warm light in the room.After a long time, the smell of fresh food finally came from the kitchen.Two sets of identical cutlery were set facing each other, and then removed together after the meal.

And when the night was getting dark, he walked to his and Xiao's bedroom, and fell into the bed where they once slept together hugging each other.The puppy was still lying on the pillow on his left as usual, and he smiled at it with his chin resting on his hand.

"Have a good dream."

He said.

The lights in the dining room were still on.A photo is placed in a frame and sits quietly on the table.In the photo, his lover kisses him, puts his arms around his shoulders, and his eyes sparkle.

……

——So I don't regret it, Xiao.

——I don't regret meeting you, I don't regret falling in love with you, even if I have to accept the ending of losing you.

--I do not regret.

The author has something to say: I conceived Xiao’s message to Eugene in English, and I insist on putting the original text here.Because English is much softer and restrained than Chinese, it’s a pity that I couldn’t translate the rhythm of the writing back to Chinese (it hurts so much, I hit myself).

感谢在2021-01-2418:28:45~2021-01-2613:59:04期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：欧阳虎子33瓶；hoho10瓶；不要副cp8瓶；梨木5瓶；则言1瓶；非常感谢大家对我的支持，我会继续努力的！