Abandoned Lover [Future]

Pushing open the unlocked door, he stepped into a room with no lights on and always filled with smoke.

Delicate handmade leather shoes left footprints on the floor with a thin layer of dust.People walked past overturned wine bottles, scattered cigarette butts, and empty tranquilizers.

Then Dietrich stopped and looked at the man in the middle of the room.

His elder brother was kneeling in the mess of the living room, facing the wide open glass door sideways, as if looking at the scenery outside the window.

In the land of no night, there are many high-rise buildings, luxurious and luxurious, even in the daytime, it looks radiant.However, the man kneeling on the ground only raised his head high, and the only thing he could see was the tip of the White Tower in the farthest distance.

In the already cold weather, the cold wind blowing from the balcony was almost unbearable, but the man remained motionless, like a sculpture.Dietrich clenched his fists, anger was about to build up, but was shattered by the fear that came first.He strode towards Eugene's body, knelt into the ashes on the ground, and hugged him violently.

...The temperature in his arms was so shockingly cold that his heart almost stopped beating.He moved himself closer to the other's neck, and finally found a weak, slow pulse there.But just this hugging action lifted the person between his arms upwards.

Eugene's body became too light, too light.Dietrich's hand trembled, and his palm ran across the protruding spine under the other's clothing.

"elder brother……"

While muttering, Dietrich buried his head into the opponent's chest, wanting to feel the only warmth remaining in this body, but bumped into the distinct ribs through the clothes.This kind of touch is really terrifying, as if what he is holding is not a living person, but a handful of corpses that are barely put together.

Years of hatred and anger mixed together, Dietrich's eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked at Eugene's face with an almost sullen look.The person trapped between his arms was so thin, as if it was about to be broken. At this moment, he tilted his head back without any resistance, exposing his fragile throat.

Dietrich's heart was split in two.

He slowly picked up the person in his arms.Unwilling to the extreme, he wanted to smash this person to the ground, but he also wanted to cover this person under the softest blanket and slowly warm him up.

"...put me down, Deed."

The corpse in his arms finally opened his mouth, and the sentences he spoke were hoarse and dry, far from what he wanted to hear.Dietrich let out a mocking laugh: "Otherwise, what would you do to me?"

The corpse did not speak, did not move.Dietrich sniffed and shook his head, and said almost to himself, "...you can't stay here any longer. I'd rather lock you up forever than watch you kill yourself."

He slightly adjusted his holding posture, supported Eugene's cervical spine with one hand, and walked towards the door.However, a strange sense of sharpness came from his heart. Dietrich lowered his head and found that Eugene was holding a shard of broken glass, pressing the sharp corner against his breastbone.

"I'm not going anywhere, Deed." The golden eyes finally reflected his figure, but they didn't focus on the right place.His elder brother said slowly: "I will not kill myself. I will wait here."

Dietrich looked at him, and after a few seconds threw back his head and laughed eerily loudly.He strode over to the sofa at the back of the living room, and threw Eugene on top of it almost viciously.This kind of impact squeezed out the last bit of air stored in the latter's lung lobes, and the thin body with limbs was forced to stretch out, exposing the sickly thin wrists and ankles.Dietrich bent down quickly, snatched the fragment from between Eugene's loosened fingers, and threw it behind him.

He pointed to Eugene's face, his eyes wide open.

"You said you were waiting, what the hell are you waiting for?? The dead will not come back to life, and Xiao will never come back. Didn't you run to the White Tower again and again?? Is he there?? "

Eugene raised one hand and silently covered his eyes.Dietrich knelt heavily on the sofa, pulled off Eugene's hand covering his eyes with one hand and clenched it tightly, and then strangled Eugene's neck with the other hand.

Tears rolled from the corners of Eugene's eyes to his temples.He put his hands on Dietrich's and clasped them weakly.It didn't take much time for this emaciated face to flush red.However, he just maintained this posture and did not try to refuse.

When he felt the pair of weak hands gently press down on his tiger's mouth, Dietrich flung his hands away.Eugene was forced to turn his head sideways by such force, half of his face sank into the seat of the sofa, and he coughed loudly.

Dietrich breathed heavily, his chest heaved, and he looked at Eugene with hatred in his eyes: "While saying that he will not die, he didn't even struggle. Who are you trying to lie to? You can't even fool yourself."

His voice was a little hoarse, and he stretched out his hand at this moment, roughly pulling Eugene's hair upwards, forcing the other party to look at him.

"If you want to die so much, do it yourself like last time? I won't do it for you. Try it, Eugene, do it in front of your own brother?"

Eugene struggled to avoid his sight, his hand.Those feeble hands were trying to wave him away, and the whole figure seemed to want to escape to the depths of the sofa.Such a movement made Dietrich pause, and Eugene took the opportunity to escape his control, and drove away only a short distance in embarrassment.

"……do not talk."

Saying so, Eugene slowly curled himself up, buried his head deeply into his chest and abdomen, and protected it with his two arms.

He sobbed softly.

"Please stop talking."

He repeated the same plea in his heart.

—Otherwise how should he admit it?

——Living is too difficult.It hurts so much.It's so lonely.More than any other option, he wanted to end this pain.

He went to the White Tower again and again, but was stopped again and again.It was because of the meager pity of the female general that he was able to look at him again and again from a long distance.It was under such circumstances that he was finally forced to accept the reality that he could not accept - his Xiao had forgotten him.

But he still remembers everything.

He had no choice but to remember this person deeply.

He remembered Xiao's eyebrows, smile, hair tail, and fingertips.He remembered the touch of Xiao's lips when he kissed him, the touch of his arms when he hugged him, and the temperature of his fingers interlocking when he held hands.He remembered that they met unconsciously, refused to approach in the deep loneliness, and finally put all their eggs in one basket, choosing each other as if they were going to die.He remembered the vows they had exchanged.He remembered their trivial plans for the future, not yet fully constructed.He remembered Shaw coming into him.His lover repeatedly carved traces into his sore body, watering him with love.

He remembered the tears he shed for Xiao.

At first it was because of pain, but in the end it was because this person made me so happy that I was afraid.

Xiao always watched him.believe him.love him.

...and this Xiao has disappeared.

Eugene repeatedly wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes.At this moment, he is not someone's hero, someone's support, or someone's guard. He is an ordinary, forgotten, and lost everything.

For the bystanders, he just returned to the very beginning, back to a person.But the truth is, the things he once possessed for a short time—those fantasies about the future, those hopes of loving and being loved—were stolen, emptied, and left him with something far worse than he never had. To deep scars.

This is so unfair.he thinks.

He didn't think he was so bad that he deserved to be punished, but every time, every time, he was the one who gave everything, and he was the one who was deprived of everything.

The world was so cruel to him that he wanted to remove himself from it.The only thing that prevented him from doing this was that in that long dream, Xiao told him to let him live and let him wait for him.

How long will it take?And why wait?He didn't know, and didn't dare to think.His meager rationality told him that even if he persisted, everything would be meaningless.But he was so paranoid in his bones, determined to hold this hallucinatory sentence in his arms, and refused to let go no matter what.

... The sobbing sound gradually decreased, but did not stop.Before he knew it, Dietrich found that his tears had fallen to the ground.

He raised his hand, wiped it on his face indiscriminately, turned and walked towards the kitchen.In the cupboard, the instant food he bought earlier was kept in its original place, undiminished and untouched.He took out a can of instant soup from it and warmed it up in silence.

Poorly presented fast food exudes artificial, overpowering aromas.Dietrich bowled it into the living room and knelt beside Eugene.

His elder brother returned to the sitting position, with his back slightly bent, his expression blank, and his eyes still red.Dietrich blew the food around his mouth to cool, and then sent it to Eugene's mouth spoonful by spoonful.

Eugene chewed mechanically, then swallowed mechanically.

Such actions were repeated back and forth, and Dietrich finally couldn't bear it anymore, and asked the question that was more than ten years overdue.

"If you could even die for them, why didn't you try to come back to me?"

Eugene stopped moving.Then he raised his jaw slightly.

"...I tried, Deed. I tried."

The voice of the exit trembled, with an apology for being late for a long time.

"I really tried. I just... couldn't help it."

At the age of 12 at that time, he did everything he could, but in the end he couldn't resist a light "don't come back".

...ever so.He tried his best, but there was still nothing he could do.

Tears fell into the soup bowl, blending silently.Dietrich watched the tear fall and finally lowered his head and clasped his hands tightly to his forehead.

"I'm sorry, brother... I'm sorry."

……

night.

Under the faucet in the bathroom, Eugene rubbed his hands repeatedly, earnestly and carefully, even taking care of the gaps between the nails.Perhaps because of such repeated movements, the fingertips that should have been yellowed with tar still looked clean and wheat-colored, without any smoke stains.

After drying his clean hands, Eugene opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, took out the half-filled brown bottle from the lined up brown vials, and held it in his hand together with a disposable syringe.

He pushed open the bedroom door.

Contrary to the messy living room, this room was quiet and clean, with the windows wide open to dissipate the smell of cigarettes.The white sheets fit neatly on the double bed without any creases, lacking the traces of someone living there.

Under the bright moonlight, one can clearly see a fluffy puppy pendant on one side of the two pillows placed side by side.It has blue eyes and light beige fur, and is now carefully placed on the lower edge of the pillow, covered with a thin blanket from the chest down, with two short paws resting on top of the blanket.

Eugene knelt down beside the bed, stretched out his hand, and gently touched the top of the puppy's head with the pad of his middle finger.His movements are extremely gentle, as if unwilling to leave the slightest dirt or scuff on it.

Then he withdrew his hand, looked at it quietly for a while, and then withdrew his gaze.

The medicines and syringes he brought were at his feet, and Eugene tore open the packaging of the latter without expression, and then bit off the cap on the needle.The sedative was sucked into the needle, and he pulled up his too-empty sleeve, aiming the needle at his elbow that was covered with blood scabs.

Having done all this, he pushed the empty bottle and syringe away.Like every night before, he didn't intend to go to bed, he just tightened his front and curled up on the floor beside the bed.The night was colder than the day, and he crossed his hands and covered his upper arms, like a hug for himself.

The moonlight fell on his bare/bare feet, and then illuminated half of his profile.

In his memory, on a night that also had bright moonlight, someone reached out to him and entangled his little finger with his little finger.

The man smiled at him and said to him, I will never leave you alone.

...Tears flowed silently from the left eye to the right eye, and then sank into the hair, like a wet kiss that never happened.

He closed his eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

作者有话要说：感谢在2021-01-2316:37:29~2021-01-2418:28:45期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels of irrigation nutrient solution: 8 bottles of Qian; 5 bottles of Limu; 632 bottles of Qijiu; thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!