As a background board, I want to pursue Dazai

【Mr. A used to be a hero. We don’t know what kind of hero and what kind of content it is.Why he became a sinner, we still don't know the reason.Ten marks were branded on him, all of which were left when he was arrested.Then he became what he is now, the spirit seems to be absent, but the shrewdness still exists—in his eyes and mind, because it is something that is present at birth, it will not be exhausted . 】

[Let's talk about how he will make amends. 】

【Mr. A feels that he came from the sky, or some other space. He can listen to the apocalypse, and he can always detect disasters and disasters first, which also makes him live very lonely.In fact, many years ago, he didn't wear this kind of clothes that were too young and trendy. He wore a kimono and cut his hair short, which was very traditional and even a bit rustic. In short, it didn't match his slightly childish face. 】

[He was teaching in a small place at the time, teaching Chinese.At that time, he hadn't acquired the ability to listen to the revelation. He was just a frail teacher who would even be hit by a naughty country boy with a stone on his calf. Due to physical problems, bruises would always stay for a long time. He thought it was a little It hurt his manliness, and he secretly felt sad about it at first. 】

【Until later, he...】

I put down my pen.

As the beginning of the story, the image of the protagonist must be well portrayed here, and there must be room for subsequent stories.

"Let's think about it again..." I put the manuscript paper into the cabinet, thinking about how to kill the time next, whether I should just go to the dojo, when I heard a knock on the door.

My room is very close to the entrance, so I can hear it very clearly.

"Is anyone here--"

The hearty boyish voice was Kiyomitsu.

I opened the door and saw him standing straight outside the door.

He immediately breathed a sigh of relief: "Great, I thought you were not at home..."

"Come in." I opened the door.

Qingguang took off his shoes, the flower basket in the entrance was too conspicuous.He came in and asked, "Is this from a visiting doctor?"

"Yes." I walked to the kitchen, "Would you like some tea? We still have some snacks today."

"Tea is fine, let's leave the snacks to Jinjian." He sat down cross-legged by the coffee table, and I handed him the tea. After he blew on it, he quickly took a sip. I'm really thirsty."

"Don't be in such a hurry? Do you have any other plans?" I also sat down opposite him. Although he said no, I still took out the butter biscuits I bought last time, "Don't worry, this is not Jinjian snacks."

His eyes lit up, and he took out an individually wrapped biscuit from the basket: "Then I'll try one."

I also took a sip of tea, and then ate a butter biscuit, which was neither salty nor bland, but had a strong milky aroma.

When I was just picking up the biscuits, I saw another bag in the back of the cabinet that I bought at the time. It was crab-flavored, and Mr. Dazai asked for it.I didn't expect to buy it for more than half a month, but I didn't even have a chance to unpack it.

Having said that, I just remembered that he hadn't come to eat for a long time.Seeing that there is only the last week of September left, while I was eating butter biscuits, there was a sweet taste of milk in my mouth, but I felt the sorrow of lovesickness in my heart.

"How does it feel physically?" he asked.

I also expected that he almost came to visit my condition, so I said, "It's fine, very healthy."

He said with a sad face: "I was really shocked when I found out... because, what do you say? The human body is really fragile. But seeing that you are fine now, I am relieved."

"I'm recovering well." I took a sip of hot tea, trying to dilute the sweet taste in my mouth, "Charcoal poisoning is fine as long as the rescue is timely."

"There will be no sequelae or something?"

"The rescue was timely." I emphasized again, "Don't worry."

He put the remaining half of the biscuit in his mouth and listened to his chewing.I, who was distracted by the biscuit just now, was quickly noticed by Kiyomitsu's power of observation.

"Is there anything on your mind?" he said, "in connection with this matter?"

"...It's related."

It has been several days, and my message must have been delivered long ago.I was not very smart at the time, and I didn't realize that I was very explicit. Afterwards, I thought about the content of my words, and my thoughts were clearly revealed. If Mr. Dazai couldn't hear it, there would be ghosts.But since then, he hasn't mentioned leaving a message at all.

Although I also have thoughts of not wanting to be known by him, but after the incident, if he really doesn't respond at all, I also think that I should throw my unrealistic expectations into the trash can.

What I mean is that I don't want to give up on liking him, I still can't restrain the goodwill and admiration in my heart, and I wish him a bright and warm future as always.

But I think I can stop thinking about the result of "one day I will get a response from the other party".

I was a little hesitant again. What I thought was that he sent me lilies. He should have heard the message at that time, right?Then why do you still send me lilies?

Once you think you have something to look forward to, your determination to give up becomes less firm.This kind of hesitation simply defeated me-I really wanted to fight this tangled and complicated mentality earlier.

"Qingguang." I pushed the steaming teacup aside, took out a bag of biscuits and said, "May I ask you a question?"

"Wait." He didn't answer, but looked at me suspiciously: "What's the question about?"

"...Let's fall in love."

Qingguang: "Then tell me. The other party is someone I don't know, right?"

"Well." I said, "So I don't have many people to discuss with, sorry."

So I euphemistically and slightly adapted the story to Qingguang, California.

"I think that's already an implicit confession." I stroked the pattern on the table, feeling very complicated, "But, I don't understand what he thinks..."

"'If it's really a confession, then why didn't he respond at all' - is that what you want to ask me?" Qingguang sighed, and then he went on -

"I said, don't take it for granted! The other party may also want to reconfirm your mind—think about it, how embarrassing it would be if you guessed wrong about being confessed?" He curled up his index finger and knuckles He knocked on the table, "After all, you speak very vaguely. People are always confused at the moment of life and death. It is also possible to understand your words as incoherent speech, saying whatever comes to mind!"

"...You're right." I said, "I took it for granted."

"Let me ask you one more thing. Do you think the person you like is emotionally active?" He said, "This is very important. You must think about it before telling me."

Mr. Dazai?

I think his initiative is usually not emotional. When contacting a strange emotional individual, he is not the aggressive type.That's why I've been cautious. Sensitivity is a kind of torture for him, because sensitivity represents a clear perception of good emotions and bad emotions, and then one after another from these emotions, things that hurt oneself .

Am I doing something wrong?

Now, however, back to the question of the clear light of California.

I said, "He should...not be the active type."

He asked again: "Do you think you are the active type?"

"Of course not." I smiled wryly.

I am not, let alone I dare not be.

"Ah...it's difficult."

As soon as he said "difficult", I felt like I was going to be sentenced to death, and I immediately looked at him anxiously.

He said: "Both parties are not proactive, and both have introverted personalities... If neither of them takes the first step, the existing relationship will probably continue indefinitely."

I asked: "However, taking the first step is itself a debatable process. No one can guarantee whether the result you want is what you want. What if the relationship is farther than it is now?"

"That's why you keep holding back like this?" He frowned disapprovingly, "It's not an arranged marriage, it all depends on the old days of blind dates, how can we develop a relationship if everyone is too reserved? It's not that I can't understand your desire to back down, but I didn't say to let you go on a rampage to express your feelings."

"Please tell me." I waited for his next words.

"It's actually very simple. You put yourself in his role and put yourself in his shoes. If you were confessed by someone on the phone, and the other person said it very euphemistically, how would you treat him?"

The answer was ready to come out: "...I will keep a distance from him for a while, and rethink the other party's feelings for me." My mood, which was originally in a trough, seemed to have found a glimmer of light under the guidance of Qingguang.

"Just like what you said...if the other party is a person who is also reserved and dare not move forward easily. The conclusion I draw after analysis is——his conclusion about his current guess, that is, 'No Yi really likes me' ’ This conclusion is not confident.”

As I was about to speak, Qingguang immediately stretched out his hand to make a "stop" gesture, and then continued: "This kind of person is usually insecure. If it were you, wouldn't it be the same? If there is something you are not sure about, you will How to do it?"

——I will double check.

Until I understand that this feeling is not nothingness, it is not something that disappears without even having a chance to hold it.

It will not make me lonely and panic, it will always be there, and it will not leave me after repeated confirmation by me.

——Should I continue to express my feelings 'reservedly'?

Won't it make the other party feel that this behavior is too tight?

To be honest, I also have something I want to confirm.

Be it lilies, or whatever.

Qing Guang took a sip of water and said: "If there is only one implicit expression, it may be just an illusion. There are two times, maybe it's a coincidence, and three times, maybe I'm being passionate, but there are four times, five times, six times... Will it always become an unquestionable 'truth'?"

The author has something to say:

Second update today.

Well, after all, if it's disturbing, let's double-check it.

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感谢在2020-09-0222:16:51~2020-09-0223:44:50期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels who irrigate the nutrient solution: 66 bottles of spaghetti forest; 10 bottles of scorching sun;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!