As a background board, I want to pursue Dazai

I chose to meet his gaze without panic.

I always thought that I was pointless in the matter of "lying to him", but at a critical moment, I showed more than usual cleverness, the corners of my mouth raised up uncontrollably, and my eyes, I squinted Get up and smile at him.

"Writing notes is of course for the convenience of life in the future."

This is not a lie.

"For the convenience of life..." Dazai seems to have accepted my words at first glance, his original aggressive forward posture was released, and then he easily opened the book in his hand and read: "The oil pan will be heated until seven Remember to sieve the heated and mixed egg liquid and use kitchen paper to absorb part of it if you don’t control it properly when brushing with oil—”

The young man closed the book with a "snap".

"Did you know? There are two major elements when telling a lie. One is to calm down and avoid self-defeating. Ah, let Yijun give Yi Jun [-]% for this point. The second point is to use all his strength to the established facts. Yijun is absolutely zero-pointed at this point!" He sighed, "The practice and tricks recorded in the book are completely for beginners and those who are familiar with cooking Where can Yijun provide 'convenience'?"

I smiled wryly.

"Yi Jun's words omitted the subject." Dazai didn't smile in his eyes, he said, "Is it to make life easier for someone? Is it right for me?"

"Well, it's a pity that your calculations are completely in vain. What you expected will not happen, and there will be no 'Dazai Osamu who lives abstinently and has a regular schedule'."

Dazai said, with a sweet smile on his face, but the words he said gave me the feeling of being cut slowly by a knife——

"I am a person who doesn't care about my body at all. If I get drunk, I might just collapse on the street like this. If I wear a little thinner, I will be taken by the cold air of the snowy night to the express train to the paradise world. , so don’t write me hangover soups and folk remedies for hangovers—”

...Don't say that.

"I don't know how to use the things Yi Jun wrote—I don't know any of them."

In the face of his questioning, all I could do was bite my lips and tighten the lip line. I haven't figured out whether I want to open the emotional floodgates, so I acted as a conservative reaction according to my usual experience.

He raised my hands and asked me: "It seems that there is still a long way to go before Yijun can get rid of this bad habit of drinking pain. Or can you calmly accept the end of the curtain?" Is it over?"

Willingly withdraw from his life?

How can I be willing?

I took a deep breath—and trembled even the very act of taking it in.

I said, "But I..."

Before I could open my mouth, Dazai started chattering again: "That is to say, no matter how I corrupt my body in the future, it doesn't matter whether it's drowning, hanging, or alcoholism."

The more he said the more outrageous it became.

Each syllable is separated and turned into a sharp awl. After the syllable ends, it lands vertically in my heart. The most painful thing for me is that I can't tell which are angry words and which are probably true. The fact that he would do this .

"No." I raised my hand to cover his mouth.

Dazai stopped my hand with his backhand, and continued to say more painful words: "Well, there are so many women who admire me, and there are one or two like-minded people who are willing to go to hell with me, I think it is also possible..."

"...Stop talking." I felt like I had bitten my gallbladder, and the root of my tongue was bitter, "Did Mr. Dazai know about it a long time ago? Regarding the fact that I might be forgotten by everyone, I will also forget everyone... "

Like a turning point, his originally high-pitched emotions suddenly gathered together and turned into a gentle sentence: "I know."

The lights in the room seemed to be shaken by his resolute attitude. Above my head, I felt a flock of flying birds. They were so noisy that I didn't know how to respond.Thousands of bird feathers seemed to fall in front of me, weaving a curtain, and I saw Dazai's appearance through the curtain, which was the most beautiful appearance in my heart.

——Including every word he said now, I gradually don't feel pain, and I start to move towards joy.

The worry in my heart, which covered the sky and the sun, seemed to disappear before his childish complaints.

I suppressed my voice, and uttered the rare true words of Su Ai's bravado——

"...Mr. Dazai, I am in pain too."

"When I think about a certain tomorrow, after I open my eyes, I will return to the 'meaningless' who has nothing and wanders in the streets. No matter how many bonds and fates I build, it will be useless. Anyway, in the end I will still be that 'non-existent' people'."

I felt like my teeth were chattering, and what I said next was words that didn't go through my brain.

I was suddenly filled with a "today is the last day" mentality of a tragic heroine, and I pressed the back of my tongue, so I didn't have time to think about my words.

"However, I am a paranoid and stubborn person. Only being forgotten by Mr. Dazai is a downright, more desperate nightmare than anything else."

"I don't want to be smart enough to paralyze myself and do something to deceive my ears."

But if I don't do this, wouldn't there only be despair and ugliness left?

I've never been so scared, not even when I was kidnapped and almost died.

If telling a lie a thousand times can turn out to be true, why do I still feel scared when I act like I don't care every day?

"Mr. Dazai."

I called his name, and raised my hand to wipe my eyes with my cuff buttons. I don't know if I'm crying, but I feel that the skin under my eyes is dry.

— the idea that I was going to do something bold and out of the ordinary occupied my mind and pushed what little reason I had left into a corner.

I raised my arms upwards, not in a gesture of asking for a hug, I hoped that he would come closer to me.

"……I want to kiss you."

I never thought I could say such a straightforward thing.

He took half a step forward, then leaned forward, bent down to let my hands rest on his shoulders, his slender neck was shaped like a white bird, I hooked him with a slight change of posture, and he didn't refuse me.Dazai just lowered his head, and I took the initiative to meet him. When my lips touched, it was just a light peck at first, and then it seemed to be performing some kind of ritual, solemn yet holy. It's like a natural fit.

The back of my neck was supported, as if to solidify the perfect angle.

—he was responding to me.

"Well--"

I don't know if I'm crying, but my voice is as uneven as bumping on railroad tracks.

Feeling the evacuated air return to the distance between us, my last trace of reason was completely rejected by me.

"...can you hug me?"

Without saying a word, he lowered his head and kissed her back.

This distance seems to be able to clearly feel each other's heartbeat - let me understand that this meeting is not just in my imaginary dream.

The emotions in my heart are recovering, in this room with the lights turned off, in the few whistling night winds leaking in through the open windows.

The clouds embrace the morning sun, and every layer of the clouds, deep and shallow, is smudged and colored, without missing a single bit.Finally, when the whole sky turns yellow and the morning glow and cloud clothes merge into one, we are accomplices hiding a common secret.

And in my heart, I called his name thousands of times, for fear that I would accidentally forget it.

"Mr. Dazai."

"……Um?"

"Mr. Dazai."

"Ah."

In the end, he fell asleep in my arms, just when I thought this was the end of the day, Dazai got up, and then planted a kiss on the side of my neck, I arched my body unconsciously.The young man, amused by my reaction, dropped another kiss on my forehead.

"Are you sleepy?"

"... very sleepy." I said honestly, "I'm a little tired."

"Now is not the time to indulge yourself." The young man smiled warmly, "Yi Jun, you haven't seen the streets of Yokohama at three o'clock in the morning, have you?"

With my fever still in my head, I almost didn't realize the meaning of what he said.

Now?after this?go out?

"Okay, get up, get up—"

Dazai supported me, pulled me up, and helped me tidy up my clothes.

I rubbed my eyes, and the people in front of me were almost doubled. I asked vaguely, "...where are we going now?"

Dazai rubbed my loose hair affectionately, and said to me, "Go to a place where our wishes can be fulfilled."

Although I was still not very conscious and felt that I was still in the clouds, but I was aware of the determination and seriousness in his tone, so I suppressed my drowsiness and began to tidy myself up, allowing him to lead me out the door.

At three o'clock in the morning, the streets of Yokohama were so lonely that there were only street lights, and there was only us.

The pores of my body still felt relaxed. As soon as I went out, I was so cold that I woke up a few degrees, and my arms holding him shrank towards him.

... I am embarrassed to say that my legs are weak.

Dazai led me forward, the scenery on both sides became more and more familiar, my tiredness began to subside, but my doubts gradually increased.

"This ramp..."

It's the sloping road going out from the detective agency. By the way, I've been here before.

"A place where wishes can come true...is it a 'shop'?"

After I finished speaking, I was stunned.

why do i remember this

"arrive."

Dazai doesn't need to answer my words, the mansion standing in front of him is the best proof.

The door opened slowly, and there were girls with pink hair and blue hair standing inside the door, wearing pajama-style gowns, and one of them was holding a small lamp.

The girl holding the lamp yawned, and it could be seen that she tried her best to cheer herself up, and greeted: "A guest is coming~Master~"

"There are guests~ please come in!" The other waved his sleeves, gesturing for us to go in.

Also, this time should be the time to sleep...

"Let's go." Dazai took my hand.

Feeling the warmth from the palm of my hand, I nodded in encouragement.

"Ah."

The green pine in the courtyard casts generous shadows under the night, and we walked into the room stepping on the shadows and gravel paths.

Just tonight, let this end.

The author has something to say:

...Well, she was the one who took the initiative first.

————————————————————————————————————————————————感谢在2020-10-1121:41:33~2020-10-1220:53:46期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who cast the landmine: Juvenile and famous actor, why come to resonate 1;

Thanks to the little angels of the irrigation nutrient solution: 245 bottles of Huahuajia's Wit Rock; 10 bottles of Yuli, Zhimingyou, and Ten Years; 3 bottles of Wendao;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!