I am in love with myself

An Mu asked himself more than once, where would Jian Yixi go?Obviously she is Jian Yixi, why did she guess wrong once, and then guess again?

She thought that Jian Yixi would go to England or Italy, and thought that the rapeseed was imported from there, but she searched all possible relationships, checked the entry and exit records, and there was no trace of Jian Yixi.

Later, she thought that she would go to the sea of ​​love and Barcelona mentioned in the letter, but there was still no trace of her having been there.

After repeated failures, she thought that she would not be able to guess her whereabouts at all. In other words, Jian Yixi guessed that she would guess these places, so she deliberately went the opposite way so that she could not find them.

She, who knows her best, will be restricted in her thinking, and even less able to find her.

But Chen Han's reminder made her suddenly realize that Jian Yixi is her, she is Jian Yixi, no matter how Jian Yixi guards against her, they are always the same person, their thinking is the same, and the method of defense is also the same Yes, as long as you really put yourself in Jian Yixi's position, you will definitely be able to find her.

An Mu returned to China, asked Wang Yanqing to live in the room where Jian Yixi once lived.

Jian Yixi spent her last time here, and it was here that she decided to leave her forever.

An Mu was wearing the work suit that Jian Yixi left behind. The small suit that was originally docile was a little too big for her, but fortunately, it would not be an eyesore.

She wore it to go to work at Xiling Biology, and sat in Jian Yixi's former office, dealing with unfamiliar but similar jobs. She never signed the contract for the transfer of management rights left by Jian Yixi. Take care of all the work, and only look for her when you need to sign.

Xiaoqin's salary has also increased from double to ten times now, and An Mu has already figured out the year-end bonus, at least giving her the full price of the imperial capital.

Loyal, capable and hard-working subordinates are worth more.

She was busy as Jian Yixi used to be, living the two-point line that Jian Yixi used to be, time passed day by day, and when the summer vacation was about to end, she saw Jian Yixi's face in the mirror in a daze.

She is Jian Yixi, and she loves An Mu deeply.

Repeating the same sentence like brainwashing every day finally has an effect.

An Mu gradually felt the pain that Jian Yixi couldn't get what she wanted, just like in her previous life, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring her dead parents back to life.

An Mu also gradually understood Jian Yixi's despair, just like in her previous life, even if she took away everything from the Jian family, she still couldn't feel the slightest happiness.

No one

Knowing herself better than herself, it's just that she and her former self are on different forked roads, and she can't really substitute herself.

But now, she can.

She could finally think according to Jian Yixi's way of thinking.

Jian Yixi loves her, so she doesn't want to force her, and she doesn't want the two of them to live in a desperate situation of inseparable love and inseparability for the rest of their lives, so she chooses to leave at the most suitable time.

Leaving now, Jian Yixi will have enough time to slowly deteriorate her condition, so that she can die before the death point of her previous life, and avoid the rules from finding her again.

Before being replaced by Jian Yixi, An Mu never thought about this question - what would happen if she and Jian Yixi were neither together nor died before the death node?

Since this world has fixed rules and such strict revisions, she, a traverser who should have died, must not be allowed to continue to exist.

The rules Gu Shuofeng said can’t distinguish between two identical souls, and will only pick and kill the weak one. Maybe it’s right before the death node, but what about after the node?

She is a sensitive and thoughtful person, and Jian Yixi is the same, although Jian Yixi never showed it.

Now that she has decided to sacrifice herself, it is impossible for Jian Yixi to let her take even the slightest risk, so she left three years in advance to ensure nothing goes wrong.

Jian Yixi always thinks that she is not smart enough to be better than blue. In order to escape her eyes, Jian Yixi's only choice is to numb her nerves.

[I like rapeseed flowers, I hope to see them more before I die. 】

Jian Yixi has been intentionally or unintentionally instilling this concept in her, leading her to rapeseed flowers, letting her search for them in Britain, Italy, and later to Europe and Central Asia, which are the origins of rapeseed flowers, wasting a lot of time.

Until now, An Mu's search focus was still on these places.

Jian Yixi deliberately asked her many times what she planned to do after graduation, and mentioned more than once that she wanted to travel around the world with her. In the letter, she also told her adoptive parents that she wanted to go around and not want to leave any regrets. It seems that I can't travel around the world with her, so I went there by myself.

All of this is like the only mp3 song downloaded in Jian Yixi's notebook - Liang Jingru's Breathing Pain.

【For the first time, I looked at the Tokyo Tower and watched the lights imitate the falling starlight. I finally arrived but it was even sadder. I fulfilled our dream alone. 】

Such a sad song, with such realistic lyrics, whenever she hears it, she will only feel sad for the line in the lyrics "Missing is pain that can breathe" and regret "I didn't understand before,

There may not be a future tomorrow", longing for "it would be good if you come back, it would be good if you can do it again", completely attracted by the illusion she created, never thought that she might not travel around the world at all, and she didn't go to the world at all. What is the origin of rapeseed.

The more places she wants to go, the deeper Jian Yixi will hide, and she won't mention it in front of her, and won't let her think of it.

Where would Jian Yixi want to go the most?Where is the place that I wanted to go before but never mentioned in front of her again?

An Mu lay flat on the single bed where Jian Yixi used to lie, her slightly curly long hair was scattered beside the pillow, her empty heart drifted back to the past along with Jian Yixi, back to the long palace road.

【The one who promised to take me to see Ginkgo in autumn, you owe me another promise, and I will have to wait for you to change it forever. 】

timeless...

Waiting for her to change...

An Mu opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling with red eyes, curling his fingers slightly.

On the National Day of the [-]th, there are many tourists, no matter if it is Badaling or the Forbidden City, people are crowded everywhere, and some tickets cannot be booked how many days in advance.

The crowded long and secluded palace road is as lively as Emperor Wuzong of the Ming Dynasty setting up a stall to experience the folk market.

In an inconspicuous corner by the side of the palace road, a huge ginkgo tree stretched out its branches and leaves from the palace wall. The golden fan leaves crowded the branches. The fan leaves fluttered and fell, and the golden armor was scattered all over the ground, which was desolate and charming.

However, this kind of scenery is really small and not worth mentioning in this majestic palace, especially it is just a single ginkgo branch. I really want to appreciate it. Wouldn’t it be beautiful to go directly to the palace wall to admire the golden trees?

No one pays attention to this branch of ginkgo, no, and I can’t completely say that there is no such thing. A woman wearing a baseball cap and a face mask has been standing under the tree for 5 minutes. She seems to be sick and coughs twice from time to time. Thin as a kite, as if the wind could blow it away.

Others can't help but pick up their cameras and mobile phones when they see the beautiful scenery, but she just looks up, her tightly covered face can't see the expression, only her long eyelashes curled up like butterfly wings are slightly gilded , squinting at the sunlight, but reluctant to pull down the brim of the hat, as if afraid of blocking the beautiful scenery.

No one paid attention to her, just like no one paid attention to that ginkgo branch. No one knew when she came, and no one cared when she admired her. When she pulled down the brim of her hat and turned to leave, she quickly integrated into the passenger flow, like never before. Same thing happened.

The woman abducted Yihexuan again, in a

I stood in front of the empty window sill for a while, and soon left the Forbidden City with the flow of passengers.

The woman took a taxi as soon as she went out, and went all the way to a certain community in the west of the city, and entered a certain apartment building. When she entered the elevator, she staggered, clutched her stomach and held the elevator door and gasped for several breaths before stepping in.

The elevator stopped on the 12th floor. She got off the elevator, leaned against the corridor wall and fumbled in the bag for a while, took out the key and staggered to the door to open it.

Locking the door behind her back, she dropped the bag, and she took a painkiller first and swallowed it.

Holding her stomach, she went to the sofa and collapsed, without opening her eyes, pulled the pillow into her arms, and turned on the TV, regardless of what was playing on it, as long as there was sound.

In fact, painkillers have long been useless to her. She knows how to use them, but it's just for psychological comfort.

——The effect of the medicine will take effect quickly.

With such hope, it doesn't feel so hard to endure.

Ding dong, ding dong.

Someone rang the doorbell.

No one ever rings her doorbell except the property and gas company.

She struggled to get up, barely pressed her uncomfortable stomach, and went to open the door.

"Dare to open the door without knowing who is at the door. It seems that you are really broken and fearless."

An Mu's voice was so calm that it was weird. Jian Yixi opened her eyes slightly, and the hand holding the door panel trembled slightly. She suddenly realized that she wanted to close the door by pressing on the door panel!

How could An Mu give her this chance?

She stepped in quickly, and with a bang, the door closed heavily.

Jian Yixi subconsciously wanted to pull the door and run out again, but it was too late. An Mu grabbed her thin wrist, which could hold two with one hand, dragged her to the side of the sofa without mercy, and threw it on it.

"What are you doing... um... what?!"

How could Jian Yixi, who was suffering from stomachache and weakness, be An Mu's opponent?She struggled desperately and still couldn't stop An Mu.

An unknown soap opera was playing on TV, and the male and female protagonists were arguing hoarsely, and the creaking sofa and struggling sounds seemed to be dubbing them.

"An Mu... don't... hiss..."

An Mu became ruthless, and then ruthless again, his chest heaved violently, looking at Jian Yixi's pale face, his long eyelashes trembled and trembled with sweat, in the end, he couldn't be ruthless, and instead grabbed took Jian Yixi's hand.

Jian Yixi was startled and said, "What are you doing?"

An Mu said, "Me."

Jian Yixi: "What?"

In the afternoon, the sun shines through the window faintly, the curtains are not drawn, and the opposite building is very close, no binoculars are needed, and you can have a panoramic view of everything in the house if you just look around.

Jian Yixi felt that she must

She was crazy, she couldn't think about what An Mu's "I" meant, her nostrils were filled with a familiar fragrance that was almost unfamiliar.

An Mu... The person she is in contact with now is none other than An Mu, who she has been thinking about day and night!

This woman, whom she thought about tearing her heart apart, was in her arms, how could she control herself? !

Jian Yixi's remaining rationality disappeared almost instantly, leaving only hot breath...

When the lights came on and the moon climbed the treetops, Jian Yixi got up quietly, covered An Mu's body with the thin blanket, picked up the cotton t-shirt jeans on the ground, put them on casually, and tiptoed towards the entrance.

Suddenly, An Mu's faint voice came from behind.

"Do you think it's faster for you to take the elevator, or it's faster for me to jump off the balcony?"

Jian Yixi froze. She deleted all of An Mu's contact information because she was afraid of being threatened by her. Now she was really afraid of something.

Jian Yixi pressed her stomach, which no longer hurts so much, this miraculous "curative effect" is simply ironic.

Turning around and sitting at the end of the sofa, Jian Yixi tried to reason with An Mu.

"Did I make it very clear in the letter? I did this for myself, and you really don't need to take it upon yourself."

An Mu was lying on the sofa with her lotus arms pressed against the thin blanket. The air conditioner was turned on a little high, and a thin layer of sweat was dripping from the tip of her nose. She still didn't open her eyes, as if she was asleep. Only her red lips moved slightly. .

"There is a better way, why do you have to die?"

"Is there any better way?"

"We are together."

Jian Yixi smiled wryly: "Stop lying to yourself, okay? We won't be happy together, there's no need to torture each other."

"Being with me is torture?"

"you know what I mean."

"I do not know."

Jian Yixi sighed helplessly: "An Mu, as long as there is a little hope, I can't give up easily, I..."

An Mu interrupted: "Selfish."

An Mu interrupted again: "Hypocrisy."

An Mu opened his eyes, facing the faint moonlight outside the window, the dimly lit room could only outline her silhouette.

"You don't love me at all, you love only yourself."

Jian Yixi looked at An Mu, she could accept all the previous accusations, but the last sentence blocked her nose and eyes in an instant.

She wanted to defend herself with a few words, but the words rolled out of her mouth, but she couldn't say them no matter what.

——What can I say?It's not a debate conference, even if you win, what can you get in exchange?

?In exchange for An Mu's discomfort?

She leaned back, leaned weakly on the back of the sofa, and raised her arms to block her eyes. She didn't know what expression to use to face An Mu, nor did she know how to solve the predicament in front of her.

"What do you want me to do? Pretend not to see your embarrassment and discomfort? Pretend everything is going well? Pretend we love each other forever?

This is just the beginning, An Mu...

When you graduate, your family will definitely urge you to get married. What will you do then?Fall out with the family because of me?Even if you don't fall out, your family will support you unconditionally, but what about the reality?Can they feel good?Can you feel better again?

This is not a day or two, nor is it a year or two, this is a lifetime, long decades, more than the two lives you have lived together, how do you know that you will not meet that person in such a long time? Your true love?At that time, you are in a dilemma, what should you do?

I can live happily till now, and I have earned it. You don't need to spend your whole life for a moment of loyalty. It's really not necessary, really.

You have suffered a lot in your last life, and you have been reborn for so long for me in this life, you should live for yourself again. "

"It seems that I scolded you just now

An Mu stood up and went to the ground barefoot without shoes on. Without even looking at Jian Yixi, she turned and walked towards the balcony.

Jian Yixi moved her arm when she heard the movement, and seeing that something was wrong, she quickly got up and chased after her.

"what are you doing?!"

The author has something to say: The calm before the storm

I'm finally finishing up~!

Hahahahahahahahaha~!