Growth pain

The room was dark, the curtains were half drawn and a ray of light came in, but was quickly covered by a hand.

Yuan Sen sat on the floor with his back against the sofa, surrounded by empty wine bottles, and when the floor moved a little, there was a crisp sound of glass, and the bottles fell down and rolled under the sofa, and no one picked them up.

He only drank during the day, and at night he opened the curtains to look at the stars, but he couldn't see anything through the glass, he just looked up, the moonlight poured down, the room was a little bright, and there was light in his eyes.

There was a time like this a long time ago, when he was mischievous, he would often take Lu Shining out to play after dark, and the child followed him, not asking where he was going but just raising his head.

"What were you looking at, looking at the road, and suddenly fell." Yuan Sen, as his brother who was two years older than him, dutifully reminded him.

"Look at the stars." The child stopped looking up, just looked at him, and passed his hand over, "I won't fall."

Yuan Sen took that hand and continued to walk forward.

"Do you want me in front?" the boy asked aloud after a while.

There was a black hole ahead, and occasionally the wind blew through the leaves. The alley was too quiet, only the sound of two people walking one after the other.

Lu Shining walked in front of Yuan Sen, the two children were still holding hands.

The voice of the boy who had not yet reached the stage of voice change was thin and crisp, "I'm not afraid of ghosts."

Yuan Sen said firmly, "I'm not afraid either."

"Yeah." The child cooperated with him, "I prefer to go ahead."

##

Yuansen hated those dark nights, when there was noise outside the door, plates, basins, porcelain and iron would all fall to the ground, some were broken and some were not.

He couldn't sleep and didn't dare to sleep. He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. The cracks on the white wall were like the mouths of monsters. He could change his shape in the blink of an eye.

When his parents quarreled, he would flee to the opposite house, and Lu Shining would always stand by his side, giving him half of the sofa and half of the sugar.

Yuan Sen likes this younger brother. Although he often envies him for having a warm and happy family, he never feels weird jealousy.

Lu Shining was so kind, he would comfort him, take him in, and cover him with more blankets that were well washed and warmed by the sun.No one has ever been so kind to him, so he is also doubly kind to Lu Shining.

When he was the most rebellious in his teens, Lu Shining would always help him, pulling him back from the precarious cliff, giving him the courage to start over.Don't rot, don't grow in the mud, every time he sees Lu Shining, he will warn himself like this.

At least when standing with him, don't let others think, ah, how can a good kid mix with this kind of person.

On the day he left Chuanyang, Lu Shining went to see him off. The 17-year-old boy straightened his back, but his expression was as stiff as if he was about to cry in a second.Yuan Sen looked at him, clenched his hands into fists, and felt pain in his palms.

I can't stay in that suffocating place, I don't want to see my parents in contact, and... what can I do if I can't get into college and catch up with you? I don't want to be a waste and I don't want you to tolerate me again and again .

Yuan Sen didn't say anything about it.

Always look like an older brother, so he just apologized: I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving.

He never thought at that time that people would get separated in time.

Returning to the country is like stepping into the cage again, living under the control of his parents. Yuan Sen knows this better than anyone else, but he still comes back.

He said that he missed Lu Shining was not a lie, and that he wanted to get back together with him was also a fact, but Lu Shining didn't take that issue with him at all.

Yuan Sen thought a lot during the month when Lu Shining ran away, when did he become so annoying, what did he not do well, whether six years is really too long... But they obviously have a longer 12 years Year.

Normal people should choose to let go, but Yuan Sen wants to chase after it.

After finding Lu Shining, Yuan Sen had no choice but to question him why he ran away, but in the end he didn't dare to say anything.This fragile relationship is only maintained by him alone, Lu Shining always wants to break it.

When he learned that Lu Shining liked boys, he only had one thought, whether it was me or not.

They know each other so well and have lived together for a long time. If they are together, they won't need to be separated again.

He didn't want to be separated from Lu Shining.

Once the thought started, it was out of control.

Yuan Sen's rejection of homosexuality all came from his mother's teaching and his father's actions when he was young. Later, when he went abroad, he had a same-sex couple by his side. Although he didn't adapt at first, it didn't matter soon.

It has nothing to do with him how other people live and who they associate with.

——It's a little bit related now.

It was the only connection he could form with Lu Shining.

So he pursued Lu Shining, using flowers and sweet words from Baidu, and then he was rejected by the other party.

Yuan Sen has never chased people before, and he is not good at everything related to "love".The "love" his parents showed him when he was young was the fragments on the floor and the potholes that could not be broken. The broken ones can't be put together, and the unbroken ones are rotten. , the other party will always look like it doesn't matter, neither hates nor loves, and of course has no self-blame.

So he is more used to how much others give him, and he will give back as much as he has always been equal.

But Lu Shining was different, he was Yuan Sen's first person who took the initiative to give, and all the favors he gave him were voluntary, it was true ten years ago, and it will naturally be the same now.

Lu Shining's face is small, his mandible is round, and his eyes are also round. He always looks at people with a kind of purity. During that period, Yuan Sen often observed him, looked at his face and neck, his hands, feet, arms, and everything that was exposed. A place to look outside.He and Lu Shining slept in the same bed, and because of growing pains at night, he rubbed this body, and knew that it was a male body.

Yuan Sen had never been interested in the same sex before, but if he was interested in Lu Shining.

can.

It seems that all the extraordinary things can be done.

There's no way, whoever made the object is Lu Shining.

The first kiss between them happened on a peaceful night. At first, Lu Shining suddenly started a long talk with him, and he got angry when he heard it.The other party still desperately wanted to push himself away, he didn't want to be with him, he didn't want to listen.

The kiss was in the shade of the trees where no one passed by. Yuan Sen heard his heart beating, and was afraid that he would not be able to overcome it. He had been planning for that moment all day, and his lips and teeth collided hard. Feeling that it wasn't enough, the kiss went down, the tongue poked into the mouth, and tasted the other party's saliva, which was sweet with mint flavor.

After parting, he hugged Lu Shining, he didn't dare to look at Lu Shining's expression and was afraid that he would laugh at him when he heard the loud heartbeat, so he whispered into Lu Shining's ear and said how he felt, mints are so sweet, and he wanted to kiss him again .

Hara Mori likes to kiss.He didn't notice it before, the mouth was soft and hot, and Lu Shining's eyelashes blinked uneasily, occasionally sweeping across his eyelids.Only at this time, he can be sure that the other party has the same mood as him, and he can't be hot and excited. Lu Shining's eyelashes are wet, and his delicate appearance makes him feel sore.

The first time they rolled onto the bed, it was different from before, they were no longer simply lying down and sleeping together, Yuan Sen looked down at him from above, and didn't feel strange, as if they should have been so close, but there were too many words that day He was dense, and when I thought about it afterwards, I was nervous. I split a sentence into two sentences and kept asking, but I didn’t get hard immediately. I was too panicked, afraid of being rejected, what to do if I couldn’t do well, and whether I didn’t want him again. What the hell are you arguing with him? Gentleness is not enough. Will a kiss make it better? Stop crying... why are you always crying, Xiaolu.

They didn't make it to the last step.

Yuan Sen has been waiting for Lu Shining's permission.

On the day when he returned to his hometown, Lu Shining suddenly said that he wanted to learn to drive, but Yuan Sen didn't want him to learn. It would be nice if he could rely on himself a little more, and need himself a little more, so he wouldn't have to worry about not being able to see anyone when he opened his eyes...

On the day Yuan Sen returned to Jingshi, Lu Shining came to pick him up, and suddenly asked: "Are we counted together like this?"

Yuan Sen was afraid again, did he regret it, regret trying it with him.

Fortunately, in the end Lu Shining hugged him and said he missed him.

Then can I miss a little more, I want to hear you say I miss me all the time.

Yuan Sen couldn't help but care about Lu Shining being nice to everyone, could he be better to himself.Because he was the first to say that he wanted to try it out, Lu Shining just accompanied him to try it out.

When he was very young, after dark, the child would take the initiative to stretch out his hand for him to hold, and would walk in front of him... No one specified that the older person had to take care of each other, Yuan Sen always thought that he was being taken care of by Lu Shining.

So he also knew very well that Lu Shining was not his choice, but he was indulged only when he asked for it.He has to do a good job and be very obedient so that he won't be dismissed. He knows that Lu Shining is a bit of a clean freak. When he leads people home, even though it is already midnight, he still proposes to clean the room, hugs people in his arms and keeps calling him affectionately. Check where he went and see if he intends to leave...

The child is always lying, telling him that he will never leave or run away, he wants to believe it but he can't believe it.

Now that he has done well enough, he doesn't do anything out of the ordinary, he is very obedient and obedient, let alone go on a blind date, why is he still left behind in the end.

Lu Shining said that Yuan Sen didn't love him, and what to do if Yang Qiongfang found out.

But since Hara Mori was 15 years old, when the woman left and came back, she left him once.Now he wants him to care about her eyes and thoughts, her hysteria and collapse.

Yuan Sen grew up in a family without the slightest love at all, and he was extremely lacking and eager to be loved.Yuan Zhen didn't love him, and Yang Qiongfang didn't love him either. The only pure love was given to him by Lu Shining, and it seemed to be dissipating soon.

But it doesn't matter, he still thinks that he can love Lu Shining with what Lu Shining taught him.

Yuan Sen has always treated people fairly, respecting others while protecting himself, he will give back as much as anyone gives him.

But he was never fair to Lu Shining, if the love was fair, it would be over. He never asked the other party to give back as much as he gave Lu Shining, but he was afraid that he would leave.

Isn't this love?

Lu Shining denied it, Yin Hao denied it, everyone was denying him.

They told him that the heartbeat during the kiss was fake and the unstoppable gasping during sex was fake.He is not a talkative person, but he has endless things to say to Lu Shining - even this can be summed up in a sentence of knowing each other for too long.

But if he didn't love him, why did he keep chasing him? Since Lu Shining left Chuanyang, some feelings had deteriorated. He chased him so that Lu Shining could stay by his side.

The heartbeat may start from the first kiss, or it may start from the moment the child reaches out to him.

These are not important, it is too boring to say a clear time and place for things like feelings.

I didn't fall in love with you at that moment, but I loved you all the time after I confirmed my relationship.

But no one believed him.

How is he going to prove it.

The author has something to say: Well, I deliberately didn't write Yuansen's perspective before.According to your words, what's wrong with Xiaocha?