red dust under the lamp

That was a year ago.

In the mirror, accompanied by ghosts and monsters, Xie Yichen waved her hands and looked back under the lamp. In the world outside the mirror, she was holding a cane, her eyebrows were lowered, her back was facing the stage, and she didn’t think about anything.

A white snake shed its skin and its soul came out of the shell, leaving only a stiff outer skin to live in the world. Xie Yichen believed that it was himself.

Soon after her health recovered, she could stand up with crutches. If she didn't have to walk, she didn't even need crutches.Her legs are full of vitality, and the old and new wounds are gradually healed. If things go on like this, she will soon be back to how she was before, and she can dance freely.

In front of the mirror, she saw the snake that became a fairy with one heart.She has this kind of self-confidence, even if she is crippled, she can step on broken glass step by step and practice hard to come back.

On the first day back home, she went back to Pingdu to rest. She threw down her crutches in front of the mirror, staggered to maintain her balance, and stepped out step by step. After the fall, she took a short rest and practiced again, with a calm expression, until she fell seven or eight times, and her whole body was so painful that she remembered the doctor's advice. It's better to do less strenuous exercise, and don't embarrass yourself.

She was intoxicated in the dance room, every floor, every dust is kind, like blowing a breath, it becomes river water, heaven and earth, people's residence, and stage. She is in it, her expression is alienated He talked with Xu Xian Xiaoqing about the future, and in a blink of an eye, she became a fairy and left.

But after thinking about it for a while, she suddenly realized that the dance "White Snake New Edition" had already been cancelled.

There is no stage, no audience, no supporting roles left, whoever the white lady abandons, who she misses, and wherever she ascends is herself, and the follower lights are only chasing a lonely figure.

No matter how much she dances, no one will watch her dance. She is no longer as innocent as a girl, and her physical condition is not as good as before.The reality submerged her in the bottom of the water, and she couldn't breathe - she suddenly thought of Ning Jue, gritted her teeth, and indulged herself to think about Ning Jue briefly.

The only audience in the world was Ning Jue, and besides her aunt, the first person to understand her white snake was Ning Jue.Xie Yichen always tried his best to stretch himself in front of her.Every time she struggled because of Ning Jue, she seemed to be awakened.

But Ning Jue was really under the lamp, not only the audience, but many times, she was covered by a white snake's shadow.

She is skin, and Ning Jue is flesh and blood, alienated from the world one by one, yearning for the unobtainable things beyond the sky, and rushing to this road of no return.

A dull pain in my heart.

She was adopted by her aunt when she was a child, and after several years abroad, she gradually realized that she was different from others.

It’s not that she decides to be an alternative, but it seems to be natural—she is born an alien, she thinks differently from others, and tends to listen to all kinds of news, hearing about a shooting in a same-sex bar, or who is with a same-sex friend She pricked up her ears to listen to what happened to people.

She is always silent, never expressing emotions, calm and stagnant, and has no other pursuits except dancing.

She faintly resonated with those people in her heart—as if the world was a village, with a few lights on, she would quietly light up the lights at night to respond to them, looking at the sparse lights, she was silently satisfied, not too much Extravagant.

Until Ning Jue came, that day, she talked about White Snake in front of the critics without knowing what to do, and argued with Li Juanjuan, and her aunt couldn't get rid of her face, and got angry with her, so she was left alone.She struggled to get up and confirmed her thoughts.

For some unknown reason, she started arguing with Ning Jue, and inexplicably put her emotions on Ning Jue—at that time, Ning Jue showed alienation, just like herself, as if she was looking in the mirror and saw another white snake, Floating and sinking in the fireworks in the world.

She understood that Ning Jue could understand White Snake. Even if she hadn't read a book, even if she was a fool, she understood her better than anyone else—maybe because she almost became a sister at the beginning, almost because Ning Jue's brilliant danced.

She had a strange feeling about the chaos of fate in her heart. She was confused and wanted to stand up unwillingly. She wanted to show Ning Jue that she, Xie Yichen, was no worse than anyone else in choosing to dance—so she stood up.

It was the first time after she had an accident that she clearly realized that her legs still existed, as if they were cut off from her body, they were just stored there and could not find the power to call them.

But it's just standing up.

How could she be reconciled, kept silent, lowered her head, and saw Ning Jue pinning the peace talisman from Pingkang Temple on her wrist.

Lowering his eyebrows and pleasing his eyes, Xie Yichen suddenly understood that in the matter of the white snake, it was just him who couldn't get along with him.

When there is no one, tears flow down, and all pursuits are in vain.

In the phantom-like days, she sought death alone, and later she became the target of some pursuit. She immediately gave up, and lived so meaninglessly, for fear that she would run out of blood for chasing something and find nothing.

Until that time, until Ning Jue came in the middle of the night and sat alone at the door of her house, Aunt Shu opened the door, and saw a down-and-out girl falling asleep with her knees hugged, with wounds on her face and feet, and bloodstains coming in.

She was thinking quietly while getting up early as usual, and heard that Ning Jue was coming.She was mean in her heart, she wanted to see who was being hurt by someone like Ning Jue who was as alienated as she was?Xu Liwen?Well, let her see the joke—

She opened the door almost with evil intentions, the moment she opened the door, she secretly repented, why bother?Is there no love between them?Why was Ning Jue so vicious all of a sudden, what did Ning Jue do wrong?Didn't she always rely on Ning Jue?Although this person is not good, he has never done a bad thing in front of her.

I don't know who to repent to, but the regret stops abruptly.

The door opened, and she saw Ning Jue bent over to sit on the plastic bench, bent over to wash her face with clean water, and the remaining water flowed over her bruised feet.

Why, there is relief and joy written in the eyes?Xie Yichen was speechless, silently rubbing his hands, trying to say something.

But to no avail, Ning Jue just lowered his head quietly and cleaned the wound on his foot quietly.

He didn't seem to notice being watched silently.

Xie Yichen closed the door silently, as if he had been humiliated instead, his face was hot.

The decency and reserve of the elders suddenly emerged.She was speculating about the ins and outs of Ning Jue and Xu Liwen, even a little mocking, but at this moment, the smoke disappeared, and she silently took a new pair of slippers and put them at the door.

Ning Jue raised his head to look at her this time, his eyes moved slowly, from her face to his hands, watched her bend down to put down her slippers, and then looked at her again.

She didn't dare to follow the rest of the expression, afraid that Ning Jue would look at her indifferently, and also afraid that Ning Jue would be grateful to her, and even herself would be confused, not knowing where the fear came from.After closing the door to hide her expression, Aunt Shu came over and asked her how Ning Jue was doing, Xie Yichen said that she was fine and don't worry.

Aunt Shu touched her head and hugged her, reassuring her that she was fine.

Xie Yichen didn't understand why Aunt Shu suddenly comforted herself, and it took a long time before she remembered that she had a sad expression that day, as if she was crying for Ning Jue.

She was crying for her days to come, she was caught off guard by the darkness in her heart, and she had extra emotions for Ning Jue regarding Xu Liwen's matter.She thought she had changed her temper, and became obsessed with Xu Xian because of her identity as a white snake.

But she is a white snake, but Xu Liwen is not Xu Xian, and in her story, the white snake ascended to immortality and has no attachment to the world, so how could she be infatuated with Xu Xian?Besides, when she was in the dance troupe, she didn't talk to Xu Liwen very much, and her relationship with each other was weak, like colleagues who were forced to work on a project, how could they have special emotions?

The light in her heart dimly lit up, corresponding to the many anecdotes she had seen.

She quietly hides her secrets and pretends nothing happened. She is a normal person, and no one would think that she has any unreasonable thoughts about her friends.

It was when she was in the hot spring that she lost her composure and asked Ning Jue more questions about what kind of situation they would be in China and what kind of life they would lead. She was so curious that she asked Ning Jue for a long time, Ning Jue didn't understand why she cared so much, her eyes were strange——

She woke up immediately, yes, Ning Jue is not such a person, she restrained herself, explained palely, pretending that she was just curious.

She believed that she was infatuated with Ning Jue for a short time, and it took much longer to be friends. She never violated the rules, hid herself, and became more and more like a normal person, talking and laughing with Ning Jue, just waiting for Ning Jue to get married. Nor will they be affected—

But Ning Jue turned her head and left. She understood Ning Jue's jealousy, and understood that she regarded herself as an exhibit in a glass cabinet at will—ha, not even a friend!The feelings that I carefully restrained have been ruined from the face to the inside.

She forbade herself to think about Ning Jue again, and ran away again and again, what was it?

What's more, the love in the world is so short, and the eternal destination of the white snake is outside the sky.

Her legs improved visibly with the naked eye, and she supported herself with a dream of a stage every day. Every day, she dreamed that she was dancing again, and was frozen in the center of the oil painting.She remembered herself the way her aunt remembered her beauty.

However, when she staggers and dances, she is extremely lonely. The white snake does not become a white snake, not because of the lack of scenery, not because of the lack of lighting, or even because of the lack of audience.

But Ning Jue was missing.She indulged herself, indulged herself more, and pondered Ning Jue's image in her mind for a long time. After she figured out Ning Jue's texture, she forgave Ning Jue on her own.

If someone loves her, Ning Jue will run away. Is it because I revealed that Ning Jue is too important to me that day, so Ning Jue ran away overwhelmed?

Ning Jue once said that it's like a child going to someone's house. Although he can't explain it in words, he has an extra keenness to know the attitude of others towards him and decide whether to stay here.

It seems that this is true, but unfortunately Ning Jue didn't run away because she felt indifferent, but when someone really loves her, she will run away.

After Ning Jue escaped for the first time, her aunt secretly grieved for a long time, reflecting on whether her words were inappropriate and made the child feel that she was insincere.

It dawned on her.

But Ning Jue is nowhere to be found, it is a needle thrown in the sea, and I am afraid that I will never see her again in this life.

When she was thinking about Ning Jue and silently guessing that she might spend the rest of her life silently in thinking about Ning Jue, Jiang Wangwang came to visit her.

Before going abroad, Jiang Wang chased her all the way, but she couldn't see any love from Jiang Wang, and she was very considerate in sending flowers and writing poems. Jiang Wang could understand that "White Snake New Edition" was not annoying. Mr. Li called him "Little Jianger, Little Jianger", a playful nickname that seemed to come out from under the tongue. Before leaving the country, he said that he would wait for her to come back.

Now that he really came, this time, he still held the tulips and looked around: "Ning Jue didn't come back?"

Xie Yichen remained silent.

"Don't be sad for her, I'm also a friend, come out and play together."

So, she saw "Thursday Night Park". She met Jiang Wang's boyfriend Robin, a half-British man who works as a model in Nancheng. He is nearly 1.9 meters tall and looks out of place.She caught off guard and greeted her kind in the country, but she was the only one alone.

She was led to the bar, and occasionally met a few short-haired people of the same kind. At that time, there were no fixed places for lesbians to socialize in Pingdu, which was not prosperous at that time.Her clear texture attracted several people to strike up a conversation.

"I have a girlfriend." She refused clumsily.

Jiang Wang said: "How can ordinary people introduce it like this? You can just say that you don't like women."

"You really treat me as a friend." Xie Yichen sarcastically.

I feel uneasy.

Jiang Wang had a good image in front of Ms. Xie. Every day when he came in, Ms. Xie would call Xie Yichen to come down to accompany him. The shout of "Little Jianger" made Xie Yichen very irritable.

Jiang Wang's business is getting bigger and bigger, and his parents are also educated and reasonable. Ms. Xie has secretly investigated, and she has already started to get married. She started discussing with Mr. Li. Get out, hide among a group of men and women who have no future but the present, and breathe a sigh of relief.

"In the matter of physical marriage, to be honest, there is no better choice except for me. As for the child, we will talk about infertility and go to the hospital in a pretend manner. When we are older, we will divorce each other. Said it was 'the siege of marriage made us breathless, and with experience, we don't want to get married in this life'. If you don't find me, other gays tell you about physical marriage, and when the time comes, the family will have grandchildren, what will happen? Embarrassing you. Or you marry a normal person directly, that's fine, but do you want to? Don't tease Xie Yichen, I knew we were the same kind of people the first time I saw you, I guess, you like Ning Jue, right? But after Do you like other women? We have to help each other if we want to hide."

Xie Yichen refused, Jiang Wang's every word revealed a long-planned flavor.

But the reasons for the refusal were different.

She thought that she would not admit her liking frankly, and if Jiang Wang found out, she should bite to death, deny, betray her feelings, linger in the wind, dry, and crack—just like usual, hide her emotions with calmness.

But at this time, he was very calm and skipped the question: "I'm afraid I will never meet Ning Jue again in this life. The next one I like may be a man. I don't think it's worthwhile to marry you and put myself in it. You You've been staring at me for a long time? Why don't you find one among your friends."

"I've actually seen the white snake, and it's not fake. I thought you were that white snake, and you had to become a fairy—but after a few years, you changed your mind, and we got divorced, and we each achieved our wishes."

"Whatever you want, I'm younger than you, and I'm not in a hurry to get married."

"You're always in a hurry to prove you're unfit for marriage."

"Don't talk to me in such a tone." Xie Yichen and Jiang Wang confronted each other, she was sitting, Jiang Wang was standing, each contending, but she was weak, she wanted to agree, hiding in the marriage, it seems that the other party world.

"Do you want me to have any clear interest demands. Then I said, first, I want to silence my parents. Although they are intellectuals, they have some notions of family status. I am looking for you, and they will be satisfied." ;Second, although it seems to be boastful, I am really a good person, better than these men, and I have income, not the kind of person who pesters you for money, the same is true for you; the third is to make friends Be careful too, I don't have time to find another reliable friend like you, I will be thirty soon, and I know you well." Jiang Wang explained his attitude one by one, as if negotiating a contract with Xie Yichen, his words were a bit cold , but one by one, Xie Yichen agrees.

She really didn't need to prove it, and she didn't need to get married. After her legs recovered, her aunt was not in a hurry to introduce a few boys to her, as if her price had risen and she was gradually gaining popularity in the market.There's no need to worry about getting married, it's up for grabs, she sits comfortably, and my aunt is not in a hurry.

However, Xie Yichen thought for a long time.

Ning Jue has already left, even if he doesn't leave, Xie Yichen can't say anything, so what if he says, marriage is a matter of time.

She will marry someone one day, and it doesn't matter who she likes or who she falls in love with-she is a natural alien, and the possibility of falling in love with a man is very slim, unless she continues to force herself.

Jiang Wang is really suitable for sales, and what she said touched her pain.

Maybe after this village, there is no such shop?

Perhaps, each takes what he needs, and when her face fades and her youth is gone, she is also a married person and loses the competition in the marriage market...

The contract Jiang Wang made has been in her heart for nearly a month, and she thinks about these words every day, thinking carefully and carefully.

Sitting in front of the mirror, she questioned herself, are you really going to get married?Just like the white snake blindly married Xu Xian in order to repay her kindness?No, it's not like this. Is she insane?Just don't love, in case anyone loves her more properly?She is not Ning Jue, she must love herself alone——

Marriage is nothing more than an exchange of economic benefits. Right now, there is indeed no one more suitable than Jiang Wang.

Jiang Wang promised her that if she decided to divorce, he would have nothing to say.

A verbal promise, a gentleman's agreement, she can only swallow the bitter fruit if she suffers.

Marriage is a gamble, a bet on being a hidden alien for the rest of your life, a bet on being lonely, a bet that your heart is stagnant, a bet that she will never see Ning Jue again, a bet that she will never see someone like Ning Jue again.

In the end, monsters lived with monsters, knowing how warm and cold they were under the same roof.

She accepted the contract, and Jiang Wang drove her to take wedding photos. She barely stood up, but suddenly felt weak in her legs.

"If one day - people like us can marry the one we love, we don't have to force it so much." Robin concluded in this way, Xie Yichen remained silent. A handsome man waited on her, envious, and whispered: "The best man is also a good-looking talent, is the groom's friend?"

All three were embarrassed for a while.

Robin handed the bouquet to Xie Yichen, both of them looked sad, as if they had completed some handover ceremony.

The contract with Jiang Wang was completed. Ms. Xie and Mr. Li were half picky and half happy to prepare a grand wedding for her. They copied other people's customs completely. The form of the wedding was as nondescript as the essence only they knew. hold.The priest read the scriptures with lowered eyebrows between the two, and the choir dressed in pure white ephods lined up on both sides.

Xie Yichen and Jiang Wang, a total of four parents, held hands and secretly looked forward to it.At the end of the corridor, Jiang Wang pushed Xie Yichen, who was in a wheelchair, walking slowly, a golden boy and a jade girl, the lighting was surprisingly good, and the two of them seemed to have stepped out of a painting of beauties.Music and flowers bloomed above their heads, and God's blessings bathed their false marriage.

Among the friends, Robin was wearing a white suit and sitting low-key in the guest seat. Xie Yichen looked around and folded her arms, as if she was completely covered by the spotlight. She was giving a weak monologue to the empty auditorium alone. Standing up directly from the wheelchair and escaping from here, he was finally depressed for a long time, and for a few minutes, he lost control of his legs again.After the ceremony, Jiang Wang and Robin flirted so much that Xie Yichen was bothered and envious——

After that, Xie Yichen didn't take the initiative to stand up again for a long time.

The author has something to say: the plot of the story is fictitious, and the marriage is based on the background of the times and the setting of the characters.

However, real life is complicated. Regarding all of this, we should consider it ourselves and know whether we are warm or not.

We will have to solve this matter later. Can you guess the reason why Jiang Wang was put in the supporting role column?