red dust under the lamp

Ning Jue's body was frozen in Xie Yichen's arms, stiff as if he had worked for a long time, his limbs were rusted, and the parts in his head creaked.

She is familiar with many hidden meanings, Xie Yichen changed her name, she expected it to be unusual, but the problem is very light, she does not love Xu Liwen, so far, there is no one for her to fall in love with.

The answer was obvious, but her mouth froze, and she passed the words in her mouth in a daze, feeling that she couldn't convey her meaning.

She retracted from Xie Yichen's arms, smiling: "I'm just asking, why do you want me to say who I'm in love with? Can't you watch TV dramas and get pregnant?"

Xie Yichen hummed, crossed his hands in front of his body, and looked as serene as a Mona Lisa.

Ning Jue sat quietly with her for a long time, forgetting to say goodbye. If she wants to reconcile with Xu Liwen, there are still many days to see Xie Yichen again.

She used to sit on the roof and cry alone, thinking that the thing that was hopeless in this life, the thing that waited for someone to love her, was finally accomplished, and would she get along with Xie Yichen with peace of mind afterwards?She wants to restore her previous calm, face Xie Yichen, and no longer lose control of her emotions.

After sitting for a long time, Ning Jue thought that she should explain her decision to Xie Yichen.

My heart suddenly became wet, like a pouring rain.Before she made this decision, she held back. For some reason, she felt that if she told Xie Yichen about her feelings, saying that she didn't love Xu Liwen and had to accept his love, something would definitely break.

So she was silent for a long time, leaning on her arm to look at Xie Yichen, curled up against the back of the sofa with a howling wind in her heart.She thanked Yichen for her long hair hanging down, and her neckline smelled the same as before. She looked down at some professional magazines with a focused expression.

Then when Xie Yichen turned his face away, she was already a little sleepy.

With a heavy body, Ning Jue saw Xie Yichen dragging the blanket over her body in a daze.

Ning Jue regained consciousness a little: "I'm leaving."

"Sleep when you're sleepy." Xie Yichen said.

After another long silence, Ning Jue didn't stand up, and seemed to be asleep.Xie Yichen threw down the magazine, pulled up the blanket and covered the two of them, Ning Jue opened his eyes again: "I was actually thinking..."

"What's the matter? What are you thinking about?"

"You refuted me before I even spoke—" Ning Jue complained a little, and finally resigned herself, "Okay, okay, just treat me as what I deserve."

Xie Yichen smiled: "What kind of talk is this? If you don't want to say it, I will fall asleep."

Only then did Ning Jue smile: "I just thought, last time you said you introduced me to some friends."

"Next time."

"That's all right."

"You didn't mean to talk about this at all just now." Xie Yichen was sure, pointed at the tip of her nose, and waggled his fingers.

Ning Jue opened his mouth to bite her, and bared his teeth sullenly. Xie Yichen hid, but seemed to let Ning Jue bite her finger on purpose.

Letting go, Ning Jue pursed her lips tightly, as if Xie Yichen deliberately opened her mouth. Xie Yichen was not angry when he was bitten, and changed the subject: "It's not easy to call to make an appointment for you. What kind of team leader is a busy person? Welcomed and received a pennant... it took several calls to set up your time."

"It's just a cleaner." Ning Jue said.

"Is this something you like to do?"

Xie Yichen questioned her. Ning Jue didn't like these things. As she got older, she had fewer and fewer opportunities to know exactly as she did when she was a child. The only opportunity she seized was this housekeeping company, but it wasn't What she wants to do, she doesn't know.

"I like to be idle and have nothing to do—" Ning Jue said.

Xie Yichen smiled.

After chatting for a while, Ning Jue spelled out vague shadows from Xie Yichen's words.

Xie Yichen is now doing some criticism in the literary and art circles like an aunt, and occasionally a consultant on dance theory, and in addition to doing some social activities, but Xie Yichen is unclear about what it is.Although Xie Yichen looked like a housewife who didn't do housework, he deliberately set aside time to wait for her.When Ning Jue was away, she often went out, and occasionally accompanied Jiang Wang to socialize in the business field, and occasionally did some activities that she didn't talk about, and had contact with some scholars, such as in the clouds.

From dawn to dusk, Ning Jue spent the day extravagantly.

She suddenly intervened in Xie Yichen's married life, leaning on Xie Yichen's shoulder and sleeping for two hours without any scruples.

When Jiang Wang came back, Xie Yichen raised his finger to indicate silence, Jiang Wang tiptoed over to change his shoes, and looked down at Ning Jue.

The husband and wife looked at each other, and Jiang Wang lowered his voice: "Should I go out to live today?"

Xie Yichen smiled: "I don't do anything, don't laugh."

Jiang Wang's coat was hanging in the crook of his arm, and he lowered his head and said something next to Xie Yichen's ear, which made her angry and annoyed: "What are you talking about! I'm not like you, my mind is full of that kind of thing."

He smiled and shook his head and left.

Ning Jue woke up in a daze, seeming to hear a man talking, but when she opened her eyes, only Xie Yichen was reading a book.

The sky went from bright to dark, and three hours passed in a flash.

Ning Jue unconsciously slept in Xie Yichen's place for three hours. Looking at the time, it was time for the couple to reunite.She felt redundant and struggled, Xie Yichen clutched the phone and ordered takeaway from the restaurant downstairs, and put his hand on her shoulder to signal her not to move: "Yes, it will be fine when I'm fifty, thank you."

Just put down the receiver, the phone rang again, Xie Yichen hurriedly held down Ning Jue: "Aren't you eating here? Although it's not as good as Aunt Shu..."

"It's a little late, answer the phone quickly."

"Want to run?"

The phone rang urgently, Xie Yichen didn't hold Ning Jue any longer, and picked up the phone after glancing at her, leaving his attitude to Ning Jue, and motioned her to take it easy—a silent coercion: Do you dare to leave?

Ning Jue sighed, opened the window to look at the gloomy sky outside, knew that it was not early for dinner, so she gave Xie Yichen face, went to the kitchen to find the tableware and packed it, waiting for Jiang Wang to come back.

However, what was called was a meal for two. Ning Jue remembered the Keller nightclub, and kept silent about Jiang Wang's matter. What, she didn't dare to set foot in it.

But he was overjoyed in his heart, Xie Yichen forced her to stay, he didn't care that she left without saying goodbye, and called her again and again, as if to prove that she was Xie Yichen's best friend in the whole world... Husband, it seems that she and Xie Yichen are integrated again, without the proof of dance, without the divine atmosphere, she is still very close to Xie Yichen.

How despicable, why do you care so much about whether Xie Yichen loves Jiang Wang?She laughed at herself, thinking that she is really a narrow-minded person. In the past, she couldn't tolerate Xie Yichen, but now she can't tolerate Jiang Wang. No matter how many loves she has, she wants to avoid it. Now——

She stopped suddenly.

But it was only for a short moment, afraid that Xie Yichen could see that her mind was fluctuating.

On the face, he ate food calmly, and he was able to say a few words about the past with Xie Yichen.

There is light coming in from the tiny corners of my heart, splashing a piece of rootless dust and smoke.

If Xie Yichen doesn't have anyone he likes, and caring about her like this proves that this is the kind of love she's been looking for since she was a child—there is no one more important than her to share it with. Xie Yichen doesn't care about her despicableness at all. Forgive her.

Compared with Xu Liwen, she is more willing to stay with Xie Yichen. One chooses her to love her hysterically, and the other chooses her to be her friend silently... Feelings cannot be measured on a balance. To choose one.

Maybe you don't have to choose?Just selfishly being Xu Liwen's lover and Xie Yichen's friend?

The love she lacked in her youth was compensated to her when she was 21 years old, and her love and friendship were enriched, but she couldn't find her place in the dance drama.The white lady is on the left, and Xu Xian is on the right, but where is Xiaoqing?When she thought of the play, her mind suddenly became confused.

When people's minds become confused, they don't know what to say: "Then you don't love Jiang Wang...do you have someone you like?"

If Xie Yichen actually has someone he likes, then she can understand her position. She is a mortal who is loved by the vulgar Xu Xian.

Chopsticks touched the dishes, Xie Yichen chewed lettuce slowly, as if biting rubber, and it took about a century before he replied: "Why do you ask this again?"

"Again? This is the first time I'm asking this." Ning Jue was confident.

After being silent for a while, Xie Yichen said: "Then you must have someone in your heart, otherwise you wouldn't ask me these things. It was you who opened up your senses, so you came to ask others if their seven senses are connected... Tell the truth, and I will answer you again." .”

"I'll be honest. I'm in a mess. Xu Liwen came to get back with me. I think he loves me very much..."

Xie Yichen put down the bowl and chopsticks: "I'm full."

Putting on crutches, she walked quickly.

Ning Jue suddenly understood, she felt that she had said the wrong thing: "Why are you so angry, I'm a bitch, he hit me, but he said he loves me - I have no idea in my heart, I just want someone to be perfect for the rest of my life Love me completely. He loves me, well, then I'll be with him."

"Ning Jue, you don't understand what love is at all."

Xie Yichen's tone was heavy, as if he was angry, but Ning Jue couldn't think of a reason for his anger, so he could only say, "You're acting like a sister again, you're older than me, so you just say I don't understand, I'm just asking, Why are you angry with me—it's your fault, if someone gave me a face inexplicably, I would have ignored her long ago. "

The anger made Xie Yichen almost unsteady. She leaned on the sofa to maintain her balance, and tried her best to calm down: "Okay, it's because of my face. Just for my sake, think about it carefully. After you reconcile with him, what do you do?" What? Just because he loves you? There are so many people who love you, are you still you? "

Ning Jue's face was pale, and she suddenly felt cramped. There was no one around, but it seemed that someone was ripping open her belly, digging out her heart to see what it was.

What's the meaning?There are so many people who love her?

who?Who in the end loves her?How did she never find out?Why is there "so much" in Xie Yichen's mouth, and here, he can only grab Xu Liwen like a life-saving straw?

Is she still her?What does it mean?Could it be that Ning Jue changed her name after she reconciled with Xu Liwen?Ning Jue just washes the pot and cooks, isn't he himself?Is she going to quit her job?Xu Liwen never made such an unreasonable request!

She disagreed with Xie Yichen's words, but Xie Yichen's "face" overwhelmed her, she became incoherent and lost her composure in front of Xie Yichen.

The childhood memories lingered in her mind, she suddenly thought of Teacher Zhu, he told her that he liked her - she remembered the nauseating feeling of vomiting, she was surprised that what Xie Yichen said was right, Xie Yichen always asked her to take off other people at the right time, Change yourself.

"I……"

She thought of her great wish, a wish that may not be fulfilled even if she made a wish to all kinds of gods, she wanted someone to love her completely - this thought was sour, she tasted it, and it was about to come true , but Xie Yichen suddenly reminded her that this was a mirage.

Is she blind?Is she stupid?

Who got into her mind and took away the thinking that she should have, and made her think that Xu Liwen loved her as she wished - absolutely, so why did she believe it so easily?

During that period of time, her mind was too messed up, and she was in a mess. At this moment, she suddenly realized that, yes, yes, she knew that what she was looking for was a mirage.

Knocking on the head, Ning Jue smiled wryly: "I was reckless..."

"Ning Jue, why would someone think that they are... a bitch just because they want to be loved?" Xie Yichen asked her earnestly. ...I want to monopolize someone's love, I can't tolerate others, you know what I am..."

The dishes and chopsticks were put away, and the leftovers were put in the refrigerator. Ning Jue washed her hands and leaned against the door, suddenly feeling extremely tired.

Xie Yichen has not refuted her self-talk.

Ning Jue reflected on herself, from childhood to adulthood, the love from others always avoided her precisely, so she knew that her life was dry.

She is a small grass desperately absorbing nutrients in the dry land, with a well-developed root system, eager for water, and wishing she could rise up and rush to the oasis—but no oasis can only accommodate her as an invading creature.

It was she who took care of Xie Yichen all the time, thinking that Xie Yichen would not be free if he stayed where he was, but she didn't know that she was the most unfree one. She ran around in cities all over the country, but she was always dying of thirst in that dry land.