red dust under the lamp

The air in Nancheng was damper and colder than any city she had ever seen. When she got off the train, Ning Jue took a deep breath. What she breathed was not air, but water. .

She waited to move out of Nancheng to avoid Boss Kong.

Ning Jue believes that what she insists on is ridiculously weak, like spider silk under the eaves after the rain, but one day there will be bugs swinging to the other shore through this thing, and the persistence in my heart can be broken on a certain day For people to cross by themselves.

For example, if she chooses who to be with, she has to be that person who really loves her, but if she can’t find it, she just curses her and dies alone, picking on the honored guest beside her, it’s nothing to do room.

But Xie Yichen survived without dancing. Ning Jue compared himself and gradually lost vigilance.

She has been living in no fixed place, no city can accommodate her, and there is nothing to miss. Ning Jue packed her things, packed two boxes, and silently recited the three words Duansheli, and finally the two boxes were condensed into a big backpack , standing on the corner of the table.

I haven't resigned from the job of the housekeeping company yet, but I have given myself a day off today, and devoted all my time to the girl in the group who has to provide for her younger brother, sitting by the window in a daze.

Sitting in a thick cotton padded jacket, her limbs and bones were filled with regretful soreness, creaking, as if reminding her that she forgot something.

Leaving Nancheng, is there anything you can't let go of?Ning Jue had a magazine on her lap, flipping through two pages blindly.

Xie Yichen.

Ah, yes, she forgot to say goodbye to Xie Yichen. Although she thought about not saying goodbye, she left again without saying goodbye?She can't be so heartless.

There was a strange longing in her heart, a longing for another kind of life - she wanted to not care who loved her, just leaning silently behind Xie Yichen's wheelchair, without Jiang Wang and anyone, quietly waiting for the days to pass.

But with Jiang Wang, Xie Yichen got married and was so intimate that she couldn't fit in a piece of paper. She, Ning Jue, had no place and had to be blown away by the wind, her whole body light.

Downstairs, a person suddenly walked up on foot, the shape of the person was vague, like a shadow.Ning Jue looked intently and was startled.

What is Xu Liwen?

Xu Liwen still looked tall and proud. He was wearing a black windbreaker and stood downstairs with his hands in his pockets. He raised his face and looked around, looking for Ning Jue—Ning Jue's face was by the window, and he finally found it.

He was panting, panting heavily, as if running from a distance.The somewhat famous face cut out from the newspaper was full of vigor, and he raised his face and shouted: "Wang Yu—"

Ning Jue wanted to close the window, but she didn't understand why Xu Liwen came to her.The last time I met Xu Liwen, I was having dinner with Boss Kong. They didn't even exchange a word in the Nancheng Restaurant. How did he know her address?Why did he come again.

Could it be that Xu Liwen didn't mind seeing her holding a man's arm?He didn't see his texture at all?What kind of a born bitch was she, she broke up with him so decisively, tearing her face apart, how could Xu Liwen come to her again?

And she lives in this remote rental house and is a domestic worker.But he is no longer a boy from the Pingdu Dance Troupe. He is a young actor with some fame and a handsome appearance. He came to find her?

Ning Jue closed the window and buried her face behind the curtain.

"Come down—I have something to tell you—"

She retreated from the window and hid in the house, as if sound must be transmitted through sight, and if she couldn't see, she couldn't hear, she deceived herself.

The shouting outside was getting louder and louder, never giving up, the voice was so high, so steady, and the breath was long, Xu Liwen's lung capacity was so good, it was like shouting a mountain, if he didn't call her out, he would never stop.

Ning Jue—Wang Yu—I am Xu Liwen—come down—

Stop shouting, stop shouting... Why did you come to her... Ning Jue held her head and shivered. There is no place for her to hide.Damn it, Boss Kong hasn't come yet, why did Xu Liwen come first?

She didn't understand, and her heart seemed to be beating uncomfortably. She didn't know why, and she tightly covered her ears.

After a long time, she covered her ears too hard, her head was buzzing, and she couldn't hear a sound.

Ning Jue walked back to the window, Xu Liwen just stood under the window and looked up, saw her, and smiled.

She struggled to close the curtains, stomped her feet, and went to see him with a frank and shameless face.

Come on, just face it like this, whether it is a blessing or a curse, let the storm come more violently!

She trotted downstairs, Xu Liwen stood by the side of the road and took a few steps closer.

She suddenly wanted to escape, but Xu Liwen asked loudly: "Who is that man with you in the Nancheng Hotel?"

With a chill in her heart, Ning Jue returned to her normal level. She sneered: "Of course it's the mistress, the big boss, and she's very rich. I'll be the mistress for 20 yuan. What? Are you jealous? Okay, let me introduce you." , see if you can sell 30."

Talking harshly, with a knife in his mouth, Ning Jue hurt himself a lot with his words, and the blood he spit out was also cut open.

She wished she could kill with words, she couldn't speak well.Before the other party had time to humiliate her, she humiliated herself first, with a vicious vigor, come on, whoever chops off two fingers first, who walks the rivers and lakes, takes the initiative in the conversation.

Xu Liwen suddenly raised his hand as if to hit her, Ning Jue held his head up and waited for him to hit her.

Why, what is he now, hitting her?She was ready to fight back, tearing his face and his good appearance, tearing up and destroying the warmth of the past!

But he just dropped his hands in the end: "Can't you talk well? Why are you always like this?"

"What did you come to do with me?"

Ning Jue smiled a little, half-truth and half-false, to see if what he said next was telling the truth, or scolding people well.

"Who came to you? Do you think I'm willing to come to you? I wish you could hang out with those bosses who smell of copper! You've been played enough and thrown away like a rag!" Xu Liwen became angry, with both hands Waving, almost swearing the word cheap/good, he pointed at Ning Jue and uttered a lot of unwilling words.

"Who do you think you are? Aren't you just a Pingdu farmer! Who do you think you are! I hit you, yes, I hit you! I didn't want to... I'm sorry... I came to you, I didn't want to come Looking for you..." He suddenly became incoherent, tears rolled stubbornly in the corners of his eyes, but refused to fall, he stared at Ning Jue.

"You know that I'm a broken shoe and you came to me? You and I argue here, how much better can you be than me? What are you—" Ning Jue wanted to scold him.

Xu Liwen suddenly reached out and pulled her into his arms.

"Damn it, I just scolded you a thousand times and ten thousand times. I scolded so hard in my heart. I scolded myself even harder. I'm an idiot! If I didn't, I wouldn't come! What am I here for? Not yet Because I love you! My heart is full of you! No matter how much you hurt me, I still fucking like you! Did you hear me!"

Ning Jue swallowed the rest of the words.

To be honest, at this moment, she was extremely at a loss.

All of a sudden, she got something, someone loved her so decisively, loved her so much that he wanted to hurt himself and would come to her, so longing, so urgent, like a moth to a flame.

But I was not very happy in my heart, nor did I feel relieved.

On the contrary, it weighs heavily on something heavier. Is it the feeling of love?

Seeing that she was no longer moving, Xu Liwen poured out his apologies to her. He hit her at the beginning because he was under too much pressure. He asked her why he was insecure, cared about her so much, was jealous, and didn't know how to express it .Now that he has matured, he is no longer a kid, and he will not repeat the same mistakes. The only thing that remains the same is that he still loves her.

This love is unforgettable, it is the feeling that men and women in the world cannot be separated even if they fight together, it is the embrace of two fires.

Ning Jue was held in his arms silently, like a lifeless doll.

Xu Liwen has already started to confide that he wants to marry her, even if he gives up his career now, he is willing to ask her forgiveness and want to get back together with her.

What you want is close at hand.

Ning Jue said, let her think about it.

When she was squatting in the wasteland with bugs and mice, she wanted someone to love her. Her mother greeted one man after another. She squatted there, waiting for someone she could call him daddy. Gradually, she wanted a mother, Then, she didn't expect anything anymore, she wanted to be a whore, the kind of person who loves and lives hysterically out of her own pocket.

Ning Jue, who used to be so determined to hit her benefactor's car with a mouse, raised her hand to seize the cherished opportunity, and got what she wanted, is very hesitant at this moment, she is quite uncertain about her heart.

What she was sure of was that Xu Liwen loved her, yes, loving her like this was what she wanted... But her heart was lost.

My heart was empty, yet heavy, sour and unspeakable, like the climate in Nancheng, tears would flow when I squeezed it.

Why?She was at a loss, and when she got up to work the next day, Sister Lu told her that Ms. Xie asked her to come over again.

Is it because Xie Yichen waited for her to not go, so he came to urge her again?Why at this time?Why is Xie Yichen making trouble at this time?There was an accident in her heart, many things were mixed together, and she was more and more uncertain.

And Xie Yichen, who is the most uncertain and most important, also joined in at this time. Ning Jue seemed to be wronged, wanted to cry but couldn't cry, packed her bag and set off. Passing by the newsstand, the boss suddenly greeted her: "I don't want to buy today. Report it?"

She dazedly made up a copy of Nancheng Daily, knocked on the door, forgot to change the shoe covers, just took off her shoes and entered the door, Xie Yichen stopped her with crutches: "There is no floor heating, you put on the slippers."

Only then did she realize that this place was not in Pingdu, she was so busy looking at Xie Yichen that she forgot to look at the road under her feet.She lowered her head and saw a pair of slippers with blue background and white flowers, which were newly put in. She sorted out her thoughts and shook everything out of her head.

"Here's the form, I'll sign it, and I'll treat it as something you've done. Sit down and chat for a while, you're a busy person." Xie Yichen said clearly that she would never come, and Xie Yichen still wanted to call and call, Ning Jue still Before she could react, she was snatched away. Xie Yichen neatly signed and folded it and put it in her bag.

Ning Jue suddenly lowered her head: "Actually, I was going to come."

Xie Yichen was already sitting on the sofa, put the crutches away, stretched out his legs and rubbed them, and raised his face and asked her, "Will you take me out for a walk?"

At this moment, Ning Jue really wanted to put aside all the thoughts, all the complicated thoughts, and simply push the wheelchair and take Xie Yichen out for a stroll, as if he was still in Pingdu at this moment.

But Nancheng is no drier than Pingdu, the air here is full of tears, Pingdu is dry and warm, while Nancheng is humid and cold.

She was silent for a moment, smiled softly, and shook her head: "The weather is bad."

"I heard..." Xie Yichen carefully chose his words, "You recently..."

Ning Jue approached her, sat on the sofa next to her, hung his face down, and hung himself on her body.

It was quiet and quiet, without speaking for a long time, not even Xie Yichen disturbed the silence.

After a long time, Ning Jue sat up straight, his expression had regained his composure, and he folded his arms and asked, "Is your husband not there?"

"Not here..." Xie Yichen wanted to pick up the conversation just now and ask her something.

"My next words do not mean to offend at all... I am confused, can I ask a question?" Ning Jue was polite, and after getting Xie Yichen's approval, he gestured with his arms for a while, and finally sighed quietly Tone:

"Do you love your husband?"

It's really offensive to ask.

"What's wrong?" Xie Yichen didn't answer directly.

"It's nothing..." Ning Jue recalled the scene of meeting Jiang Wang at the Keller Nightclub, and worried that Xie Yichen would not be able to bear what he said.

"You want to know the answer?"

Ning Jue twisted her fingers with difficulty for a while, she really needed a reliable answer to refer to, how she would face Xu Liwen's love, how she would choose - all of these were unsolvable, the person who could give the best answer in the world Does not exist, she can only refer to Xie Yichen, she can only rely on Xie Yichen for a short time.

After a moment of hesitation, she hummed.

"We get married not because we love each other...we get married just to get what we need."

Xie Yichen gently pressed her shoulder, Ning Jue smiled wryly.

"You asked me if I love Jiang Wang...my answer is...no."

Ning Jue was about to tell about the nightclub, but Xie Yichen added: "Jiang Wang doesn't love me either."

He swallowed the words again.Most marriages in the world are not based on love, Ning Jue can understand.

So it's useless to talk, and she is not a gossip.She got the answer from Xie Yichen's answer - she got the love she wanted, Xu Liwen loves her, she can be with him without loving Xu Liwen, there are too few inclusive loves in the world, she can be a bitch who enjoys love very good.

After she went back, she had to make it clear with Xu Liwen, and then get back together.

His shoulders sank, Xie Yichen suddenly embraced her from behind, and leaned on her shoulders, his voice was soft, like the wind blowing into his ears: "Ning Wangyu, who are you in love with?"