Sad Jiangnan

The woman fell asleep peacefully in the stream of blood.On the face, there is a dream of panic.

In her room, it was easy to find a volume of diaries in a wooden box, open, with a lamp turned off next to it.

At first he hugged her and struggled a lot.So much so that I didn't think much about it, and inserted the knife into her throat, which made me so embarrassed.

Some of the blood on Fujida Nayan's face flowed into his eyes, and the burning pain rolled over him.The blood on the clothes couldn't be wiped off at all, and it kept dripping on the ground.Just wanted to go out and find a sink and at least wash my face.Wiping his face like that while walking, the blood became sticky and dry in the breeze, so he turned back to Fengzen's room by himself.Saw these diaries.

February [-]rd, Jisi.

He took the young lady to the Honglu Pavilion, and said he wanted to buy something, but in fact he came to see the photo.

This is a matter of sincerity and fear, and I can only talk about it in my diary, so as not to forget it when I get old.The same is true of the Lord and his wife.I really want to know if this will become such a thing as a female royal.

It turned out to be something amazing there.It is said that it is an auspicious goddess imported from Goryeo, but where is there such a lifelike statue?Almost exactly the same as mine.I was taken aback myself.I was wearing a big bamboo hat at the time. The Korean man didn't know about it. He saw me standing there for a long time and just urged me to buy it quickly.If you miss this time, you will never have another chance.

When the lady heard about it, she also advised me to buy it quickly.How could I be ashamed to enshrine a magic weapon similar to myself at home, even those who don't stick to the image can't do it.As a result, I waited for a long time that day, and the witness did not arrive.Just went back like that.It is also a pity.But there is no way.

As a result, after a few days, he actually found the celestial girl in his room.I was actually a little angry in my heart, and I immediately went to confront the young lady and found out that she must have sent someone else to invite her back.

I was still a little angry at the time, but it's not easy to throw away things like Buddha statues, and it's not okay to just give them to anyone.Calm down and think about it, this goddess is really beautifully carved.It must be related to me, and I like it after watching it for a long time.In the end I am very grateful to miss.If it was bought by someone else at that time, I still have to think about it for a long time.It is estimated that it will not be relieved for a long time.

I had the honor to watch the return column of He Mao's impromptu sacrifice today. When I went there with the young lady, it was really lively.

……

I went to the imperial palace with the lord and the lady to give a lecture, but I didn't dare to get out of the car. ...

Ding Chou in May, it rains.Because it is the day of the Dragon Boat Festival, the smell of calamus is very strong, and those who smell it are happy.

……

On Dingwei Day in June, there was light rain.

Speaking of which, it was not a good day for Ding Wei.But I like the rain very much, and always feel that something good is about to happen.If it turns out to be a bad thing, I will feel a hundred times more sad than if I thought it was a bad thing at the beginning.

I heard that Mr. Fujiwara's illness is not getting better, on the contrary, it is getting worse day by day.The young lady was so anxious that she kept crying for a long time, I couldn't bear to see her like that.

Now again, the disease is completely cured.But his face became ugly, and he could no longer see people again.Even an eminent monk who sees through the world of mortals can't stand such words.If you want Miss to marry such a person, it is really better to die.At least that's what I thought.When I first passed the letter, I said that I would marry a very beautiful son.Although he couldn't make it into a queen, that son will definitely love her as a treasure.Everyone is still happy and scared.

It's not that I like to judge people by their appearance. The young lady is so young, how can she know the ways of the world? She just understands that the beautiful person at that time is gone, and she is replaced by a husband who is not good-looking and has a bad temper.Zhong Nayan returned to the palace for the first time after he recovered from his illness. His Majesty asked him not to be restrained, just take off the mask.But this man didn't listen to His Majesty's words, he stood up and ran outside. I heard that he ran all the way to Jianchun Gate.I felt ashamed when I heard it!How can such a thing be done?Zhong Nayan is a person who was crowned relatively late, and no matter how hard he can lose his temper in front of the Lord.

I don't know which good-natured person told the young lady that he cried even worse than worrying about the young master's death before.I don't know what to do anymore.

I said to the lady, "Then I'll pretend to be you and deal with this person."

The young lady was still very scared, "Father knows, he will really beat him to death." As she said this, her shoulders kept shaking.If I have a daughter, it should be only a little younger than her!Oh, what should I do?I felt as sad as losing everything I had.I am an unfortunate person myself, and there is no way to see others suffering the same misfortune as me.Even if it would lead to a catastrophe, I still bite the bullet and follow my own ideas.

……

During the revealing ceremony, Zhong Nayan wore a mask all the time.The so-called shockingly ugly face was never seen with my own eyes.What's more, from the beginning to the end, his head didn't turn a little towards me.I didn't even see his mask clearly.

Although, I feel very guilty.I feel sorry for both sides.But this is no way.

June Xinhai.

The reason why I spared time to write something is because Fujinaka Nayan went back.The lord knew about it a long time ago, but he didn't say anything.The eldest son still complained: "I said earlier how could my younger sister marry that kind of person? Fengqian is also very hard!"

If it comforts me like this, I can't be happy at all.Sometimes I wonder if he is alive.I didn't want to take off my mask when I was eating, so I just took it to a private room and ate it secretly twice.At other times, I didn't see him eating.Not a single word was said to me or to anyone else.When the time came, he was driven back by the waiters of Onomiya in a car.

For some reason, I was too sad to eat.The face on that mask seemed to be crying all the time.I suddenly felt sorry for that person, why did he make such a stupid proposal?In the end, Miss became his nominal wife. This misfortune has not changed at all!I knew it earlier, I knew it earlier...

In fact, I have nothing to do.

Instead, I cried for several nights.The lady came to comfort me and said, it doesn't matter at all.If there is no other way, it is like the Great Zhaiyuan. It is not a big deal not to associate with men for a lifetime.

I cried and laughed, saying that she was not sensible at all.Women like us don't even dare to think about a happy marriage.But Miss is different from me.To say that it is not all my fault is really a taste of shirking responsibility.But let me speak quietly here.In fact, it wasn't all my fault at all, but I cared more than the person involved.It's a joke.

If only I'd been this depressed all the time.Miss will also be sad.

It was probably the beginning of autumn.

I don't know what's wrong with me.Mr. Zhengxin never came, not even a letter.Because of this, the lady felt even more sad.To let an ugly lunatic look down on her, I'm afraid the young lady will inevitably think so.But I am extremely ashamed, if I hadn't done that unnecessary thing in the beginning, I wouldn't have become what I am today.it's all my fault.

I keep dreaming about that sad mask, and I can't eat.Such a person seems to be missing both crying and laughing, how should he live?I vaguely felt that something must have happened to his family.Miss Dai wrote many letters to him.One letter per day, without interruption.But not a single reply was received.

I must be out of order.

While no one in the family was paying attention, he quietly took a set of male waiter's clothes, and he didn't understand how to wear them, so he put them on indiscriminately.I didn't even know where Onomiya was, so I ran out the door in such a panic.My heart kept beating non-stop.I was so scared that when I saw someone coming on the road, I didn't know where to hide, and I couldn't even walk.Had to run home again.

At night, I hid my clothes in my room and chatted with the guard on duty about Onomiya's correspondence.I deliberately said, "The palace that never responded is probably somewhere far away in the sky."

The other party quickly said, no, it looks like there are only three small roads away, even if you walk, you can reach it in the blink of an eye.My heart was beating wildly again.

In any case, this is the most daring decision in my life.I must see him and ask him clearly.

The next morning I went out again in my bellboy suit.

Mid-autumn night.

The head lieutenant general (eldest son) was furious when he found out about breaking into Ono Palace privately.I really don't want to write this down.But if you want to escape, the problems will only become more and more.I was saddened to death and cried for days.

The lieutenant general in the head kept saying, "A woman like you may not be given to a fisherman in the countryside." They all said that I had ruined the reputation of the woman's family by doing such a thing.

I feel so wronged, how can this be a corrupt thing.Although it's really not very pleasant to spread the word, but knowing that I would care about it, why did it intensify instead?I heard that there are not a few women in the palace who secretly meet with Shangdabu.I didn't do such a great thing to say that I was like that.

In the evening, there is a banquet for appreciating the moon, and everyone in the family goes to the palace to have fun.I was left alone at home and just kept crying.Zhong Nayan didn't see me, and there was no place for me at home, and I might be kicked out tomorrow.Thinking of this, I cried while packing up my things.

When the lord and the eldest son came back, the eldest son saw me and said, "It's all right now, everyone outside said that there is a concubine of the minister of the Taizheng in the Hongmei Palace, and you have become the wife of the minister of the Taizheng!"

I didn't really care about such gossip at home.He said it loudly in the yard, and many people listened.I couldn't hold it any longer, and wept loudly, but couldn't even speak clearly, "I'm going to be a nun!" Probably my biggest counterattack.As I said that, I stood up and slammed the utensils in the room very vigorously.I don't know whether I want to become a nun, but if this continues, it will definitely not work.

But the son panicked because of this, "What big talk are you talking about!" Then he broke into my room, I was so scared that I didn't have time to cry, and I was anxious to hide somewhere.But he held his hand, I quickly covered my face with my sleeve, and shouted like a ghost, "Let go, I'm going to be a nun, I'm going to be a nun!"

Even the eldest son was frightened by my appearance, and the young lady rushed over after hearing the news, "What's the matter?" asked me.I couldn't speak a word, just sat on the ground and sobbed.Suddenly, the unfortunate marriage with Ise Kunisuke came to mind.Obviously I almost forgot, but I remembered everything exactly when I was sad.Now I finally made up my mind.

"I want to be a nun! I'm leaving tomorrow." No matter how the lady persuaded me, I still said the same thing.After the lord heard about it, he just said, "Let her go."

July eighteenth night.

I really don't know how I came here these days, I kept saying that I was going to become a monk, but in fact I didn't even know where places like Mt. Hiei and Todaiji were.The people in Hongmei Palace only thought that I lost my temper, thinking that I would go for a few days, no, in a few hours, I would come back.It made me more determined to become a monk.

As soon as the lieutenant general saw me, he would call out, "Mrs. Taizheng Minister." I didn't care about it, so I cried more and more every time.Then I stopped crying, which was really useless.Just say what he likes to say, but in the end it's nothing.By this time, I had no thought of struggling.Alone in my room packing my things.

Clothes and shoes are good, I don’t have many of them, most of them are gifts from the young lady, how could I have the nerve to take them away.Halfway through packing, I suddenly felt very boring, so I might as well just go empty-handed.

At this time, someone outside was calling my name, and I recognized the voice of the head maid at first.The hands that were packing things stopped suddenly.The shouting continued, calling "Fungqian" over and over again.I was at a loss for what to do at first, and then quickly stuffed back several things in the opened box and cabinet.The fluffed clothes, like cotton, swelled out of the box in the box.But the sound was very close, and I immediately closed the cabinet, but it couldn't close.

I stood up and stood in front of the cabinet, and suddenly thought of the small Buddhist altar in the room.Before he had time to think about anything, he ran into the wing room and opened the altar.Because I was too flustered, it took me a long time to rescue the goddess statue.The head maid has already entered inside, if she opens her mouth and says, Miss or Young Master invites you to come over, then I will lose even my last chance to escape.I put the statue of the goddess in the interlayer of the hakama.When the head maid called me, I brushed her shoulder like the wind and ran out of the house.When running on the ground with bare feet, the soil is warm, but the clothes are a little in the way.

I've never had such fun running all the way from the middle porch to the yard.Anyway, things have come to this point, can I do what I want?

But I found that it was not like that at all. Many people on the road, dogs and cows, seemed to stop, just to look at me.My heart suddenly became a mess.The sun shone on my scalp, so comfortable, but I could only cover my head with my sleeves.The sleeves warmed up, and my body cooled back down.

After walking like this for a while, I gradually felt that it was futile to go on like this.Leaving Hongmei Palace and Miss, I can't do anything at all.

I stood where I was, the sun was warming the top of my head, and it felt like my hair was going to burn.Home seems not far away.But I don't want to go back anyway.At the same time, "Mrs. Taizheng Minister" rang in my ear.I was shocked, and quickly ran a few steps in the opposite direction.

Maybe go out of town and everything will be fine.I comfort myself like this.In fact, I don't even know where I can go.So, the idea of ​​"being a nun" once again filled my heart.But I didn't bring anything out. If I want to say that I am a maid from Hongmei Palace, who would believe it?I was so uneasy in my heart, after all, I should go to a place with a temple. If the bet is right, I don't have to worry about where I can stay.

But don't talk about being a nun, there are servants on the way, people in straw sandals surround me, pull my clothes, and keep asking which family I am from.

I was so scared to death in my heart that I kept saying, "Nothing happened, nothing happened." I was a very stupid person, so I accidentally said "lost with my family".Several people stopped me, determined to send me back, and kept asking for my home address.I almost burst into tears.

"It doesn't matter" I don't know how many times I said it.As if they couldn’t hear it, they said to me completely out of their own will and for the sake of their own conscience, “Leave it on me, and I will definitely send you home.”

I refused to say anything, and ended up squatting on the ground like a rascal, with the hem of the hakama stained.Those few people looked at each other in blank dismay, and refused to let it go, as if they wanted to send me to the Imperial Palace.What is the difference between that kind of thing and the sky falling to me now?

I stood up from the ground and said to them, "My family lives in Shirakawa, and I came to buy things in Toichi today, and I got lost just like that." This way, I can probably go to Hoshoji Temple near Kamogawa.Several people talked behind my back for a while, and then said to me, "I could have said that a long time ago, why didn't your family come to you?"

I don't know how to answer, just keep silent.They didn't ask too many questions, and just took me outside Beijing.On the way, because of the long distance, my body was really overwhelmed.These kind people don't know that I'm still barefoot.My feet hurt like hell, the sun was still burning on my head, and I was sweating profusely, soaking my collar, and I had to cover my face while walking.They also felt very strange, "Didn't any of the servants come? At least there should be one of the cars that was sitting when they came."

I took off the outermost cape and gave it to them, and just said, "I don't know what to do." One person took the dress, put it on his head and said, please take a rest for the lady.I was also afraid that they would wantonly borrow ox carts and disturb others, and I dared not even say something to persuade people to rest, "I have nothing to do, I just want to go home quickly." They didn't say anything anymore.

A group of people walked all the way to Luowai, at this time the sun was about to set."It's been too long," said one.

I also said, "How embarrassing, you guys go back quickly." In fact, I can't see where the Faxing Temple is from afar.

The person who received the clothes at the beginning was unwilling to go back no matter what, and insisted on sending me home.Well now, I don't have a home in Baihe, it's all a lie woven in order to be able to leave the capital.He tugged on my sleeve again and asked me the exact location of my residence in a hurry.

I haven't been to this place of Baihe a few times, so how can I tell.I've had enough.He flicked his sleeves and fled backwards.

The few of them were startled, and immediately chased after them.My heart skipped a beat, and my whole body was about to fall apart.After running a few steps, I was sweating profusely and couldn't breathe.Seeing that he was cornered, seeing the gurgling Kamogawa beside him, he jumped down without even thinking about it.

I was stunned by the icy river water, and my head was half awake. I still couldn't see the faces of the people on the bank, so I drank several mouthfuls of river water.My body became heavier and heavier, and I instinctively swung my arms to swim upstream, but it seemed that there were many hands holding me and dragging me down desperately.Soon even breathing became difficult.The eyes got water and became sore and sore.All of a sudden, my eyes looked like the world behind those curtains, with gauze everywhere, and I couldn't see anything clearly.

I'm dying.

Such a sentence suddenly popped up in my heart.Then I thought, where is the goddess statue?But I couldn't free my hands, so I waved them wildly, trying to grab something, but they didn't listen to me at all.My whole body seemed to be bent over by an evil spirit, no, maybe I was possessed by an evil spirit.Before a person dies, the attachment of the soul to the body is the weakest.There is no way to check the statue of the goddess in the clothes, and I am very anxious.The thought of being afraid and wanting to cry surged again.I actually don't want to die at all.Why did it become like this?I began to look back on my past life.Finding that I can do nothing but be a wretch.

When I married Isesuke, I didn't like him at all. I still wanted to be his punching bag and hug him every day.Sad in my heart, I wanted to die, but because I was dependent on others, there was nothing I could do.After finally coming to the young lady's side, I thought that I would be satisfied with serving her all my life, and then met someone like the eldest son and the head maid.I am really stupid and hopelessly stupid. In fact, the days in Hongmeidian are hundreds of times happier than before, but because of these two people, I don't cherish the present life.After all, I am a person who cannot enjoy happiness.As long as happiness is close to me, I will find a place to hide in panic, so that it will not find out.I am really no different from that Ye Gong.

At this time, suddenly a pair of arms dragged me out of the water.I was shocked for a while, and immediately grabbed those hands, for fear that he would throw me off.After a while, this unknown person rescued me ashore.Apart from drinking a little more water and having a sore nose, nothing happened to me.

The one who rescued me was a middle-aged man with a beard. The servants who followed me at first had long since disappeared.

At this time, I actually forgot to check the statue of the goddess.While I was shaking from the wind, I felt like I was bathed in the ecstasy of the rest of my life.

The man asked me, "Is it fun to be in the water?"

I laughed out loud, from the bottom of my heart.I don't know why I am so happy.The man laughed too, and he came over and squeezed the water out of my hair.I can't help but hide back.At this time, I realized how similar this man was to Isesuke.I must have hallucinated, I stared at him for a long time, there is a not very obvious red mole on the wing of his nose.

I breathed a sigh of relief.Thinking of my goddess statue, I pressed my top and bottom hakama.My heart skipped a beat, and I quickly reached in to feel for it, but luckily it was still there.I took the picture out and the man asked me, "What is this?"

I held the image in my hand and blurted out, "Is it pretty?"

He stretched out his hand to look at it, but I held on tight.He withdrew his hand, and I held the image up in front of him.He suddenly said, "Exactly the same as you."

My heart skipped a beat, and I quickly put the portrait back.The man said, "I serve at a nearby shrine." I naturally followed him into the shrine.

Said to be a shrine, there is only one torii gate and one bandstand.In addition, there is not even a shed to shelter from the wind and rain.He was quite used to it, and sat down on this long, naturally horizontal log.Although I was cold, I didn't want to say the slightest complaint, so I sat down naturally.I must be crazy.

I asked him, "Who is this shrine dedicated to?"

He replied, "Who knows."

I started giggling and couldn't stop.I took out the goddess and said, "Give me this."

He said, "This is something from Buddhism."

I said, "There is no difference. Buddhism and Taoism are one thing. It is natural for the same belief to have different postures in different places. Just pretend to be a witch who serves the Amaterasu."

He was silent for a while, and then he accepted my fallacy as if it came from the mouth of the devil, and accepted the statue of the goddess.Then I asked, "What's on your mind?"

I muttered to myself, "How is that possible?"

"Why don't you tell me?" he asked me.

The man in front of me may be the one sent by heaven to save me and fill the void in my life.As I thought about it, I really wanted to tell him what was on my mind.But those trivial things, in the eyes of outsiders, must be very embarrassing.So I froze and didn't say anything.Instead, he asked him, "How can it be so easy to tell others what a woman is saying? The people who hear it should at least realize it for me."

He actually said, "If I hear it, I will realize it for you all at once."

I said "Don't make fun of me", but I was dubious in my heart.Just like the pair of life-saving arms that lifted me up just now, a beam of light shot into my heart.

"Then let that person fall in love with Miss... No, let's fall in love with this statue!" I said in an extremely firm tone, and it was that person who caused me to become like this.Even if that kind of person falls in love with Miss, Miss will definitely not be happy.

"Is that all right?" He didn't even ask who "that person" was, and I started to believe it was happening.Now I settled down and thought about it carefully.

The sky was completely dark, and the evening wind enveloped me, making me shiver involuntarily.It was so cold, my clothes were still dripping, and I couldn't concentrate no matter what.Think about it, the relentless disappearance of that person is no different from pushing me into this icy Kamogawa.

I burst into tears, choked up, and said, "Must make him fall in love with this statue."

The man agreed.

I cried louder and louder, "If he really hates Miss and I, why didn't he cut off the relationship? The attitude of breaking up the relationship is really hateful, and it's all because of him. That kind of person might as well die .”

The man asked, "Do you want him dead?"

I asked the man, "Can you do it?" The man was silent.I said, "This is the only way, please let him meet this elephant, and then..."

The man interrupted me and said, "I will definitely fall in love."

I was silent, hugging my arms, and suddenly felt that the evening wind wasn't so cold anymore.The man asked me, "You still have something to say."

What else do I have to say?A vicious woman like me, as the lieutenant general said, would not be given to a fisherman.I don't know if this person in front of me is a priest, but he still firmly believes that there is kindness buried in my heart, and he wants to pull me out of the quagmire.

"I want to become a monk," I said.

The man's face became extremely gloomy under the moonlight that appeared at an unknown time, "This can't be done, let's think about it again."

"I just want to become a monk!" Like an unreasonable child, I burst into tears for no reason.The man was just silent, not saying a word of comfort, until I was tired from crying.He took off his hunting clothes and put them on me, "Think about another one." He insisted.

I just can't figure it out.Although the clothes were still sticky to the body, it was much warmer than before.

I let out a long sigh, as tired as a fisherman returning from the sea, and said slowly, "I still have one wish."

The man smiled and looked at me.

I thought to myself, that person is always troubled by his appearance, not at all because of his original intention.If you sit in the most prestigious seat and don't have to act according to people's faces, then don't you have to worry about your appearance?

I said to the man, "I hope that person will become the most honorable person in the world."

"Ah, then let him be the emperor." The man pretended to be surprised and said.

"There is no way to be an emperor. Is there no other way?"

"Then, the Regent and Guan Bai are all right?"

I think so, after what the man said, the scene of the wedding day suddenly appeared clearly before my eyes.The mask under the light flickers on and off, as if crying.I wanted to say something to comfort him, but when it came to my lips, I swallowed it back.

"It would be great if he could think of me one day."

"Okay, is that all?"

"That's it." After I finished speaking, I stood up and said to him suddenly, "Don't you want a reward?"

He asked me, "What can you give me?"

For a moment, I felt like I had a lump in my throat, and I couldn't say anything.In fact, he was very clear in his heart, "You don't have anything." Saying this, my nose became sore again.I'm such a hopeless idiot, just walk away, why should I say such stupid things.

The man also stood up at this time, put a hand on my shoulder, and asked, "As for the reward, what should I give?"

In my muddled mind, a sentence suddenly came out, "Then... let you hug me."

"Hold you?" he repeated, laughing.I was trembling violently.

"Isn't this okay too?" I was about to cry again, but I'm not a person who loves to cry.But in recent days, misfortunes have piled up like a mountain, and tears seem to flow endlessly.

"This kind of fun should be left to robbers or bandits."

The words "given to fishermen in the countryside may not necessarily ask for it" echoed in my ears like a ghost.Although I really wanted to cry, I tried my best to control the expression on my face so as not to let the tears fall down.In the increasingly cold wind, he just put on his clothes and went home.

My family didn't know the life and death events I had experienced, and they were both happy and angry when they saw me in such a mess.The lady couldn't help crying when she saw me, and the head maid kept scolding me, "Okay, now you are happy, monk, monk!"

I was actually very happy in my heart. Although I was in a daze, it seemed that a wish had been fulfilled.Attacks like foul language can no longer have any effect on me.

"I'm hungry!" I said loudly, I didn't want to worry about the head maid and the lord anymore, I just sat on the ground like a bandit, I just want to be a woman that no one wants, it doesn't matter what happens. "I want to change and sleep!" My rough voice echoed throughout the room.

November 21.

General Zuo (Elder Prince) said that I have changed a lot, especially after pregnancy.

In fact, it should be said that his attitude towards me has changed a lot, so it is more realistic.The experience around the Mid-Autumn Festival was like a flash in the pan, separated from my life, withered, withered, and finally melted into the soil.As if everything happened, as if nothing happened.

I was weaving and sewing at home as before.This is the time when the palace festivals are in full swing. Although I have no chance to participate, General Zuo often brings snacks or brocades from Ouchi, or special snacks from various countries.

I said I didn't like it, but he never took it seriously, he just thought it was a polite remark.As usual, these things are often sent to me.In fact, he didn't understand at all that I was a person who had nothing to do with appetite.Compared with the salmon from Shinano, the fresh maple leaves in the yard are more suitable for me.

One day he solemnly came to me and gave me a box of biscuits in a cypress box inlaid with mother-of-pearl.I put it aside and didn't want to open it.He was a little anxious, opened the wooden box for me, presented three cakes of the same color, and said, "I made it myself."

I didn't react on the surface, but I hated him a little bit in my heart.My stomach is showing a little bit, and this kind of three-day cake was only brought to me now, which is like saying "you are a woman that no one wants, and now I can't help but make you live in my concubine position".Besides, my identity is completely incompatible with the eldest son.Before I came to the capital, I thought that if that young lady didn't like me, I would go to Yanli Temple as a host, and if someone lacked a wet nurse at home, I would also try to take care of her.

Probably because of my indifference, the eldest son showed a restless look, threw the box of biscuits on the ground, and walked out of my room like the wind.

Why do men and women have to be attracted to each other?I lay in the tent at night, staring wide-eyed and thinking about General Zuo.Apart from the insults that still slightly shake my heart when I think about it now, and the crazy and intense and sometimes sudden gestures of favor, I really don't have any other impressions of him.To say that it is a bone-chilling hatred is not enough.

My memory has also declined a lot recently, and I always forget things at hand or in the past.The head maid said that I was stupid in the first place, but now I am a "auspicious goddess" here.I am getting more and more greedy, and I only know how to sleep all day long.

I did gain weight, which may have something to do with being pregnant.It's a shame to be fat, ugly, and talentless.It is better not to eat this plate of persimmons tonight.

(Date not recorded)

I've been thinking about the same question these days.Is it a dream that I came to Kyoto, or it was a dream when I was still in Ise, and it is very likely that I never woke up.

The twilight is especially sad today.

Recently, I was fortunate enough to get a volume of Tang Guo's anthology, and I feel that there is a Fu that fits my current state of mind very well.

Yi Yuzhi is slow and stupid, but cherishes the joy of chastity

If you feel that you are pitiful, then it is no different from putting on a show.I feel sorry for her as if I can understand the state of mind of the person in front of Nagato Palace.But it's strange, I never give up for any man!I'm always the first to escape.

Maybe it's because I think too much, as long as I sleep again, everything will get better, including my illness.

I think too complicated, I really hate myself, in fact, how can life be so complicated?

The eighth Lotus Sutra I copied by hand was finished yesterday.

There is only one sad thing this year, the child died.

(Date not recorded)

I often dream about that person again.I don't know if he is healthy or not.

If Dainichi Tathagata agrees, it is best to arrange for me to meet him.There are many things to tell him.But now I am suddenly asked to list them one by one, and I can't answer them.I'm so nervous, ah, let me get ready again.