Actually I like you very much

Jiang Xunxing fell asleep.

At first Xiang Wan hugged him, then he raised his hand too.

Body temperature can be transmitted when hugging. Xiang Wan felt that Jiang Xunxing was warming up a little bit, and then said a word softly: "Sleepy."

Xiang Wan carried him to bed.

The boy's bones are hard, but he is very soft when hugged.

He is too tired.

After making sure that Jiang Xunxing was fast asleep, Xiang Wan walked out the door. Li Huai and the others heard the movement inside just now, and these people must have looked dazed at the moment.

The red pomelo in her arms was indeed sitting cross-legged outside the door at a loss. When she saw Xiang Wan coming out, she was about to ask, but Xiang Wan put her index finger in front of her lips: "Shh."

Xun Xun is sleeping.

Li Huai and the others nodded, moved to the living room and asked, "Pluto...what's wrong?"

"What happened in SAT before." Xiang Wan simply mentioned it, and it was up to Jiang Xunxing to decide whether to talk about the specific situation.

Lihuai grapefruit and red pomelo are usually two, but it is not without eyesight. Knowing that Jiang Xunxing's mood has calmed down now, he didn't continue to ask.

Xiang Wan poured hot water and went back to the room.

Jiang Xunxing didn't wake up, and lay on his side on the bed. Judging from the shape of the quilt, he seemed to be curled up.

This is a particularly insecure sleeping position. His shoulders are trembling slightly, his eyelashes are too, and his brows are furrowed, as if he is experiencing an uneasy dream.

Xiang Wan didn't want to wake Jiang Xunxing up, but cautiously put his palm in front of his eyes.

Jiang Xunxing felt that there was someone in front of him, and he clenched the quilt with his fingertips, and gradually began to stop trembling.

The young man who was sleeping peacefully had exquisite facial features, his neck was as white as pure porcelain, and the curve along his jaw, Adam's apple and collarbone was extremely beautiful.

——Jiang Xunxing.

Xiang Wan thought of his name in his heart.

Why do you like Shangjiang Xunxing?

After recognizing his thoughts clearly, Xiang Wan asked himself this question. He asked and thought about it many times.

Before that, he thought he was a straight man, and although he had never dated a girl, he hadn't shown such inclination towards any man.

So when he realized that he had different emotions towards Jiang Xunxing, his first reaction was to be dazed and dazed.

Then he asked himself why?

After thinking for a long time, the answer he gave himself was - I don't know.

Xiang Wan had always done things based on feeling.What do you want to eat, what do you want to do, what kind of team do you want to form, what do you want to do in the future?He always relies on his first feeling, and then makes decisions based on absolutely rational judgment.

He thinks he can perfectly combine sensibility and rationality, but it seems that since he touched Jiang Xunxing, this balance has been completely broken in him.

For example, Xiang Wan couldn't explain why he started a live broadcast platform on a whim, and clicked into the live broadcast room of a gibberish anchor; he couldn't explain why he insisted on joining the team persistently; he couldn't explain why he watched it by accident. He glanced at him; he couldn't explain why he liked Shang Jiang Xun Xing.

Xiang Wan tried to attribute everything to fate. After all, feeling and fate are very virtual and mysterious things.

Xiang Wan didn't know much about Jiang Xunxing, mostly after they got along.

——He thinks Jiang Xunxing is like a cat, insecure, persistent, and territorial cat.

He isolates himself from the outside world and from others in an acre of land outside his circle, but he also cherishes the world and people he isolates from.

—He was actually very afraid of being alone.

——He also doesn't want to hurt the people around him.

Just like Jiang Xunxing never called him captain, he only called him by his first name, Xiang Wan.

Because he has been separating Sikong and Xiangwan, reminding Xiangwan, reminding Xiangwan, I don't treat you as someone else, Xiangwan is Xiangwan.

It is still a very warm cat. When someone touches him, it will bite the fingertips of that person, but it does not use force, just sucks.

This was Jiang Xunxing whom Xiang Wan knew.

But yesterday he came into contact with Jiang Xunxing's past.

That feeling is like a person who only exists on a two-dimensional level suddenly becomes three-dimensional.

The good, the bad, the good, the bad, and the past.

He likes them all.

Xiang Wan picked up the scattered pieces. Fortunately, Jiang Xunxing didn't have time to tear them up too much. Fortunately, it was a piece of letter paper with a background color. Like a jigsaw puzzle, Xiang Wan found out what might be the edges from the shredded paper. part.

During the phone call yesterday, Gao Yu told him many things.

He said that Jiang Xunxing was brought back by Sikong from the orphanage, because the dean really couldn't accept him.

Five years ago, the funds in this area were not sufficient. The orphanage was on the verge of bankruptcy and could only maintain basic income and expenditure. It was already very difficult for normal children to go to school and eat. It was really impossible to hire an expensive psychologist for a child like Jiang Xunxing.

Jiang Xunxing is very different from other children of the same age.

When he was sent in, he was covered with bruises. It is said that he was beaten by his father before. A simple psychological test showed that he had a very serious mental illness.

The most obvious manifestation is self-abuse tendencies.

He didn't show it at first.

Until one day, the management teacher found that one person was missing during lunch break, so he looked around. He saw Jiang Xunxing in the kitchen, and thought that the child was just out to find something to eat, but he saw that Jiang Xunxing Gouging out himself with a knife.

The fruit knife poked out one cut after another in his hand with a blank face. The wound was not deep, nor did it hurt the main artery, but the blood flowed a lot, dripping down the arm, and a small puddle had already gathered on the ground. People are shocked.

But Jiang Xunxing didn't cry or make trouble as if he didn't feel pain.

Later, the dean hired a counselor, and he told the counselor: He got used to it, he thought it was cool and happy, but it was only one aspect, if he didn’t hurt himself, he would think about destroying other things.He confessed that he really wanted to smash everything on the bedside table, and sometimes he wanted to throw the bowl.

Fortunately, he doesn't have any inclinations to hurt others.

Later, the orphanage confiscated all knives and other sharp objects, but Jiang Xunxing began to like going up to the roof. At first, he just stood in the fence and looked out.

But one night, Jiang Xunxing disappeared again. The management teacher looked around and finally found him on the rooftop.

He was sitting on the outermost edge, with his feet dangling in the air, and a gust of wind could blow him off.

From that day on, the dean was really terrified.

"Parents hurt him too much." Gao Yu said to Xiang Wan, "No one taught him, his brain has gone wrong, and he feels that life doesn't matter, and he lives to die."

Later, Sikong took him away.

In fact, they had no contact at first.

Sikong and Gaoyu go to the orphanage as volunteers every half a month or a month, and they will bring some gifts to each child.

There is a child who never wants it, but Sikong always finds time and puts it on his bedside.

They didn't think much about it at first, until one time, when the bedside table was unlocked, Sikong saw what was inside.

——Except for textbooks and a few pencils, the rest are all small toys and candies brought by Sikong. They are not willing to eat or use them, and they are all hidden in their own drawers.

Children who have never felt love dare not accept other people's kindness, but refuse to let go.

Later, Jiang Xunxing lived in the orphanage for a period of time. His psychological problems did not improve, but the orphanage could no longer provide better psychological treatment, and they were considering sending him to a higher-level orphanage.

Sikong heard their conversation, and so did Jiang Xunxing.

Coming out of the dean's office, Sikong saw Jiang Xunxing standing at the door.

Without saying a word, she raised a pair of dark eyes and looked at him.

—He was calling for help.

—he didn't want it, but he couldn't get rid of it.

——Countless shadows engraved in his mind since he was a child, and the heart palpitations engraved deep in his memory tormented him day and night, and he couldn't control his behavior at all.

What's more, he is still very young.

No one taught him sunshine at the age of sunshine, he has only seen haze, so he can only hide himself in the shadows.

Sikong took him away.

Gao Yu had a fight with him that day.

He thinks that Sikong shouldn't take a child away.

Sikong said: "But he wants to leave."

Gao Yu asked: "If he wants to leave, you can take him away. What about after that?"

Sikong said: "For the future, what do you want to do now?"

Gao Yu couldn't talk to him.

No one can change what Sikong decides.

A few days before Jiang Xunxing left SAT, they had a big fight.

Jiang Xunxing smashed the team's glass, cut it on his hand, went to Sikong's bed, tore off his clothes with red eyes, and asked him why he couldn't do it?Why do you have to find that woman?

His clothes were torn by himself, so Sikong had no choice but to wrap him in a quilt and throw him outside the door. Jiang Xunxing smashed the door all night, and Sikong locked him all night, letting him yell, but he didn't respond a word.

"If you want to ask me if Sikong also likes him, I actually don't know." Gao Yu said, "Even if you didn't have this kind of thought at the beginning, you will get a little bit of it over time."

Gao Yu on the other side of the receiver paused, and continued: "I asked Sikong once, do you love him too? He didn't answer me. At first, I never understood why they had to make themselves so miserable. But when I saw him stop breathing in the hospital bed, I understood."

"There is no feeling that can continue, he can't respond, he can't let himself be anyone's bondage, especially Ah Xun, his character is really bad."

Gao Yu asked several times about his feelings for Jiang Xunxing, and he personally accompanied them through those years. He could only say that this kind of feeling was higher than responsibility, higher than duty, higher than this person.

But about what this emotion is, Sikong has not answered, only he himself knows.

Before joining A&S, Jiang Xunxing's psychology was basically stable, and he cooperated with doctors to conduct regular psychological counseling. The dangerous psychological symptoms have disappeared, and it can be said that he has basically recovered.

But the root is still there.

Some paranoia is stuck in the bone.

There are hurdles that he always has to cross by himself.

The letter paper was torn too shreds, and some pieces were missing, but it didn't affect the reading.

In the process of spelling, Xiang Wan could see what was written in the letter little by little.

Sikong talked a lot, but he didn't seem to say anything, as if he was chatting, maybe this is his speaking style all the time.

Xiang Wan thought, she wouldn't say such a thing, so polite.

It was too gentle.

He thought again, fortunately he can be so gentle.

This time Jiang Xunxing didn't sleep well.

He hadn't felt this emotionally broken for a long time.

He has been dreaming.

The scene in the dream switched and broke again, there was the broken house where I lived before, there was Sikong, there was SAT, even Gaoyu appeared a few times, then A University, A&S, and Xiangwan.

The dream went round and round, until finally there was nothing left.

Jiang Xunxing in the dream was awake.

He knew it was a dream.

He also knew that before falling asleep, he tore up Sikong and his letter.

Sikong wanted him to go, to get out of that paranoia.

He knew Jiang Xunxing too well.

Jiang Xunxing's temperament is very proud and stubborn, if Sikong tells him to go, he will definitely go, and will desperately want to heal himself.

Then he would avoid Sikong and everything about him.

When he figured it out, he would be able to tidy himself up when he returned to City C.

Then, Sikong gave him the letter.

——Sikong has been protecting him, using another way to protect him.

Jiang Xunxing knew that he was just very angry, he was just not reconciled, he just wanted to look at the captain again, and said sorry himself.

There was a slight sound of footsteps next to his ears, and then, a warm palm was pressed against his forehead.

Jiang Xunxing heard Xiang Wan's voice: "Xunxun, are you awake?"

The author has something to say:

Thank you so much everyone for being here!

I love you so much! !