Actually I like you very much

Jiang Xunxing didn't know how he got back to the battle room.It seemed that Xiang Wan had led him all the way back to his seat. Li Huai nearly popped his eyes when he saw them like this.

Just as they were about to ask "what did you guys do in the bathroom?" the referee reminded them that the next game was about to start, and they didn't have a chance to ask.

Facts have proved that after Xiang Wan dragged Jiang Xunxing to the toilet, Jiang Xunxing quickly adjusted his state, and made no mistakes in the next two games, regaining the score by breaking the bamboo.

In the second game, the total number of heads was 20 to 13. A&S defeated HQ twice and won.

In the third game, HQ defended the blood time domain, Pluto disappeared from the team battle, broke into the opponent's camp alone, and ended it with a single shot.

In the fifth round of WIT World League qualifiers, eight entered four, and A&S qualified with a 2-1 record.

After the post-match interview, the group went back to the waiting room, watching happily with their mobile phones in their arms.

"Look at it, look at it, hahahahahaha." Li Huai turned around and turned to the phone screen, "Comments on the first round of competition? Comments now? This is the only person who said in the first round: Pluto used his feet in the competition. Right? I can reach this level! Now let’s say, Pluto’s sniper is superb, unprecedented, and he is worthy of being the number one sniper in WIT.”

"Look at these two faces?!" Li Huai has already experienced many battles, and he has a heart of steel. He is not affected by comments on the Internet. Heizi opened a small Battle account, and relayed the comments he saw to others in a lively manner.

"And this person, where did you make the deal? If you buy A&S, you will lose?! Lost everything, hahahahaha."

Grapefruit and Hongyou tidied up their things, waited to leave the gap, nestled on the sofa with Lihuai and browsed Weibo, the three of them exchanged mobile phones back and forth, and there was a lot of excitement.

Only Jiang Xunxing moved slowly.

What did Xiang Wan's kiss and those unclear words mean?

What does it mean for him to do such a thing at this time?

too messy.

Jiang Xunxing didn't know where to think.

At this moment, Xiang Wan put his peripheral bag on his back and patted him on the shoulder: "Go back?"

"I can't go back." Jiang Xunxing didn't look into his eyes, "I have an appointment."

"Gao Yu?" Xiang Wan asked.

Jiang Xunxing zipped up: "Yes."

Xiang Wan didn't say a word anymore, but lightly squeezed his shoulder, got up and walked out, urging the three people nestled on the sofa: "Let's go, the car is here."

"Eh? Isn't Pluto leaving?" Li wondered.

"I have something to do." Jiang Xunxing said concisely.

After the team's car drove away, Jiang Xunxing left the venue.

His thoughts were too chaotic, as if there were countless emotions stuffed in his mind and mixed together, making it impossible for him to clarify.

Jiang Xunxing came near the music station.

The sea breeze is very cool, and the sand piled up on the roadside is rolled up, and the eyes are foggy.

Gao Yu invited him here to tell him everything.

On the contrary, Jiang Xunxing was a little afraid to go forward.

He blindly wanted to escape, as if as long as he didn't ask, as long as he pretended not to know, all his guesses would not come true.

Sikong will be fine, he will seriously apologize to Sikong and say goodbye.

It should be like this.

But when Jiang Xunxing walked past the pile of debris blocking his sight, he saw a person.

a woman.

Smart suit jacket, long hair, red lips.

The extremely beautiful woman who hugged Sikong and drove him crazy.

Jiang Xunxing's footsteps stopped.

There was no one here, and the slightest movement would be very clear. Gao Yu saw Jiang Xunxing at a glance, got up, patted his pants, and walked towards him with the woman.

The high-heeled shoes stepped on the ground, and the sound was harsh, hitting the eardrums.

Jiang Xunxing took two steps back and glared at Gao Yu: "What do you mean?"

He didn't want to see this woman at all.

But the woman seemed to have known Jiang Xunxing's reaction for a long time, approached him, and stretched out her hand to him: "Hello, I'm Wang Xin."

She showed a professional smile, "He's Sikong's attending doctor."

Jiang Xunxing froze, and a "buzz" sounded in his head.

Wang Xin glanced at his watch and said, "There is still some time, let's talk while walking."

He said he was going, but Gao Yu drove a car and walked a long mountain road. The woman sat in the back seat and talked a lot with Jiang Xunxing.

Then, in front of a cemetery, the car stopped.

Now is not the season for sweeping graves, yellow leaves are falling all over the ground, with dry branches above the head, the wind is blowing from behind, engulfing the chill that makes people feel as if they have fallen into an ice cellar.

Jiang Xunxing stood in front of a tombstone with a name engraved on it.

——Sikong.

The back of his head was cold, scared, irritable, all kinds of emotions spewed out the moment he saw these two words, Jiang Xunxing started to grab his arm, again and again, the skin turned red, leaving white marks, until the blood dripped .

Wang Xin put a bouquet of flowers in front of the grave.

She saw Jiang Xunxing's actions, but she didn't stop her.

These things need him to digest alone.

They stood for a long time.

Gao Yu held the car keys in his hand and said, "It's almost time. The doctor still has an appointment. You have to go first. If you want to stay for a while, you can find a way to go back."

Jiang Xunxing did not respond.

Gao Yu shook his head.

He took an envelope from his pocket.

A vellum envelope with nothing written on it.

Gao Yu reluctantly put it in front of Jiang Xunxing: "Sikong gave it to you."

Hearing the word "Sikong", Jiang Xunxing regained consciousness: "What?"

"I don't know." Gao Yu was impatient, and directly stuffed it into Jiang Xunxing's hands, "I haven't opened it yet."

After speaking, he turned his head and left, as if he didn't want to stay in this place.

——No one would like to stay here, it's too suffocating.

Especially staying at his best friend's grave.

Gao Yu and Wang Xin left.

After about a long time, maybe only a few minutes later, Jiang Xunxing finally felt some pain in his arm. When he looked at it, he found that he had scratched several bloodstains.

Gao Yu stuffed him with a letter.

Jiang Xunxing opened the envelope tremblingly.

It's Sikong's character.

That day, Jiang Xunxing stood in front of the tombstone for a long time.

Until it got dark and the sight dimmed, a dim light lit up above a distant tombstone.

Only then did Jiang Xunxing remember to leave. He called a taxi, but the taxi could not go up the mountain, so he had no choice but to walk down.

His legs seemed to be no longer his limbs, and his steps were heavy. Every step, every step, seemed to be stepping on the mud, and he couldn't lift it up, but he had to go down, he had to go back, he didn't want to get sick, at least he had to find A place where there are people, maybe when he goes crazy, some kind-hearted people can help him stop him, or call the police.

The road down the mountain is very long, there is no one else, only Jiang Xunxing, and the street lights along the road are not bright.

The doctor's words were repeated in his mind over and over again.

"Sikong has stomach cancer." She said very lightly, just stating a fact, "It's hard for me to imagine that he would have this disease, obviously he has no bad habits, and his diet is very regular. It can only be explained as heredity, stomach cancer has 5.00% genetic proportions."

"During the period, he was also actively cooperating with the treatment, but this kind of thing is really hard to say. As a doctor, maybe you shouldn't say such things, but...God is very unreasonable sometimes."

"During that time, your mental state was not very good, right? Are you still seeing a psychiatrist? So he can't tell you, but in fact...he is also very scared. "

"When encountering this kind of thing, no one will be afraid. Every day is like a countdown. The naked eye can feel that I am weakening. Countless chemotherapy and surgery, the body is getting more and more distorted due to the side effects, but I am not willing to give up. To hold on to that sliver of hope."

"I've seen too many patients."

"But Sikong is really powerful, you didn't realize it until the end?"

The taxi is at the foot of the mountain. After getting on the taxi, the driver punches the card and enters the driveway.

Jiang Xunxing leaned against the window, and the scene outside the window quickly reversed.

The mind went blank.

After learning the truth, Jiang Xunxing didn't know what emotion to use to face it.

What happened that night was just a misunderstanding.

Sikong was just very scared, no one is not afraid of death, the doctor was just comforting him.

Just a hug.

It was seen by Jiang Xunxing.

His mood was not stable, and he was only halfway through the psychotherapy, but he was already much better than before. He would no longer indifferently draw a knife on his hand, and gradually he would no longer feel that life was indifferent.

But he put all his paranoia on Sikong.

All extremely small details and things will be infinitely magnified in his eyes.

Jiang Xunxing said that he likes Sikong.

Jiang Xunxing said he would not let him go.

Even when Sikong tested him one day, he asked what would happen if he was gone or died?

This question is very unlucky, but Jiang Xunxing's first thought was to die together.

His parents died right before his eyes, so death was an easy and insignificant thing to him.

He's been dumped once, twice, many times.

So when he saw Sikong hugging a woman, he fell ill.

But he would only go crazy and wouldn't ask, and Sikong didn't intend to tell him from the beginning.

Sikong was right, he couldn't bear it.

When the spiritual pillar is gone, the correct world that was built with great difficulty in the heart will collapse in an instant.

At that time, the psychiatrist also said that Jiang Xunxing's mental state could not bear a bigger blow.

Break up, break up is the best way.

No one was allowed to say that one day, when Jiang Xunxing got better, figured it out, and came back to look for him, everything would be known.

The taxi passed the music station again, and Jiang Xunxing asked the driver to stop.

"Huh?" The driver glanced at the navigation and asked, "It's still a little far from your location."

Jiang Xunxing said, "I want to get out of the car."

He walked on the promenade along the coast in a daze.

This piece of sea is very clean, and the waves roll up and down in the night, rolling up countless snow-white foams, rushing forward and retreating.

The seascape slowly moved backwards, only the sound of the waves and the letter in the pocket stayed in my ears.

The kraft paper envelope was very hard, and it made a slight noise as it walked.

Sikong's handwriting has always been beautiful.

Jiang Xunxing has seen him practice calligraphy, a very ordinary pen, in Pamir's hand, is a ghostly character, but in Sikong's hand, he can always write beautiful characters, with sharp strokes.

The words in the letter are also so beautiful.

[A Xun. 】

[In the past, you always wanted me to write you a letter, saying that you wanted to hide it, but I didn’t give it to you. I think writing a letter is too old-fashioned. Hiding it...as if we will never see each other again. 】

[But I never thought that one day, I would write you a letter in this way. 】

Jiang Xunxing just walked back to the team.

When the door was opened, Li Huai and the others were eating supper, Xiang Wan was not there, so they should have stayed in the room.

Jiang Xunxing walked straight to Wan's room, opened the door, and closed it again.

Xiang Wan seemed to be in a bad mood. He just sat at the table without looking at anything. The moment he saw Jiang Xun Xing, he called out, "Xun Xun?"

Jiang Xunxing let out a "hmm".

"We won today." Jiang Xunxing said.

"Yeah, you're great." Xiang Wan said.

Jiang Xunxing walked up to Xiang Wan: "Except for the first game, I'm pretty good."

[I always like to imagine the future, you know, while we have dreams, we also always like to dream. I think one day, we can stand on the world stage together and hold the trophy together.E-sports is a serious profession that can win glory for the country, not just the group of kids who play games. 】

【We are indeed moving in the direction of our dreams, but Ah Xun, I suddenly found that I can't move anymore. 】

There was heating in the room, and the coldness that was blown by the wind faded away like a tide, followed by dry heat.

The mouth was very dry, the face was hot, and the arm that had been scratched to pieces began to ache again.

He started to undress.

First the coat, then the sweater, with a short sleeve left.

Seeing Jiang Xunxing's hand, Xiang Wan turned back to take the iodine wine in pain, frowned slightly, and said softly, "You hurt yourself again."

"I'm feeling bad, Xiang Wan," Jiang Xunxing said.

【I'm scared. 】

【I'm not worried that if I admit my fear to you, you'll laugh at me. If there's only one person in the world who doesn't laugh at me, it's you.This sentence is very nasty, I want to erase it after writing this sentence, but then I have to write a new one, but I have already scrapped a dozen sheets of letter paper, and this is the last one. 】

[Letter paper is really expensive. 】

【Actually, what am I afraid of?I can't tell for a while.I thought about it for the past few days and found that I was afraid a lot. 】

【Death is one, family, team...and you, Ah Xun. 】

【Can't we reconcile? 】

Xiang Wan hugged him lightly, but Jiang Xunxing pushed him away, but he didn't use any force, he just blocked a short distance, and they were still very close.

"You kissed me." Jiang Xunxing said.

Xiang Wan admitted, "Yes."

"What do you mean?" Jiang Xunxing asked, "You know I'm gay, right?"

Xiang Wan smiled and said, "Now I am too."

【Actually, I don't want you to go at all, and I don't want to quarrel with you at all.But maybe it's because these emotions limit my thinking, I can't think of any other way. 】

[You always choose to take some very difficult paths. 】

[E-sports is one, and there is this matter between the two of us.Before this, I have been thinking about whether I should talk to you about this matter. After all, this road is too difficult to walk. If you are not careful, it will be an abyss. Even the eyes of a random passerby can become the sharpest knife. 】

[But you are too young, I think, I am a little older than you, at least I have to grasp that boundary, right?When you grow up, when you figure it out, when you really make a decision...]

Jiang Xunxing was silent.

He didn't know what to say.

In the past, he always wanted to hide this matter, but the person in front of him spoke out frankly.

"Is that so?" Jiang Xunxing raised his eyes, but there seemed to be no focus in them, "Do you like me?"

"Too straightforward?" Xiang Wan didn't deny it.

"It's okay." Jiang Xunxing tilted his head, "If so, sleep?"

He put his hands on Xiang Wan's waist.

[But when the idea of ​​"wait until later" appears, there will always be countless changes. 】

[I don't know when you will see this letter, two years?three years?five years?ten years?If possible, I hope you never see it. 】

Jiang Xunxing's state is very wrong.

You can feel it from the moment you walk in.

His actions and words at this moment do not actually have any autonomy, but are only conscious activities on the psychological level.

—He wanted to hurt himself.

And the injury is not just about scratching yourself with a knife or a sharp object.

Jiang Xunxing supported Xiang Wan, raised his neck, and pressed his lips to his.

As cold as kissing ice cubes.

Then Jiang Xunxing deepened the kiss.

He didn't know how to kiss, he just licked and sucked instinctively in a panic and disorderly manner, and he pushed Xiang Wan onto the bed.

Jiang Xunxing wanted to take off his short sleeves, but just as he grabbed the hem with his fingertips, Xiang Wan grabbed it.

He said, "I'm Xiang Wan."

【Time can heal everything.One day after a long time, maybe you think of City C and SAT, and you will suddenly find that the face of the captain who was with you back then seems to be blurred, and the details of getting along with you seem to be gradually lost. Maybe you will Confused, are these memories real, or a dream forced into my mind? 】

[For me, it is a dream, because it is too short, too short.But I hope that for you, it is a memory that is gradually forgotten. 】

"I know you are Xiang Wan." Jiang Xunxing said, "Sleep with me?"

"Don't sleep." Xiang Wan said.

Jiang Xunxing froze: "Why?"

He asked: "Why? Didn't you say you like me?"

Xiang Wan gently cupped his cheeks: "You are sick."

"I'm not." Jiang Xunxing said, "I'm not sick, I'm cured...I'm already cured..."

He started to grab his arm again, but it was very painful and a layer of skin had been torn.

Jiang Xunxing looked at the bloodstain on his arm, his pupils suddenly narrowed.

—Did he catch it?

--when?

—he doesn't remember!

He suddenly grabbed Xiang Wan's collar and approached him, almost in a questioning tone: "Then why did you reject me?"

"Didn't you kiss me?"

"What do you mean? What the hell do you mean?!"

like a lunatic.

But it didn't seem that crazy, because in the end, his voice gradually quieted down, his fingertips loosened a little bit, and he lowered his head: "I feel so uncomfortable, I don't know what to do."

"I don't know what to do, Xiang Wan."

"I………"

When he raised his head again, Jiang Xunxing suddenly found that he seemed to be crying.

Hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

He never cries.

He didn't cry when he was beaten by his father, and he didn't cry when he took a knife to goug himself out. When his parents died in front of him, he just calmly called the police.

He didn't even cry in front of Sikong's tomb just now.

Chaotic emotions once again took control of his brain and actions.

Jiang Xunxing pushed Xiangwan away, put on his coat indiscriminately, and wanted to go out.

【People always look forward, you can't stay in the past forever.At first I let you go, now, I will let you go again. 】

[I'm a little worried that letting you see this letter will drag you back, but there are some things I really want to say to you.People's thoughts are always so contradictory, just like I want you to go, but I hope you can stop at a certain moment. 】

In this case, it was impossible for Xiang Wan to let Jiang Xunxing go.

He grabbed Jiang Xunxing.

Jiang Xunxing had lost his mind, he wanted to shake it off, but he couldn't shake it off, so he waved his hand to the table beside him.

Desk lamps, paper and pens, cups after drinking, things on the table fell together, chairs were also kicked down, and there was a loud noise.

Li Huai and the others outside the door heard the movement inside, and knocked on the door quickly: "Captain, what's the matter?! Are you all right?!"

Xiang Wan hugged Jiang Xunxing and replied, "It's fine."

As soon as he finished speaking, Jiang Xunxing bit Xiang Wan's hand and said angrily, "Let me go!!"

"impossible."

There was another ping-pong-pong sound.

Li Huai's voice sounded again outside the door. Obviously, the two quarrels made him worried: "What's the matter? Do you need to call the police?"

"It's okay." Xiang Wan firmly grasped Jiang Xunxing's wrists, "Don't come in."

Jiang Xunxing wanted to break free, but Xiang Wan's strength was stronger than expected. During the struggle, the letters and envelopes in his pocket fell out.

The moment he saw the letter paper, he seemed to be ignited. He was already irritable, and his uncontrollable emotions became even more irritable. Jiang Xunxing bent down to pick up the letter paper recklessly, but tore it to pieces the next moment.

The pieces of paper were scattered around his side, Jiang Xunxing was finally tired from the fuss, he calmed down, leaned limply against the wall, and slipped a little bit.

He stared at the pile of shredded papers in a daze.

Tears fell again.

[If possible, I want to say goodbye to you and make up. 】

[When you see this line, I will assume that we have reconciled by default. 】

[So, look ahead. 】

Jiang Xunxing was embraced in an embrace.

It wasn't like trying to stop his hand when he was heart-piercing and going crazy, but a real embrace, with a familiar smell, comforting him.

Xiang Wan stroked his hair and kept talking in his ear.

The sound is very soft, very light.

"It's okay, it's okay, Xunxun."

"You can make as much noise as you like."

"I'm here."

[In addition to SAT, your life has a broader perspective. 】

【In addition to yourself, your future will also integrate into others. 】

[Your path will only continue to move forward, the same, after all, life will not give you a chance to look back. 】

The mind that was taken away came back little by little.

It was only at this moment that Jiang Xunxing realized that this was Xiang Wan's room, and he fell ill and went crazy in front of Xiang Wan.

He seemed to be crying, and showed Xiang Wan his messed up self.

But Xiang Wan gave him a hug.

He opened his eyes, tears rolling down from his eyes involuntarily, very hot, mixed with some kind of unspeakable emotion.

Action can express everything that cannot be said.

[I only accompany you for this journey of your life. 】

[At this moment, I am going back the same way, and you are flying away. 】

Jiang Xunxing slowly raised his hand, and then hugged Xiang Wan tightly and forcefully.

[Jiang Xunxing, go forward, don't look back. 】

The author has something to say:

Note: I only accompany you for this journey of your life.At this moment, I will return the same way, and you will fly away. ——It originated from the Internet, but the source was not found, it is only quoted here, invaded and deleted! ! ! !

Thank you so much everyone for being here!

I love you so much! ! !