through those heavy years

She raised her head, covered her face with a smile, and said, "You should ask him about this!"

Look, you can only pretend, and a sensible person can see through it at a glance.

"What does it feel like!" I seemed to have lost my mind and asked almost pervertedly.I want to know if Luo Feng and her sex are like that beautiful night when he shot on my hand with a satisfied and intoxicated face.Yes, very mindful, unable to ignore the fact that they were having sex.It was like a poisonous nail nailed into my heart, and I couldn't pull it out. I could only suffer day and night.At this rate, I feel like I must be crazy.The grief I have been enduring lately has been a hundredfold greater than ever.I don't know how to adjust my mood, let alone how to face this ending emotion.I'm gay, can experience double love, and can inspire unlimited hate.

Wang Caixia saw that the questions I asked were getting more outrageous, so she stammered: "Ah, this matter... I shouldn't discuss it with you!"

Forget it, I stood up immediately, not wanting to see her for a second, "Then you go, don't disturb my work!"

I picked up the tools and started working hard.Lift the steel bar and swing it in a large arc, sweeping her farther and farther.Her temper was not so good, she stamped her feet and looked at me angrily.

She was full of confidence, thinking that I was the kind of shy and introverted boy who didn't dare to look up at girls.For such boys, whenever a girl takes the initiative to speak, she will be shy and at the same time her inner world will undergo a positive change.It's a pity that she made a wrong calculation. I don't feel shy towards girls, only disgust.I guess I don't like girls by nature.

She turned around and said to me angrily: "Luo Feng is very sad because you have neglected him recently. He regards you as his own brother, but he doesn't know why you are estranged from him. Is it you? , used to be selfish!"

Unfamiliar, my heart turned cold!Life is indeed a journey of one's own. Others are travelers, and they go home when they arrive at the station.For everyone, unfamiliarity is a very common word that takes time to get used to.Strangeness is inevitable, let alone you and me!As for selfishness, maybe.Never willing to consider other people's feelings, it's the same for grandma, and it's the same for Luo Feng.

Sitting down tiredly, surrounded by steel pipes, metal houses, power plants, and large car cranes.Some cold things surround me, and I look at the world with cold eyes.Many times, it's not that the world is unlovable, it's that you are too bad.

Although the superficial environment has not changed, the reality of life is completely different.Childhood has a lingering haze, and time has passed; happiness has become a funny joke in those unforgettable times.Always a stubborn person, not speaking, always being a mute.

The old friends found it strange that there could be some mortal feud between boys, and there was still no sign of reconciliation after such a long time.Old Liu couldn't stand it anymore, so he tried to match him up.He said that such a good brother, how could he just ignore him.Be magnanimous in life, there is no knot in the world that cannot be untied.And well, we love seeing the two of you having fun together.

No answer.There is no need for sympathy or pity here.No matter who it is, you can just do your own business and don't have to meddle in other people's business.If I insist on taking care of it, I will only be regarded as having malicious intentions. My whole body has already entered an invisible gap, and no one can save me.

On the surface, my life is very peaceful. I go to work and do things, I eat after work, I take a shower and sleep.I would occasionally go out for a walk, walking on the embankment where I used to enjoy the sunset with Luo Feng. The scenery of the embankment is no longer in midsummer, and the cold wind blows in my face, blowing rustlingly.

Memories are a beautiful thing.We also slept in the same dormitory and worked on the same construction site.But he has begun to remember.Good things are always short-lived, only memories can last forever.In memory, I can add a touch of color to the dark life, so as not to make myself more and more frantic.

Never thought that Luo Feng would come to the embankment to look for me.He was so gloomy that we didn't speak a word for a month or two.He stood against the wind, his clothes fluttering, and he was extraordinarily sassy.He said, his voice was a little hoarse, "If I did something wrong, you can scold me and beat me, and do whatever you want to me. If you ignore me like this, it is a kind of torture to people, you know. You also said that we are good brothers in the same village, and we should help each other when we are away from home, how can we argue! Are you planning to stop communicating with me like this?"

It was drizzling, and the scenery in the distance could not be seen clearly.The weeds swayed by the cold wind and the leaves rustled.The sky is so low that it hurts my heart.The sound was vague and seemed to come from the sky.

Unable to utter a word, something choked his throat with something invisible.Two people can't be together, they can only have their own lives, and the communication is just to say hello to each other, why is it necessary.What I need, you cannot give.Silence is the best destination.If you have to do something, it must be hurt.So, don't talk about helping each other, just turn around and leave, because there is nothing to say.

Luo Feng said: "Don't go, you talk. Please don't say a word like before! As usual, you can say whatever you want."

Without stopping, he walked slowly along the embankment.The world seems to be barren, and some people are left alone on the embankment.Traveling through the endless years, volleying above the void, transcending dreams and mundane worlds.The past is in the past, going far away, everything cannot be pursued according to the usual past.

"Do you like Caixia?"

Stopping in my tracks, I didn't expect Luo Feng to misunderstand that I have admiration for Wang Caixia, and that's why I felt jealous.There must be only one reason that can explain clearly, that is, I fell in love with someone, and hated because of love.Yes, I did like it.But it's impossible for Luo Feng to guess the person he likes right.If I don't tell him, he will never know what I think about him.Will he notice, will he know what homosexuality is, will he?He should only think that Wang Caixia is very attractive and let everyone admire her.If he likes something, it means everyone likes it.so funny.I hate that Luo Feng also has self-righteous guesses.Yes, because of Wang Caixia, I hate Luo Feng a little bit.I hate him smiling at Wang Caixia, I hate him mentioning Wang Caixia in everything, and I hate him even more since he has sex with a woman.He is no longer the former Luo Feng, his body has become dirty, his behavior has become disgusting, and his smile is no longer bright.

He said with a trembling voice, "Okay, it seems that you still don't want to talk to me. Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm going to move out today and officially live with Caixia. The place is in front of you. One of the few bungalows in the factory. If you want to be a guest, you are always welcome!"

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and I felt a rolling chill on my body.If the grief I've endured wasn't enough to drive me crazy.So today's news of cohabitation will definitely destroy all my sanity with its destructive force.When he came to see me today, he didn't want to get reconciliation with me, but just told me that he was going to live with Wang Caixia.They insisted on cohabiting in front of me and forcing me into a desperate situation where I would never stand up.I feel the temperature of my body being stripped away bit by bit.Emotions were out of control, and the smell of blood began to spread.

The moment he turned around, his back was already gone.I stretched out my hand to try to catch some of his breath, but there was only rain falling from the sky, soundless and cold.The lower berth was empty, all the luggage was packed, and there was nothing left to remember.It seems that it has never been empty, and it was only a dream of flying flowers.

Why does my heart hurt like a knife.Are these pains almost unbearable?Why do workers do things when they go to work, and play cards after get off work. It seems that life is full of chic, simple and happy.And I was the same as them, wearing tattered dusty overalls, a yellow engineering hat with spots on my head, and old white to black gloves on my hands.We are all workers living at the bottom of the society, busy with life and work.But why do I always live very hard and tired.Is it because I fell in love with someone I shouldn't love?

Surprisingly, I didn't cry.I was sad like when I was a child, so I hid in a dark place so that no one could find me, thinking about the problem quietly, and analyzing all the reasons.The angle of my thinking about problems is always based on what I think.In my opinion, no matter it is right or wrong, as long as you believe in it, you will go through both wind and rain.I let my throbbing heart let it magnify wantonly in the boundless thoughts of the vast sea, to expand, to gallop, to explode all the energy.Whenever I am overwhelmed with grief, I can find reasons to cheer up in my thousands of thoughts.

Soon, I changed my sluggish state, and went to work calmly, as if I had never heard Luo Feng say that he was going to move out to live with Wang Caixia, and I didn't ask why.A few days later, according to the one-story house Luo Feng pointed out, I planned to visit the place where they lived together.When standing on the embankment, those bungalows seem to be very close to here, but in fact, they are far away when walking.Those bungalows are not ordinary houses, they are houses built by an electronics factory next to them, half of which are used as dormitories for employees, and half are rented out to some workers who have families.Wang Caixia worked as an assembly line worker in that electronics factory.

The house of the electronics factory is surrounded by a one-story walled courtyard, which is planted with some standard plants and trees that are common in the city.It was already time to get off work, and apart from the security guards sitting at the gate of the factory, it seemed empty inside.

I walked in and the security guard asked me what I was doing.I said find someone and come out soon.He pretended to ask me to register. I didn't write my real name and went in quietly.

The layout of the electronics factory is like a small garden. Working and living in such an environment, the young couple is naturally happy.Soon I found the square where the workers lived, and I hid in the corner and watched with bated breath for a long time.I'm here, as if to determine something.Maybe she didn't give up her heart at all, but she was extremely sad, which turned into a calm appearance on the contrary.