through those heavy years

Finally took Luo Feng to the city to surf the net once.He said this thing is really fucking interesting, and there's anything he wants to see in it.Zombie movies were also absorbed by him, and he even talked about them afterward, with endless aftertaste like me.No wonder it is said that people in the network enjoy it; people outside the network are inexplicable.

On the sidelines, I stumbled upon one of the more interesting things about surfing the Internet, and that was browsing the web on Sina.com.At that time, the search webpage seemed to have just been developed, and the amount of information in it was not very large.On this new thread, I accidentally saw the last collection of essays published by the late writer Wang Xiaobo - "The Joy of Thinking".I never knew much about literati, and I didn't read any extracurricular books when I was studying.I only studied articles by Lu Xun, Shen Congwen, and Yu Dafu in Chinese class.From a few of their articles, I can see how some people lived a hard life at that time, what kind of sickness their mental outlook and humanistic thinking are, and what places in China are so beautiful In a place full of antiquity, live a kind of simple people that I have never understood or imagined.Now, Wang Xiaobo's "The Joy of Thinking" brings me another kind of theory, which is the improvement of ideological cognition and affirmation.It made me realize that thinking can really bring people unparalleled fun, and only thinking can make people climb the most high-end value.Thinking is not lazy, but eager, tricky, and full of surprises.I was intrigued when I saw this topic.Thinking is the biggest difference in human nature.

Later, I also read his "A Maverick Pig", and I fell in love with this clever and witty writer out of control.The tone of the text seems to be full of ridicule, but it has his unique thinking taste.

I successively inquired about the rest of the books he wrote to read.Suddenly, unexpectedly, I found a book that made my heart throb--"Their World--A Perspective on the Gay Community in China".When I saw "gay men", a certain part of my body that had always been vacant was filled in an instant, as if two parts that were originally one object were inadvertently docked after being separated for an unknown number of years.Isn't this just an emotion that has been lingering in my mind so weirdly that I dare not look directly at it. The word "gay" is a direct response to this sentiment.I suddenly felt warmth in my heart. I didn't expect that I was not an alternative. Here, someone has long studied it as a subculture.

Not being able to do it myself, with a feeling of nervousness and guilt of stealing, I carefully opened this book.This is the earliest monograph on gay men in China, and it was jointly completed by him and his wife.The book told me that the phenomenon of homosexuality has existed since ancient times, but it is rare and common.In today's society, homosexuals exist in all walks of life and in various occupations.The book cites a lot of homosexual love records, describes the specific sexual behavior between the same sex, and also lists most of the data, saying that 30.00% of white men after puberty have had at least one Homosexuality, [-]% of people have only same-sex sexuality for life.Luo Feng and I belonged to each other that time.At that time, it cannot be concluded that there were feelings for each other.Luo Feng made me elusive in this regard, he and I were most likely to comfort each other out of sexual needs.It's just that this consolation has a very important impact on me.It got me deep into it, and it was the beginning of my sexual enlightenment among people of the same sex.It made my love for Luo Feng more persistent and deep.

Like many homosexuals listed in the book, my psychological activities are often very complicated.I was depressed, inferior, suffering, and suffering from strange psychological torments.At the same time, at some point, I feel happy, happy, and even feel that nothing can compare to the current happiness.I think it's because gay love is too depressing, and if you reap a little emotional reward, you will feel sweeter.However, these sweets are far from meeting my needs.Through this book, I saw that there are many gay couples living a two-person world like normal couples.I swelled, changed, denied the hidden worries of the past, and was full of confidence and fighting spirit.And I firmly believe in the assertion of a homosexual who is quite confident. He said that there is a homosexual factor in the subconscious of every male, just like a seed. If it does not meet the suitable soil, this seed will not germinate. Encountered the right opportunity, it will be out of control.Therefore, I boldly let myself believe that maybe I am Luo Feng's opportunity and the soil that Luo Feng is suitable for.Maybe through my efforts, Luo Feng will be out of control.So, will I be happier and will be happy forever!

With this belief in mind, in the new year, I feel that life is more meaningful, and in Luo Feng's eyes, I become more lively, more articulate, more loving to pester Luo Feng, and more cheeky.

In the early spring after the Chinese New Year, it was still cold and windy.Many workers who were warmed by their wives at home during the Chinese New Year returned to the cold construction site, crying out for discomfort and pain.After they came back, they might be used to sleeping with their wives in their arms, so no matter how cold it was, they were reluctant to sleep with other workers.Because of reading the book, my courage was strengthened, and I took the initiative to say to Luo Feng: "It's cold, I can sleep with you!"

"Okay!" Luo Feng readily agreed, then raised the quilt, motioning for me to get in.

The feeling of being too warm and yearning melts away the loneliness and coldness.The familiar strong body with a special body odor made my whole body gather the desire to explore.This kind of psychological activity of exploration has become a game that I enjoy every night.

When I went to work during the day, I couldn't bear the brief separation, so I sneaked to the boiler group to find Luo Feng.Sometimes just look at him, sometimes say a word or two.In short, I can see his bright smiling face and feel satisfied throughout the day.Moreover, with a small calculation in mind, if he sees me every day, will he feel differently?For example, long-term love, secret love.Although these idioms are too far-fetched to be used between two men, or they are not abused between two men at all.But there are unpredictable miracles in everything that happens, isn't it?

I was like this, I was too confident all of a sudden, looking forward to the beauty, and frequently went to see Luo Feng secretly.That is because too often, a caring worker saw some tricks.I don't know if he was joking or not, but the joke made me frustrated, feeling exposed because I was up to no good.He suddenly said, Little Nai, you come here every day to steal work to see your brother Feng.You two are like glue on the surface, and you are flirting secretly, I suspect that you two are engaging in homosexuality!After he finished speaking, he laughed.I was shocked, terrified, dumbfounded.Unexpectedly, a worker in his thirties who has not yet graduated from primary school, who looks stupid, knows such an obscure word as "homosexual".I thought that apart from me, few people on this construction site read Wang Xiaobo's books.The construction site is really a hidden dragon and a crouching tiger, which should not be underestimated.Am I being too ostentatious, and the motives can be seen by everyone?

Feeling too shameless to stand there dumbfounded.Shame is like standing naked in the street for people to admire.

The worker continued: "You sleep together at night, don't you fuck your ass every day?"

In written language, □□ butt means □□□. I learned from Wang Xiaobo’s book that it is a way to stabilize love between the same sex, and it is a kind of □□□ that one party is abused and the other party enjoys.When he said this, I heard an insult, an unacceptable slander.I already clenched my fists and wanted to hit him. This man is so decent, how could he insult us like this.Before the incident of being gay has not been confirmed, you can't insult like this.

Luo Feng said in time: "Your ass is none of your business, and you don't have your mother's ass!"

He hit him back with swear words, and all of a sudden their chatter was opening with the gibberish.I, who had been standing still, felt instantly relieved of embarrassment and courage because of their swear words.

"My mother is hundreds of kilometers away. Is your thing so long?"

"I'll give your mother a train ticket and let your mother come by train!"

"Damn it, give me your train ticket, and I'll let you have as much fun as you want!"

"Forget it, I'm afraid it's poisonous!"

This kind of dialogue is endless, and I don't know how many times I have seen it.Although this incident was covered up, it more or less aroused the suspicion of others.I don't dare to be so blatant anymore, so when I go to bed at night, I also appropriately reduce the exploratory games.I thought that Luo Feng and I had plenty of opportunities to cultivate mutual sex incidents again.Too bad it didn't happen to us.My chances, not many at all, will be over soon.Because there is a person who will forcefully intervene in our lives, destroying all the foundations that have been built, and even undergoing a bad change.

When the workers go to work, if the foreman does not come to check the post, the work at hand is not in a hurry, and they can be lazy under normal thinking.It is almost two months before the Spring Festival, and the cold weather has improved slightly.The workers sat in groups of three or five at the corner of the stairs.Sitting at the corner has a great convenience, that is, from the stairs at the corner, you can see at a glance whether the contractor is coming up to supervise the work, and everyone can react in time to evacuate.People grow up, but some things don't change.Everyone will fit in well doing what they did as a child.

This time, Luo Feng saw that everyone was chatting enthusiastically, and for the first time, he put down the work at hand and joined in.I'm a little surprised.You know, his usual style is that the work in hand is not finished, no matter how long it takes to get off work, he has to finish the rest of the work before going to the cafeteria to eat.He is such a rigid person, and if he delays getting off work by more than ten minutes, it doesn't count as a penny of wages, and principles must come first.Now, though, I'm glad he can drop what he's doing and sit down and talk.He would deliberately sit next to me, and the two of us seemed to reach a consensus subconsciously. Where there is me, he is next to me, and where there is him, I am next to him. We are indeed gluey.