through those heavy years

My childhood was never peaceful. After the Murakami biting incident happened, the rumors about my bloody will kill people blew a cloud of wind in villages and even schools with a radius of hundreds of miles.Gossip grows like it will devour, its unimaginable seditiousness is as destructive as a tornado.Rumors spread to the teacher's ears. The teacher saw my dark eyes and cold face, and gradually became a little scared and alienated.The classmates in the class didn’t want to sit with me (for fear of biting them inadvertently), so the teacher asked me to move a table by myself and sit in the corner of the back of the classroom (at this time, my academic performance had slipped to the middle and lower. ranks).After class, the classmates in the class were unwilling to stay with me to clean the school, so the teacher simply relieved me of the responsibility of cleaning, or one person was responsible for the hygiene of the entire class.People are like this, when you feel that you are just an ordinary good person, and you are labeled as a good person by others, you will deliberately work hard to develop towards being the best good person.When you are not yet a bad person and someone wants to label you a big bad person, in the same way you will deliberately indulge yourself and be the worst bad person.Under the image that the school didn't attract much hate because of making any mistakes at all, when the teachers cast unkind eyes or acted as a transparent person, I was sure that I would really be a heinous villain.So, I took it for granted that I hated the teacher as the same kind of person, and even if I didn't like to make any mistakes, I would simply make them boldly.

When I was in the fourth grade, I had already learned to skip classes.During the final exam, I was tired and fell asleep on the table because of skipping class.It wasn't until the end of the exam time that the teacher took the blank paper away from my arm, and then he wiped his sleepy eyes blankly and met the teacher's eyes.The teacher is a male teacher in his 30s.He ignored the outside rumors about how sinister I was, he was extremely disgusted that someone was sleeping calmly under his invigilator.With a sullen face, he looked at me fiercely, then grabbed my body, threw me on the playground, and made me kneel under the hot sun.He first asked me to pick up some sharp stones, pile them together, and then let my knees kneel on these stones, so that I would know how severe the punishment for sleeping in the exam was.

I went to pick up stones, but I won't kneel down.I hate these self-righteous grown-ups, and hate seeing them cocky.They are not qualified to humiliate me, let alone make me kneel.

The male teacher saw that I had piled up the stones, but he still refused to kneel down.He strode forward angrily, and walked towards me with the most ferocious expression on his face, trying to force me to submit by violence.Seeing that he was approaching, I immediately picked up the stone and threw it at him.He was terrified and caught off guard, the stone hit him accurately, and he hissed a few times in pain. I saw on his face the rage, unbelievable eyes and determination not to be humiliated.He tried his best to show no fear, his face was already purple with anger.He wants to brave these stones, come close to me, and subdue me.But at the same time, I am not timid.Since he is not afraid of pain, I exerted all my strength to let him know that his bravery is stupid.I even smashed his head to the point of bleeding, and he knew that I was different from other children, and he knew that there are no waves without wind, and the rumors are indeed true.He was so embarrassed that he had to admit defeat, and ran into the classroom in a panic, yelling and cursing non-stop.The students who took the exam were all lying on the windows watching, as if watching a shocking war.I don't like them looking at me like this. Since the teacher hid in the classroom, I just picked up stones and threw them at the students in the window.There was no glass in the windows, but a few broad planks nailed across them.The sound of the stone hitting the wooden board made the students scatter like frightened birds.There was no one's head on the window, so I thought that the battle was won, so I left comfortably!

Within a few days after the exam, the matter reached the headmaster's ears.He had to come down for a second visit.It's just that this time with a bit of disappointment, deep sympathy and a little bit of incomprehension.He sat on the rotten chair in the main room of our house and didn't speak for a long time. He just kept looking at me and grandma, all with regret and sigh.He didn't mind at all that I made too much trouble in school. On the contrary, he accused the male teacher of why he was serious with a child.In the end, he just said sadly to his grandma that the dead are gone, and what is in front of him is the most important thing.The child is still young, so he should pay attention to spiritual teaching and guidance, just as he cannot live in a depressed family atmosphere all the time, which will lead to negative effects.Only when adults cheer up can children be active and healthy.

Hearing this, grandma suddenly realized that she had neglected to take care of her grandson after losing her son.In the deep self-blame, I watched this kind principal very gratefully.Later, the kind-hearted principal got cancer and died. Grandma said his surname was Zhou, and she never forgets it to this day.

When grandma put her focus on my studies and my soul, I realized that my grades had fallen behind by a large margin, and there seemed to be some shortcomings in my soul.But she didn't know what the lack of spirituality represented, and she didn't know what cheering up was.She believes that some problems are caused by her young age, unclear understanding of things, and inability to judge correctly.She thinks that spiritual problems are not in a hurry, and will be taught in ideological and moral books in the future. When the children grow up and understand, they will naturally improve.

She put all her heart on my study.It is the most important thing for a family that the child has regressed in learning.She constantly comforted me, encouraged me, and helped me with my homework.But she has only been in the third grade of elementary school, and she doesn't know anything about the fifth grade, let alone her eyesight.When she recognized the situation clearly, she was very anxious, and earnestly asked me to ask my classmates and teachers more.Every time she said these words, I nodded perfunctorily.She didn't know that the classmates and teachers in the school had helped me avoid it like a plague god, and it was impossible for me to ask my classmates and self-righteous teachers who always bullied me for the sake of bullshit study.

My grandma checked my grades regularly. Seeing that my grades had not improved after several months, tears rolled in my eyes, and she couldn't bear to say a few words about me.She is stubborn and tears the most.Late one night, I saw her sitting in front of the photos of her parents, crying bitterly.She deeply blamed herself for not taking good care of the orphan left by her parents. She made the genius in Principal Zhou's mouth become a fool now, and she seemed to be a sinner.The lights were dim that night, the eyes were full of tears, and the night was very sad.Grandma's heart-wrenching words and her dry and thin back shocked my young heart.At that time, an 11-year-old boy, leaning against the mottled wooden door, thought a lot.He felt that if reading a book well could reduce the tears of his loved ones, then he should start reading it well.He doesn't want to see the only person in this world who loves him and the only person who can protect him with his life feel sad and cry.That night began.He gradually understood what is the heaviness of love and the burden of love.

The kind principal praised me for my talent in reading.I didn't expect to have some ability.I picked up the textbook and kept reading and reading. If I couldn't understand it, I would think about it. After thinking about it, it became an interesting thing in my mind.After half a semester, I put the grades above the average in the class.When I entered junior high school, my name was ranked first on the big red paper on the enrollment list.

Grandma came to school with bad eyesight, but she could see my name at first sight.She shed tears of joy for this.The teachers at the school and the adults in the same village regarded my rise as an unbelievable thing, and even thought I was plagiarizing.At that time, I also deeply realized that good academic performance can not only make grandma happy, but also make some so-called adults unhappy.The uncle and aunt are the two who are extremely angry, because their son only scored [-] points in the math test.I even tore off the red list posted in the school and pasted it on the gate of my uncle's house.When he opened the door early in the morning and saw the red list, he was furious and cursed.I hid by the door and watched my uncle's angry look, and I leaned forward and backward with a smile!

However, I thought that with good grades, I could humiliate all haters.It never occurred to me that I had overlooked one of the most important things.This matter is the hidden pain of my life, and it is also the root cause of my abandonment of school.

On the first day of junior high school, my grandma and I went to school to sign up.After arriving at school, grandma said, you go to your classroom first, and I will go to you later.I didn't realize what grandma was going to do, so I went to the classroom by myself after listening to grandma's words.

The middle school in the town is not big, so I can find a classroom soon.There were already seventy or eighty people sitting in the classroom, and the whole room was full of noise.I don't like noisy, and I'm sure there won't be any friends of mine among these classmates.I thought that my grandma hadn't come to me yet, so I went out of the classroom to find my grandma.

I first came to the playground. The playground was very small, and there were some yellow weeds that were trampled on.I looked carefully, grandma is not here, she probably went to the teacher's office.I walked to an old three-story blue brick building at the back, and began to search floor by floor. After searching for a long time, I finally found myself in the principal's office, where I saw my grandma tearfully holding the principal's hand, pleading for the tuition fee to be lenient. day scene.She said that Xiaodong ranked first in academic performance and was a studious child.His grandma is useless, and she still hasn't been able to collect the tuition fees.Principal, you see that your child is studying well, so you can reduce some tuition fees. I can't let my child not study!

My heart was gripping all of a sudden, the pain was so painful that I couldn't breathe.The difficulty of life made me suffocate and ruthlessly realize that money is the biggest problem between me and grandma.Grandma without money has to work harder, paying double the fatigue and sweat; grandma without money is frowning and sighing all day long; without money, grandma has aged a lot, and her heart is full of holes when she gets old; Let grandma be humble and sympathetic.

Grandma suffers from rheumatoid arthritis, and the thumbs on both feet are deformed.She can't go to the field, and she will get sick after touching the water in the field.She doesn't like rainy days. Whenever it rains, her whole leg hurts unbearably.She couldn't bear the burden, she couldn't cook well, and it was difficult for her to bend down to do things.She is only 63 years old, and she is crushed like a ten-year-old old man because of the burden of life.When my parents were alive, my grandma lived with us, and my mother didn't let my grandma go out to do any housework.When eating, if there are good dishes, my mother will serve the rice first, and then put all the good dishes in front of her for her to eat.Grandma felt very happy at that time. She said that she was a blessing in her previous life, and she got such a good daughter when she was old.She said her only regret was not having a daughter.Grandma gave birth to a total of four children in her life, all boys.One went swimming in a reservoir when he was eight years old and drowned; the other fell ill when he was 12 years old, and died without being rescued.Now, her son and daughter-in-law who were less than 30 years old are also dead.Only the uncle, the only son, remained.She must have come to the school begging for money because she didn't get any money from her uncle or aunt.

Seeing this, the sense of superiority that ranked first in school grades disappeared in an instant.Because of his grandson, she was bullied by her elder son and felt the despair of family affection; because she had to support me to study, she had to kneel here and beg someone to reduce some tuition fees, even for a few days.Because of me, when she grows old, she will have to endure a life of ridicule that she shouldn't have endured.

I don't want my grandma to be tortured, I hate myself so much that I don't want to grow up quickly.I walked into the office, grabbed my grandma, and said, "Go, don't ask this person anymore, I won't read this book!"

The principal saw me coming in and was stunned.Seeing that it was me, my grandma reacted, shook off my hand, and shouted "Wang Xiaodong" tremblingly. She had never lost such a temper with me.She even hit me twice and cried: "What are you talking about, no matter how hard or poor you are, you have to study. Only by studying can you get ahead, be respected by the world, and let your dead parents rest in peace. !"

She taught me a lesson, wiped away my tears, and then apologized to the principal standing by.I couldn't stand it anymore, and shouted hysterically: "If you are going to be so brazen to beg someone for reading, I would rather kill you than read!" Chase, regardless of my grandma's heartbroken for my words.

It was getting dark, and I sat on the big dark blue stone next to the old house, wiping my tears-soaked eyes.The stars in the sky blinked their innocent eyes, the frogs in the pond croaked with a heavy heart, the long alleys were dimly lit with dim yellow light, the breeze blew across my face, and the wet traces of tears were accompanied by a trace of coldness. After a long time, I saw a ball of The familiar yet small black shadow seemed to come from a distant place unsteadily.I wanted to get up and help her.But the sore and limp feet don't listen.Slowly she appeared under the light, her old face and gray hair seemed to travel through time, and she became older all of a sudden!

She leaned against the old dirt wall and looked at me with loving and tired eyes. I was afraid to see her eyes with such an expression, because I could always see the helplessness of how to go on in the long years.She took out a small snakeskin bag as black and cracked as her palm from her bosom.Then open it slowly.After a while, he took out a big steamed bun wrapped in a red plastic bag from the snakeskin bag, and said, "Hey boy, eat it!"

I stood up slowly, looked at my grandma's wrinkled face eroded by years of wind and frost, and took the steamed buns.Although the village is in the mountains, it is not far from the town.But that road was very rough and difficult to walk, and when it rained, it flooded the road with potholes.Grandma's legs are not good, and it will take several hours to complete the whole journey.I looked at the steamed buns, which were the steamed buns brought back by grandma who still had residual heat.I put it into my mouth bit by bit.Grandma laughed when she saw how delicious I was eating.The light made our shadows grow longer, and I already understood grandma's determination.