through those heavy years

I remember when I was in the first and second grades of elementary school, I was always the first in the grade and even the first in the city in every mid-term and final exam.At that time, there was a kind and warm-hearted principal who came to our house excitedly and praised me greatly.He said that a genius should be cultivated well in the future, and his future is boundless.His high-level praise made my parents and grandma dance happily and laugh from ear to ear.I still remember the joy of that day, it was the most unforgettable day in my childhood.Not long after, both parents died suddenly and unexpectedly.In that home of ours, we will never see such a smiling face again.

Grandma shed tears all day long.I also seemed to be a different person all of a sudden, became silent, and even liked to hide in a dark corner alone in a daze.The place where I often hide is the place where the rice stalks are placed in the attic of my house. I dug a hole in the center covered with rice stalks and sat there quietly, looking up at the black tiles and the cobwebs all around. .

I gradually ignored all the people around me, but I never thought that this would arouse the resentment of others.In the year of the fourth grade, a black childhood experience was particularly memorable.The big kids in the village always bully me.They saw that I was a bit stupid when I didn't speak, and my parents passed away and had no one to support me, so they took pleasure in bullying me.They beat me hard every time.They would laugh bitterly while beating me. My nose was bleeding from the beating, and I had scratch marks all over my face and neck.They also made things difficult for me and scolded me from time to time, throwing my schoolbag around, scribbling chicken manure and shit on my desk, calling me orphaned wild dogs, bastards that no one raised, dumb people picked up from the garbage dump, and so on.I don't know where they got all these uneducated murderous tricks and such horrible words, but I have never been able to bear them once.So over time, I realized at a young age that I must fight back from the Jedi and not allow them to bully and insult me.If they want to beat me and scold me, then I will fight with them and scold them for being a dog.Even if I can't win the fight and scold me for not winning, I don't cry or admit defeat, I get up and continue beating and scolding.They were tired of beating and scolding enough, and they were about to go home, and they said that Wang Xiaodong was becoming more and more like a mad dog while walking.

Once, a boy two or three years older than me in a village, together with several boys from other villages, blocked my way home, insulted and beat me in groups.They sneered and said, my parents said that your life is hard, and if you kill your parents, it doesn't count, and you will kill your grandma.You are a broom star, a bastard, and a plague god.As soon as the voice fell, he burst out laughing.I don't know why such a small child already has a devilish face.Unable to bear it, I rushed over fiercely, bit his arm forcefully, and the crimson hot blood instantly filled my mouth.With more force, he bit off a piece of meat abruptly.

The boy, his face contorted in pain, screamed.He humiliated me just now, but now his face is full of cowardice and fear in the face of death.I was so happy, I looked at him with a sly smile, and his equally high-spirited partner.His arm was bleeding profusely, which was shocking.The others were terrified, covering their eyes and not daring to look, howling wolves.A few older ones, realizing the seriousness of the matter, staggered home and called their parents and elders.The boy's parents rushed over quickly and saw their son's face was pale and his arms were covered in blood.Immediately, my heart was flustered like numbness, and my liver and intestines were broken.Seeing that there was still blood on my mouth, I gritted my teeth for a while, bursting into anger.His father rushed over like the wind, shook me four or five times with his broad and rough palm, and then kicked me hard into the stinky ditch three or four meters down.At that time, my eyes were dark, and I couldn't see clearly for a long time.My cheeks seemed to be smashed, and the sewage and mud from the stinking ditch filled my nose and mouth. I tasted the smell of mud and sewage mixed with blood, which is a different taste in life.

I don't think it's such a criminal thing to do. That foul-mouthed kid deserves it. If he still speaks rudely next time, I'll even bite off his arm.I'm not afraid of revenge from his parents, as long as he doesn't kill me, he will really do it next time.

I was wet and covered in black mud, and I don't know how long it took me to get up from the ditch.His face was already swollen to twice its size, and blood was dripping from the corner of his mouth.I don't care how painful it is, I still have no expression on my face, as if nothing happened, I walked home.

My uncle is a very weak person.His greatest ability was to yell at me and grandma after my parents died, bully and slander me like the villagers, beat me and scold me.This time I bit the child of that family, and the parents of that family surrounded the uncle with a group of brothers and sisters to threaten compensation.The uncle was trembling with fright, as if begging for mercy.He really only has the ability to show off in front of me and grandma.

When I got home, my uncle saw me standing awkwardly behind the crowd, and felt that he finally had an explanation, so he rolled up his sleeves and ran fiercely in front of me, grabbed my hair, and dragged me to these menacing crowds. In front of my lord, he said that he would teach me, an ignorant bastard, severely.

I heard the word bastard again, it was from the uncle's mouth.Since that time, my uncle has no blood relationship in my heart.I struggled desperately, but in the end I couldn't break free.He and the child's father hung me from a tree with a rope, stripped off my clothes, found a few hard and thorny thorns, and beat me fiercely.I felt burning pain all over my body, and finally the pain was so painful that I couldn't feel it, it was only deeper in these arrogant and fierce faces in front of me, which were extremely ferocious and terrifying.

I don't know how long it took, but I felt like I was going to faint.When grandma got the news, she came running in tears, and slashed at the crowd with a kitchen knife in her hand.After all, grandma has bad legs and feet, and her hands are weak.The group of people dodged in time, seeing grandma's weak body, they didn't step forward to grab the knife.Grandma howled, never seen her so fierce, she yelled: "Whoever dares to touch my grandson, I will kill him."

The woman who was bitten by the snake was the mother of the child who was bitten by me.Before her tears were dry, she shouted immediately: "Your grandson touched my son. If my son dies, I will kill your grandson!"

Grandma howled: "Then you will kill me!"

The woman who was bitten by the snake was a cruel and unreasonable person.Seeing that I was protected by my grandma, she felt that her son's life was worthless, and she was not enough to vent her anger, so she found a broomstick from the corner of the door, like the kind of woman who was raped by the Japanese soldiers, and asked me and grandma to die. desperately.She swung the stick wildly and hit me and grandma, who groaned in pain.The uncle stood aside, not daring to step forward to stop him.The uncle could watch helplessly as others beat his mother and refused to make a move, and he was even angry at why his mother ran out to defend this unlovable nephew.He is the most extreme scum I have ever seen.I think that if I were him, if I didn't help when I saw my mother being bullied, I would definitely be drowned in psychological condemnation and die, and I would become abnormal and deformed.

I yelled, feeling sorry for grandma, and the tears I endured finally flowed out.In the end, the woman who had been bitten by a snake was stopped by the group of brothers and sisters.They finally vented their anger and walked away cursing.Seeing that these people were all gone, the uncle felt bored, so he threw the thorn sticks towards grandma, and the thorn sticks hit grandma's withered and emaciated body, making a dull and dull sound.

Grandma dropped the knife in her hand, and hugged me regardless of the pain. Tears flowed out, and she kept calling my heart, baby, poor child!My icy body seemed to melt into the warm ocean all of a sudden.As long as she is in grandma's arms, no matter how painful or trembling her body is, she will feel extremely at ease and serene, without any pain or fear.

I asked grandma: "Does it hurt?"

Grandma shook her head, tears kept pouring out of her eyes.

I want to say, I hurt.My heart hurts so much.No matter how they beat me, I am not afraid of pain.But if they beat grandma, my heart will be cut like a knife, which is unforgivable.

From then on, I hated the villagers.Walking on the road, no matter who he saw, he stared at them full of hatred.They thought I was dark and very evil.Over time, no matter adults or children, they try to walk around me as much as possible.The children in the same village dare not bully me anymore.Because they know I'll bite, like a monster with fangs.This is very good, no one will spoil my mood at every turn, what a good thing I can only wish for.From that moment on, I became even more convinced that violence can solve many problems, and fighting back is the kingly way of survival.

I have become less and less smiling, and I am reticent all day long.I'm only in front of grandma, and I will say something, or a fake smile.I have no friends, I don't know what a friend is, and I don't care for friends.

When I met Luo Feng once, I vaguely remembered that he looked immature at that time, his dark skin was reflected in the sunlight, and his expression looked particularly silly.He stood there watching me pass by him intently, and finally walked away mechanically without looking back.He explained that the weather was very hot, but he suddenly felt a cold wave, with the sadness of being alone.

Lying in his bed one cold night, I said I remembered.Because everyone walked around me, only he stood still and looked at me, even showing a feeling of pity.I didn't stare at him, thinking that he looked so innocent and pure that he should not be treated rudely, I just passed by a stranger and walked away without squinting.At that time, I didn't even know that he and I were from the same village.

And because Luo Feng had such a weird impression of me, he was surprised when he received a call from me in April, and he thought about putting down his work and walking two kilometers to meet me on the road. .He said, long time no see, very curious about me.