I Just Came to Borrow a Light

Lin Chengbu dialed back the phone almost as soon as he saw the content of the text message, but the female voice that made countless people itch came from the receiver, and the person you dialed has turned off the phone.

He hung up the phone reluctantly and dialed again.

You are calling with...

"Fuck you." Lin Chengbu slammed his phone on the bed.

The phone bounced on the mattress and jumped down gracefully.

"Hey!" Lin Chengbu hurriedly jumped over to pick up the phone again. He may not be distressed if the phone is broken. It has been used for several years, mainly in case Yuan Wu's tendons are right at this moment and contact him again...

Contact shit!

If you want to contact him, you should have contacted him earlier, and you won't let him make such a fuss!

Lin Chengbu sat down by the bed, looked at the phone screen, the upper right corner was leaking.

After being dazed for a while, he found a notebook and a pen from the drawer of the bedside table. This is a very cute account book, given to him by Lin Huiyu, so that he can think about his wasted life in front of the account book.

But he never forgot.

Start accounting today.

He wrote a line on the first page.

-Jehovah Step by Step Rescue Blind Toss·Noon Loss and Expenditure List

Then turn to the next page and write down the two-way fuel fee from the urban area to Shenqiao, the fee for packing luggage, the fee for comforting the big head, the fee for mental damage caused by fright, and the repair fee for mobile phone light leakage.

"Let's settle the accounts slowly." Lin Chengbu closed the notebook and put it in his bag.

There was no news from Yuan Wu for two consecutive days. Lin Chengbu contacted all the people Yuan Wu knew that he could get in touch with, including Jiang Chengyu's people who helped inquire, none of them had seen Yuan Wu.

"It doesn't matter—" Lin Chengbu sat in the car, took out his mobile phone and flipped through the address book, "Who can't find who...it doesn't matter...whoever makes who pay..."

After digging out a phone number, he dialed it: "Da Zhu, I'm Lin Chengbu."

"Damn, don't fucking call me Dazhu." The other side said very uncomfortable.

"Zhuzhu," Lin Chengbu smiled, "I'm going to your place now, you can wait for me at the intersection, it will take about 15 minutes."

"You tell me what lock first, I have to bring something." The other side said.

"It's the kind of door that the community gave when the house was handed over. I don't know what kind of lock it is, and it's not a high-end community. It shouldn't be a high-end door?" Lin Chengbu said.

"Okay, got it, see you later."

Dazhu's name is Li Dazhu, and he used to have a good relationship with his classmates who studied auto repair, but Li Dazhu, like him, did not continue to study auto repair, and set up a lockpicking company in the past two years.

"Let me tell you, I really have something about you..." Li Dazhu got into his car at the intersection, carrying a toolbox, "Is it really your home?"

"No." Lin Chengbu turned the car around and drove in the direction of Yuan Wu's house.

"Fuck, then I can't drive for you," Li Dazhu patted the car door, "Stop the car, I want to get down."

"A friend of mine," Lin Chengbu locked the car door, "is missing, I want to find him."

"If you are missing, you should call the police. Why are you prying the lock?" Li Dazhu looked at him, "Is it your money? Well, I can't help you open the lock. After a while, someone lost something and called the police. Gotta go in..."

"Am I the kind of unreliable person!" Lin Chengbu said, "We have known each other for so many years, have I cheated on you?"

"That's not true...you let me think about it." Li Dazhu frowned.

Lin Chengbu only went to Yuan Wu's house once, but he remembered the way very clearly, so he didn't need to recall, so he drove the car downstairs to Yuan Wu's house.

When he got out of the car, he looked upstairs with expectation, but the windows of Yuan Wu's house were closed and there was no light.

After a painful ideological struggle, Li Dazhu finally made a difficult decision. He helped Lin Chengbu unlock the door of Yuan Wu's house.

"Fuck, how long has this house been unoccupied?" Li Dazhu held his nose when the door opened and the smell of dust hit his face.

Lin Chengbu sneezed twice because of the dust: "There has been no one for at least two years."

"Damn, the water, electricity and gas are all cut off, right?" Li Dazhu pressed the switch on the wall, and the light turned on, "Hey, is there electricity?"

"Yes," Lin Chengbu walked into the room, "I've been handing in...so I'll tell you that it's okay to open this lock for me, don't worry."

Li Dazhu stood in the room for a while and then left. Lin Chengbu said that he would have a meal later and he didn't agree. He couldn't get rid of the feeling of guilt, so he took a taxi and went back.

Lin Chengbu took out a small book from his bag and opened it.

- Favor fee for slipping the door and breaking the lock.

The room was quite messy. Yuan Wu didn't clean it up much before. The room has been empty for such a long time. Except for the mess, it's just gray and everywhere you can paint with your fingers.

Lin Chengbu went to the balcony to have a look, and there were still several pots of dandelions on the balcony that were surprisingly alive.

Because Yuan Wu was too lazy to water the flowers, he got a timed watering device. As long as the water and electricity are constant, these flowers will not die... But life is also quite ugly, because the curtains are half drawn, and the time to see the sun is too little, and the leaves are all rotten. whitish.

Looking at these dandelions, Lin Chengbu suddenly felt emotional.

After staying on the balcony for a while, he turned into the bedroom.

He had never entered the bedroom before, this was the first time, when he opened the bedroom door, he was a little inexplicably excited and curious.

Yuan Wu's bedroom is very simple, the bed, wardrobe, and a small sofa are gone.

There is not even a bedside table, and it looks like there is no life.

When he turned on the light, Lin Chengbu saw a ferocious face on the head of the bed at a glance. He didn't know if it was a monster or a god of death. Yuan Wu put his head under this face every day...

He also said that his iron frame bed, Yuan Wu's bed is called sick.

Lin Chengbu opened the closet door, there was no ash inside, and there was a faint fragrance, which made him excited beyond words.

It should be some kind of incense smell, which he could often smell on Yuan Wu before.

He poked his head into the closet to smell it, and then looked at the clothes inside. They were all clean.

So... let's get to work.

Lin Chengbu took off his shirt, threw it on the bed, and went to the kitchen to find a rag and a bucket.

Before starting work, he took out his small notebook and wrote down a line.

-The hard work of cleaning up the house (the house has been unoccupied for two years, and it is still very messy).

Yuan Wu sat in front of the bay window with his legs crossed.

The morning sun is very good, and you can see small golden spots jumping in front of your eyes even with your eyes closed.

He wanted to have a good experience of this refreshing morning. He hadn't had that kind of really relaxed and comfortable feeling for a long time.

But still no.

He has the urge to cry when he closes his eyes.

Why he was so hypocritical, why he still couldn't calm down after so many days, he couldn't figure it out himself.

it's not your fault.

Do not blame you.

He repeatedly told himself that Yuan Shen's death was not caused by himself.

But still can't convince myself.

Just thinking about that afternoon and that afternoon's sunshine made his heart palpitate.

He can still clearly recall Yuan Shen's eyes looking at him through the sparkling water, and it seems that the touch of the knuckles in the palm of his hand still remains when he tightly grasped Yuan Shen's wrist...

He still remembered every detail of himself from anxiety to despair, the hopelessness when he had to let go of Yuan Shen's hand in extreme pain.

If he doesn't let go, if he holds on for another second, two seconds, will he be able to pull Yuan Shen away, will Yuan Shen not die?

If he hadn't given up, wouldn't Yuan Shen have died?

If he hadn't avoided Yuan Shen, ignored Yuan Shen's abnormal words and thoughts, wouldn't Yuan Shen have died?

He opened his eyes and touched a diary at hand, Yuan Shen had too many thoughts, when he was struggling to get closer to him and wanted to get a little response, if he hadn't avoided...

Yuan Shen will not die?

There are so many ifs, if only one if is established, will Yuan Shen not die?

Yuan Wu threw the diary aside, jumped out of the bay window, and circled around the room in a state of confusion.

This is Yuanshen's room, and there are traces of Yuanshen in every place, various notes with incomprehensible words written on them, and those paintings about death that were drawn on the wall at random.

How long has it been?Yuan Shen longed for death so much, like a ritual.

Yuan Wu collapsed into the sofa dejectedly. He had to admit that even though they were twins born in the same amniotic sac, even though he and Yuan Shen had countless "heart-to-heart connections" since childhood, he still couldn't imagine how Yuan Shen could be. Shen's world.

Yuan Wu lay on the sofa, looking at the ceiling.

It wasn't until it was dark outside the window that he slowly got up and glanced at the clock on the wall.

After washing his face in the bathroom, he changed his clothes and walked out of the room.

The sun had already set, and the wind blowing over was a little cool, Yuan Wu looked back at the house behind him.

This is Yuan Shen's secret. He only told Yuan Wu that he lives here, and his grandparents don't know where he lives.

Yuan Wu didn't know whether he just wanted to tell him when he told him the address, or hoped that he could come and have a look, or hoped that one day his world would be understood by the relatives around him.

Relatives, grandparents.

Yuan Wu frowned, he could understand how painful his grandparents were.

The two old people took care of Yuan Shen almost as if they were their lives. Every time Yuan Shen got sick, every time he was hospitalized, they would lose a lot of weight.

He knew what Yuan Shen meant to his grandparents, and he still felt a sharp pain when he remembered the scene where grandma pointed at him and cried and scolded.

"Did you do it on purpose! Why can't you hold him back!"

"You are physically stronger than him! You are stronger than him! How could you not be able to break his hand!"

"The water plants are so thin! So soft! How could they keep pulling!"

"Just watch him die! Watch him die! You can let go of him watching him die!"

Yuan Wu waved his hand irritably, turned into the underground garage, and opened his bag.

In the back of the truck was a bottle of self-spray paint he bought yesterday.

If feeling good.

He looked at the line of writing next to the truck body, and originally wanted to cover the writing with paint, but he hesitated for a long time but did not do it.

If feeling good.

This was written by Yuan Shen.

"birdsflying high, youknohoifeel, suninthesky, youknohoifeel, breezedriftingonby, youknohoifeel, itsanedanitsaneday, itsanelifefore, andifeelinggood..."

Yuan Wu still remembers the scene where Yuan Shen slowly wrote Ifeelinggood on paper while humming a song, sketched it thickly, then cut out a hollowed-out paper pattern, and then sprayed this line of words in the trunk of the car with a paint can.

He was afraid to think of Yuan Shen again, afraid that any trace of Yuan Shen would appear in his own space and life, but he couldn't erase the fewer and fewer traces of Yuan Shen after he had disappeared.

The most common thing in Yuanshen's room is graffiti cans, and he always carries a few cans in his bag.

Yuan Wu always felt that this was probably his way of venting, just like those graffiti that are common on Qinghe Street, venting his emotions with self-promotion.

It wasn't until he saw the graffiti in Yuanshen's style on the wall of the abandoned factory building that he realized that Yuanshen was not venting, nor was he showing himself.

He can't even define himself.

Yuan Wu drove the car to a small bridge, which he found when he was walking two days ago. It was very quiet, especially during the time before dinner, there were only a few children who refused to go home after school to fight. passing by.

He parked the car and sat on the stone bench by the bridge.

After smoking a cigarette, he took out his cell phone and turned it on.

The phone was quite quiet, only one text message from Jiang Chengyu and two missed calls from Lin Chengbu.

- Figured it out, contact me, I want to drink your special tune.

Yuan Wu looked at Jiang Chengyu's text message and smiled.

Lin Chengbu missed the call because he sent a text message, and the difference was almost only a dozen seconds.

But what surprised Yuan Wu was that apart from these two phone calls, Lin Chengbu hadn't contacted him since.

It's not like his style.

Yuan Wu opened the call log, and the latest contact name was "Dr. Liang", and he pressed the dial.

"Dr. Liang, I'm Yuan Wu," he said after answering the phone, "I've tried it, and it doesn't work...I can't think about these things at a certain time every day...I just feel... I can't get over this hurdle no matter what, I just feel...my brother...it's because of me..."

Yuan Wu closed his eyes, he couldn't speak anymore, he touched a cigarette and lit it, and then he said softly: "I know, I don't want to do this, I really... I'm afraid that I will be like this for the rest of my life, sleepy In the matter of his suicide...I can't even live a normal life...Thank you, I will go to find you tomorrow morning. "

After hanging up the phone, he let out a puff of smoke.

Yuan Wu, how much pain you have, you need how much determination, this kind of thing can't be solved by sleeping, shouting a few times, and traveling.

Some things hurt so deep in our hearts that we don't even feel its existence, but we are still affected by it.

If you want to come out, you don't just have to listen to what I say. I said, you have to do it, you have to cooperate, and you have to work hard. The hard work of both of us will do.

Dr. Liang was introduced by Jiang Chengyu. Long ago, Jiang Chengyu gave him Dr. Liang's phone number, hoping that he could talk to him.

But he... didn't go, he always felt that it was a terrible thing to show a stranger the weakness and sadness that he didn't even want to think about.

Just like what he said to Lin Chengbu, how could others tear my wound apart.

But some things are not as simple as he thought, and I can’t get rid of them without saying that I will face them and not be afraid of pain.

He smiled, and even Lin Chengbu went to see Dr. Liang behind his back.

This... Godfather psychosis.

When Lin Chengbu finished tidying up Yuan Wu's room, he felt that if he didn't carry out a brutal extortion against Yuan Wu in the future, it wouldn't be enough to calm down his labor like a private labor today.

He washed the clothes, bed sheets, quilt covers, sofa cushions, all the cloth that could be removed, even the curtains, he threw them in the bathtub and rubbed them repeatedly.

Also torn a piece.

After washing, he wiped it. He wiped all the surfaces several times, while wiping while sneezing, and mopped the floor several times.

When at last all the work was done it was daylight outside.

"Your uncle..." Lin Chengbu looked at the misty sky outside, "Amen."

Lin Chengbu went to take a shower. The shampoo and body wash in the bathroom were at least two years old. He opened it and smelled it, but there was no peculiar smell, so he didn't care about so much, and used it directly.

After taking a bath, he changed into Yuan Wu's clothes, which made him feel a lot more comfortable. When he lay down on the bed that had just been replaced with a new bedding, he snorted comfortably, and slammed his butt on the mattress twice.

Hearing the soft creaking sound of the mattress, he clicked his tongue, a rogue bed.

He pouted his butt and smashed it a few times.

There was something else in the creaking sound this time, it sounded like the paper was stuck somewhere, he sat up and bumped a couple more times.

Following the sound, he found a crumpled piece of paper in the gap between the mattress and the bed.

It should have slipped in and left it alone.

The words Lin Chengbu on the paper are already recognizable, it is Yuan Wu's.

What was written was an address and a string of numbers. I don't know if it was a Q number or a phone number.

He hesitated for a moment, called Jiang Chengyu, and read the address and number to him: "Do you have any impression? What is this place? What is the number?"

"I have no impression, I never heard him mention it," Jiang Chengyu said sleepily, "Did you wake up early, or didn't you go to sleep?"

"Didn't sleep," Lin Chengbu said, "Did you just sleep?"

"Ah, I just started my first dream," Jiang Chengyu yawned, "You can go and see this address, but my suggestion is, it's ok, don't go looking for it."

"Well," Lin Chengbu frowned, "You are afraid that he will be annoying."

"Didn't he tell you not to look for him everywhere?" Jiang Chengyu said, "You don't know him well. If you really look for him, he will really not give you any face."

"I know that," Lin Chengbu smiled, "so let me ask you first."

"Xiao Bu," Jiang Chengyu sighed, "If Yuan Wu treats you like a bird after he's free, I'll knock him out and send him to your bed."

"Damn," Lin Chengbu was stunned, and then smiled again after a while, "You may not be able to beat him."

"Sneak attack, as long as you don't feel bad, a stick in the back will surely fall," Jiang Chengyu said, "Even a rival in love can't stand it anymore..."

"Thank you Brother Chengyu." Lin Chengbu said with a smile.

After hanging up the phone, Lin Chengbu wrote down the address on the note into his mobile phone, and took that number to add a friend on Q, and it showed a typical name and avatar of Xie Jianchuu, and he took a look. The space is all about "you don't know how awesome I am, I'm going to blow up the sun soon".

Lin Chengbu turned it off full of the urge to beat this person up. I guess this q number has nothing to do with Yuan Wu, it should be a phone number?

But he didn't fight.

That's right, Yuan Wu said not to look for him everywhere.

Then don't look for it.

I will live in your house, waiting for you to come to me.

If you just bought a house that you haven't lived in for a few days, don't live in it if you have the ability.