I Just Came to Borrow a Light

brother.

Before Yuan Wu even got used to being a person with a younger brother, Yuan Shen called him, brother, with a smile like sunshine.

He didn't know how Yuan Shen could adapt to this change of role so quickly.

Not many years after Yuan Wu had just pronounced his own name correctly, and not many years after he said that my name was Yuan Shen and I would not be slurred at the age of 5, the name Yuan Shen no longer belonged to him.

Before he could write the stroke order of the two characters Yuanshen correctly, he needed to face another name, a name that once belonged to his brother.

"Yuan Wu," grandma looked at him, "from now on you will be called Yuan Wu, you are the older brother, and Yuan Shen is your younger brother..."

Because of you, he will be sick all the time, because of you, his body will be so weak, and because of you, his brain will be injured...

Before elementary school, he and Yuan Shen didn't live together. For him, Yuan Shen was just a name, belonging to the "brother" who only got along with him briefly during the winter and summer vacations.

A most familiar stranger.

The closest stranger in the world to him.

Yuan Shen smiled brightly, with sunshine and bright eyes.

But Yuan Wu has always been afraid of being with him, afraid of his face that is exactly the same as hers, and even she can't tell her face clearly in the mirror.

"What do you think," Yuan Shen put the step down on his shoulders, "Which one is me?"

"You are you." This kind of question makes Yuan Wu feel depressed every time, which one is you and which one is me, this kind of question will make people feel a sense of aggression.

A frightening fear of someone coveting your mind and consciousness.

"Could I be you? Yuanwu, Yuanshen, you used to be my younger brother," Yuanshen touched his face, "We changed, right?"

"Yes." Yuan Wu turned his head.

"Did it really change? Did it really change?" Yuan Shen whispered in his ear, "Could it... never changed? We are one person, and we shouldn't be two people... ..."

Maybe there is one person who is redundant, you say, will it be me?Is it me?Wouldn't you be much happier if you were alone without me?

Don't think about it.

Who is me, are you me?Could it be you?

Yuan Wu was afraid of being alone with Yuan Shen. Yuan Shen whispered the questions to himself, and he had no answers and was unwilling to think about them.

Yuan Shen is in pain, this is his only feeling.

A person who is always struggling in the vortex of illness and questioning the meaning of his own existence.

How painful is it?

Yuan Wu didn't know, the panic when he saw Yuan Shen's epileptic seizure for the first time was still engraved in his mind. Yuan Shen's clenched teeth, stiff body, and empty eyes frightened him.

There is only fear, not even the worry and distress that you should have as a brother, as Yuan Shen's brother.

The tears falling from the corners of Yuan Shen's eyes in convulsions were like hot magma, burning deep scars in his heart.

A scene that will never be forgotten in this lifetime.

During those days when Yuan Shen was constantly looking for his true self, proving the meaning of his existence, and questioning whether the truth of life was in the memory of others or in his own mind, he was constantly blaming himself and longing to get close to "" In those days of "brother", Yuan Wu drifted away from him.

Fear and resistance, Yuan Shen is as bright as the real person behind his sunny smile and cheerful personality, which he can never see clearly or touch.

Although every time he sees Yuan Shen, he will clearly realize that this person is his brother, while deliberately avoiding him, he will also have an indelible sense of intimacy with Yuan Shen from the same source.

"What?" Jiang Chengyu's voice on the phone was startled, "When did you disappear? He never came to my place..."

"I don't know, I slept in the living room yesterday." Lin Chengbu walked around the room, "I thought he remembered everything and said it. There shouldn't be any problems, and he even drank So much wine, when I made him go to bed, he couldn’t even lift his arms like a pig! As a result, when I came with him, there was no one in the room!”

"Is his stuff there?" Jiang Chengyu asked.

"What, he didn't bring anything here at first, nothing, just my clothes!" Lin Chengbu opened the closet and looked, "He didn't bring my other clothes... Do you think he will?" Are you going back to Shenqiao?"

"It's possible, go and have a look," Jiang Chengyu said, "I'll ask someone to go to his house right away."

"Okay, call me if you have any news." Lin Chengbu hung up the phone, washed up quickly, changed his clothes and went out.

When driving to Shenqiao, he called Datou's mother's mobile phone, but it was shut down due to arrears.

Called Yuan Wu's cell phone again, and it was turned off.He has never seen the phone since he gave it to Yuan Wu, and he doesn't know whether Yuan Wu put it away or simply threw it into the water.

Fortunately, today was Monday, and there were almost no cars on the road to Shenqiao. He flew all the way there, and he didn't even feel the bumps of the dirt road.

Everything in the old pier is as usual, the only thing that has changed is the color of early autumn, the strong green has become lighter, and the wind is also cool.

The seasons in the country come earlier and more clearly than in the city.

The big head is like a symbol of the old pier, still squatting there with a gourd on its back, but the small vest on its body has been replaced with long sleeves.

"Brother Xiaobu!" The big head turned around when he heard the sound of the car, and jumped up in surprise.

"Be good, Big Head." Lin Chengbu jumped out of the car, hugged Big Head, and rubbed his hair, "Has Brother Xiao Wu been here?"

Datou's eyes lit up, but he quickly lowered his eyelids: "I haven't been here, I haven't seen him for a long time, and my mother said he went back to the city."

"That's it." Lin Chengbu was a little disappointed. To be honest, besides Shen Qiao, he really didn't know where else to find Yuan Wu. "Shall we go to his boat and stay for a while?"

"Okay." The big head nodded happily.

When he took Datou to Yuanwu's boat, Lin Chengbu's cell phone rang, and it was Jiang Chengyu who called: "There is no one there, as usual, the ashes on the lock are almost enough for a bowl of sesame paste."

"It's not at Shenqiao either," Lin Chengbu sighed, "I'm going to check on his boat now, and the kid in his neighbor's house said he didn't see him coming, where else do you think he can go?"

"Too many, he doesn't only know us, he also has a few friends, I'll ask one by one here, and you can also ask what you can find there," Jiang Chengyu sighed after finishing speaking, "But I guess He didn't go to his friend's house, and he wasn't a troublesome person in the first place, so it's unreasonable to suddenly go to a friend's house after being missing for so long."

"Do you think something will happen to him?" Lin Chengbu asked.

"Probably not," Jiang Chengyu thought for a while, "I think seeing him like yesterday, he has already remembered everything that should be remembered. Turning it all out at once...it must be very painful, Yuan Shen should have been dead for at least two years, but his memory may still be the same as yesterday, understand what I mean?"

"Understood," Lin Chengbu jumped to the bow of Yuanwu's boat, "I'm not completely illiterate."

"Stand! What are you doing! Get out!"

Lin Chengbu was startled by the movement, almost raised his hands, and took two steps back before realizing that it was the sensor, his loud voice.

"Back again! Back again!"

Lin Chengbu pushed open the door of the cabin, and suddenly paused when he turned off the sensor.

During the day, Yuan Wu usually doesn't turn on the sensor when he is not sleeping. When he came that day, the sensor didn't seem to be ringing... Yuan Wu came back?

He suddenly widened his eyes and looked into the cabin.

There is no Yuanwu.

Everything was thrown away as casually as it was when Yuan Wu was there.

"Can I play with this?" Big Head picked up a measuring cup.

"Well, don't play with the big ones, smash them." Lin Chengbu nodded.

The big head sat on the board of the boat, threw two measuring cups back and forth, and began to play with enthusiasm.

Lin Cheng walked around the bow and stern of the boat twice, but found nothing else.

He sighed, returned to the cabin, sat on the cushion that Yuan Wu always sat on, and looked at some messy things in the cabin.

Small table, notepad, coffee cup, coffee machine, coffee beans in airtight cans, half a carton of milk, laptop, empty cigarette case, ashtray full of cigarette butts, casually thrown clothes, small blanket...

Lin Chengbu dragged the small table in front of him, turned on the notebook, and pressed the switch, but the screen didn't light up, and the battery was dead.

He took the plug and dug out the plug-in board in the pile of clothes to charge the laptop. A corner of paper exposed in the half-open suitcase next to him caught his attention.

He almost pounced and opened the lid of the suitcase.

The box was more than half empty compared to the day when Lin Chengbu went naked to find clothes to wear. Lin Chengbu was almost sure that Yuan Wu took the clothes from the box!

There were not many clothes left, and there was a piece of note paper on it, probably torn from the note pad on the table, with a line of writing on it.

- I'm fine, don't look for me everywhere.

There was no signature or date, Lin Chengbu held the paper in a daze for a long time, then turned his head to look at Datou: "You really didn't see brother Xiaowu coming today?"

"No," Da Tou also looked at him, "I was at the pier when I got up in the morning."

"What time did you get up?" Lin Chengbu asked.

"Mom said wake up at 08:30," Datou said, "I'll be up."

08:30?

What time did Yuan Wu leave the door?

Lin Chengbu was a little shocked, where did he find the shuttle bus?Is it possible to call?

He took the note, took a photo with his mobile phone and sent it to Jiang Chengyu.

- Do you know Yuan Wu's characters?Did he write it?

-It's his character, it looks like a dog crawling, it's not as good as a primary school student, where did you find it?

- in his suitcase on the boat.

- i rely on...

Just as Lin Chengbu was about to look through the suitcase to see if there were any clues, the phone in his pocket rang.

He took it out and glanced at it, and he immediately answered the phone: "Brother Hui?"

"Did you drive the bag?" Yang Hui's anxious voice came from the other side.

"No," Lin Chengbu was stunned, "I don't have your garage key either."

"Why is my car gone?" Yang Hui shouted.

"The car is gone? You mean the one in Yuanwu?" Lin Chengbu stood up suddenly.

"Yeah, as soon as I opened the garage door in the morning, the car was gone, and only my own car was still there!" Yang Hui was anxious, "Fucking his car is an old car, and no one would buy a second-hand car now. sold!"

"Does Yuan Wu have your garage key?" Lin Chengbu asked. Yang Hui and Yuan Wu are good car friends, and the car has been kept in Yang Hui's garage since he had a convulsion.

"Yes... I rely on you to say that he drove away by himself?" Yang Hui was stunned.

"It should be, he... probably remembered the past." Lin Chengbu suddenly breathed a sigh of relief, and Yuan Wu drove away, which proved that he should have straightened out his past memories. He has been driving it for many years, even repairing it himself.

"Really?" Yang Hui asked, "Are you sure? I can't lose this car, I don't even know how to pay for it."

"Really," Lin Chengbu said, "he may contact us after a while."

"Later...you mean you can't contact him now?" Yang Hui asked.

"...Yes." Lin Chengbu sighed.

"Are you really saying that you are his boyfriend and he lost his memory after hitting a tree in a car accident?" Yang Hui said, "Then when he woke up and found out that you lied to him, he ran away?"

"Brother Hui, you can go write novels." Lin Chengbu clicked his tongue.

After chatting with Yang Hui for a few more words and telling him the news about Yuanwu, Lin Chengbu hung up the phone and stared at the note in his hand in a daze.

To be honest, this is the first time he has seen Yuan Wu's handwriting, the handwriting is really ugly, the strokes are not connected, and the cursive writing is probably better than his.

"Hello, Uncle Chen." The big head suddenly called out.

Lin Chengbu turned his head and saw a man jumping onto Yuan Wu's bow, and then entered the cabin in two steps. When he saw Lin Chengbu, he was stunned, and said loudly: "You are Yuan Shen friend?"

"...Ah, yes." Lin Chengbu hesitated before nodding.

Yuan Shen?

"I sold this boat to him," the man said. "He said in the morning that he was leaving. He doesn't want the boat anymore. Let me handle it..."

"He came here this morning?" Lin Chengbu asked immediately.

"Well, let me tell you what to do with the things on the boat." The man looked at the things in the cabin, "He said that some friends will come to get them, and if no one comes, let me clean them up next week...then you can clean them up when you come. Well, take his things away, by the way, he said he gave me that motorcycle."

"Understood," Lin Chengbu said, "When did he buy this boat?"

"It's been two or three years, I can't remember clearly." The man replied.

"Is it Yuanshen?" Lin Chengbu asked, "When you bought the boat, he said his name was Yuanshen?"

"Yeah, I've seen the ID card," the man nodded, "but he didn't live there much after buying it. He came back after a few months and has been living there until now."

"Then..." Lin Chengbu hesitated, "Has he changed?"

"What are you doing?" The man sized him up suspiciously.

"I'm his friend. Now...something happened to him, so I just want to find out if he is... different from before?" Lin Chengbu smiled.

"It's not the same, what's the difference," the man frowned and thought impatiently, "I was very happy when I bought the boat, and I was happy all day long, but I didn't talk much after that, it's very strange."

"Thank you," Lin Chengbu said, "I'll pack it up now, and I'll take the things away in a while."

Very happy, happy all day long.

The boat was bought by Yuan Shen.

Probably because Yuan Wu came to live here after Yuan Shen's accident.

Datou's mother also said that Yuanwu was strange that day, and a person who was happy every day suddenly changed...it must be a little strange.

After the man left, Lin Chengbu began to pack Yuan Wu's things. In fact, these things looked quite messy, but there were not many. After the suitcase was full, there was not much left outside.

Yuan Wu has been here for so long, and it seems that he is maintaining the most basic and simple life.

After packing up his things, Lin Chengbu heard a small sob behind him.

He turned around and was surprised to find that Big Head was huddled in a corner wiping tears.

"What's wrong with the big head?" He hurried over and hugged the big head, "Why are you crying?"

"Brother Xiaowu, yes, did he leave?" Datou rubbed his eyes, tears were all over the back of his hand, "He didn't return, he came back..."

"No, no," Lin Chengbu patted him, "Brother Xiaowu... went on a trip."

"His boat...is gone," Datou cried sadly, "Is he not going back to the pier..."

"He moved, he changed jobs, so he can't live at the pier all the time, it's too far away from work," Lin Chengbu said softly, "But he will come back to play with you, I promise."

"Really?" Datou looked at him, "I planted a potted flower for him, and I can give it to him when he comes back to play with me."

"Well, remember to water the flowers. Don't let the flowers wither when he comes back to look for you." Lin Chengbu said.

"Watering." Big Head nodded.

After calming down the big head, Lin Chengbu moved all the things in the cabin into the trunk of the car, and piled up a lot on the back seat.

He left the two measuring cups for Datou. Although he didn't ask Yuan Wu's opinion, it is estimated that Yuan Wu would not disagree.

When he was about to leave, he asked Datou to take out the potted flower, and took a photo with his mobile phone. It was a flower cut out of a beer can and filled with soil seeds. Knowing what kind of seed it is, just sprouted a little sprout.

"Remember to water it." Lin Chengbu patted his head.

"Hmm." The big head responded forcefully.

Pulling a cart full of Yuanwu's things back to his home, Lin Chengbu ran three times before moving all the things into the house, mainly because there were a lot of bits and pieces, and the pot was thrown on the ground in the middle.

He didn't know why he had to bring Yuan Wu's broken pot home.

He couldn't find a place to put it for a long time, and finally he moved a pot of broken flowers on the balcony into that pot.

After tidying up everything, he lay down on the bed.

The bed was quite messy, and there were still traces of Yuan Wu's nap last night, but when he buried his face in the pillow, he couldn't smell Yuan Wu's breath, not even the smell of wine... This made him a little disappointed .

"Hey..." Lin Chengbu turned over and lay down, took out the note from his pocket, held it up to his eyes and looked at it, "Yuan Wu, where are you hiding?"

He flicked the paper with his fingers, and when his arms were sore, he put the note on his forehead and closed his eyes.

This time, there should be no need to worry about Yuan Wu's mental state, but probably his emotions.

When Yuan Shen committed suicide, he was present and tried hard to rescue Yuan Shen, but failed.

That kind of desperate and terrifying way of committing suicide, just listening to it makes people feel chills all over the body. For Yuan Wu, who experienced it himself, he couldn't understand how much stimulation and harm it was.

How long will it take for Yuan Wu to come out of this sadness.

The phone that was thrown aside rang. It was a text message. He took the phone and glanced at it, then jumped off the bed and stood on the ground.

The number shows, Yuan Wu.

I'm fine.Also, thank you.