old love [rebirth]

Guan Yu has never been so nervous in his two lifetimes.On the way back from the hospital, he had repeatedly typed out the manuscript, one, two, three, four were clear and well-founded, but now looking at Chen Lou, he felt like a child playing tricks in front of adults, trying to use his own Use some superficial knowledge to reason with people.

He was squatting at first, but later he felt that such a posture was quite insecure, so he moved to the sofa on the side.

Chen Lou's eyes turned around, and one arm was resting leisurely on the back of the sofa. Guan Yu glanced at him, and tentatively grasped those well-articulated hands. He said, "Chen Lou, don't leave."

Chen Lou lowered his eyes immediately, and asked in puzzlement, "Why?"

"Don't you want to be a doctor?" Guan Yu looked at him and said, "I heard from Cen Zheng that T University failed, and S University changed you to a master's degree... I know you don't want to do any scientific research. , since that’s the case, it’s better to wait for the next unified exam... I believe you can do it, and if you do better in the exam, you’ll be able to get into a better master’s degree.”

He paused for a moment, seeing that Chen Lou didn't answer, he felt relieved, and said, "You also know that both Zhuoshuo and Keshuo are still fresh, and they look the same, but although I don't know anything about your medical system. I understand, but there was a policy in my previous life that made a lot of noise, have you forgotten, it’s called Keshuomen.”

Chen Lou's heart skipped a beat and he glanced at him.

Guan Yu reminded: "If the policy is not mistaken, if you are a postgraduate student who crosses the exam, you will not be able to get a medical license in the future."

"...The policy was changed later," Chen Lou paused, and said, "It was changed later. It was said that it was the old people's old ways and the new people's new rules. I would indeed be affected, but it's not a big problem."

"But don't you want to go to the clinic?" Guan Yu was puzzled: "Keshuo and Shuo are doing experiments. You don't have clinical practice in your undergraduate course. If you stay in the laboratory when you are studying for a master's degree, you won't understand anything. ?”

"Because I don't have clinical experience, it's very difficult to take the master's degree exam, and the tutor doesn't want to recruit students who don't understand anything." Chen Lou didn't expect Guan Yu to tell him this, pulled back his hand, and sighed silently in his heart tone.

What Guan Yu said is true. He really wants to be a doctor, but his undergraduate degree is non-clinical. Go through regular training—even if you pass the medical examination, you need another three years of regular training.

What's more, in addition to this, Keshuo spent most of his time designing projects, doing experiments and writing papers. Unless there is enough time, there are very few opportunities for clinical practice.In the future, even if his personality breaks out and enters the hospital, he will be a fool who doesn’t know anything if he stops inside——Chen Loushang heard a lot of such scraps when he was working in a pharmacy, and the most popular one is the gastroenterology department. A handsome guy from a certain school said that he was an excellent Ph.D. student from a certain school, and he published quite a lot of papers on SCI every year.When he first arrived at Taishan Hospital, he was quite arrogant, but he turned out to be full of ugly behaviors when he went to the clinic. , As a result, the patient's hemangioma ruptured during the operation, and he was sprayed all over the face, and this man's legs went limp on the spot.

There are not many people in the hospital who are more educated than this Youbo, but after this incident, this one has become the object of everyone's behind-the-scenes teasing.Xiao Dong, who was also in the pharmacy at the time, also sneered, saying that this is an out-and-out nerd.Chen Lou was also disdainful at the time, but he didn't expect that after Feng Shui changed, he had to practice for half a year, but he still had to follow the old path of a nerd.

Unwilling, but also helpless.

Seeing Chen Lou's dazed expression, Guan Yu calmed down a little, and continued to persuade the other party after he regained his senses: "Just treat this summer camp as an experience. With this chance of familiarity, you just need to do better in the exam this year. , it might turn around again.”

Chen Lou pinched his forehead and said in disapproval: "Just maybe, what if I don't do well in the exam? What if there are a lot of people who apply for the exam and I'll be dismissed? What if the supervisor still wants me to do scientific research? ? That's too risky," he thought for a long time, then said calmly, "I can't afford to lose in this matter."

"But how do you know if you don't give it a try?" Guan Yu said, "If you still want to do scientific research at that time, you have nothing to lose. If you don't pass the exam then," he said, he paused here, and said slowly: " I raise you."

Chen Lou's thoughts were still stuck on the problem above, and it took a while before he slowly turned to this one. He thought he heard it wrong, so he turned to look at him: "What did you say?"

Guan Yu became nervous again, Wei Wei sat upright, and said seriously: "If you fail the exam, I will support you."

He took a deep breath, picked up a glass from the coffee table and took a sip of water to cover up his nervousness. He didn't have time to think whose water was in the glass. After swallowing it hastily, he raised his breath and said: " The company I am interning at now is not well-known, but the salary is not low. I still have about [-] yuan in my card...it is my own card, not my brother's. I have saved [-] yuan from my monthly salary, so I can support my family."

He looked straight at Chen Lou, almost wanting to share his heartfelt plans with him, and hoping that the other party could see some hope or encouragement in his eyes.Chen Lou moved slightly and turned his gaze away.

Guan Yu's lips dried up quickly, and he hurriedly introduced: "The stock I mentioned will continue to rise sharply. If you think this is not enough, I can invest in some... Of course, don't worry, I have principles, and I won't put too much money in it. Go in, no matter how much money you make in it, treat it as your expenses, if you want to travel, I will accompany you there, if you want to study further, you can take it easy and study slowly. Your money is yours, and mine is yours too , let’s do as before, all the money belongs to you.”

He finished speaking in one breath, and was afraid that Chen Lou would not believe him, so he added sadly: "Chen Lou, believe me."

"You don't need to be like this," Chen Lou closed his eyes and sighed, "Don't be like this."

Guan Yu really shut up, but still stared at him without blinking.

"Is this what you were going to say?" Chen Lou only felt tired, and said to him, "I think you don't look very good, otherwise you should go back and take a rest."

"...No," Guan Yu interrupted, "I didn't finish." He paused, and suddenly said with difficulty: "Are you still worried about Lu Hening's matter? I can tell you, everything I'll tell you everything about him."

"In the last life... After I was with you, I did meet him several times in private. The first time was during the Spring Festival of the year we first met, and he just came back from other places. The second time was after the graduation ceremony when he got drunk Wine, I just happened to meet. The fourth time... that was when I met him in a 4S store, and he borrowed money from me. I have confessed to you all three times, and nothing happened between me and him... Guan Yu pressed his lips tightly, but his voice became hoarse, until he said: "...Only the third time I didn't say it... That time, it was at the company's entertainment..."

A crack finally appeared on Chen Lou's indifferent face, but he quickly covered it up. He just slowly leaned forward and took the glass on the table into his hand.

"The third time was... the night when I called the wrong name. At that time, I was following a big project, and the other client was very difficult to deal with. Although all the contracts had been finalized, they still procrastinated and refused to sign the contract. After several It was only after going through a lot of twists and turns that I learned that the other party has a girlfriend, a male."

Guan Yu thought of the scene at that time again, and it was still difficult to describe his state of mind. He could only close his eyes, and narrated as calmly as possible: "...Later... I personally picked out a lot of gifts, and asked someone to give them to the mysterious lover. Send it over. I also found a colleague to get some sex toys that cannot be bought in China... Soon after, the contract was signed. The other party brought that little friend to the reception... I just found out that that person is Lu Hening."

As soon as the words came out, there was a bang, and the light blue glass rolled to the ground.Guan Yu went to look again, but Chen Lou had already picked up the cup and put it back on the coffee table with a normal expression, but there was water stains under his feet, and the hem of his trousers was also wet a lot.

Guan Yu lowered his head, and continued after a long time: "I admit that the reason I was with you at the beginning was because you resembled him. Lu Hening was my first lover. During the three years I was with him, there was once I had the idea of ​​going abroad to get married... I was uneasy when I chased him, and I was overjoyed when he agreed. The sentences in the book "Walk Around France" you took at that time were indeed written for him... I once thought that This is how feelings are, and I never thought of being sorry for him." He took a deep breath, and finally said: "But I still broke up with him after all... He brought up the breakup, but the reason is indeed mine, and I feel sorry for him. I don’t know much about him, he kept everything secret, and it’s hard for me to speak, besides that...he still refuses to have a relationship with me. "

"But I'm just the opposite. I slept with you as soon as I met you," Chen Lou shook his head suddenly and sighed, "So you took me as him from the beginning to satisfy your own selfish desires. Later, you felt that I was If you are a licentious person, you will make a mistake, right?"

Some memories will still make people painful if touched even a little bit. Chen Lourao has been cultivating his mind and character for half a year, and he can refuse Guan Yu again and again without changing his face, but he still can't pass the first test.It humiliated him and made him feel ashamed.

Guan Yu could only keep silent, he didn't dare to lie at all, he could only suffer the condemnation in his heart.

"You can hit me, or you can scold me..." Guan Yu started, but had to continue: "I didn't say this to make you feel bad. My motives were impure and I was wrong, but I never I thought about betraying you. No matter which time we met with him, nothing excessive happened to us. The sum of the four times we spoke did not exceed twenty sentences. "

"If Lu Hening had a better life than me, maybe I wouldn't even meet him. But when I saw that he was poor, I personally sent something to him and begged him to say a good word to our company... To be honest, I felt guilty and embarrassed. When he borrowed money from me, I also had a compensatory mentality..." Guan Yu finally finished the paragraph in one breath, and finally pleaded in a low voice: "Chen Lou, I have never betrayed you Every time we quarreled before, I would regret it after the quarrel. I was afraid that you would not eat after being angry, and I was afraid that you would leave quietly and I would never find you again. We have been together for seven years, and there are so many good memories from the beginning ...can you forgive me?"

"...I'm sorry," Chen Lou said, "Actually, I was also at fault."

His voice was too calm, Guan Yu didn't understand what he meant, he didn't dare to nod or shake his head, he stopped almost immediately.

Chen Lou closed his eyes, and as expected, he still said: "...Let him pass the past."

"Don't be like this..." Guan Yu instinctively denied, but his throat seemed to be blocked suddenly, and it was difficult to even speak: "Don't be like this, we... do you really not miss our past at all? Have you forgotten? By the way, you forgot, let me tell you, you can think about it after listening, okay?"

Guan Yu leaned forward in panic, but his body seemed to have been drained of strength, or he had no strength at all, so he plopped and half-kneeled on the ground.

Chen Lou was startled by his movement, and immediately reached out to help him, but was held back.

Guan Yu stared at him motionlessly and said anxiously: "Have you forgotten? We went to the talent market together and you were thirsty. I was anxious to buy it, and I was beaten up as a thief...Have you forgotten, here, here There is still a scar here, please touch it, and... When your wisdom teeth were inflamed, you got an IV drip and suddenly felt homesick, and you called me to come back from other provinces, do you remember? You were worried about your safety when I was driving halfway back, You must let me go back...and..."

Guan Yu instinctively wanted to list more, but all he could think of were insignificant things. He was anxious, feeling that he couldn't say a word about so many sweet pasts, as if he couldn't even convince himself.

The great frustration and despair made him almost crazy, but Chen Lou only looked at him without sadness or joy.

"How could you forget!" Guan Yu's despair turned into anger, he grabbed Chen Lou and shouted, "Think about it, think about it! How could you forget everything! Didn't you like me for many years!"

Chen Lou was silent for a while, then withdrew his hand after a long time, and suddenly said, "Guan Yu, what kind of life do you want to live?"

Guan Yu opened his mouth, but was interrupted by him again: "Do you know what kind of life I want to live? Actually, I just want an ordinary life, I want a happy love, I want a happy family, I want my beloved People also love me, they only see me in their eyes, and they also love me in their hearts, I will not let down a single bit of my love for him, we are equal and fair to each other..." He looked at Guan Yu with a regretful and compassionate expression: " But you can't."

"Why," Guan Yu asked, "Why can't I?"

Chen Lou was silent for a while, but avoided answering, and continued to ask, "Do you know what Bolexin is? Do you know Paxil?"

Guan Yu paused for a moment, then shook his head.

"Then why do you insist on me remembering the past?" Chen Lou closed his eyes and said slowly after a long silence: "It's not that I don't remember anything at all. I can slowly remember what you said."

He paused, then suddenly smiled faintly, and said in a low voice: "You know, Guan Yu, you are the only one who is really reborn, and I am just a person who has been living in the past, and I am afraid that I will make a mistake. From now on, I will never get rid of that nightmare after repeating the same mistakes. You begged me to remind me of the past, you said that you did not cheat on me, you did not betray me, so..." He let out a breath slowly: "Then today, I will also put It's clear and finished, if you still think I should stay, tell me."

"At the beginning, you met me in November and lived together. At the beginning of February, you met Lu Hening who came back from other places. You said that you didn't say a few words to him, but you told me with your conscience that you and him occasionally When we met, did your heart beat faster and your hands and feet were tense? Did you forget me when you went to the coffee shop with him? How many times have you called me since the winter vacation is so long? Have you ever regretted seeing him? Regret that I broke up hastily, and now I don't know how to redeem it?"

"If you don't say it, I'll answer it for you. You regret it. You just didn't act. Until graduation, the school will hold a graduation ceremony in late June. At this time, I have known you for eight months, and we have lived together for eight months. Then you met Lu Hening, who was drunk, and sent him to the hotel... Where is the graduation meal in the biology department? How did you meet him so coincidentally? Why didn't I notice that day? Do you dare to answer these? Don't let me tell you, you know that after the dinner in the Department of Biology, you deliberately walked around to see it, right? I didn't realize that it was because I was also drunk and was carried to the dormitory by my classmates. When I went home, you didn’t even ask me where I was the night before. Because you didn’t care, because you knew at that time that his family was in a bad situation and that there was a misunderstanding between you. I cried and quarreled with you in those years, But there was always a sentence that I didn’t dare to ask.”

Chen Lou tried his best to make his voice calm, but he still trembled and said, "Guan Yu, did you think about leaving me on that day?"

Guan Yu's face turned pale in an instant, and he looked straight over, but under Chen Lou's gaze, he still couldn't say the word "no".

In just a few seconds, Chen Lou understood, but he was not surprised. He nodded and said, "Very good. This is not wronging you. You have told me eloquently, and I am really irrefutable. You and I After seven years, I really... At the beginning, I was like an idiot. For you, let alone giving up the postgraduate entrance examination, I was willing to go into the frying pan. I love you so much. I want to earn more money, but I don’t know how to drink I just put on a face and begged my grandpa to beg my grandma. I am afraid that the relationship between you and your family will not be eased, and you will secretly give your parents nutritional supplements. I am not willing to buy high-end clothes. I only dare to take the bus to and from work. Compensation is not to get off the car with a shameless face. I am not like you who have piled up a bunch of hobbies and hobbies since you were young. I am just poor and afraid, and I don’t want you to suffer a little bit of grievance... I am bitter and mean, but I am humble because of that family It has reached the point of greatness, but what about you, two years later you called someone else's name and told me that I was just a counterfeit. Guan Yu, how can you tell me not to hate you."

He also thought that he was invulnerable to all poisons, but only later could he understand what it was that collapsed in his heart at that moment.

"I said that the two of us are not suitable. You think you can be physically loyal, but I can't accept this kind of spiritual derailment. I really can't tell what you said to me is for me and which is for him. Yes. When you watched me talk about love, did you say it to Chen Lou, or through him to another person... The last time, when you were running around for the 20 yuan, the first time I I took paroxetine."

"What is that..." Guan Yu panicked, but he vaguely guessed the answer in his heart.

Chen Loudao: "Antidepressants range from half a pill every two days to half a pill a day. Didn't you ask me why I didn't give Guan Feng's card to Lu Hening personally? Didn't you ask me why when my grandma passed away, I didn't Going home for the funeral?" Chen Lou shook his head and said, "Because I can't do it at all. During that time, my condition deteriorated very quickly, and it might be a side effect of the medicine, and I once had suicidal tendencies."

"At that time, I had great doubts about myself. Sometimes I felt that there was nothing wrong with you. No one has an ex. Compared with most people who are physically dishonest, you are already rare. You love me. But some Sometimes I will feel again, everything is over, you never liked me at all, I am just being self-indulgent. I regret the first time I was slutty, and I can't help but find the reason from myself, to see if it is Where you do not do well, you will never forget your ex. Then I found that compared with Lu Hening, I was nothing. After every comparison, I would feel that there is no need for me to exist. I even often thought, what if I After you die, do you have any regrets?"

"I feel scared when I think about it now and then. The main reason for this is myself. I am a small chicken who can't tolerate people, and I have never lost money since I was a child. But when I face you, I am indecisive. I can't bear to leave. I can't accept forgiveness generously. Later, I gradually stabilized, and subconsciously began to reject those scenes that made me suffer--the ones that seemed sweet to you. So in the last two years, I became more and more unreasonable, Just hold on to the slightest mistake, I know you are very tired, so I owe you an apology."

Guan Yu's heart was beating wildly, Chen Lou's voice seemed to come out from the sky, crashing into his brain one by one.

Chen Lou asked: "Let me ask you something, Guan Yu, I am afraid that I will make mistakes and repeat the same mistakes in this life, but you want to stop me. Now that we have finished talking and there is no misunderstanding, you tell me, why should I go to accompany you again?" Take the road where you can see the end at a glance!"

……

In the apartment, Chen Lou said: "You are right, we have been reborn this time, and we must live a better life than the previous life, making up for all the regrets of the past... and my only regret is that I fell in love with you back then. "

Chen Lou turned to look at him eagerly, and asked, "We, did we die in our previous life?"

At the airport, Chen Lou patiently said word by word: "Some choices may only be decided for a short moment, but in the future it will take a lifetime to regret. We have all experienced it, so why repeat the same mistakes ... You and I are considerate of each other, and each is safe. From then on, we can manage our respective families with care, and we can live our lives in peace and joy, regardless of whether we are rich or poor."

……

In July of this year, Chen Lou, Guan Yu, and Lu Hening all graduated successfully.

On a sunny morning, Chen Lou carried his last bag and stepped onto the train without looking back.Ning Shanshan was admitted to a local secondary school. Lu Hening applied to be an administrator of a biotechnology company, and was then sent to a tropical city as a project assistant.Cen Zheng left the country, and Wu Jiajia also set a direction.Guan Yu rejected Guan Feng's proposal to send him to France, and after driving slowly around City C for a few days, he and Hongmao set up a training school together, and not long after, he left the stall and joined a private company. Take the initiative to ask for a mission to Africa.

He tried his best and finally took a sharp turn, and the unforgettable one ended in a hurry.

The city began to change quietly, layer after layer of homestays were overthrown, and new buildings began to be turned over.Several abandoned parks were included in the next year's urban construction plan, and the Sanqing Mountain area was designated as a new tourist attraction. Road construction is expected to start at the end of the year, and it is said that Feng Shui masters have been invited to rebuild the Taoist temple.

This year, an old movie called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" caused heated discussions again.So in the streets and alleys of C City, people began to recite the classic line again and again - if one day, the memory between us is deleted, will you still love me as before, as if we didn't hurt each other Ever been the same?