restart breathing

Because of Lu Shiqing's words before leaving, Chen Fang was in a cloud all day long.But he soon realized that the "next time" that Lu Shiqing said was that night.

When he came back to his senses, the knock on the door had been ringing for an unknown amount of time, and it became heavy and rapid, bringing along with Chen Fang's heartbeat.He didn't even bother to put on his slippers, and hurried up the stairs to open the door.

Seeing Chen Fang standing at the door, Lu Shiqing breathed a sigh of relief: "It's fine."

Chen Fang lowered his eyes apologetically, and said, "I fell asleep just now, so I didn't hear... have you been waiting for a long time?"

"No."

Hearing what Lu Shiqing said, Chen Fang should have relaxed a little, but suddenly tensed up.After all, logically speaking, Lu Shiqing shouldn't come again, and I shouldn't rush over to open the door for him.

Four years have passed, and certain thoughts have become deeply ingrained and seem to be the ruler to correct his thoughts. Even though Chen Fang's thoughts always deviate or even run counter to them, he will still be warned and forced by those stinging memories to return to the so-called correct Follow the trajectory, and move forward like a walking dead.

The warm touch of the tip of his toes brought Chen Fang back to his consciousness. He looked down and saw that the shopping bag was lying open on the ground, and Lu Shiqing was squatting beside him, lifting his feet with his hands to stuff them into a pair of brand new and soft plush slippers.

"It's too cold here in summer. Wear this warmer. Let's see how your feet look." Lu Shiqing put the other slipper beside Chen Fang's feet. Seeing that Chen Fang's toes curled up but his feet didn't move, he looked up. Looking at him, he asked, "Don't you like it? The color, or the style?"

Gray soft velvet, simple and practical style, Lu Shiqing is very good at picking things now, Chen Fang couldn't say anything bad, paused, as if he couldn't find a reason to refuse, he put his foot into the other one, and asked him: " What about yourself?"

"I said, I'll bring a pair for myself." Lu Shiqing took out another pair of black slippers of the same style, and smiled, "Are you worried about me even for such a trivial matter?"

Chen Fang felt that this kind of question could neither be admitted nor denied, and it was better not to answer, so he asked him again: "What are you doing here?"

"Come to eat." Lu Shiqing said it as a matter of course, picked up the shopping bag on the ground and walked down the stairs, set up the table skillfully, set up the induction cooker to boil water, put the ingredients on the table when Chen Fang hesitated to speak, and put them separately Put some into the boiling soup pot.

The hot air billowed out as the pot lid was lifted, and Lu Shiqing picked up a round hot pot dumpling for Chen Fang.

"I'm going to rent a house. The one with a kitchen can cook." Lu Shiqing lowered his eyes, as if thinking of something, and said, "I've learned how to make dumplings now, but I'm usually busy. I will make them for you during the Chinese New Year. I promise they will be better. This kind of quick-frozen is good."

Chen Fang took a bite of the dumpling sullenly, the dumpling stuffing mixed with the soup was a little hot, his tongue was numb from the heat, and he couldn't taste the taste for a while, just thinking that he and Lu Shiqing didn't seem to have eaten together during the Chinese New Year After a meal of dumplings, I suddenly felt more numbly the regrets filling my chest.

During the meal, the two of them didn't talk much, the soup in the pot was gurgling and boiling, and the sound of bubbles bursting continued, which was not very strange.Lu Shiqing sometimes said a few words about everyday things, about a new patient in the department, a roommate who was preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination and was struggling.

Chen Fang lowered his head, listening unwillingly to miss a word, but did not respond or interrupt.

He sounds very busy, the kind of busy building the future brick by brick, building the castle high according to the planned future, and then living a good life.

That's the kind of place Lu Shiqing should stay in, it's bright and brilliant, not crowded with him in a damp and dark basement rental room, around a simple table, enjoying the short-lived euphoria after a full meal, thinking that a hot soup The temperature brought by hot water can revive this dilapidated space.

The water in the pot was only half boiled, and the two of them stopped moving their chopsticks or talking.

Lu Shiqing turned off the electricity, and with Chen Fang's help, he put his things back together, turned around and put his coat in his arms, as if he was about to leave.Standing aside, Chen Fang watched Lu Shiqing walk towards the stairs step by step, and unconsciously followed him step by step.

"I'm leaving." Lu Shiqing said.

"Tomorrow..." Chen Fang paused and swallowed the second half of the sentence.He originally thought that Lu Shiqing said that he was here for dinner, and he would have dinner tomorrow, so would he come tomorrow?

No, it shouldn't.

Chen Fang secretly reflected on his ridiculous logic, and the delusions that could not help but grow because of a little warmth.Sure enough, once people start to cross the line, they will make progress.

"Come again." Lu Shiqing continued to say half a sentence, and pulled out Chen Fang's hand that was tightly clutching the skirt of his clothes, and held it in his hand for a while, but Chen Fang hesitated and pulled it back.

"You...you should do your own thing instead of wasting time on people like me." Chen Fang said seriously, but he didn't dare to look up into Lu Shiqing's eyes, and his lowered voice seemed muffled. Finally, the hardened heart softened little by little as the strength dissipated, and he whispered: "You shouldn't come here every day."

"That's right. You also have your own business. I can't bother you every day." Lu Shiqing thought for a while, took out her phone and unlocked it, "Give me your contact information."

"No..." Chen Fang looked at the mobile phone handed in front of him, and took half a step back.

But Lu Shiqing didn't let him go any further, and took half a step forward to wrap his arms around his waist, almost holding him in his arms.

"Don't retreat, if you retreat again, you will fall."

Perhaps it is to regain the overly familiar and long-lost sense of security, which can easily make people weak.

The moment Chen Fang fell into Lu Shiqing's embrace, tears overflowed from his eyes, and his voice was almost begging: "Don't worry about me anymore..."

Leave me alone.

don't leave me.

What did he say?

Chen Fang was in a daze for a moment, wishing that what he said was the second sentence.But it seems that the courage needed to say these words left his body four years ago, together with Song Zhixiang, the warmth in the palm of his hand, and Lu Shiqing, they are all people and things that should not be missed by Xiao, and will never come back. .

"Don't care about you." Lu Shiqing's hands behind Chen Fang trembled slightly, but his voice was as deep as falling into a black hole, "Chen Fang, if you really want to say this, you should have told me on the first day of school six years ago. Say it now It's a bit late, and you don't count."

Chen Fang was silent.

He could realize that Lu Shiqing had been actively looking for topics since he came back, but carefully avoided all things about the past.He wanted to understand the present, but he was also afraid of the past, afraid that Lu Shiqing would mention it suddenly, like walking along the bank of a raging river, afraid of being pushed down suddenly.

This is the first time that Lu Shiqing mentioned about a little bit of the past.

Sure enough, it made Chen Fang feel like he was drowning, as if the tears flowed backwards, all of them flowed into his heart, rushing randomly in the ventricles and chambers.

Chen Fang wanted to catch his breath, and couldn't help but start to think, the mistake between them, whether it was four years ago or six years ago, whether it was because of insufficient greed, or because of retreating too much.

He is afraid of making mistakes, so he always thinks he is constantly correcting mistakes, but in fact, he doesn't even know what mistakes he made.